January 31, 2006
Curiosity was getting the better of me, I asked her what the flowers and cards where for. She responded that her mother was just being overly emotional. Okay, I’m lost. I know her mother; she’s not that type. Pushing for more details, I was able to get the truth from her. She had finished her courses for an associate’s degree. She graduated just yesterday. I congratulated her and she just shrugged it off and said, “It’s no big deal”. If it had been someone else, I would say she just didn’t like the attention, but this minion does like the limelight.
My minion doesnÂ’t feel that this is a big accomplishment because it took her four years. Four years in which she raised a child (currently 5 years old), maintained a home and worked full time (putting in as much OT as she could.). She could only take one to two classes a semester. And she finished in 4 years, yes about twice as long as normal, but with all that added responsibility. I tried to explain to her that yes it is, it is a very big deal.
When a kid right out of high school goes to college, they donÂ’t have the other financial obligations an adult has (Mortgage, Childcare, etc). They donÂ’t have to take care of a kid and they donÂ’t have a house to maintain. Admittedly, there are some that do, but they are the exception, not the rule. I went to college on a full ride, I worked on breaks for drinking money (IÂ’m not going to lie about what it was for.), but I had no responsibilities. I took 18 hours of classes each semester. During the summers, I took some classes at the local community college so I could graduate a semester early. I wanted to get into the workforce and be a productive member of society. Yet, I think what she did warrants more respect than what I did.
IÂ’d love to go back to school to get my masters in law. Unfortunately, itÂ’s just not financially realistic for me to do right now. Any reputable law school in the area would require me to be fulltime the first year and I canÂ’t afford to not work and support my family. Knowing that, I look at her accomplishment and canÂ’t help but to be proud of her. For fighting the odds to better herself, to make life better for her family, I respect her.
I told her all of this and she still doesn’t see what the big deal is. “It’s only an associate degree,” she says. No, it’s not. It is a college degree. It is more than a high school diploma and it’s her first step to a bachelor's degree. And yes, she is planning on continuing to get her bachelor’s.
Even though she doesnÂ’t understand why others think this was an accomplishment, I still wanted to recognize her accomplishment. Today I took her to lunch and refused to let her pay for her meal. No, itÂ’s not a lot, but itÂ’s all the company will allow me to do. (We have a stringent gift giving policy.) She appreciated it, but still felt I was making an issue out of nothing. She is wrong.
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January 26, 2006
Some of you may remember reading my post about how I suck am not good at my job, according to some people. They wanted me to use these other peopleÂ’s reports to track data, because it was so much better then mine. Then last Friday I went off on how I was instructed to use these reports and I thought there might be a change.
I wasnÂ’t wrong, but it wasnÂ’t the change I was expecting.
I reverted to using my system for information on Monday; everything seemed to be going better. That was until today. As soon as our morning state of the office meeting started one of the Assistant Managers announced that my counterpart from the other office came up with a great new report. ItÂ’s so great it is going to change drastically how both offices are going to be able to track data.
I was skeptical. My counterpart hasnÂ’t had a good, original idea since she got her position. Sitting back, I was waiting to see what she had created or at least what new method she was using to retrieve data. Sitting back in my chair, bracing myself, I waited for her to start. She was nervous and barely made eye contact with anyone. She wasnÂ’t used to being in the spotlight in these meetings, so this wasnÂ’t unusual. She started:
“This report will allow us to track volumes. We will be able to track over all volumes, aging, how many items we lost cycle on and how many we will lose if we don’t close it today. It will also show us how many inquiries we handled on the same day we received them.”
Okay, my interest is piqued. This is sounding good, I have a report that does all that, but itÂ’s a little labor intensive. If sheÂ’s found a faster, better way to do it, YAY ME! Anything to make my job better or easier I will gladly embrace.
Imagine the surprise on my face when she unveils her “new” report and it is the report I created and have used for 3 years. Now imagine, if you will, not only a look of shock, but also my complete and utter inability to speak a word. My counterpart is getting praise and applause, FOR MY FARKING REPORT! Then the other offices assistant manager put match to fuse. She said, “Contagion, what do you think of this report? Will you start using it right away?”
Slowly and deliberately, I pushed my chair back from the table.
Slowly I stood up, head down looking at my stack of paper work, with this “new” report right on top. Leaning on the table with clenched fists, knuckles white and veins throbbing, I look up. Making eye contact with first my counterpart, who diverted her look, and then the assistant manger, I quietly, very quietly, say, “I think this is a great report, it has its issues, but it is better then anything else that is available. The person, who created this, in my opinion, should be congratulated on all the hard work and effort to create such a report…” The assistant manager is smiling. “Will I start using this report? No. No, I will not START using this report. I can’t, it’s not possible. To start using it would mean that I’d have to stop using it again. See, I’ve been using this report, in one form or another, for three years now. I created this report 3 years ago. I’ve been bringing it to this meeting every day, except when you told me to stop a couple of weeks ago because it wasn’t good enough.”
“Now, today, when you think someone else created it, it is a good report? I’m not saying that my counterpart stole this report; you can’t steal something that was given to you. I am not even saying she is taking false credit for creating it, I honestly think you just assumed she did. Now I will blame her for not saying she didn’t create it. Right now, I think it is in my best interest if I excuse myself from this meeting.”
At that point, I grabbed my reports and left the room. I was so pissed that I didnÂ’t raise my voice once. There was no yelling, no screaming, no swearing, I was calm and collected. I went back to my desk and sat staring at my monitor for a while. My hands where shaking in a rageÂ… yes, a rageÂ… so badly I couldnÂ’t type.
IÂ’m curious what is going to become of this, because now all the management in the office knows exactly whatÂ’s going on.
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January 25, 2006
Ktreva needs to get hers just in case there is a problem and so I can get her a pistol of her own. Also, just in case something should happen to me, there would be no legal problems with the firearms we already own. Yesterday I told my minions I was taking Ktreva to go apply for a FOID card today on lunch. They decided that they all where going to go get theirs at the same time. So today at lunch IÂ’m taking 3-4 minions and Ktreva to go apply for FOID cards.
Then they want to look at the pistols and rifles to see what they want to buy when they finally receive a FOID card. (It can take 3-4 months to be approved). All of them are novice firearm owners so I’m trying to talk them out of buying the hard to maintain and learn to operate style firearms. One of them wants to buy an AK-47 for home defense. For the first time in my life, I uttered the phrase “You’ll shoot your eye out” and meant it. I’m also trying to explain why .44 magnums and semi-autos are not good beginner weapons. I was taught and believe that you are better off buying a revolver in medium to small caliber for your first firearm. Others may disagree, but it’s my opinion and you probably won’t change my mind.
I recommend Revolvers because they are easier to clean and maintain. They are much more forgiving if you get a little neglectful than a semi-auto is. If a semi-auto isnÂ’t cleaned properly, it is more likely to jam or malfunction. The worst IÂ’ve seen a revolver do is have the cylinder not open because the release pin was gummed up. IÂ’ve seen too many semi-autos end up needing serious repair work done because of improper cleaning and storage.
I donÂ’t recommend large caliber just because when a person is first trying to learn to shoot, they need to work on control first. The kick of a large caliber gun may just be a little too intimidating and they may have issues developing control. Why not start with something smaller and working your way up to a larger caliber weapon. Plus if you are going to use it for home defense, as many claim, you donÂ’t want something that is going to blow holes in the side of your house and into your neighbors.
Not that IÂ’m a firearms expert, far from it. I just happen to be the one person they know that has a functioning knowledge of firearms. They trust me and value my opinion. No matter how funny I think it would be to watch one of them try to learn to shoot using the .450 (Yes, four five zero rifle round, not forty-five pistol round) revolver a local store has, I would strongly discourage them from buying it.
Today at work that has been what all the buzz is about. Going and getting FOID cards, looking at handguns and learning to shoot. Every time I turn around I hear someone talking about what kind of gun they want, what theyÂ’ve shot and how long before they can buy one. IÂ’ve had some other minions start asking me questions about firearms. They all know I shoot black powder, but apparently they never thought I knew a thing about modern.
I wonder if I can use this on my next work evaluation to fulfill part of my mentoring criteria.
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January 20, 2006
When I was told that isn’t possible. I explained yes it is, Just very difficulty with a bit of sacrifice and a lot of pain. They asked me then if I didn’t have the resources/tools to get do the job, then how did I meet the goal last year. I responded with, “I made them. Take a hammer away from a blacksmith and he can’t do his job. Now he may be able find a makeshift hammer that just barely works. Yet this hammer may be just good enough to make a better hammer. Then he may use that better hammer to make an even better hammer. Now he can do his job properly again. That is what I did, I found makeshift resources, used them to create better resources, and then even better resources. Finally I was able to do my job properly.” Fortunately they actually understood that analogy.
So the decision they where questioning is why I used resources outside the norm instead of the ones I was given this year. When I explained that instead of spending months starting over, I went to the reliable resources and tapped them. While they are getting the job done, IÂ’m making new resources to take over. They understood that, and wanted me to send an e-mail going into detail the whole process. Which I sent out, to all management in my office, VPÂ’s and Executive Directors explaining my actions, including hard data to support my decisions.
Then I was asked a question about our inventory. I told them that I didnÂ’t know and IÂ’ll have an answer for them as soon as possible. In the past when they asked I had always had the information for them with in minutes. When they asked me why it would take so long, it was then that my gasket blew.
Contagion: “Why? You want to know why? Do you really want to know why? Because you have me using the other offices reports and flows to do my job. It takes them two weeks to get this information; I can get it in a matter of minutes. But my way sucks, so I had to use their glorious system that was so much better. You want your data, I’ll start running it now and you can have it as soon as I get it, probably about a week.”
Upper Manager: “Why would you switch flows to something slower? If your system works better, why not use that?”
Contagion: “I’m not going to point fingers to the person sitting to my right or her counterpart, but they said how great this other system was and wanted me to use that. Since I report to those people, that is what I had to do.”
Now my Asst Manager is glaring at me. If looks could kill my head would have exploded like a watermelon being hit with a .50 cal rifle.
Asst. Manager: “When did I say that, and why didn’t you say your system was better.”
Contagion: “Last week, and I did. I said that I can get the same data faster, but everyone was all enthralled with my counterparts `success’ that they ignored me. I’m used to that. I could tell you that your chair is on fire and everyone would ignore me. When someone else points out the chair is on fire, then I get yelled at for not pointing out the fire.”
Asst Manager: “I don’t think we understood…”
Contagion: “Maybe if you guys weren’t busy telling me how everyone else is better at my job then I and listen to me, then you might have.”
Now both my Manager and Asst. Manager is looking at me as if I just physically assaulted my Asst. Manager. My Asst. Managers eyes where filled with the flames of anger. The conversation went on, but you get the idea. It was not pleasant for anyone else but me. Hell, I even made the comment in the middle of it, “Well there goes my raise for the year.”
The funny thing is that I had to do a self-evaluation today. I hate these things. If the person I report to/who supervises me, actually did their job, they would know how IÂ’m doing. IÂ’m not expecting a raise this year, not that I didnÂ’t meet my goals or that I donÂ’t think I deserve one. ItÂ’s because the person giving me the review thinks I suck. Then again I donÂ’t think the above conversation helped any.
She also wasn’t amused when I turned in my self-evaluation. The last question on the form was, “What could I (Your supervisor) do to become a stronger leader for you?”
I answered with: “Nothing, you are practically perfect in every way.”
She sent it back with a note to change that. I donÂ’t know why.
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If I were there I would buy you a shot and toast you. January 18, 2006
This morning one of my minions tells me her phone is dead, nothing works on it, not even the lights. When I get to her desk, sure enough the phone is completely dead. She says it was working the day before and when she left, but when she came in this morning it was dead. Before I called the help desk on this, I thought IÂ’d look to see if it was unplugged.
It had been a while since I had “fun” with one of my minions and this was just the perfect time to do it. Thinking to myself why not, I started talking to my minion:
Contagion, “It looks like you yanked some wires out of the plug.”
Minion, “Okay, I’ll call the help desk.”
Contagion, “Now, just wait a second. This is just like phone wiring; I think I can repair this.” (I do some repairs around the building, it’s not part of my job duties or description, but I know how and it’s faster then the help desk. Then once I get it working, I call the help desk to let them know.)
Minion, “Okay, do you need me to do anything?”
Contagion, “Nah, just stand back and hand me stuff as I ask for it.”
Minion, “Have you done this before?”
Contagion, “Not on this type of phone, but electrical and phone wiring is all pretty similar, it shouldn’t be that different. It’s just a matter of conecttinngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngng” (Feet flailing kicking the ground, body gyrating like a drunk trying to do the centipede, head banging like a some one going through shock therapy, facial muscles tense as lips are peeled back in grimace of pain. This goes on for about 10 seconds)
Meanwhile, Minion, “OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD!” (Panicked look on face Blood drained from head, eyes as wide as saucers, doing the “I’m scared dance”)
Contagion: (Stops flailing and is laughing his arse off)
Minion, “I SO HATE YOU! YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME! YOU ARE NOT A NICE PERSON!”
Contagion, “You’re eyes were huge and the color still hasn’t come back to your cheeks… that was funny as all heck!” (Yes, I said heck. At work, my language is as clean as the Pope’s is during mass. Unless, I’m really, really pissed and then I may use the occasional “damn”)
(Ktreva goes walking past. We work together, no she is not a minionÂ… anywhereÂ… sigh)
Minion to Ktreva, “I hate your husband. He’s a jerk.”
Ktreva ignores minion as she is in a bad mood and heading somewhere in a hurry
Contagion, “See, she doesn’t care either.”
Minion to me, “Someday, somebody will get back at you for doing stuff like that.”
Contagion, “Someday was six years ago and that somebody was Ktreva.” (Grins)
Minion, “I’m telling her you said that!”
Contagion, “Be my guest, it’s not like I haven’t said it to her.”
Minion, “I don’t know how she puts up with you.”
Contagion, “Neither do I. That reminds me, time to buy her more jewelry. Keep her happy and my life is easier. Now go sign on to another computer, I can’t fix this. I’ll get the help desk involved”
My minion is still glaring at me, and this happened five hours ago. Some people just donÂ’t have a sense of humor.
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January 13, 2006
TodayÂ’s meeting schedule goes as follows:
8:30 -8:45: Morning assignments of work. (I lead this meeting and it was over with in 8 minutes.)
9:00 to 9:30 Daily state of the office meeting. This should only last 15 minutes, they schedule 30minutes just in case, it ran for 50 minutes in order to discuss the 10:00 meeting.
10:00 to 12:15 Standard operation meeting. I go because I’m told I have to, only to sit for 2 hours and 15 minutes doing nothing but staring at my note pad thinking to myself, “Someone please shoot me, please”. This is also, where I’m told by peers in the other office that is merging with us that I don’t know how to do my job. That I should do things they way they do it, and that my procedures are bad. The whole time when anyone asks me for data I can give them exact figures while the other offices inventory manager can only say, “I’ll have to look into that and get back with you in two weeks”. At that point, I’m told I’m going to be tracking the other offices inventory using my crappy procedures because they like the information. I actually only was needed for 30 minutes of this meeting, 25 of those minutes was being told I suck don’t know how to do my job.
12:30 to 1:15 Lunch. Sometimes I have a lunch meeting; those are rare. Today I had a lunch venting with my wife and a couple of trusted minions and a work friend. Which is good because I blew a gasket and was blurting out stuff I shouldnÂ’t have out of anger.
1:30 to 2:00 Afternoon update: This is where we discuss what we talked about in the 10:00 meeting. I walked out of this meeting after 25 minutes of recapping how much I suck donÂ’t know how to do my job, so I could go suck do my job.
2:30 to 3:30 Divisional Planning meeting: This is a teleconference I do to plan the next weekÂ’s inventory and coordinate assistance for other offices. This is where I do my mentoring to teach other people how to suck do their jobs as I do.
3:45 to 4:15 and 4:30 to 5:00: Unit Meetings. This is where each week they break out the minions into smaller groups to share vital information. This week I have to join these to explain why they have to take responsibility for their own actions follow new tracking guidelines for data.
5:00: Get the fark out of Dodge Leave for the day. IÂ’ve only been at work since 6:30 AM. I guess I should have stayed longer, but then again I suck am not as good at my job as others are.
6:00: See how quickly I can drink a bottle of Jack Daniels
What gets me about this whole damn thing is that if I suck am not good at my job, why does every other office in other cities turn to me for answers to their problems? It’s just the other office in my building that wants me completely to change how everything is done, to their style. They do this by, and I’m not kidding saying things like, “Our methods are great we can get this data and information in weeks, and are making headway to actually meet our goals.” Meanwhile, I get data with in an hour, and am meeting two of my three goals and the third one I’m almost there.
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January 11, 2006
A) Why call a meeting to ask me information if you are not going to believe a damn thing I say and go around afterwards doing the research yourself? DonÂ’t waste my time.
2) DonÂ’t pitch a fit about no one supporting anyoneÂ’s plans when you donÂ’t support theirs.
D) I am very busy; do not waste my time with meetings to discuss what is going to happen in a meeting. If the meeting your are discussing doesnÂ’t involve me or IÂ’m not invited to it, donÂ’t invite me to the meeting that is going to discuss that meeting.
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January 05, 2006
What really makes me laugh about the whole thing is that I’m being single-handedly blamed for these new procedures and policies. What isn’t realized is that I was just a part of the brain trust that came up with them. They are more stringent then I had originally thought they would be because of others that where in on the decision. Since it was “super happy fun” bad news that would get the troops up in arms, and it directly had to do with my job, it was decided I got to be the one to send out the notice. It seems to be that way with my job, if there is good news someone else gets to send it out, if it’s bad news I get to be the messenger.
This doesnÂ’t bother me, except I drove my truck to work today. IÂ’m afraid someone is going to key it, slash the tires or even worseÂ… piss on the tailpipe! Maybe I should buy just a cheap POS to drive until things cool down. That way if anything is done to it, I wonÂ’t care.
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December 19, 2005
HereÂ’s proof that not only do my minions like and respect me, they knew me better then I thought they did.
This is my Christmas gift from a group of them. A bottle of Seagram’s 7, which happens to be my favorite cheap whiskey. Yes I prefer Jack Daniels, but I can get a large bottle of Seagram’s 7 for less then a small bottle of Jack Daniels. When I’m at home I generally drink 7&7’s. One bag of Ranch Corn Nuts, I love ranch Corn Nuts. My wife won’t let me eat them because they make my breath absolutely horrible. One pack of Listerine CoolMint PocketPaks, These serve a two-fold purpose. One is that obviously I’m addicted to the damn things, but also when I eat the Corn Nuts they’ll help me stay married. Finally “The Zombie Survival Guide” by Max Brooks. C’mon folks, this is perfect! I’ve already started reading it and updating my own Zombie contingency plans. However, to be objective, the author of the book has some of his facts incorrect. When I’m finished reading I’ll do a full critique.
Now you tell me, do my minions love me or what?
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December 07, 2005
This time someone has gone too far. Two of my newer minions came up to me to ask a couple of questions this morning. Since they where new and the questions legitimate, I answered them in a clear and concise manner. They thanked me, and then I heard one say to the other, “Minion J was right, he is a nice guy.”
Like fingers on a chalkboard, my brain reeled from that painful sound. NOOOoooooo! They are to fear me, be nervous when I’m around and try to keep from having “meaningful conversations” with me. There was no time to act, I had to react quickly, and my reputation was at stake. Since these where two newer minions, I didn’t want to scar them permanently, so I felt I would let them off with a stern glare this time. Minion J could not be excused for such malicious slander and libel. She would have the bear the brunt of my wrath.
Walking over to Minion J’s desk, I noticed she was talking to Monitor Minion. PERFECT! First thing first, I had to address the fact that they where chitchatting and not working. This sent Monitor Minion scurrying back to her desk. Then I turn to Minion J and say, “I hear you are talking about me.” Of course, Minion J denies the accusation. Then I say to her, “What makes it worse is that you are spreading vicious lies about me.” Minion J claims to have no knowledge of what I’m saying. Blood has drained from her face.
Then I dropped the hammer, “I heard two people talking about how you said I was a nice guy.” Minion J noticeably relaxes and slumps back into her chair. She starts to laugh, LAUGH I tell you! She goes on to explain she feels behind my gruff exterior that I’m actually a nice guy and she’s seen proof of it. She then goes on to give me some obviously misguided examples of my being “nice” to people.
Foolish Minion! What she misconstrued as my being nice, was nothing more then my attempt to get more work out of my minions. Their working harder makes me look better. If that means occasionally I have to do something like give recognition, appreciation and going to bat for them, then so be it. ItÂ’s not for them, itÂ’s purely for me!
I would never do anything actually to help someone else. If I did, then people might start expecting things from me, and I canÂ’t have that. They might try to talk or socialize with me. My walking by their desk may no longer scare them into working harder. That crosses the line on my code of ethic. Moreover, nice guys donÂ’t go to sensitivity class.
Well, just to make sure Minion J got my point, I increased her workload for the day. It was all about squashing this nice guy image sheÂ’s trying to bestow upon me, and not to prevent any rumors of favoritism.
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December 06, 2005
Let me lay your concerns to rest. My job security is Fort Knox, executive management likes me because I get results and that is what they want. The management in my office likes my results, just not my style. That is why they keep sending me to “sensitivity class”. You need to recall the one I went to back in October was not in response to any actual or perceived transgression of mine. They sent all management to it. It wasn’t actually called a sensitivity class. It was a leadership camp. However, being to previous sensitivity classes it contained much of the same material, hence why I refer to it as one.
Prior to that, it has been 3 years since I’ve been to a sensitivity class. The reason I was sent back then was because I had a dumb arse (fired shortly after) that kept screwing up big time on the same thing. I had explained to them 2-3 times how to do it properly in one week only to have them completely screw up the next week. When I approached them this final time they gave me my ultimate hated excuse, “I didn’t know that.” I’ll admit my temper got the best of me.
I stood there, went over everything we had done the previous weeks, showed them their notes that I made them take the second time I gave them feedback. It was when I said, “We’ve gone over this multiple times last week. You did know about this, do not tell me you didn’t. Either you think I’m a fool or you are lying.” To be honest I didn’t think that was so bad, I wanted to yell at them, “You are depriving the people around you of valuable oxygen you lump of biological extract!” But I didn’t. I did make the individual cry. So, off the sensitivity class I went.
The first time I went? That was due to a stupid joke someone said about me. It wasn’t even do to my actions. I was in my previous position with the company and I was trying to get some work done, and I had these people keep interrupting me for stuff they shouldn’t have been. I told them they needed to leave me alone. (I was not management at the time.) Later on one of the individuals called me “Mean and hateful” jokingly, someone else over heard it and called the corporate ethics department. Whenever a complaint like that is filed with them, the individual had to go to sensitivity class. That department and guideline isn’t there anymore. What’s funny is the two that where joking about me being “Mean and Hateful” keep it up to this day just to see if they can get me sent back.
See, you have no reason to worry. Nothing bad will happen to me; except I may blow my top and youÂ’ll get a funny story out of it.
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Then to make matters worse, we had a big staff meeting this morning and we were going over our “days out of the office” this month. This is just so that we know when someone has either off-site meetings, vacation time or training. When it was my turn, I couldn’t help myself. Neither tact nor shame has been a strong point of mine. I just spouted off, “I have this Friday off, next Tuesday and Wednesday I’m being sent to Sensitivity Class, oh and there is a chance I may get some more spontaneous days off, it appears none of us learned from my last outburst.”
Yes, they pulled me into an office and addressed my attitude with me. First, Sensitivity Class is a private matter between upper management and I. Second, I’m pushing the line of being disrespectful. Third, I cannot plan an “outburst” just to get days off.
Yea, Yea, Yea… says you. I kept my mouth shut…. This time…. For once. I did point out that since I was the one that brought up sensitivity class, they didn’t violate corporate policy. That policy is there to protect the person being sent, not the company. With which they agreed. My brain wanted to go off and “educate” them that I will show proper respect when they deserve it and if you didn’t want me to use this little vacation time loophole, you shouldn’t have shown it to me. I was thinking of trying to get another Friday off to help someone move.
When I returned to work yesterday, itÂ’s shared with me that they promoted someone whom should not have been. At this point, I will digress about this topic due to the fact that some of my minions read this blog and I donÂ’t need them seeing my true feelings on the subject.
God, that speaks volumes doesnÂ’t it?
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December 02, 2005
So IÂ’m going to spend some time today doing stuff likeÂ…. Trimming my toe nails, catching up on blogging, trimming my finger nails, read some blogs IÂ’ve never been to before, trimming my facial hair, doing some Christmas shopping, trimming some pubic hair and I think IÂ’m going to travel across town to get some Taco Johns for lunch. Why? Because I can, what else am I going to do with the day? The shooting range isnÂ’t open on Friday, plus I really donÂ’t want to travel an hour and a half just to spend an hour shooting to drive back. I did some math, with the cost of bullets, fees and gas it usually costs me around $100.00 for an hours worth of fun. I can invest that $100.00 into alcohol and spread it out for 4 hours. MMMmm, AlcoholÂ… I can do that!
OH! Maybe IÂ’ll go see a movieÂ… no, canÂ’t do that. I refuse to be the dork that goes to movies by themselves. And before any of my readers who do that get on me, yes you are a dork for going to the movies by yourself. Find a friend for peteÂ’s sake, IÂ’m free today!
Heck IÂ’m free possibly even into next week, rest of the month, could be through the beginning of next year. I think it depends on how pissed off they really were. Oh, I guess I should at least pretend to be remorseful. Wait, I just canÂ’t. Even after getting a good 10 hours of sleep and not being pissed today, I still have no regrets. To be honest, when I return to work I think I might do it again, just in case they missed my point. These people need to realize they are farking idiots!
Well IÂ’m off to visit the blogosphere. My IM is in the on position so if you e-mail me IÂ’ll probably respond right away. If you donÂ’t then you will never know the joy of having e-mail chat with someone the likes of me!
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November 30, 2005
As soon as I have all my facts sorted out I’ll share the fun with all of you, I promise. Until then I’ll just leave you with this teaser, when promoting someone it should be based on ability, drive and a proven willingness to do better. When telling someone they didn’t get the position they should not tell them stuff like, “You are limiting yourself because you are working too hard.”
Thanks to that kind of feedback I just lost one of my best producing minions. She now feels that she is being punished because she is a hard worker.
Did I ever mention my peers are farking dumb arses?!
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November 22, 2005
The upside is that because they donÂ’t understand what I do, including my manager, at review time I always do well as long as the goals are being received. They donÂ’t know how I meet them, just that I do. Or if IÂ’m not meeting them, they want to know why. When I try to explain, I can actually see their eyes glaze over. Just last week I had my manager ask me to explain to her some of the stuff that I do. After 5 minutes of just doing the basics, I could tell she was lost. The other upside is that when I do make a mistake there is a 99.99% chance that I can correct it before anyone can detect it.
The downside is that since no one knows all that I do, they tend to think I donÂ’t do anything. Thus, they think I have a lot of spare time. This is absolutely positively not the case. I can see where they get that idea. Between gathering data and assigning work it looks like IÂ’m walking around just chatting a lot. If they actually ever paid attention to what I was doing/saying they would see that yes, sometimes I do just chit-chat (like everyone else) but usually IÂ’m talking about work. IÂ’m checking on what the person is doing, what theyÂ’ve done, or trying to correct problems. Sometimes they see me sitting at my desk just reading e-mail. What they donÂ’t realize is that IÂ’m waiting for a program to finish compiling data for a report IÂ’m running. While they system is doing that, I really canÂ’t do much else until it is finished, it takes up a lot of CPU power. Hell even checking my e-mail is really slow. How slow? Think of downloading a 100k file using a 14.4 dial-up. Yea, that slow.
What inevitably happens is that when some new task needs to be done, I get volunteered to do it. Usually when I’m volunteered it’s followed up with the phrase, “He’s got the time.” That brings me to the hellacious day I had today. First there is a guy that has a related job to what I do, but they are not the same. It would be like he’s motor oil and I’m gasoline. He keeps the parts moving, but I’m making the engine run. With out the both of us the office stops functioning properly. There is a reason why corporate have two separate people doing these jobs. IT IS WAY TOO MUCH FOR ONE PERSON TO DO. Except in my office, when the other guy is gone. I have to do his job AND mine and heaven forbid something goes wrong with either. Does he have to back me up when I’m gone? Nope… he has too much work to do.
This other guy is gone this week for the holiday. The last Friday of the month is when my goals are measured, since the last Friday of this month falls on a Holiday that means I get until Wednesday. That means I loose two days of production and have lower goals. (For examples sake if I had a full 20-day work month I could only have 500 items left at the end of the month, but since I only have 18 I can only have 470. ItÂ’s hard to explain other then that with out spending three days and 5 posts.) Plus his goals are due next Wednesday and I have to do my best to meet those as well. Needless to say my life is rather frantic right now. Throw in system problems, two added assignments because I donÂ’t do anything, and covering for a supervisor, plus my regular mentoring and my week has been hell. I know IÂ’m good, but IÂ’m not that good. Something had to give today, and it did. All the sensitivity training they had sent me to went right out the window.
There was no time for me to caress, finesse, argue or even instruct people today. It was barking orders, telling people off and basically taking command of the situation. Something I do a little too well from what I’m told. When I left today some of my peers where a bit annoyed, well okay they where down rite pissed at me for undermining their authority. As I told one of them, “If you had an inkling of how to do this part of your job properly, I wouldn’t have to do it for you.” When my manager came to me to talk to me about the situation I responded with, “You have me doing my coworkers job, I have my job, I have to conduct training, make sure the employees are doing their jobs, deal with system problems, help this other department, on top of trying to meet my goals that are due by end of business tomorrow. You have effectively taken away all my resources, made it so that there is a better then likely chance I will fail and you decide NOW is a good time to chat with me about my attitude? Do me a favor, schedule a meeting about it for next Wednesday, that seems to be what this office likes to do best and that is my next free time.” Her response was, “I don’t think this is a good time.” After she walked away I mumbled, “No shit, what was you first clue? The blinking red alerts on my monitor telling me we are in trouble or the blinking red alerts in my eyes that say disgruntled?”
Luckily I had enough sense to wait until she was out of earshot to say that.
<sarcasm>
***Clapping, with a big grin on my face***
I canÂ’t wait to see what tomorrow brings!
</sarcasm>
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November 08, 2005
This new system has complicated the process to the point of annoyance. Now you have to go online through their very user-unfriendly system called Concur. Then you have to create an expense report AND an itinerary if you traveled. If you used your company card, you need to wait until the expenses show up in the system before you can put in for reimbursement. Once gone through all that, adding each line and correcting all the mistakes that the auto transfer system makes you can “submit” it. What they mean is that it sends an electronic signature to your manager, and then it prints a copy for you to fax to another office.
Putting it like that makes it sound not so bad, IF IT WORKED! I went to Texas October 17 through the 21st. I paid for EVERYTHING with my corporate card. The items never showed up in Concur like they where supposed to. Every time I asked someone about it, they told me, just wait it can take some time. So I waited and checked every couple of days. Yesterday I received a Bill from the Corp Card company wanting payment. When I came into work today, my charges STILL were not showing. To say I was irritated would be an understatement. When I contacted the help department, I received the same song and dance. This time however I refused to listen to them and explained; ItÂ’s been over 2 weeks and nothing has showed up, yet I have a bill to pay the card. Now someone says, well it must not have transferred, lets look at it. Sure enough, it didnÂ’t transfer properly and I have to manually transfer the charges.
Then when we first switched to this system, I was told that if you paid on your corporate card, you don’t need receipts. The system will accept what is received from the card company as proof of payment. Okay! That makes sense; they already have the charges on the card and can see from where the charge originated. Why would they need another receipt? Well once again, I was misled. Nope, if you have purchases for meals or taxi/limos/car services you still need a receipt. Now, it is looking like I’m going to be stuck with paying close to $100.00 out of my pocket, because I don’t have those receipts. I had them when I came back from my trip, but was told, “You don’t need them”. To the best of my memory, I believe I threw them out. That was AFTER I was told I didn’t need them because I used my corporate card!
Everyone that I have talked to that uses this new system hates it. They all have the same complaints and have run across the same problems, including the receipt issue. One person I talked to is still waiting for reimbursement from a trip they took back in September!
Under the old system, I would have submitted my form the day I returned and would have received payment by this Friday at the latest. With this new system, I may not get reimbursement untilÂ… ever
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October 13, 2005
“It’s disconcerting to see you so happy.”
“Why are you smiling? What are you going to do to me?”
“It gives me the creeps that you are saying hello to everyone. It’s like you are planning a hit list.”
“I don’t like when you say please and thank you. It gives me chills, not the good kind.”
“Did you get some last night?” (Nice, huh? If I had said that I would be instantly back in sensitivity class or fired However, because it was females that said it to me, it’s okay.)
“We’ve decided that your being nice is wrong. We liked the pressure of having to worry about you coming to chew us out.”
“Are you on Prozac?”
“STOP BEING NICE!!! I can’t work in these conditions.”
“You said hello to me… what did I do wrong?”
“You know my name?!?!?! Does this mean I’m getting fired?”
“I’m scared; you’re going to shoot someone aren’t you?”
I just canÂ’t win. They complain when IÂ’m my normal work driven self and they complain when IÂ’m nice and caring. IÂ’d try being a ripe bastard for a while just for their reactions. If I thought, I wouldnÂ’t be fired for driving someone to commit suicide.
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October 12, 2005
My issue is that IÂ’m flying out of OÂ’Hare international scareport (If youÂ’ve ever been there you understand why I call it that) and crashing landing in Dallas/Fort Worth international airport. Flying never bothered me, until 9/11. Now when I get onto the plane I start profiling people, keeping me eye on everyone and in general just waiting for someone to cause trouble. Its not that I think itÂ’s going to happen, but if it does happen I want to be prepared for it.
I know me, I know how I am, if someone did try to highjack my plane I probably would die trying to kill them by using my glasses frames to stab them in the jugular. IÂ’m fine all the way up until I actually get on the plane, then my nerves step in. All I have to do is stop what IÂ’m doing, and focus on something else. This however goes against years of training and conditioning. For me just completely ignore the mass of people around me in an unfamiliar place is difficult. IÂ’m a big boy, IÂ’ll just have to suck up and deal with it.
While I was in Texas, I was hoping to be able to meet some bloggers that are down in that area. Upon looking at mapquest, I discovered that TLTTF is not exactly with in an hourÂ’s trip from Dallas. Then I discovered they are probably going to be traveling anyway. Since they are the only Texas bloggers that I read, that I am aware of, there goes that idea.
I guess I’ll just have to fill my free time by “playing” with my mentorees.
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October 10, 2005
*Do not show up 30 minutes late and say, “I thought this started at 8:30… Eh the extra 30 minutes of sleep were worth it.”
*I work for a company that definitely does not hire based on looks. IÂ’m not vein in any sense, in fact, I think IÂ’m pretty much a hideous man-beast, but I was the best looking person in that class.
*After taking the personality test the instructors do not like when you enthusiastically shout out that you scored “perfect” for the “Dominant” personality. (Out of 20 possible points for the dominant personality, I scored 20. The instructor said that the highest he had seen before that day was 16 and he’d been doing this for 10 years.)
*They like it even less when you tell the lesser beings in the class to bow down in awe.
*When you are placed in a workgroup filled with submissive personalitiesÂ… you get exactly what you want.
*During the part of the class in which you are to come up with ways for your “personality profile” to work with other “personality profiles”, if you are dominant the correct answer is not, “Pretend you care about them”. (Even if it is true. There were two other Dominant personalities in my class, not as dominant as I am, but we all felt that way. However, I actually said it out loud.)
*When they say you are going to do some role-playing, do not shout out, “I want to be the wizard” OR “Can I be the policeman?” (Especially the second one… Thank jebus someone besides me has a sense of humor!)
*In the middle of the roll playing session if you don’t want to do it anymore, just shout out, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M DEFENSIVE?!?!?!?!?!”
*If you are put into a group that has no creative or artistic ability and you are supposed to do something creative and artistic; the best thing to do is stand up and announce to the entire class after your presentation, “As you can see our group has neither creative nor artistic ability. If we could pay you back the 10 minutes of your life lost listening to us babble we would.” We had best presentation!
*If you are a dominant personality and placed with a group of creative and submissive personalities, you can sit back and let them do all the work and give you the credit.
*One does not have to like or dislike a person to scare them.
*Being the only guy with 36 females can be fun.
*Being the only guy with 36 females in a sensitivity class can be dangerous.
*Being the only guy with 36 females with an average weight of 250 lbs in a sensitivity class can be hazardous to your health, if you know what I meanÂ… And IÂ’m sure a lot of you do.
*After establishing that you have a “dominant” personality, it is not a good idea to point out that you are the highest level management in class and you should be able to do what you want, even if that includes taking a nap in your truck.
*DO NOT LAUGH DURING THE LANCE ARMSTRONG FIGHTS CANCER MOTIVATIONAL VIDEO! Nothing you say or do will fix the damage that you have caused. (I was thinking of an incident that happened earlier in the day and not paying attention. I started chuckling when they where talking about how he almost died from cancer)
*Finally, if you have to go to one of these things try at least to have fun with it, even if that means dragging the rest of the class down with you.
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October 07, 2005
THAT MAKES THREE THAT I'VE BEEN SENT TO!
I just don't understand why.
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