“When he hit his butt, the ball came squirting out”

As heard last night during the Tampa Bay Vs. Carolina game. For a split second I wondered if I was watching gay pr0n.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:35 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 43 words, total size 1 kb.

WeÂ’ve all seen athletes that do endorsements for various products. Every time you turn on the TV you see someone hocking anything from aspirin to Zima (Nasty as it is). Inevitably some athletes are more popular then others. Every Sunday as I watch the Football games I see multiple adds that have Peyton Manning in them, some are even hilarious, but heÂ’s not the worst out there. Some friends of mine are huge NASCAR fans. Personally, I find it boring and donÂ’t count it as a sportÂ… but that is an argument for another post, again. Occasionally IÂ’ve gone over to watch races with them, mainly to drink beer, socialize and cheer for crashes (where no one gets hurt).

It was during these little parties that I noticed one driver in particular had the lion’s share of commercials. The guy was on at least one out of every three commercials. I started dubbing the guy “Media Whore”. Of course I’m referring to Dale Earnhardt Jr. From what I can tell there is nothing this guy will not put his name or likeness to. I can’t count the numerous products I’ve seen him endorse. I’m just waiting for him to cross the final boundary and start selling feminine hygiene products.

I can just see the commercial now.

Dale: “Not all tampons are the same. When you are being active or sitting in a car for a long time, the last thing you want is leakage. During the race I hug the walls and so do these NASCAR Tampons. Nothing gets past them, just like me! With the easy applicator you can insert them faster then my car coming out of turn number three in Daytona. The handy braided string with the number 8 logo gives you easier extraction then pulling Tony Stewart out of a car after a crash. There is even an indicator on it to tell you if you need to change, just like a crew chief. So remember, NASCAR Tampons for life in the fast lane!”

YeaÂ… Sadly IÂ’m thinking IÂ’m actually going to see this commercial in a couple of years.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:52 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 366 words, total size 2 kb.

I can see where it was let out of the bag that today is my birthday. Contrary to GrauÂ’s assertions, I donÂ’t hate my birthday. I just donÂ’t celebrate it. I havenÂ’t for many years now, in fact since I was in college. It has nothing to do with my getting older. I have no problem with getting older, sure my body may not hold up to all the physical abuse that it use to, but mentally IÂ’m still sixteen. As for my getting grey hair, owellÂ… Grey hair and wrinkles on a man is distinguishing. ThatÂ’s why so many people think Sean Connery is hot. I like the grey hair; I think it actually makes me look more respectable and authoritative.

Why donÂ’t I celebrate my birthday? Because it seems so shallow and a waste of time and money. IÂ’m no different today then I was yesterday and I will be tomorrowÂ… unless this thing in my stomach bursts forth. There is nothing about today that makes me any more special then any other day of the year.

I know people that are obsessive about their birthdays and get upset if it does go as they planned or they don’t get what they want. There is a lady I work with that was all upset at her last birthday because her husband threw her a party and invited some close personal friends. She wanted a huge party with a lot of guests. Her husband “ruined her birthday”. Not me, if Ktreva doesn’t do anything I’m fine. I’d prefer she not spend the money on a gift. That money could be better spent on stuff for the boys or her.

I know a lot of people wonÂ’t understand where IÂ’m coming from, but that doesnÂ’t bother me. Wishing me a happy birthday is not going to upset me. However, my lack of acknowledgement or appreciation for well wishes might upset others. ItÂ’s not that IÂ’m going out of my way to be an arsehole, itÂ’s just that if you arenÂ’t going to respect my decision to not celebrate my birthday, IÂ’m not going to return that lack of respect.

Posted by: Contagion at 04:45 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
Post contains 365 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Didn't realize you were a saint too....

Posted by: Tink at September 29, 2006 05:19 PM (11q5z)

2 You sound like TGOO...he doesn't like money being spent on him. He's a practical man and says he has what he needs. Bou, TN, and Mo will testify to that.

After all these years i find birthdays as a celebration of life. It's great to have another opportunity to take the trip around that glorios sun of ours :-)

Enjoy your ride!!!

Posted by: h~ at September 29, 2006 06:01 PM (MSZ/C)

3 Just proves my point... you are fun to pick on!!!

Posted by: vw bug at September 29, 2006 06:10 PM (gMcQi)

4 *throwing into trash gift certificate to local hooters*

sorry you do not celebrate

Posted by: Armywifetoddlermom at September 29, 2006 06:31 PM (TeFOm)

5 It's not lack of respect for you my friend - it's us celebrating you. Period. Well, and pickin' on you a little, cause that's awful fun too......

Posted by: Tammi at September 29, 2006 06:49 PM (3UQTn)

6 PBBBBBBBTHTHTHTHTHTH!

Deal. WE like you. Even if you don't care.

Posted by: caltechgirl at September 29, 2006 07:37 PM (r0kgl)

7 So you didn't like the cheesehead hat... oh well, I'll have to look for something cute next year. *grin*

Posted by: Teresa at September 29, 2006 09:32 PM (o4pJS)

8 I acknowledge your lack of ackowledgement... as long as you are willing to go to Hooters on a moments notice (when I'm home), I don't give a fuck about your preferences.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at September 29, 2006 11:48 PM (A3OUN)

9 What is this "respecting your wishes" thing you speak of? Hehehe

You know, Hooters for the Bears game tomorrow night doesn't sound half bad....

Posted by: Graumagus at September 30, 2006 10:26 AM (50gt2)

10 I wasn't ignoring you, just neglecting you:

http://badexample.mu.nu/archives/198939.php

Posted by: Harvey at October 01, 2006 08:25 AM (L7a63)

11 Heh, guess I'll have to drink that scotch meself.

Posted by: oddybobo at October 01, 2006 09:01 PM (3crrB)

12 What's all this about going to Hooters and stuff? No one ever tells me anything...

Posted by: Ogre at October 03, 2006 09:45 AM (oifEm)

13 I switched jobs, spent all my time in training and I missed the celebration. Anyhoo, belated congrat's on surviving another year.

OMFG! I just disrespected you. Don't take it personally, though. I disrespect everybody. However, I will try to somewhat honor your request to not celebrate your birthday: I'll drink a 2 year old barleywine and will NOT toast you.

No need to thank me. I'm just doing my part.

Posted by: physics geek at October 03, 2006 11:18 AM (KqeHJ)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

...had the urge to pee outside?

yea, me neither... and I didn't just do it.

Posted by: Contagion at 10:16 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 21 words, total size 1 kb.

Everyone might remember that last weekend I was in a grilling mood, so I made some slow cooked pork chops. Unfortunately that didnÂ’t cure my need to grill. All week I kept thinking of what choice of meat I could slow cook for hours. Finally I decided on a nice beef brisket. ItÂ’s been cooking over a low smoky heat for 6 hours. ItÂ’s about ready to be pulled off and eaten.

Click to Enlarge

IÂ’m not meaning to gloat, but damn, it would be just down right inhumane of me to not share this!

If it makes you feel better, it's been raining with hail for the last 4 hours. Yes, I've been going out into that weather to make sure the meat cooked up right.

What? No, bad weather is not going to stop me from grilling.

Posted by: Contagion at 02:30 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
Post contains 147 words, total size 1 kb.

I have proof of global warming! ItÂ’s August and the weather here is completely out of control. ItÂ’s been raining off an on for 4 days straight and now today the temps were in the low 70Â’s. At 6:00 PM this evening it was already 64 degrees. In fact as I am writing this, the temp is dropping. ItÂ’s already down to 63 degrees.

There is only one thing that could cause these freakishly cold temperatures, Global Warming. I mean, it falls into the all the other theories IÂ’ve heard of late. Last year we were in a draught, due to global warming, this year we are above average, due to global warming. Last year there were 11 Hurricanes/tropical storms by this time. We were told that was due to global warming. This year there arenÂ’t as many, and again Global warming is being toted as the culprit. Based on this, I figure these freakishly cool temps in August are again a result of global warming, last year they said the unseasonably hot weather was proof of it.

So there you go all you non-believers, proof.

</sarcasm>

I love hack science.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:53 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 197 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Here's a gem of hack science that Fox News reported yesterday:

The polar ice cap may not be the only thing shrinking in the Arctic.
The genitals of polar bears in eastern Greenland are apparently dwindling in size due to industrial pollutants, a new study finds.
Scientists report that this shrinkage could, in the worst-case scenario, endanger polar bears on Greenland and elsewhere by spoiling their love lives and causing their numbers to peter out.


Our tax dollars at work, I'm sure
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,210444,00.html

Posted by: Shadoglare at August 28, 2006 07:33 PM (Z+WbQ)

2 Damn - I just got home and was gonna "weather blog" but you beat me to it.

And to add to what you said - the wind this afternoon while smoking a cigarette was down right brisk!!!

Posted by: Tammi at August 28, 2006 07:33 PM (3UQTn)

3 "The genitals of polar bears in eastern Greenland are apparently dwindling in size due to industrial pollutants, a new study finds."

I don't think it's confined to just polar bears. Bet global warming has something to do with that too. That would explain alot.

Posted by: Sticks at August 28, 2006 07:42 PM (EIBMv)

4 I wonder how many millions of dollars were spent to determine the size of polar bear genitalia? Sounds like the $80,000 study to figure out which ketchup actually poured the slowest. For no particular reason except to test advertizing claims. Or the great hack scientist from, I believe, Syracuse who published "research" that Monarch butterfly populations were being devestated by chemicals. Only to later be exposed as a fraud for falsifying and lying in his "research."

But I still have one question. How did they get the data to show that Polar Bear Genitalia are shrinking?

Posted by: Petey at August 28, 2006 08:39 PM (YB/Wv)

5 Probably talked some idiot into going out and getting a feel for the situation.

Posted by: Contagion at August 28, 2006 08:48 PM (0m/ho)

6 Sadly, I read most of the report. It cost a LOT more than $80K. And they determined the size by measuring dead ones, so the live ones didn't even get a cheap feel. Then again, how much would someone have to pay YOU to go around grabbing a friggin BEAR by the balls?

Posted by: Ogre at August 29, 2006 01:27 PM (oifEm)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Some of you may have noticed that my wife hasnÂ’t been posting much over at The Reality Ranch. First off before any rumors come around let me set the record straight, I have not killed her. She was not left in Tennessee. She was not abandoned at a re-enactment. I definitely did not sell her as a sex slave on the black market. Although with the price of gas being the way it is and the amount I can get for pretty blonde, the thought never crossed my mind.

SheÂ’s just being lazy. She says sheÂ’s working a lot, but I see what she does after she gets home from work. ItÂ’s just plain neglect. If any of you want to hear from her, I think you should go over and make a comment to voice your concern!

Posted by: Contagion at 05:16 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 144 words, total size 1 kb.

Rumor has it that my blog daughter, Virtue of The Rantings of an Indentured Servant, done gone and got herself engaged. When she comes up this weekend to baby sit, IÂ’m going to have a long talk with her.

Congratulations Virtue, I expect the wedding to NOT be on a re-enacting weekend!

Posted by: Contagion at 08:13 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 68 words, total size 1 kb.

I know I said I was going to quit posting about our vacation, but I forgot to tell you about a place we almost went to, but opted not to. While watching Clone when Ktreva and Boopie went horseback riding, I saw a sign that at first I thought I had misread. Upon a closer look I had not. The Golgotha Fun Park.

The place was closed, and by closed I mean permanently. It looked like it had not been open for many years. Maybe it was their advertising campaign:

Golgotha Fun Park: More fun then an execution.

Golgotha Fun Park: You donÂ’t need nails to be put up for the night.

Hang around a while, Jesus did. Golgotha Fun Park.

Even Barabbas came away grinning from Golgotha Fun Park!

It makes me wonder if the owners knew what Golgotha was, or if they just like the sound of it. Either way it looks like it was a bad idea.

Yea, I know, IÂ’m going to hell.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:06 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 167 words, total size 1 kb.

ItÂ’s 11 o PM my timeÂ… too late to do some drunken dialing?!?!? I have the urge to call and talk to people. Yea, you read that one right.

Posted by: Contagion at 10:05 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 38 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Man, you've got to be pretty messed up to actually WANT to talk to people...

Posted by: That 1 Guy at August 04, 2006 10:31 PM (d2V9K)

2 thank you for NOT calling and wishing me a happy birthday personally.

Posted by: vw bug at August 05, 2006 05:00 AM (4cj0N)

3 Between your Jack D and my Jim B we could have had some jim dandy conversations

Posted by: BloodSpite at August 05, 2006 06:52 AM (i81Vx)

4 Shows where I rate. All I got was drunk emails....

;-)

Posted by: Tammi at August 05, 2006 01:46 PM (3UQTn)

5 So are you still coming to the Galesburg Vou? Maybe us girls could break in your JD dispenser properly with a dice game. So how many bottles does that thing hold? I think the most bottles we have emptied during a really good drinking game is 4, 5, ? Took drunk to remember for sure!

Posted by: Red at August 05, 2006 08:09 PM (qeobF)

6 For only a small monetary consideration, your long-distance service can offer you one or both of these new services:

Booty-Call Blocking: prevents drunken or horny ex- or soon-to-be-ex boy/girlfriends from calling you late at night for sex; and/or

Booty-Call-Disabled: prevents you from making "booty calls."

Posted by: Consul-At-Arms at August 06, 2006 05:39 PM (JBFWV)

7 What is this "talk" of which you speak?

Posted by: Ogre at August 08, 2006 07:25 AM (/k+l4)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Jealous?

Yea, I would be too.

October 8th Green Bay, Wisconsin. I'm already excited. If anyone wants to meet for a drink or two before or after the game, let me know!

Posted by: Contagion at 06:31 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 37 words, total size 1 kb.

I finally trimmed my facial hair. This last weekend with it being so hot, I was sweating profusely. My facial hair would trap that sweat. Then when ever I went to eat or drink something it would taste like sweat. I pretty much decided at that point it was gone.

Over the weekend we (meaning I) did have some fun with it. We were camped with some re-enacting friends and all of them where getting skeeved out over the “Vast disgustingness” that was my facial hair. In the mornings I had food that had gravy, Saturday it was biscuits and Gravy and Sunday it was country friend steak and Eggs that had gravy. At one point someone applauded me for grooming my facial hair during my meal. They said they had seen others that would just leave the food in their facial hair; I at least made an attempt to wipe away what was caught in it. I had to explain I was not wiping the food away; I was using my hand to rub it in. That way it would hold the hairs in place and then later I could suck on it to get the flavor. Then I demonstrated by placing my beard in my mouth and sucking on it.

In the afternoon on Saturday I noticed there was something floating in the bottom of my water. I showed it to Red and we both decided that it looked like sugar floating in the bottom of a cup. When I got down to it, I discovered it was flourÂ… from the gravy. It had washed out of my facial hair into the cup. This of course received a collective gag from everyone around me.

IÂ’ve had a lot of fun with it, but it was time to go. That and yesterday was KtrevaÂ’s birthday. SheÂ’s 29 Version 7. The only thing she really wanted for her birthday was for me to trim my facial hair. How could I say no?

Although I do have to admit every time over the weekend when someone caught me sucking on it, and they would gag, it made me laugh. Especially when I said, “MMMmmm, Bacon” and the group looked over thinking I was eating bacon only to see my mustache in my mouth.

Posted by: Contagion at 04:15 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 388 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Dude, sounds like you had a great time. We sure missed you. We thought about calling you- around 1:00 AM. But we decided to be nice instead.

Posted by: og at July 17, 2006 07:37 PM (SysqK)

2 Ktreva 1
Contagion ?

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at July 17, 2006 08:43 PM (FRgqa)

3 I heart bacon.

Posted by: jimmyb at July 17, 2006 09:58 PM (nVbYn)

4 Congrats! I love it when my man shaves his face. Yummy!

Posted by: vw bug at July 18, 2006 05:37 AM (pFIjA)

5 *gag*

Posted by: oddybobo at July 18, 2006 07:30 AM (6Gm0j)

6 I like bacon.

Posted by: Ogre at July 18, 2006 07:38 AM (/k+l4)

7 And that is why I dread clicking on the link to this blog... LOL

Posted by: Carmen at July 18, 2006 04:44 PM (8KU5b)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Okay, I did the task that was assigned to me. T1G is currently passed out in the other room sleeping off a rather nasty concoction of Beer, Hard Liquour, Football, and hot wings. It's his birthday, what else was I supposed to do? May god had mercy on his soul. All Tammi told me was, keep him distracted. Well at least thatÂ’s my story and IÂ’m sticking to it.

WeÂ’re supposed to get T1G something for his birthday heÂ’d like. Well IÂ’m not sure in his present state he could hand the Honeybears.

So I though I would get him this instead. At least he can drink what he makes!

I'm just really hoping he doesn't kick me in the dick when he sobers up to realize he's received a Jack Daniel's enema.

Posted by: Contagion at 12:23 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
Post contains 143 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Well done. ;-)

Posted by: Tammi at July 09, 2006 04:43 AM (3UQTn)

2 Ditto what Tammi said!

Posted by: Richmond at July 09, 2006 06:32 AM (e8QFP)

3 That facial hair, is making you crazy. Please tell me you did not score with T1G

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at July 09, 2006 08:21 AM (gLfxV)

4 AWTM... ROFLMAO! That's a picture we really don't want to see. OTOH - so is a Jack Daniels enema...

Posted by: Teresa at July 09, 2006 04:43 PM (jgXyO)

5 Awesome!

Posted by: oddybobo at July 09, 2006 06:21 PM (r5/L0)

6 You are something else

Posted by: VW Bug at July 09, 2006 06:23 PM (EmvX6)

7 Thanks, man. Both for the football game, and the entertainment this morning. I've never seen someone show their spouse exactly what they thought of their cooking the way you did it.

Just remember... I remember.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at July 09, 2006 10:32 PM (orgF9)

8 Madonna says she may adopt another child from abroad following her proposed adoption of a Malawian boy...

Posted by: Donovan Stein at November 16, 2006 11:54 PM (cyPhk)

9 Alec Baldwin asks for his voice to be removed from an "unfair" documentary about Arnold Schwarzenegger...

Posted by: Warren Velez at November 17, 2006 05:08 AM (0FyPm)

10 lesbian fetish lesbian bukkake The judge who put coded messages in his Da Vinci Code plagiarism trial ruling has written another...

Posted by: Blaise Joy at November 20, 2006 08:19 PM (eSFjr)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Okay, IÂ’ve had quite a few questions regarding A) My Date last night and 2) My Facial Hair. Especially since the two are linked by the fact that Ktreva hates it. Well let me start by saying that if all my dates in High School and College had gone as well as last nights, IÂ’d give Magic Johnson a run for the money.

As for the facial hair, it has been two months. Now, normally when I trim my facial hair I keep it short, about a quarter of an inch. Right now, it is about 1.5 inches long. The beard is longer then the mustache.

Drinking anything out of a glass is difficult. If you watch movies and you see guys with burly facial hair drinking, you will notice that a good portion of the drink runs down their facial hair. In the past I figured it was because they where just sloppy drinkers. Nope, thatÂ’s not the case at all. The facial hair acts as a strainer and barrier. Unwanted chunks canÂ’t get past, however there is a certain amount of fluid that is lost down the front of you. IÂ’ve tried different tactics, but nothing prevents this from happening.

Speaking of the straining aspect. IÂ’ve discovered that I can buy a couple of really good beers and make them last all night, especially after IÂ’ve switched to cheap beer. The flavor of the good beer gets saturated into the facial hair and as you strain the cheaper beer through it, it picks up the flavor.

Speaking of flavor! IÂ’ve found that my new facial hair has saved me on purchasing items such as flavored chips. Last Saturday I had been snacking on Doritos early in the day. That evening as I was licking my lips I noticed that all the flavor dust had attached to my mustache. Much like pollen to a bee. I was able to enjoy the flavor of the Doritos with out eating anymore by sucking on my facial hair!

I thought you might want a demonstration so I re-enacted it for youÂ… hey thatÂ’s what I do, re-enact.

So as you can see the facial hair is coming in just fine. ItÂ’s really taken on the natural red coloring thatÂ’s hard to see when itÂ’s short. ItÂ’s also the last facial hair on my body that does NOT have gray in it.

Posted by: Contagion at 01:01 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 407 words, total size 3 kb.

Last Saturday I was sitting on the couch in my living room watching TV. From the corner of my eye I catch movement through the window. I see two Hispanic males wearing basketball jerseys and bandanas walking down my driveway from my back yard. What the hell! I watch as they get to the sidewalk, turn and then come up the walk to my front door.

Oh hell no! You do not come out of my back yard, and then have the nerve to walk up to my front door. Quickly I grabbed the first thing in reach, my blunderbuss. Okay, itÂ’s a primitive firearm, but all they see is a giant barrel. Most of the time people canÂ’t tell that itÂ’s not loaded or that it even requires black powder in the pan, the hammer cocked, a flint and the frizzen to be closed in order for it to fire.

With the blunderbuss over my shoulder I answer the door, “Can I help you with something.” These two teens are eyeing the beast slung over my shoulder with a mixture of “Oh Crap” and “Dude, that’s cool!” looks on their faces. Kind of nervously, one of the teenagers says, “We are with the local church. We are having a picnic next Saturday for everyone in the neighborhood. We wanted to personally invite you and your family to come and join in the festivities. There will be food, drinks and games for everyone. Here’s a flyer. Do you think you’ll be able to come?”

I flip that blunderbuss off my shoulder and level at the kid’s head. “GET THE FARK OFF MY PROPERTY YOU BIBLE THUMPIN’ DOOR BELL PUSHER! I HAVE HALF A MIND TO SMEAR YOUR BRAIN ALL OVER YOUR BUDDY STANDING BEHIND YOU! YOU HAVE UNTIL THE COUNT OF THREE AND THEN I’LL FILL YOU SO FULL OF LEAD, YOU CAN USE YOUR DICK AS A PENCIL!*” These two kids jump off the porch and run like their arse is on fire and their hair was a catchin’. One of the boys was running so fast ran right out of his sneakers. The other tripped and fell since his droopy pants fell down around his ankles.

And then my brain kicked in and decided to not do any of the above thinking it would have ended up with me in jail. I politely explained that I was not going to be available to attend; I have a Raptors game that night! Give up football for ChurchÂ… What kind of sacrilege is that?

*I loved that line in the Three Amigos. I try to use it when ever it can be applied properly.

Posted by: Contagion at 12:30 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 462 words, total size 2 kb.

ItÂ’s Harvey of Bad ExampleÂ’s three year blogging anniversary. As he is part of the unholy trinity that begat my blogging career, I feel the need to share a story about Harvey. Of course itÂ’s not about how I was begat, the statute of limitations arenÂ’t up and I believe all three parties are still in relative good terms with their spouses.

Back in the dark ages, about 1 BC (Before Contagion) I used to roam the Internet, a lost soul leaving comments on various blogs, but never entertaining the thought of starting my own. Then one day I received an e-mail from someone I didnÂ’t recognize. I really wished I had saved the message at it touched me deeply, but I do remember what it said.

“Hey, if you’re going to soil my blog with your comments, why don’t you get off your whisky soaked butt and actually start your own. You can’t be much worse then half the crap that is out there on Myspace. Well, then again you might. Anyway, I’m off topic here. You should at least start something so that we can reciprocate your comments by ignoring you.” --Harvey

I paraphrased a little, but that pretty much was like that. So away I went and started Miasmatic Review. Being a novice at blogging and he would actually return my e-mails, unlike the other two parts of the unholy trinity that I think have pretty much disavowed any knowledge of their part in bringing me into the blogging world, IÂ’d ask him for advice on how to do various thingsÂ… like set up trackbacks. That and his wonderful blogging tips actually kept me from making a lot of unnecessary faux pas, as opposed to the necessary ones that I made on my own.

Move forward a couple of months and I was advised of a blogmeet and had heard that Mr. Bad Example himself was going to be there. Oh glory of day! How could I pass up a chance to meet the man that inspired, motivated, coerced and assisted me in starting to blog? I vowed by all that is good and right in the world that I would be at this blogmeet, no matter what!

Upon arrival I instantly knew who he was. Not because of how he looked, or his mannerisms. It was because I heard him ask a waitress, “So, if you where going to start a blog, what would you call it?” As I walked to the table, he stood up to great me. It was like he was psychic; I’d never met him before, yet he knew who I was. Was it that paternal bond? Could it be his ever presence in the blogosphere gave him the ability to look through monitors? Could it be that his stalker like tendencies caused him to look up pictures of me, the mass abundance of them, on the Internet. He walked up and said, “You must be Contagion. I would recognize that spiky hair anywhere.” Then he proceeded to shake my hand and show me to a chair at the table. He took the liberty of introducing me to all of the other bloggers at the table. With cigars and whisky, he made me feel comfortable and welcomed. It was like I was a long lost son coming home.

Things got a little weird when he started referring to me as his boy and tried to hug me a couple of times, but I explained how I don’t hug and he stopped. Then, when the others weren’t paying attention, he said to me, “I have problem and I’m going to need your assistance. I feel you are the perfect person to help me with this task.” I was awestruck. He actually wanted my assistance. Me, a blogging newbie that had yet to make his mark in the blogosphere. (and still hasn’t). I couldn’t wait to hear what he could possibly want. Eagerly I agreed to help.

I asked, “What is it you want me to do?”

He leans closer, lips inches from my ear and yells. “GET OFF MY LAP YOU DRUNK! YOU HAVE YOUR OWN DAMN CHAIR!”

Posted by: Contagion at 08:33 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 699 words, total size 4 kb.

1 Bahahahaha!!

Posted by: Richmond at June 22, 2006 03:34 PM (e8QFP)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

The facial hair is coming in nicely. My mustache now covers my bottom lip. It looks a little ragged, until I start eating. Then the food works as a styling agent to help hold it in place. Ktreva finds that rather disgusting, but hey it works. Plus I discovered last Saturday at the Raptors game that if I drink good beer before going to the game. The filtering process makes the cheep beer taste like the good beer. Bonus!

I finally had someone at work question the bushiness of my face, or in their words, “Why is there a dead squirrel on your face?” I explained that I’m a re-enactor and I’m trying to get period facial hair, that and the fact that Ktreva forbid me from growing it, so now I must in order to preserve my male dominance in the house… well at least on this topic.

IÂ’d post a picture, but many of you have politely requested I not do so anymore as it scared you. IÂ’m just trying to be politeÂ… this time.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:38 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 187 words, total size 1 kb.

I still haven’t trimmed the facial hair. It’s starting to grow pretty bushy. I’ve been combing it daily so it won’t look as bushy. Upon her arrival home Ktreva uttered the phrase, “I was really hoping you where going to trim that up before I got home.”

Not going to happen. At this rate, by the time my next event comes along you wonÂ’t be able to see my mouth through the mustache.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:36 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 83 words, total size 1 kb.

There’s a commercial for EPT that just makes me laugh. There is a lady walking, and she is thinking to herself, “I can’t concentrate, I wonder if I’m pregnant.” This strikes me as highly amusing. I mean, c’mon lets face it, the commercial is actually saying, “My brain doesn’t work, I wonder if I’ve got a bun in the oven?” only slightly more sensitively.

I’ve latched onto this theory with gusto. Every time Ktreva says, “I forgot” or when she does something with out thinking, I ask her, “Hun, are you pregnant? You’re brain’s stopped working.” I was at work and one of my peers actually said, “I can’t concentrate.” Since this was an office and work environment, I had to be more sensitive about how I phrased my question, so I shot out with, “According to the EPT commercial that means you might be pregnant.”

I’m not sure what was funnier the emphatic denial of, “I had better not be pregnant” or the worried look I received. You know, the look that tells a person “Crap, that MAY be what the problem is.” She left work in a hurry yesterday; kind of like her arse was on fire and her hair was catching. This morning she informs me that she is definitely not pregnant. She sure did look relieved.

Posted by: Contagion at 03:42 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 228 words, total size 1 kb.

The Battle for the facial hair is on. I have not trimmed in 4 weeks. Ktreva is starting to get irritated. I am still resisting the urge to trim, even though at dinner tonight I thought the bread had gone fuzzy. Then I realized I had a mouth full of my own facial hair.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:13 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 66 words, total size 1 kb.