January 31, 2006
Curiosity was getting the better of me, I asked her what the flowers and cards where for. She responded that her mother was just being overly emotional. Okay, I’m lost. I know her mother; she’s not that type. Pushing for more details, I was able to get the truth from her. She had finished her courses for an associate’s degree. She graduated just yesterday. I congratulated her and she just shrugged it off and said, “It’s no big deal”. If it had been someone else, I would say she just didn’t like the attention, but this minion does like the limelight.
My minion doesnÂ’t feel that this is a big accomplishment because it took her four years. Four years in which she raised a child (currently 5 years old), maintained a home and worked full time (putting in as much OT as she could.). She could only take one to two classes a semester. And she finished in 4 years, yes about twice as long as normal, but with all that added responsibility. I tried to explain to her that yes it is, it is a very big deal.
When a kid right out of high school goes to college, they donÂ’t have the other financial obligations an adult has (Mortgage, Childcare, etc). They donÂ’t have to take care of a kid and they donÂ’t have a house to maintain. Admittedly, there are some that do, but they are the exception, not the rule. I went to college on a full ride, I worked on breaks for drinking money (IÂ’m not going to lie about what it was for.), but I had no responsibilities. I took 18 hours of classes each semester. During the summers, I took some classes at the local community college so I could graduate a semester early. I wanted to get into the workforce and be a productive member of society. Yet, I think what she did warrants more respect than what I did.
IÂ’d love to go back to school to get my masters in law. Unfortunately, itÂ’s just not financially realistic for me to do right now. Any reputable law school in the area would require me to be fulltime the first year and I canÂ’t afford to not work and support my family. Knowing that, I look at her accomplishment and canÂ’t help but to be proud of her. For fighting the odds to better herself, to make life better for her family, I respect her.
I told her all of this and she still doesn’t see what the big deal is. “It’s only an associate degree,” she says. No, it’s not. It is a college degree. It is more than a high school diploma and it’s her first step to a bachelor's degree. And yes, she is planning on continuing to get her bachelor’s.
Even though she doesnÂ’t understand why others think this was an accomplishment, I still wanted to recognize her accomplishment. Today I took her to lunch and refused to let her pay for her meal. No, itÂ’s not a lot, but itÂ’s all the company will allow me to do. (We have a stringent gift giving policy.) She appreciated it, but still felt I was making an issue out of nothing. She is wrong.
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January 26, 2006
Some of you may remember reading my post about how I suck am not good at my job, according to some people. They wanted me to use these other peopleÂ’s reports to track data, because it was so much better then mine. Then last Friday I went off on how I was instructed to use these reports and I thought there might be a change.
I wasnÂ’t wrong, but it wasnÂ’t the change I was expecting.
I reverted to using my system for information on Monday; everything seemed to be going better. That was until today. As soon as our morning state of the office meeting started one of the Assistant Managers announced that my counterpart from the other office came up with a great new report. ItÂ’s so great it is going to change drastically how both offices are going to be able to track data.
I was skeptical. My counterpart hasnÂ’t had a good, original idea since she got her position. Sitting back, I was waiting to see what she had created or at least what new method she was using to retrieve data. Sitting back in my chair, bracing myself, I waited for her to start. She was nervous and barely made eye contact with anyone. She wasnÂ’t used to being in the spotlight in these meetings, so this wasnÂ’t unusual. She started:
“This report will allow us to track volumes. We will be able to track over all volumes, aging, how many items we lost cycle on and how many we will lose if we don’t close it today. It will also show us how many inquiries we handled on the same day we received them.”
Okay, my interest is piqued. This is sounding good, I have a report that does all that, but itÂ’s a little labor intensive. If sheÂ’s found a faster, better way to do it, YAY ME! Anything to make my job better or easier I will gladly embrace.
Imagine the surprise on my face when she unveils her “new” report and it is the report I created and have used for 3 years. Now imagine, if you will, not only a look of shock, but also my complete and utter inability to speak a word. My counterpart is getting praise and applause, FOR MY FARKING REPORT! Then the other offices assistant manager put match to fuse. She said, “Contagion, what do you think of this report? Will you start using it right away?”
Slowly and deliberately, I pushed my chair back from the table.
Slowly I stood up, head down looking at my stack of paper work, with this “new” report right on top. Leaning on the table with clenched fists, knuckles white and veins throbbing, I look up. Making eye contact with first my counterpart, who diverted her look, and then the assistant manger, I quietly, very quietly, say, “I think this is a great report, it has its issues, but it is better then anything else that is available. The person, who created this, in my opinion, should be congratulated on all the hard work and effort to create such a report…” The assistant manager is smiling. “Will I start using this report? No. No, I will not START using this report. I can’t, it’s not possible. To start using it would mean that I’d have to stop using it again. See, I’ve been using this report, in one form or another, for three years now. I created this report 3 years ago. I’ve been bringing it to this meeting every day, except when you told me to stop a couple of weeks ago because it wasn’t good enough.”
“Now, today, when you think someone else created it, it is a good report? I’m not saying that my counterpart stole this report; you can’t steal something that was given to you. I am not even saying she is taking false credit for creating it, I honestly think you just assumed she did. Now I will blame her for not saying she didn’t create it. Right now, I think it is in my best interest if I excuse myself from this meeting.”
At that point, I grabbed my reports and left the room. I was so pissed that I didnÂ’t raise my voice once. There was no yelling, no screaming, no swearing, I was calm and collected. I went back to my desk and sat staring at my monitor for a while. My hands where shaking in a rageÂ… yes, a rageÂ… so badly I couldnÂ’t type.
IÂ’m curious what is going to become of this, because now all the management in the office knows exactly whatÂ’s going on.
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January 25, 2006
Ktreva needs to get hers just in case there is a problem and so I can get her a pistol of her own. Also, just in case something should happen to me, there would be no legal problems with the firearms we already own. Yesterday I told my minions I was taking Ktreva to go apply for a FOID card today on lunch. They decided that they all where going to go get theirs at the same time. So today at lunch IÂ’m taking 3-4 minions and Ktreva to go apply for FOID cards.
Then they want to look at the pistols and rifles to see what they want to buy when they finally receive a FOID card. (It can take 3-4 months to be approved). All of them are novice firearm owners so I’m trying to talk them out of buying the hard to maintain and learn to operate style firearms. One of them wants to buy an AK-47 for home defense. For the first time in my life, I uttered the phrase “You’ll shoot your eye out” and meant it. I’m also trying to explain why .44 magnums and semi-autos are not good beginner weapons. I was taught and believe that you are better off buying a revolver in medium to small caliber for your first firearm. Others may disagree, but it’s my opinion and you probably won’t change my mind.
I recommend Revolvers because they are easier to clean and maintain. They are much more forgiving if you get a little neglectful than a semi-auto is. If a semi-auto isnÂ’t cleaned properly, it is more likely to jam or malfunction. The worst IÂ’ve seen a revolver do is have the cylinder not open because the release pin was gummed up. IÂ’ve seen too many semi-autos end up needing serious repair work done because of improper cleaning and storage.
I donÂ’t recommend large caliber just because when a person is first trying to learn to shoot, they need to work on control first. The kick of a large caliber gun may just be a little too intimidating and they may have issues developing control. Why not start with something smaller and working your way up to a larger caliber weapon. Plus if you are going to use it for home defense, as many claim, you donÂ’t want something that is going to blow holes in the side of your house and into your neighbors.
Not that IÂ’m a firearms expert, far from it. I just happen to be the one person they know that has a functioning knowledge of firearms. They trust me and value my opinion. No matter how funny I think it would be to watch one of them try to learn to shoot using the .450 (Yes, four five zero rifle round, not forty-five pistol round) revolver a local store has, I would strongly discourage them from buying it.
Today at work that has been what all the buzz is about. Going and getting FOID cards, looking at handguns and learning to shoot. Every time I turn around I hear someone talking about what kind of gun they want, what theyÂ’ve shot and how long before they can buy one. IÂ’ve had some other minions start asking me questions about firearms. They all know I shoot black powder, but apparently they never thought I knew a thing about modern.
I wonder if I can use this on my next work evaluation to fulfill part of my mentoring criteria.
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January 20, 2006
When I was told that isn’t possible. I explained yes it is, Just very difficulty with a bit of sacrifice and a lot of pain. They asked me then if I didn’t have the resources/tools to get do the job, then how did I meet the goal last year. I responded with, “I made them. Take a hammer away from a blacksmith and he can’t do his job. Now he may be able find a makeshift hammer that just barely works. Yet this hammer may be just good enough to make a better hammer. Then he may use that better hammer to make an even better hammer. Now he can do his job properly again. That is what I did, I found makeshift resources, used them to create better resources, and then even better resources. Finally I was able to do my job properly.” Fortunately they actually understood that analogy.
So the decision they where questioning is why I used resources outside the norm instead of the ones I was given this year. When I explained that instead of spending months starting over, I went to the reliable resources and tapped them. While they are getting the job done, IÂ’m making new resources to take over. They understood that, and wanted me to send an e-mail going into detail the whole process. Which I sent out, to all management in my office, VPÂ’s and Executive Directors explaining my actions, including hard data to support my decisions.
Then I was asked a question about our inventory. I told them that I didnÂ’t know and IÂ’ll have an answer for them as soon as possible. In the past when they asked I had always had the information for them with in minutes. When they asked me why it would take so long, it was then that my gasket blew.
Contagion: “Why? You want to know why? Do you really want to know why? Because you have me using the other offices reports and flows to do my job. It takes them two weeks to get this information; I can get it in a matter of minutes. But my way sucks, so I had to use their glorious system that was so much better. You want your data, I’ll start running it now and you can have it as soon as I get it, probably about a week.”
Upper Manager: “Why would you switch flows to something slower? If your system works better, why not use that?”
Contagion: “I’m not going to point fingers to the person sitting to my right or her counterpart, but they said how great this other system was and wanted me to use that. Since I report to those people, that is what I had to do.”
Now my Asst Manager is glaring at me. If looks could kill my head would have exploded like a watermelon being hit with a .50 cal rifle.
Asst. Manager: “When did I say that, and why didn’t you say your system was better.”
Contagion: “Last week, and I did. I said that I can get the same data faster, but everyone was all enthralled with my counterparts `success’ that they ignored me. I’m used to that. I could tell you that your chair is on fire and everyone would ignore me. When someone else points out the chair is on fire, then I get yelled at for not pointing out the fire.”
Asst Manager: “I don’t think we understood…”
Contagion: “Maybe if you guys weren’t busy telling me how everyone else is better at my job then I and listen to me, then you might have.”
Now both my Manager and Asst. Manager is looking at me as if I just physically assaulted my Asst. Manager. My Asst. Managers eyes where filled with the flames of anger. The conversation went on, but you get the idea. It was not pleasant for anyone else but me. Hell, I even made the comment in the middle of it, “Well there goes my raise for the year.”
The funny thing is that I had to do a self-evaluation today. I hate these things. If the person I report to/who supervises me, actually did their job, they would know how IÂ’m doing. IÂ’m not expecting a raise this year, not that I didnÂ’t meet my goals or that I donÂ’t think I deserve one. ItÂ’s because the person giving me the review thinks I suck. Then again I donÂ’t think the above conversation helped any.
She also wasn’t amused when I turned in my self-evaluation. The last question on the form was, “What could I (Your supervisor) do to become a stronger leader for you?”
I answered with: “Nothing, you are practically perfect in every way.”
She sent it back with a note to change that. I donÂ’t know why.
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If I were there I would buy you a shot and toast you. January 18, 2006
This morning one of my minions tells me her phone is dead, nothing works on it, not even the lights. When I get to her desk, sure enough the phone is completely dead. She says it was working the day before and when she left, but when she came in this morning it was dead. Before I called the help desk on this, I thought IÂ’d look to see if it was unplugged.
It had been a while since I had “fun” with one of my minions and this was just the perfect time to do it. Thinking to myself why not, I started talking to my minion:
Contagion, “It looks like you yanked some wires out of the plug.”
Minion, “Okay, I’ll call the help desk.”
Contagion, “Now, just wait a second. This is just like phone wiring; I think I can repair this.” (I do some repairs around the building, it’s not part of my job duties or description, but I know how and it’s faster then the help desk. Then once I get it working, I call the help desk to let them know.)
Minion, “Okay, do you need me to do anything?”
Contagion, “Nah, just stand back and hand me stuff as I ask for it.”
Minion, “Have you done this before?”
Contagion, “Not on this type of phone, but electrical and phone wiring is all pretty similar, it shouldn’t be that different. It’s just a matter of conecttinngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngng” (Feet flailing kicking the ground, body gyrating like a drunk trying to do the centipede, head banging like a some one going through shock therapy, facial muscles tense as lips are peeled back in grimace of pain. This goes on for about 10 seconds)
Meanwhile, Minion, “OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD!” (Panicked look on face Blood drained from head, eyes as wide as saucers, doing the “I’m scared dance”)
Contagion: (Stops flailing and is laughing his arse off)
Minion, “I SO HATE YOU! YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME! YOU ARE NOT A NICE PERSON!”
Contagion, “You’re eyes were huge and the color still hasn’t come back to your cheeks… that was funny as all heck!” (Yes, I said heck. At work, my language is as clean as the Pope’s is during mass. Unless, I’m really, really pissed and then I may use the occasional “damn”)
(Ktreva goes walking past. We work together, no she is not a minionÂ… anywhereÂ… sigh)
Minion to Ktreva, “I hate your husband. He’s a jerk.”
Ktreva ignores minion as she is in a bad mood and heading somewhere in a hurry
Contagion, “See, she doesn’t care either.”
Minion to me, “Someday, somebody will get back at you for doing stuff like that.”
Contagion, “Someday was six years ago and that somebody was Ktreva.” (Grins)
Minion, “I’m telling her you said that!”
Contagion, “Be my guest, it’s not like I haven’t said it to her.”
Minion, “I don’t know how she puts up with you.”
Contagion, “Neither do I. That reminds me, time to buy her more jewelry. Keep her happy and my life is easier. Now go sign on to another computer, I can’t fix this. I’ll get the help desk involved”
My minion is still glaring at me, and this happened five hours ago. Some people just donÂ’t have a sense of humor.
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January 13, 2006
TodayÂ’s meeting schedule goes as follows:
8:30 -8:45: Morning assignments of work. (I lead this meeting and it was over with in 8 minutes.)
9:00 to 9:30 Daily state of the office meeting. This should only last 15 minutes, they schedule 30minutes just in case, it ran for 50 minutes in order to discuss the 10:00 meeting.
10:00 to 12:15 Standard operation meeting. I go because I’m told I have to, only to sit for 2 hours and 15 minutes doing nothing but staring at my note pad thinking to myself, “Someone please shoot me, please”. This is also, where I’m told by peers in the other office that is merging with us that I don’t know how to do my job. That I should do things they way they do it, and that my procedures are bad. The whole time when anyone asks me for data I can give them exact figures while the other offices inventory manager can only say, “I’ll have to look into that and get back with you in two weeks”. At that point, I’m told I’m going to be tracking the other offices inventory using my crappy procedures because they like the information. I actually only was needed for 30 minutes of this meeting, 25 of those minutes was being told I suck don’t know how to do my job.
12:30 to 1:15 Lunch. Sometimes I have a lunch meeting; those are rare. Today I had a lunch venting with my wife and a couple of trusted minions and a work friend. Which is good because I blew a gasket and was blurting out stuff I shouldnÂ’t have out of anger.
1:30 to 2:00 Afternoon update: This is where we discuss what we talked about in the 10:00 meeting. I walked out of this meeting after 25 minutes of recapping how much I suck donÂ’t know how to do my job, so I could go suck do my job.
2:30 to 3:30 Divisional Planning meeting: This is a teleconference I do to plan the next weekÂ’s inventory and coordinate assistance for other offices. This is where I do my mentoring to teach other people how to suck do their jobs as I do.
3:45 to 4:15 and 4:30 to 5:00: Unit Meetings. This is where each week they break out the minions into smaller groups to share vital information. This week I have to join these to explain why they have to take responsibility for their own actions follow new tracking guidelines for data.
5:00: Get the fark out of Dodge Leave for the day. IÂ’ve only been at work since 6:30 AM. I guess I should have stayed longer, but then again I suck am not as good at my job as others are.
6:00: See how quickly I can drink a bottle of Jack Daniels
What gets me about this whole damn thing is that if I suck am not good at my job, why does every other office in other cities turn to me for answers to their problems? It’s just the other office in my building that wants me completely to change how everything is done, to their style. They do this by, and I’m not kidding saying things like, “Our methods are great we can get this data and information in weeks, and are making headway to actually meet our goals.” Meanwhile, I get data with in an hour, and am meeting two of my three goals and the third one I’m almost there.
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January 11, 2006
A) Why call a meeting to ask me information if you are not going to believe a damn thing I say and go around afterwards doing the research yourself? DonÂ’t waste my time.
2) DonÂ’t pitch a fit about no one supporting anyoneÂ’s plans when you donÂ’t support theirs.
D) I am very busy; do not waste my time with meetings to discuss what is going to happen in a meeting. If the meeting your are discussing doesnÂ’t involve me or IÂ’m not invited to it, donÂ’t invite me to the meeting that is going to discuss that meeting.
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January 05, 2006
What really makes me laugh about the whole thing is that I’m being single-handedly blamed for these new procedures and policies. What isn’t realized is that I was just a part of the brain trust that came up with them. They are more stringent then I had originally thought they would be because of others that where in on the decision. Since it was “super happy fun” bad news that would get the troops up in arms, and it directly had to do with my job, it was decided I got to be the one to send out the notice. It seems to be that way with my job, if there is good news someone else gets to send it out, if it’s bad news I get to be the messenger.
This doesnÂ’t bother me, except I drove my truck to work today. IÂ’m afraid someone is going to key it, slash the tires or even worseÂ… piss on the tailpipe! Maybe I should buy just a cheap POS to drive until things cool down. That way if anything is done to it, I wonÂ’t care.
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