So last week my work sends me to this sensitivity “leadership” class. Basically, I was told that I needed to change my personality and try to be nicer and more positive. I know my job is not on the line, but I figured when it comes time for my review it would be nice to show that I’m trying. All week I’ve been smiling at work, being nice, saying hello and just being cheery in general. Here are some of the responses I’ve received to the newer “nicer” Contagion.

“It’s disconcerting to see you so happy.”

“Why are you smiling? What are you going to do to me?”

“It gives me the creeps that you are saying hello to everyone. It’s like you are planning a hit list.”

“I don’t like when you say please and thank you. It gives me chills, not the good kind.”

“Did you get some last night?” (Nice, huh? If I had said that I would be instantly back in sensitivity class or fired However, because it was females that said it to me, it’s okay.)

“We’ve decided that your being nice is wrong. We liked the pressure of having to worry about you coming to chew us out.”

“Are you on Prozac?”

“STOP BEING NICE!!! I can’t work in these conditions.”

“You said hello to me… what did I do wrong?”

“You know my name?!?!?! Does this mean I’m getting fired?”

“I’m scared; you’re going to shoot someone aren’t you?”

I just canÂ’t win. They complain when IÂ’m my normal work driven self and they complain when IÂ’m nice and caring. IÂ’d try being a ripe bastard for a while just for their reactions. If I thought, I wouldnÂ’t be fired for driving someone to commit suicide.

Posted by: Contagion at 12:57 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 You should lodge a complaint i.e. hostile work environment That'll teach em!

Posted by: oddybobo at October 13, 2005 12:04 PM (6Gm0j)

2 That is too, too funny! Now it's you who can't work under those conditions. I love the way you keep them guessing.

My boss should take tips from you!

Posted by: michele at October 13, 2005 12:48 PM (FJ2Bh)

3 Just tell 'em you had a near-death experience and you're trying to change your ways because you were told that you were on the fence between the up and down escalator.

Yeah, I know, I stole this from a recent episode of Tripping the Rift.

Posted by: Harvey at October 15, 2005 10:33 AM (ubhj8)

4 "I was going into the light... but it wasn't a light... it was FLAMES...."

Posted by: Graumagus at October 16, 2005 09:06 AM (Db92q)

5 Hmmm, how d'ya suppose the word on the hit list got out?
Heh!

Posted by: Barb at October 16, 2005 10:26 PM (g9qHI)

6 Con, is the light at the end of the tunnel supposed to flicker?

Posted by: Wes at October 20, 2005 07:38 AM (z3Hul)

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Next week my work is sending me to Dallas, TX for three days and nights in order to get some training. While IÂ’m down there I need to check in on a mentoree or two and see how things are going. As IÂ’ve only had contact with them via the phone, e-mail and video conference this could be interesting. Maybe I can put some of my newly found sensitivity leadership skills to use while IÂ’m there.

My issue is that IÂ’m flying out of OÂ’Hare international scareport (If youÂ’ve ever been there you understand why I call it that) and crashing landing in Dallas/Fort Worth international airport. Flying never bothered me, until 9/11. Now when I get onto the plane I start profiling people, keeping me eye on everyone and in general just waiting for someone to cause trouble. Its not that I think itÂ’s going to happen, but if it does happen I want to be prepared for it.

I know me, I know how I am, if someone did try to highjack my plane I probably would die trying to kill them by using my glasses frames to stab them in the jugular. IÂ’m fine all the way up until I actually get on the plane, then my nerves step in. All I have to do is stop what IÂ’m doing, and focus on something else. This however goes against years of training and conditioning. For me just completely ignore the mass of people around me in an unfamiliar place is difficult. IÂ’m a big boy, IÂ’ll just have to suck up and deal with it.

While I was in Texas, I was hoping to be able to meet some bloggers that are down in that area. Upon looking at mapquest, I discovered that TLTTF is not exactly with in an hourÂ’s trip from Dallas. Then I discovered they are probably going to be traveling anyway. Since they are the only Texas bloggers that I read, that I am aware of, there goes that idea.

I guess I’ll just have to fill my free time by “playing” with my mentorees.

Posted by: Contagion at 01:07 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 Go new leadership skills! Be sure and apply all the "sensativity" you can!

"Mentorees" -- is that what they're calling employees now? Was "associates" worn out?

Posted by: Ogre at October 12, 2005 04:24 PM (iJFc9)

2 Would've been great to show you the site(I meant this singularly)
TLTTF isn't an hour away from freakin' anything.
Safe travels

Posted by: spurs at October 13, 2005 05:30 PM (O1O/S)

3 Heck, I might have been at the airport the same time as you Everytime I have to fly out of this god-forsaken place to get anywhere it's either through Dallas or Houston. I prefer Dallas. And yes, I went through O'Scare airport my last trip to Chicago - first time through that airport. I will NEVER do it again. I prefer Midway and I've only been to Chicago twice. Coming into O'Hare I couldn't find the damn baggage carousel that MY luggage was on without having to exit the airport and walk halfway around the damn place in the dark in the construction zone. Then leaving - man what a nightmare - I thought Hartsfield was bad - no comparison.

Posted by: Napster at October 15, 2005 04:35 PM (27GT7)

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Last Friday I had to attend what they called “Leadership camp”. People, I don’t care how you try to sugar coat it, but sensitivity class is sensitivity class. Trust me, I’ve been sent to two actual sensitivity classes in the last 4 years. Sure, this had a different structure and some new material, but there were many of the same principles behind it. This time I actually had fun, then again I made it fun; not just for me, but for the other people. In doing so, I did learn some new things. As soon as I walked in, I knew this was going to be interesting. Out of the 37 people in the class, I was the only male. So let me share with you what I took from this sensitivity class.

*Do not show up 30 minutes late and say, “I thought this started at 8:30… Eh the extra 30 minutes of sleep were worth it.”

*I work for a company that definitely does not hire based on looks. IÂ’m not vein in any sense, in fact, I think IÂ’m pretty much a hideous man-beast, but I was the best looking person in that class.

*After taking the personality test the instructors do not like when you enthusiastically shout out that you scored “perfect” for the “Dominant” personality. (Out of 20 possible points for the dominant personality, I scored 20. The instructor said that the highest he had seen before that day was 16 and he’d been doing this for 10 years.)

*They like it even less when you tell the lesser beings in the class to bow down in awe.

*When you are placed in a workgroup filled with submissive personalitiesÂ… you get exactly what you want.

*During the part of the class in which you are to come up with ways for your “personality profile” to work with other “personality profiles”, if you are dominant the correct answer is not, “Pretend you care about them”. (Even if it is true. There were two other Dominant personalities in my class, not as dominant as I am, but we all felt that way. However, I actually said it out loud.)

*When they say you are going to do some role-playing, do not shout out, “I want to be the wizard” OR “Can I be the policeman?” (Especially the second one… Thank jebus someone besides me has a sense of humor!)

*In the middle of the roll playing session if you don’t want to do it anymore, just shout out, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M DEFENSIVE?!?!?!?!?!”

*If you are put into a group that has no creative or artistic ability and you are supposed to do something creative and artistic; the best thing to do is stand up and announce to the entire class after your presentation, “As you can see our group has neither creative nor artistic ability. If we could pay you back the 10 minutes of your life lost listening to us babble we would.” We had best presentation!

*If you are a dominant personality and placed with a group of creative and submissive personalities, you can sit back and let them do all the work and give you the credit.

*One does not have to like or dislike a person to scare them.

*Being the only guy with 36 females can be fun.

*Being the only guy with 36 females in a sensitivity class can be dangerous.

*Being the only guy with 36 females with an average weight of 250 lbs in a sensitivity class can be hazardous to your health, if you know what I meanÂ… And IÂ’m sure a lot of you do.

*After establishing that you have a “dominant” personality, it is not a good idea to point out that you are the highest level management in class and you should be able to do what you want, even if that includes taking a nap in your truck.

*DO NOT LAUGH DURING THE LANCE ARMSTRONG FIGHTS CANCER MOTIVATIONAL VIDEO! Nothing you say or do will fix the damage that you have caused. (I was thinking of an incident that happened earlier in the day and not paying attention. I started chuckling when they where talking about how he almost died from cancer)

*Finally, if you have to go to one of these things try at least to have fun with it, even if that means dragging the rest of the class down with you.

Posted by: Contagion at 12:54 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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My employer is sending me to an offsite location under the ploy that it is a "leadership camp". However, I have discovered the truth. It is in fact a thinly veiled sensitivity class.

THAT MAKES THREE THAT I'VE BEEN SENT TO!

I just don't understand why.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:01 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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1 Damn dyslexia... I thought you said OFFSHORE location at first. That made sense...

Posted by: That 1 Guy at October 07, 2005 11:02 AM (uzmnT)

2 I fail those classes.

Posted by: Ogre at October 07, 2005 12:50 PM (/k+l4)

3 here's my survival tip for these damned courses: bring a big pad of paper in one of those pleather cases that you open to write in. As soon as the instructor begins to talk you pretend you're taking notes. if they try to discourage you from taking notes tell them that as a dyslexic you can only absorb things when you write then down in your own handwriting.

then plan your life goals, write the great american novel, or write letters to friends and family and tell them how much you love them or to your co=workers and tell them how much you hate them and how you'll get them back with triple torture for suggesting your name.

Posted by: michele at October 07, 2005 09:52 PM (ht2RK)

4 bwahahahahahaha! Oh, that wasn't very sensitive of me was it?

Posted by: oddybobo at October 07, 2005 10:21 PM (TvD8j)

5 I always used to get sent to Assertiveness Training. I failed. I was considered too agressive.

I'm melllowing in my old age.

Can we take bids here on how long it takes them to send you AGAIN? ;-) 'Cause this one isn't gonna work either. heh heh heh

Posted by: Bou at October 09, 2005 09:16 AM (5JHEt)

6 Bou - Put me down for 4-3-06

Contagion - What happened? Did you use the word "niggardly"? :-)

Posted by: Harvey at October 09, 2005 09:55 AM (ubhj8)

7 If they ask you about a time when a group made you uncomfortable, tell them this:

"It really makes me uncomfortable when the guys make fun of me for ironing my hood and robe. I mean who doesn't want to look nice at the rally and sharp creases look good. Since you usually get soot on your robe at the cross burnings and have to wash it anyway, why not iron it?"

That ought to give the instructor an aneurism.

Posted by: Brass at October 09, 2005 11:41 AM (6TLEO)

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Upper Management dropped a bomb at work today that has a 25% of the office happy, 70% pissed and 5% (Management, including myself) scrambling to repair the damage. I donÂ’t know if they didnÂ’t think this through completely or if it was just decided, we would do damage control after the fact. Either way no matter how you look at it, the timing was horrible.

It was decided that they where going to give the Customer Service Reps in our company a merit promotion. Meaning they move up one pay grade. As part of this they are creating a new position, Customer Service Technician. We currently have technicians, but now the CSRs will be the same level as them, so they are creating a special position for the Technicians in the Customer Service arena. The current technicians in customer service we have will need to apply for their jobs. However, they are not guaranteed to get the position. If they donÂ’t, then the company will find them another position of the same level, which probably means they will become CSRs.

This has my current technicians all worried about what is going to happen to them because they donÂ’t want to go back to being CSRs. The other technicians that arenÂ’t in the customer service arena are pissed because they basically feel that are being under appreciated and that they did all this work to be promoted only to have it negated by this change. The CSRs will be the same level as the regular Technicians.

The rest of the employees are under the impression that not only are they not appreciated, but that the company doesnÂ’t care about them. From talking to many of them, it is clear they donÂ’t understand what is going on. ItÂ’s not that they company doesnÂ’t appreciate them, the company is admitting that they were under appreciating the Customer Service arena and is trying to make up for it. The company decided that for the amount and type of work that the CSRs do, they were not being justly compensated. IE they were overworked and underpaid for the demands put upon them. People just donÂ’t understand that. I happen to agree with corporateÂ’s assessment, to a point. They may have encompassed positions that didnÂ’t warrant the change.

But there is a problem with corporateÂ’s plan. They didnÂ’t include everyone in the Customer Service arena. The support staff that assists the CSRs and technicians was completely and utterly ignored. Their peers in the different arenas have to know a fraction of what they do AND they arenÂ’t required to know as many systems as the support staff in customer service. They basically do twice the work as their peers, yet are paid the same. Three of my minions fall into this category and to be honest, they have every right to be pissed off. Prior to the CSRÂ’s getting this promotion they didnÂ’t really mind, now they do.

Morale has bottomed out in every area outside the CSR arena. To make matters worse the CSRs are loudly and tactlessly talking about their “raises” to everyone. This is only pissing off the others. Most of the other management is basically telling others to “deal with it.” I however am trying to do damage control. A pissed employee is a bad employee. I’m trying to sooth those that I can in hopes of not taking a production hit today. However, that is not looking too good for me. As for my three minions that received the short end of the stick, I feel very bad for them. I’m trying to see if I can’t get this rectified, however it doesn’t look like I’m going to have any success.

I just hope tempers cool off here shortly. ThereÂ’s been too much talk of quitting and the refusal to do tasks by the employees. If they donÂ’t we may end up doing a lot of training here in the next couple of months.

Posted by: Contagion at 04:14 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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