What happens when cheerleaders fight?

IÂ’m telling you guys, just add some butterscotch pudding and this would be a much better video.

Yea, the fight itself is lameÂ… but itÂ’s cheerleaders fighting. How can you not enjoy it?

Posted by: Contagion at 10:02 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 52 words, total size 1 kb.

Today is Cinco De Mayo. I was going to go into a long history as to what this holiday actually celebrates, especially since there is some confusion about it. After much though, I figured why bother. LetÂ’s face it; Cinco De Mayo in America is pretty much just like St PatrickÂ’s Day.

It is just another day for single guys to attempt to score with drunk hot chic.

Except today itÂ’s a hot Latino chic, while St. PatrickÂ’s is a hot Irish chic.

So to all my single friends out thereÂ… happy hunting. And remember: tip your wingman well.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:57 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 105 words, total size 1 kb.

Well it looks like all the concern over who the father of Anna Nichole SmithÂ’s baby has finally been resolved. For the last month weÂ’ve heard day in and day out about how she died and who was the baby. This was getting to be a huge ordealÂ… well not for me as I couldnÂ’t care less, but for otherÂ’s it was a big deal. They kept talking about it and in Vegas they even started taking bets as to who the father was, Larry Birkhead or Howard K. Stern.

IÂ’m not sure what the odds were, but we all know who had to spread.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:00 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 111 words, total size 1 kb.

1 just to let you know...the real dad on dannilynn is....Larry Birkhead! and he's happy about it. this just in and it's official. anyway...nice blog you have here!

Posted by: Nash at April 11, 2007 04:11 AM (07kZS)

2 Just to let you know, the real daddy of Anna Nicole's daughter is....Larry Birkhead! And he seems thrilled by it...he's happy. This is official from the court. Anyway, nice blog you have here!

Posted by: Nash at April 11, 2007 04:14 AM (07kZS)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

You want proof that I love my wife? Her van is in the shopÂ… again. Somehow she warped the rotors on the brakes with out even wearing the pads down. She has a very important appointment tonight that could not be rescheduled. I could have driven her to the appointment and gone and picked her up afterwards, but no. I love my wife.

I gave her the keys to my truck.

(Waits for shocked gasps to subside)

Yep, thatÂ’s right I let her drive my truck to the appointment and back. The truck that some people say I love more then her. Actually sheÂ’s on her way there right now. Am I worried? Nope, I trust her. I trust her completely. After 7.5 years of marriage there is no reason for me to not trust her. She is a smart woman and wouldnÂ’t do anything stupid in it.

That and I trust the fact she knows that if she puts on scratch on it sheÂ’ll never hear the end of it.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:24 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 181 words, total size 1 kb.

A long time ago I tried inspiring someone to start a blog, and the resulting blog started strong only to slowly fade awayÂ… in fact the last time I heard anything from Virtue was when she last babysat for us. That was back in August of last year.

So I had this friend (Yes, I actually have friends, I know itÂ’s hard to believe) that was looking for a little outlet. He had been to my blog and slowly he started thinking about creating his own. This time, instead of taking the forcible pushing approach, I took the more guiding stance. I showed him where to go, gave him some tips and then let him do his own thing.

Because my first attempt was a complete and utter bust, I was hesitant to do it again. But I thought, no, IÂ’m going to do it again. IÂ’m not sure he really wants a large announcement into the world, but heÂ’s getting one anyway. He needs all the help and support he can get right now.

Here he is my latest blogspawn and everyoneÂ’s favorite crime fighter Bruce Wayne and his blog Back to the Batcave. Maybe the Department of Blog Children won't take this one away from me.

Oh, and disregard his sidebarÂ… I know, I tried to tell him, but he just wonÂ’t listen to me. You know how kids are these days.

Posted by: Contagion at 10:06 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 242 words, total size 1 kb.

Some people will find this funny, some will find it mean and cruel, someone like me will find it hilarious. This was a prank they played on some attractive actress from a Mexican Soap Opera for a Mexican TV show. The spoken words are all in Spanish, but it has English subtitles. I will warn you that the language is kind of harsh, but in Spanish and the subtitles.

This girl freaked out pretty damn bad. Yea, IÂ’m an arsehole.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:01 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 84 words, total size 1 kb.

I asked a work friend of mine if he wanted to run to a local sporting goods store to look at the new rifles they received yesterday. He declined stating he was going tanning on lunch. Immediately I called BS on him and told him if the didnÂ’t want to go all he had to say was no. Then he produced an appointment card to show he actually was going tanning.

Am I the only one that thinks there is something wrong with a guy going tanning?

How about if he is of Mexican decent?

Does this mean he's gay?

Posted by: Contagion at 06:08 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 104 words, total size 1 kb.

1 While I'm pretty sure there are guys who "go tanning" I do think it's... um... weird. OTOH since I am not allowed to tan at all (even if my skin would tan) I can't imagine spending the money to go tanning in any case. *grin*

Posted by: Teresa at February 15, 2007 10:14 AM (gsbs5)

2 Tanning isn't gay, in and of itself.

Tanning instead of going to shop for guns, however, is SUPER gay

Posted by: Graumagus at February 16, 2007 09:06 AM (S1gMo)

3 Amen, Grau! :-)

Posted by: Wes at February 16, 2007 11:22 PM (jsV0Y)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Trust me, this was much worse then you could possibly imagine. MUCH. WORSE.

Lets just say the pictures donÂ’t do the horror justice.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:27 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 31 words, total size 1 kb.

Cat torture? Amusement? Just wanting to keep your kitty clean? IÂ’m not sure, but I about fell out of my chair laughing when the water started.

I can just hear the pissed off yowling of the cat was I watch it. It made me giggle.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:00 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 51 words, total size 1 kb.

It looks like Graumagus is once again rose from the grave. I think this is just another sign that Zombies will rise up and take over the world.

Of course his first post contains a video that I told him and Harvey not to watch on New Years Eve. Some people just never listen.

Do we start a pool on how long before he drops off the grid again? (Hides from Grau)

Posted by: Contagion at 06:55 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 82 words, total size 1 kb.

What ever you do, do NOT click this link.

ItÂ’s sick, itÂ’s wrong, its NSFW, and it will make you look at fast food mascots in a different light.

Posted by: Contagion at 11:45 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 35 words, total size 1 kb.

There are some things that are just annoying. One of the things that really pisses me off is when I actually get a Saturday morning to sleep in and itÂ’s interrupted. IÂ’ll be laying in bed dreaming one of those really cool dreams you hope for when IÂ’m jarred awake by a pounding on my front door. Looking at the clock, you see itÂ’s 8:00 AM. When you answer the door, itÂ’s some door-to-door bible pusher trying to force their religion on you. You know who IÂ’m talking about, the JehovahÂ’s witnesses or the Mormons. IÂ’d like to say that IÂ’m usually nice and polite to them when I tell them to bugger off, but IÂ’m not. A couple of times firearms aided in the insistence that they leave my property.

Well one guy got pushed too far. He decided to do something about it

11/21/2006 - Australian filmmaker John Safran is so fed up with mormons ringing his doorbell early in the morning that he flies to Salt Lake City Utah and tries to convert Mormons to atheism. Needless to say, the locals were not pleased.

I love how the one guy says “This is inappropriate, take us off your list.”

Posted by: Contagion at 10:34 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 206 words, total size 1 kb.

1 You are doing this the hard way. Just keep a beer can by the door, empty is fine as it is just a prop. When the unexpected knock comes, go to the door in your underwear, pick up that beer can.

Now, open the door and, with your free hand, scratch like a baseball player, smile real big and invite them in for a beer. They'll leave. The word will go out.

This will work even faster if you have a bit of warning and can pull on a set of your wife's underwear. Although you will probably want to make sure that it isn't a visiting blogger.

Posted by: Peter at January 06, 2007 12:06 PM (Eodj2)

2 That's pretty gott damned funny...

Posted by: That 1 Guy at January 06, 2007 10:31 PM (Hn1Gg)

3 No they won't leave. The assholes that used to canvass my area when I was a kid would praise the lord for such an opportunity.

I answered the door while cleaning a shotgun more than once and they still came back.

Until we started tying my 85lb Chow-Chow Shadow outside

Posted by: Graumagus at January 07, 2007 11:18 AM (Rayvs)

4 The same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. Doorbell rings, I roll over and politely ignored them...30 seconds later it rings again. This time I get up and the first words out of my mouth when I answer the door were, "Jesus-f**king christ, what the hell do you want?"

They begain to ramble, I just stared in des-belief.

Once my eyes adjusted to the sunlight (damn daylight savings) I said was "unless you have something alcoholic for me to drink, so I can put a damper on this hangover than this conversation is over." I gave them about half of a second to answer before I slammed the door.

I do not think they will be back anytime soon. ;-)

Posted by: Jabbah at January 07, 2007 02:17 PM (fwe8t)

5 Worst thing I ever did when I was youngerish ...

Parents gone for the weekend, went out partying, came home late, 7am those asswipes ring the bell insistently ... I am answer ... they ask if I believed in God ... I said no f**king way and slammed the door ... they came back every saturday for 4 weeks trying to save me ...

Posted by: Quality Weenie at January 07, 2007 03:32 PM (BksWB)

6 See, it's these obnoxious evangelical atheists that give us non-believers a bad name :-)

Posted by: Harvey at January 08, 2007 09:33 PM (L7a63)

7 My rule of thumb is that if you're knocking on my door at 8am you had best have beer or a warrant...

Posted by: Graumagus at January 09, 2007 12:44 AM (Rayvs)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

In my opinion, this is about 15 years overdue. They should have taken him down during the first Gulf War.

HereÂ’s a video of them walking him to the gallows. They donÂ’t actually show him being dropped, but IÂ’m sure over time that will be leaked to the net.

Good riddance.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:39 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 63 words, total size 1 kb.

I was just checking through my stats (Shut up Harvey! I know I said I quit doing that, and really I don’t do it as much as I used to. I only check them maybe 3 or 4 times a week now!) and I noticed someone found me by searching for “What is graumagus”

I doubt you found your answer to what a Graumagus, especially since most people donÂ’t know. As far as I know, there is no definition of a Graumagus. So for you, my inspired inquirer, I will try to answer the eternal question, what is a Graumagus?

There is only one Graumagus (Argumentum Sphinctorus Homo Sapien). He is a friend and companion. One can rely on him when heÂ’s needed, as long as it doesnÂ’t require him to update his blog, Frizzen Sparks. Then you are out of luck for Graumagus is a fickle creature. He will say he is going to blog, and then he will stop with no notice. Only to pick up a month later lamenting his lack of blogging and getting your roped back in with posts only to go on hiatus again. His last message advised of the demise of Frizzen Sparks. However, he hinted to the fact that it was going to rise from the ashes on a different system. That was over a month ago. The Graumagus is a damn liar when it comes to blogs.

The Graumagus is politically boisterous. He has his views and opinions on everything from what the president is doing to what kind of shaving cream a person should us on their arse. For nothing more then giving him the impression that you are paying attention to him, he will gladly share these with you, in detail, ad nauseum. He can spend copious amounts of time describing the folly of liberal thinking.

Mainly the Graumagus is a useful creature to have around when there is an over abundance of alcohol that needs to be consumed. Thus decreasing the surplus in a region. There has yet to be an alcoholic beverage he will not drink, even at risk to his own brain cells and internal organs. He is also very useful in uplifting spirits and cheering up friends. Of course with the workaholic tendencies of the Graumagus, he doesnÂ’t have much time for either.

Oh, and heÂ’s HarveyÂ’s hetero life-mate and part of the unholy union that spawned many bloggers.

There, that is what a Graumagus is.

Posted by: Contagion at 03:58 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 419 words, total size 3 kb.

Christmas has come early to the Contagion house. Ktreva woke up Sunday morning with no voice. And I mean NO voice, not a raspy voice, not a horse voice; I’m talking about a serious lack of sound. Three days later it’s not showing any signs of coming back. It’s been so peaceful and quiet around here. Sure, she’s a lot more animated waving her arms all over the place and throwing things at me, but no more “Take out the garbage”, “Don’t you think you’ve had enough to drink?”, “You know, you could help clean around here” and “For the love of all that is good in the world, would you let me use the computer?”

The best part is that at night I don’t have to hear, “Not tonight, I’ve got a headache” or “You are NOT going to put that there!” I can tell she's really into it by the way she squirms! It’s not that I’m not listening to her, I really am. I just tell her to speak up loud and clear if she wants me to stop or help out with something. She’s been awfully quiet about it, so I’m in the clear.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:38 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
Post contains 210 words, total size 1 kb.

All right, IÂ’ve had it. You all know I love my football, but IÂ’ve given up on Monday Night Football. There is no way I can watch the games anymore. It has nothing to do with the games; itÂ’s the damn announcing. Al Michaels and John Madden used to annoy me with there ranting, but at least it would pertain to football. Joe Theismann, Mike Tirico and Tony Kornheiser (Henceforth known as Kornholer) will babble on about anything that trips their triggers.

They even bring on guests to interview DURING the game that have nothing to do with football. They talk over plays and then have to go back to get a recap of what happened. When they do try to provide insight itÂ’s like listening to most women talk about the game with men wearing tight pants.* ItÂ’s usually stuff that everybody knows or has just seen on the screen. They drive me nuts. IÂ’d rather listen to Clone try to explain calculus to me than these three blather on.

IÂ’ve tried listening to the radio while the sound is off on the TV. The only problem is that when it shows the three of them yapping like old women, I can hear the plays they are missing. Why bother?!? Thus IÂ’m done. I will no longer watch Monday Night Football until ESPN looses these three or makes them actually announce the game they are at.

I wish the guys the best of luck; hopefully they will get better as time goes on. Oh, and Theismann, break a leg.

*Some women can actually talk football and not sound stupid.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:30 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 276 words, total size 2 kb.

Karma:
Pronunciation: 'kär-m& also 'k&r-
Function: noun
Etymology: Sanskrit karma fate, work
1 often capitalized : the force generated by a person's actions held in Hinduism and Buddhism to perpetuate transmigration and in its ethical consequences to determine the nature of the person's next existence.
2 Getting gleeful amusement for something that happens to another individual that once did the same thing to you.

It seems my blog momma-sis, Boudicca, thinks that That1Guy is going to shoot his eye out if he gets a firearm for Christmas. I think she got some long overdue revenge for me for a certain photoshopping incident that happened last February.

Excuse me while I laugh maniacally.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:52 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 114 words, total size 1 kb.

Oh, and I just noticed that sometime yesterday I broke the 50,000 visitor mark. Yea, I know compared to my blog parents and most of my siblings, this is nothing. I, However, find pride that my 50,000th visitor was searching for Sensitivity Class. IÂ’m still the second hit on Google for that. I'm sure it has to do with these.

Which reminds me, itÂ’s been almost a year since IÂ’ve been sent to sensitivity class.

Posted by: Contagion at 01:13 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 83 words, total size 1 kb.

Eric, the Straight White Guy, is creeping me out. He has some kind of camera system hooked up to his computer. ItÂ’s kind of unnerving to watch him, watching me read his blog. ItÂ’s almost like having someone reading over your shoulder. Excuse me; IÂ’m going to go unplug my camera to make sure he really canÂ’t see me.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:56 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 67 words, total size 1 kb.

Ahh, the olÂ’ chunder bucket has had a workout this week. First Clone started getting sick around 2:00AM Wednesday morning. He seemed to recover by Noon on Thanksgiving. Friday my mother has come down with the same bug. Apparently she was blowing chunks most of the day. Saturday morning Ktreva and her Grandfather both have a case of Technicolor yawns. By Saturday afternoon my sister was tossing cookies and Boopie was starting to feel like he was going to spew.

At this point IÂ’m the only person in my immediate family that hasnÂ’t gotten sick yet. Today all the parties seem to be recovering. At this time IÂ’m going to call this illness ContagionÂ’s Revenge. ItÂ’s payback for me not being able to have an enjoyable and relaxing holiday.

Posted by: Contagion at 10:27 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 133 words, total size 1 kb.