Day two in Chicago started off pretty well. I slept until 7:00 am. Normally IÂ’m at work by 6:30, since my class didnÂ’t start until 9:00 AM I wasnÂ’t about to get up as early as I normally do. I had room service breakfast, the food was pretty good. However, you have to keep in mind I had Bacon and Eggs, itÂ’s pretty hard to screw up bacon and eggs.

I left for work about half an hour before I had to be there. I had less then a block to walk so I was early. People in my office where supposed to run reports for me on my customized report database. None of them had ever done this before. I had been trying to teach them how to do it for the week before I left, but they would continually screw it up. I wanted to make sure I was at a phone that I could call them with time to spare if I needed to walk them through the process. When I called they advised me they had it all figured out and there werenÂ’t any problems. Off to the classroom I went with a good 20 minutes to kill.

The only other person in the classroom upon my arrival was the instructor. I had him for an intermediate level of this class about 8 months ago. To say I was surprised when he recognized me is an understatement. Class went off with out any problems. I tended to get ahead of the class by going through the book and doing my own thing, This would annoy the other people taking the class as when they would try to look to see what I had done, I was on at least one full lesson ahead of them.

During our first break I decided to go up and say hi to one of my mentorees. We had talked via e-mail and the phone, but we had never met as mentor to mentoree. The only time I had met her face-to-face was last November in Texas at a conference. The thought of telling her I was coming into corporate headquarters never crossed my mind. Mainly because this trip was for training, it had nothing to do with neither my normal duties nor mentoring. Security was able to supply me with her location in the building. Her desk was easy enough to find and as I walked up I noticed she was on the phone. Being courteous, I waited for her to finish he call before I started talking to her. She had various signs and memos on her walls so I started reading those. A memo on inventory control particularly held my attention. I hadnÂ’t notice she finished her call until she turned to get up from her desk. She hadnÂ’t noticed me come up to her desk, so when she saw me she jumped for the ceiling and did a muffled scream. ItÂ’s amazing how many people have that reaction to my presence.

She inquired as to why I was there, and I explained the whole class thing. I didn’t have a lot of time to talk left as my break was almost over so I told her I go to lunch at noon and suggested she should take her lunch then as well. We agreed to meet in the cafeteria at noon. After we found a table I just started talking to her about various things. It was about half way through lunch she asked me what I wanted to talk to her about. I stopped, looked at her and told her, “Nothing, I was just being social.” Come to find out she had lunch plans but thought I was telling her she had to go to lunch with me. She canceled her lunch plans to have a “mandatory” lunch with me. Trying not to laugh, I explained that no, I just was being social. There was nothing of any importance I needed to discuss with her. Then I explained that I don’t know many people in Chicago and I just didn’t want to eat lunch alone.

When class was over I went to the best Irish pub that I have ever been to. FadoÂ’s Irish Pub has great Irish food, an unbelievable atmosphere and great prices on their drinks for Chicago. The interior of the pub was once a pub in Ireland that was shipped over piece-by-piece and reassembled. ItÂ’s just something you have to see to believe. IÂ’ve eatern there before and I love the place. Plus there was no way in hell I was going back to the hotel restaurant and since they also did the room service I wasnÂ’t about to trust that either!

They were having a celebration last week because they where going to sell their millionth pint of Guinness by the end of the weekend. I saw the signs and when the waitress came to take my order I told her I wanted a Pint of Guinness and the corned beef and cabbage. I was in an Irish pub of course IÂ’m drinking a Guinness. Plus then I can help take credit for them selling a million pints of the black gold. The waitress leaves when this guy comes up and asks me if IÂ’d be willing to take a survey, heÂ’d give me $5 for my time. I thought, sure why not, IÂ’m by myself so itÂ’s not like he is interrupting an important conversation I was having with the table ad. I tell him to go ahead and sit down. IÂ’d be more then happy to answer his questions.

He tells me he is doing a survey for Guinness and has 27 questions to ask. The first question out of his mouth was, “When was the last time you ordered a Guinness?” My smart arse responds with, “About 20 seconds before you sat down.” His next question was, “Over the last year, about how much alcohol do you think you drank?” I just started laughing, he couldn’t say over the last month, or last 3 months not even 6 months. He had to go a year. I have drastically cut back my drinking since February. I had actually given up all drinking for two and a half months. I had a bottle of Seagram’s in my fridge for over 4 months. That was unheard of in my house. To steal a line I heard from Grau; I’m not an alcoholic. I’m a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings. Once re-enacting season started I picked up drinking again, but nowhere near as heavy as I had been. I would go through a bottle of whisky about every 7-10 days. I would mix in a good helping of beer in with that. There for I answered him with, “More then I can count.” He wanted a rough estimate, so I told him, on average over the last year probably about 10 cases of beer and 32 bottles of liquor. The guy kind of chuckled and told me not to worry, he had a guy earlier that day reply with about a two cases a week. He then started asking me questions about the beers I liked and what I knew of them. I made him and the tables around me laugh when he asked me to rank beers in the order of preference and one of them was Corona. In all seriousness I told him that any beer you have to put a lime in the bottle to make it drinkable is not a good beer. The only time I drink Corona is when it is given to me and there is nothing else and even I have been known to go with out then to drink a Corona.

Then the guy started asking me about this new beer from Guinness called Smithwicks. Until that time I had never heard of it. During the survey as questions were asked, more often then not I had a smart arse answer to them. Question: What is the main reason you would drink a Guinness? Answer: I woke up. Each answer was completely serious, it just came across as funny. One of the last questions was; would you be willing to try Smithwicks knowing Guinness makes it? My answer was, actually I was going to try one next. IÂ’ll try any beer once. After the survey as I was ordering a Smithwicks to see what it was like, the guy told the waitress to add it to his tab. He said that he appreciated my blunt honesty and the fact that I was trying the beer on his recommendation. He still gave me the $5.00 and bought me a pint. If you are wondering the Smithwicks was pretty good. ItÂ’s no Guinness.

After I left the pub I decided to walk back to the hotel, no need to spend $7.00 counting tip for a ride. It was a hot night, but the wind off of the lake made it seem not as bad. When I arrived back at the hotel I was going to watch another movie, however the hotels video on demand was broken so I ended up watching Gladiator on TBS. It was the best thing on and itÂ’s still a horrible movie.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:09 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Ahhh, itÂ’s good to be back. Did any of you even notice I was gone? No. I rather figured as much. After my trip into Chicago, I have so many stories to tell all of you, but to keep this from turning into an overly annoying long post IÂ’m going to break it down by days.

Tuesday, June 21. Day 1

This was the least eventful day of my trip, I would have skipped it entirely except it sets up the mood for my time in there.

The drive in was interesting. I was heading into Chicago. I left my office at 3:30 and hit the road. I was hoping that traffic wouldnÂ’t be that bad. I should have known better. Even though the vast majority of people were leaving downtown, there were many people heading in. It still took me two and a half hours to go 90 miles. I had one of the company cars to drive. This thing had some serious issues with the brakes. Every time I would depress the brakes, the car would vibrate violently. It was like driving over bumps in the road before a tollbooth or along the side of a road. The car stopped fine, but it was nerve wracking. I kept waiting for the brakes to go out. Personally, I think it is the rotors on the vehicle. When my van had the same issue, it was because of warped rotors. I will tell you this, whatever the problem is it was annoying during stop and go traffic.

I stayed at the Fairmont Hotel in Chicago. I had never stayed at this particular hotel before so I used Map Quest to get directions. I knew how to get to corporate headquarters; however, I was not exactly sure how to get to the hotel. I usually walk or take taxis when I am in Chicago; IÂ’m not familiar with the one-way streets or the street names. For my own comfort, I felt it would be in my best interest to have the directions just in case. I looked at the directions once while in the stand still traffic to make sure I knew where I was going. Map quest told me to take Michigan Ave to Lake St. Then it told me to turn left off Lake onto N Columbus Drive. I followed the directions, turned onto lake and noticed that it ended at Stetson. It doesnÂ’t go through to N. Columbus. It took me a little bit of driving around in a circle, due to one way streets or uncrossable medians. It was just more annoyed that Map Quest would be that wrong on whether or not a street connects. IÂ’m sure at one time, it did, but it has since been turned into a plaza.

After getting to the hotel, everything seemed to go well. I had a small scuffle with a bellhop over my luggage. He wanted to carry it, and I wanted him to leave me alone. I can carry my own damn luggage. I’m not that lazy. He offered to carry my suitcase for me. I politely declined his offer. While walking to the check in counter he insisted on carrying it and tried to take it from my hands. As he grabbed the handle, I stopped walking and jerked him to a halt. He almost fell to the floor. I looked him in the eye and said, “I can carry my own luggage thank you. You might not want to try that again.” I then gave him one of those smiles that were more a baring of the teeth then actually friendly.

I checked in easily enough and made my way to my room. It was a decent room. IÂ’d had much better. In fact, I used to stay at the Swissotel when IÂ’d go in. They had really nice rooms. Work no longer will reimburse for the Swissotel, which is why I changed to the Fairmont. Although the bathroom in my room was huge, it had two showers, one stand up and one in a tub. By the time I was finished checking in, it was almost 6:00. It was time for me to get something to eat and drink. Not feeling like leaving the hotel nor did I want room service I decided to eat at the hotel restaurant.

The restaurant was called Aria. I walked in, told the hostess I needed a table for one. I received the first of many, “God what a loser looks”. She showed me to a table, gave me a menu and listed off the specials for the day. I was the only person in this restaurant. Upon opening the menu, I didn’t really see anything that looked good to me. It all seemed like odd combinations. However, something about this tickled my mind. I just couldn’t place what it was. I placed my order for my entrée and a Jack Daniels, neat. I get my drink and then a different waiter brings over a basket of flat bread with a tray that has four different “dipping” sauces. Except these sauces where in fancy square containers with a small spoon for spreading the “dipping” sauces onto the flat bread. I tried a piece of the bread to see what the sauces where like. My brain was telling me I should know something about this, but I couldn’t place it I tried the first sauce and it was okay. I tried the third sauce and it was again okay, but the taste was very familiar. I tasted the third sauce and a memory came slamming home. I know this taste, I recognize the bread and sauces, and I remember the strange combinations on the menu… THIS IS AN INDIAN RESTAURANT! That is Indian as in from India, not as in American Indians. I hate Indian food, and it hates me. They say they are “culturally inspired, comfortably American”. I say bullshit; my gut wasn’t comfortable at three in the morning after eating there! I’m trying to get the taste of curry out of my mouth. I’m near gargling my Jack Daniels. It was too late to cancel my order. I resolved myself to choke it down and just hope for the best.

Before the main course comes, I order another Jack Daniels. It arrives just as the main course does; I take a small biteÂ… more curry. Did I mention I hate Indian food? I finish off what I can, following every bite with a swig of Jack Daniels. Other then some potatoes in a horseradish sauce, I did not enjoy the meal at all. I really didnÂ’t enjoy it when the bill came; I had a charge for $49.00. I look at the breakdown of charges; they hit me at $9.00 a piece for each drink. I took a reaming for a meal that not only did I not enjoy, but continued not enjoying it until the next day. I kept burping up the taste all night long.

After I left the restaurant, I decided I needed another Jack Daniels to get rid of the taste, Of course it still cost me $9.00. I decided to make this last one count. Sitting at the bar I just poured the entire glass into my mouth, swished it around for a couple of minutes like it was mouthwash and then swallowed it.

After purchasing a giant bottle of water and a diet coke, I retreated to my room to watch a movie and then get some sleep.

Tomorrow Day 2.

Posted by: Contagion at 03:52 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 1272 words, total size 7 kb.

1 I don't like Indian food either. Thai food ranks at the bottom too. Don't know why... I guess it's their spices. I'm not a picky eater; I've eaten some weird shit in a 3rd world country, but I'll pass on Indian and Thai.

Posted by: Bou at June 27, 2005 04:57 PM (J9A1R)

2 I'm with Bou!

Posted by: Sissy at June 27, 2005 07:49 PM (uXS+O)

3 I like indian food, but there's not much food my garbage disposal of a gut doesn't like.

Posted by: Graumagus at June 27, 2005 08:23 PM (hwRAs)

4 I LOVE Indian food am am always disappointed when others do not enjoy it. Damn, it sounded like good Indian food too......

Posted by: ArmyWifeToddlerMom at June 27, 2005 11:27 PM (HPLvH)

5 Ya know, this is why fast food restaurants are a trillion-dollar industry.

Posted by: Harvey at June 28, 2005 06:36 AM (ubhj8)

6 AWTM: good Indian food... that's an oxymoron.

Harvey: Fast food pretty much sucks, plus most of them don't serve Jack Daniels.

Posted by: Contagion at June 28, 2005 07:06 AM (Q5WxB)

7 Indian food is evil. I think it was voted our best-loved takeaway food. Certainly, our underclass like nothing better than to down twenty pints of lager and eat a good, "ring-stinging" vindaloo (if you will forgive the expression!)

What have the Indians ever done for us in my opinion? Mango Chutney. That's all. Give me Chinese food any day :-)

Posted by: Sally at June 28, 2005 02:29 PM (crWt/)

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I am still in Chicago. However I was sharing with one of my Mentorees about the wonders of the blogosphere. After she got done pointing, laughing at me and calling me a "Big Nerd". I thought I would show her how it works.

Her idea was for a top ten reasons my mentoree's hate me. So here we go.

10. I don't have the common courtesy to advise them I will be in town. I just show up, smile and say, "I'm here!"

9. I force them to alter their lunch schedules so I don't have to eat in the corporate cafeteria alone.

8. I sneak up and scare them when they are working. (This is accidental, I do not actually try to scare anyone, scar (mentally) yes, scare no!)

7. My presence makes them feel like they were sent to the princepal's office.

6. Since I know no one else here, they field the brunt of my jokes. (Which includes disabling their mouse and hooking up a cordless one that I control. More on this later)

5. They feel the need to be in the office by 7 AM and stay to 6 pm just to make sure they can get all their work done, AND talk with me.

4. They don't get a corporate paid trip to a luxury hotel for three nights with meals included.

3. They are afraid that if I get displeased, I will toss them out of a window 22 stories up. Which is completely untrue... Because then I would have to start the mentoring process over with a new person!

2. I wont shut up about re-enacting and blogging.

and the number one reasons my Mentoree's hate me:

1. I use my briefcase as a cudgel to knock them out of the way so I can use their desks/phones/terminals to check my e-mail, figure out the inventory, contact my office and blog while on lunch or after I'm off the clock.

There you have it folks. Just a little mid-trip update.

BTW I have some blog fodder stories that are either going to make you laugh or ask why the hell you associate with me.

Posted by: Contagion at 04:48 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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1 You are something else. Will do anything to get out of making some cookies, won't you? And now you are scaring your mentoree. GRIN.

Posted by: vw bug at June 23, 2005 08:24 PM (JS05t)

2 The mouse thing sounds rich.

Looking forward to that one

Posted by: Graumagus at June 23, 2005 08:38 PM (IDII/)

3 I *already* ask why the hell I associate with you.

You're a scary, scary man :-)

Posted by: Harvey at June 24, 2005 02:09 AM (ubhj8)

4
Ah yes...the life of a corporate consultant. Nothing is better. A couple of months ago I began something similar for American call centers.

I need to make a note of the cordless mouse concept...people are wondering why I'm giggling at my laptop right now.

Posted by: Kiana at June 25, 2005 09:56 AM (QqUwZ)

5 They are probably anxiously awaiting your departure!

But at least they know you have a sense of humor. Even though your only goal is to make sure YOU laugh at whatever expense :-)

Posted by: Sissy at June 25, 2005 09:05 PM (uXS+O)

6 I'm thinking 'wondering why we associate'! ;-)

Posted by: Bou at June 25, 2005 09:09 PM (J9A1R)

7 Hurry back...I miss ya!

Posted by: vw bug at June 27, 2005 11:00 AM (/8HxP)

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I am leaving to spend three nights and days in Chicago tomorrow. Due to the length of stay and the nature of my trip, corporate will be putting me up in a hotel. In fact I'll be staying at the Fairmont in lovely downtown Chicago. I also have a fairly decent, okay it's really good expense allowance for meals. Therefore, I'm going to be eating in some really nice restaurants. Plus I get to drive the corporate car in for my trip so I don't have to put any wear and tear on my vehicle. That and I think they realize it will be cheaper for me to take their car then for them to reimburse me for gas if I drove my truck.

The only problem with this trip is that I'm going to be bored off my arse. I hate eating in restaurants alone. That means I'm probably going to end up eating at the hotel a lot. I don't like drinking alone, therefore I wont be spending a lot of time at some of the bars and in particular a great pub I know. I don't shop, so that's not an option. I'm just going to be bored.

I would have loved to bring my wife with, but she can't take the time off of work and we have two boys she has to watch while I'm away. I don't have any friends that live remotely close to downtown Chicago so it's not like I'll have anyone to socialize with after hours.

I just hope the hotel has some decent movies on pay-per-view.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:31 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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I am having a rather interesting day. First off, some jerk is calling for overtime tomorrow and making people come in. Oh, waitÂ… that was me. At least IÂ’m being a nice guy and pulling duty as the OT supervisor for the day. IÂ’m not making one of the others come in to do it. That would just be rude, especially since it was just my unit that was coming in. Well after I volunteered to be the OT supervisor for the day, other areas have now decided they want to do overtime as well. They are asking me to supervise their people as well. IÂ’m going to be here anyway, I figured what the hell. Well this is now kind of exploding out of control. What was originally just my unit, expanded to cover one person from another unit. Then it was another two more people. Now IÂ’m up to an additional eight people on top of the 12 from my unit coming in.

Fortunately, all I have to do for those additional eight is to verify what time they come in and go. They have to check in with me when they come in and leave or I wonÂ’t sign either overtime slip. IÂ’m strict that way, but IÂ’ve noticed on other SaturdayÂ’s when IÂ’ve come in that people would arrive late and claim they have been there the whole time. I, being a hard case, make everyone check in with me so that I know what time they arrive. If on their slip the start time doesnÂ’t match the time they came in, then I wonÂ’t sign it. My unit knows and understands that. IÂ’m making sure all the people from other units understand as well. Apparently, the other unit doesnÂ’t like the idea of this. *I* donÂ’t care.

Due to my irritation at the exploitation of my willingness to act as OT supervisor for my unit, I had to blow off some steam. It just happened that one of my minions provided the perfect outlet.

Minion, “Hey Mr. Contagion, Where is Minion T? Did she call of sick?” (Minion T and her are good friends)

Contagion: “Minion T no longer works here. We had to let her go last night.”

Minion: “Really? (pause) I wonder why she didn’t tell me.” (Starting to look upset over the firing of her friend)

Contagion: “She was probably embarrassed by the fact she was let go and didn’t want to tell you. You guys where having that production issue, and she just couldn’t keep up.” (Minion T is the same minion from the Monitor Incident; she is one of the best producing minions I have. Her and this minion are both doing very well, I have been trying to get them to keep their quality up with out letting their production drop off…Neither is even close to even a verbal reprimand for either)

Minion: “Really?”

Contagion, “No. She is going to be late today.” (Smiling)

Minion, “Why do you do that? That’s not something to joke about! I was sitting here getting worried. After we finished talking, I was going to call her. Don’t do that to me! IT’S NOT FUNNY!”

Contagion, “Yes it is. And you’re talking to the guy that joked about his father being dead. Nothing is taboo to me.”

Minion, “It’s still not funny.” (Contagion is laughing his butt off) “You need help. I’m going back to work.”

Ahh, the look on her face was priceless. I only wish I could have taken a picture of it to share with all of you. That really helped improve my mood, a good laugh always does. IÂ’m also preparing for tomorrows workday. Since I am working on Saturday, it is a Kilt and work boots kind of day! Every Saturday I work, I wear a kilt and my work boots. It throws the people off. I have them convinced that I dress like that every Saturday.

Posted by: Contagion at 12:57 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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It looks like all my efforts and hard work have finally paid off at work. I received a promotion at work, it comes with a nice raise and some more perks. I will be doing the same job I have been however; I am now considered a “Mentor” in the position. I will have to help people in other offices that have my position to do their jobs better. I also have to assist the minions in my office to do their work more proficiently. I am now expected to give more feedback and coaching on various incidents.

There is also talk of possibly having people directly report to me. This is not definite; it is only in discussion. They do not know if they want to go that route at this time. There is only two other persons in the entire company that shares the same level and position I do. This would be the first time they had anyone in our positions actually having direct reports and they are not sure if they want to do that yet. They feel that having to deal with the administrative parts of employees may interfere with our job performance. Personally, I think I can do it and wouldnÂ’t have a problem.

I know we all had a laugh at my expense months ago when I first talked about this. I am also now worried exactly how I am going to do. Obviously, my people skills are not the greatest. However, thatÂ’s not the point. The point is that IÂ’ve busted my ass in this position for almost three years and they recognize all the hard work IÂ’ve put into it. Moreover, it is a step in the direction I do want to go!

In celebration of my promotionÂ… IÂ’m doing nothing because I really cannot buy you all a drink or I would. I cannot hand out cigars, because I donÂ’t think my DSL would transfer them undamaged. I donÂ’t have any idea what else I could do that isnÂ’t going to cost me an arm and a leg.

However, I am going to buy myself a nice bottle of Scotch to celebrate.

Posted by: Contagion at 04:34 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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1 {Cheers}

Posted by: vw bug at June 10, 2005 05:58 PM (n+JjT)

2 Holy shit. You're a mentor. *shudder*

;-)

Congrats!

Posted by: Bou at June 10, 2005 07:25 PM (z7nbM)

3 Congratulations!! Next get together I'm buyin' YOU a drink!

And you'll do fine. I don't have a doubt at all....well, as long as you don't have to drive anyone anywhere! ;-)

Posted by: Tammi at June 11, 2005 06:06 AM (F4oo1)

4 Hey, congrats man
Although it's very strange to hear the word "mentor" connected with you, I know you're damned good at your job, so this should be a great move for you.

Posted by: S at June 11, 2005 09:53 AM (55lIn)

5 Congrats ...

In celebration of your promotion how bout a picture of you in boots?!

Posted by: Machelle at June 11, 2005 05:41 PM (/58Qk)

6 Hey, there are pictures of me in boots all over the internet...

Posted by: Contagion at June 12, 2005 01:01 AM (977gQ)

7 Just one step closer to full Sith Lord....
Congrats, man!

Posted by: Graumagus at June 12, 2005 06:19 PM (d5dOt)

8 Congrats! What did you spike their drinks with? ;-)

Posted by: Sissy at June 12, 2005 08:59 PM (uXS+O)

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