July 26, 2007
Lets start off with the most insensitive thing that has happened. Tuesday night after dinner I returned to the Hotel Room. By nine oÂ’clock I was bored off my arse and wanted a snack so I ran to a little convenience store next to the hotel, sure it was a longer walk, but it cost a third as much to get what I wanted. When I returned to the hotel room there was still nothing on TV. Being the curious individual I am, and in a new place I started searching the room for anythingÂ… and found nothing. So I went to look out the window. I peaked through the curtain and saw I had the wonderful view of another hotel. YAY! Just as I was about to shut the curtains something caught my attention, boobs. There was a couple having sex across the way from me and one floor down.
I did what any red blooded American male would do. I turned out the lights, repositioned the recliner in front of the window, got myself a drink and ate Cheesy Chex Mix while watching this couple go at it for 15 minutes. Hey, I was bored. They werenÂ’t the best looking, but it was the best thing to watch. Sure itÂ’s a little creepy to be sitting in the dark watching some strangers have sex across the way, but hey they obviously wanted to be watched and I was willing to oblige. I was just wishing I had brought with those binoculars that work gave us last year for something. It would have made the show more interesting. And before you ask, no Mr. Happy did not get covered in orange powder. Unfortunately there wasnÂ’t a repeat show Wednesday night.
This class was a little different then the other ones. Most of the people in this class were new management that hadnÂ’t done anything; they just needed to go through it. Technically, I think I was the only one sent for punitive corrective reasons. Of course they all seemed to be the uber liberal types. I was involved in more debates over Obama VS Hillary for president. I just smiled and nodded, until someone said something about outlawing guns. Then I very politely excused myself from the table, went outside and screamed at the tops of my lungs. Did you know homeless people donÂ’t like it when you do that?
Now here is where the twilight zone comes into play. Guess who the star pupil was? If you’re gasping in disbelief and saying, “no way, it couldn’t have been you” than you’re right. I decided this time I was just going to toe the line and not cause any trouble. I turned out to be the star pupil. I guess something from those other four times sunk in. But I wasn’t just the star pupil; I was leaps and bounds over the rest of the class. The instructor and the observers were all impressed with my feedback techniques and people skills. Stop laughing, I have them, I just never use them.
Now here is where it gets really weird. Today one of the observers wasn’t able to come due to some family emergency or something. So the instructor had to fill the roll as the observer for a Roll Playing session. Since she was doing that, she needed someone to lead the class. Yep, she looked at me and said, “Contagion, you’ve been most impressive in your knowledge of the material and interactions. Do you think you could lead the discussion on this chapter while I do the observations? I’m sure you already have a firm grasp on the material, all you have to do is go over the material in the instructors book and make sure you hit the key points I’ve highlighted.”
What was I going to say? Well, let me rephrase that I told her I would. So for 45 minutes today I instructed the class on Mutual Respect. No joking, I was the instructor. I had a class full of students listening to me instruct them on the fine art of Mutual Respect and being sensitive to otherÂ’s feelings.
So now, for all of you that have been saying IÂ’ve been sent so many times I could instruct the classÂ… I guess youÂ’re correct. Either that or your psychic.
But to make you feel better, I did get a talking to once while there. During Arts and Crafts time (DonÂ’t ask) I was singing All For Me Grog under my breath again. And as usual it was the bawdy version. I donÂ’t know why a house of ill repute isnÂ’t being sensitive, but hey I learned my lesson.
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06:39 PM
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July 24, 2007
For today I head to sensitivity class… again. (BONG!) There is a difference from this time to all the others. The class I’m going to is an “intensive two and a half day course designed to help those special cases where other classes failed.” Let me translate that: This is for your really difficult people that have scoffed off all of our previous attempts at brainwashing them to believing that the entire world should be PC. (BONG!) “We have specially trained instructors to help educate and enlighten the students to the emotions and perceptions of those they interact.” Translation: We have highly skilled brainwashers that can reprogram your people to pussyfoot around others. (BONG!) “Sessions include: Being more sensitive to your staff. Acknowledging other’s feelings in the work place. Difficult employee or an opportunity for personal growth. Helping you to help others. My employees, my friends.” Translation: Sessions include: Don’t make your staff cry. No matter what you do, don’t upset the staff. You’re employee is a pain in the arse, but you need to ignore it. Why you suck. Let’s join hands and sing Kum By Yah. (BONG!)
But on the bright side IÂ’m going to be able to eat on the company dollar at some of my favorite restaurants in Chicago. On Wednesday night if any of you want to meet me in Chicago for dinner that would be great. I'll be at Fodo's at 100 W. Grand. Since IÂ’m going to be away from a computer youÂ’ll have to either call me if you have my number or contact Ktreva and sheÂ’ll get your information to me. If you canÂ’t or donÂ’t want to, thatÂ’s fine. But do me a favor; just keep me in your thoughts for the next 72 hours.
May the powers that be watch over my soul.
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05:02 AM
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