May 31, 2006
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Now this event has always been puzzling to me. I enjoy participating in it, yet at the same time I loathe it. Manly because it is the most piss-poorly run event I do. Everyone involved is really nice, but when you arrive there rarely is ever anyone around to tell you where you can and can’t set up. I spent a good 45 minutes to an hour searching for someone to tell me where I was supposed to camp. I was so pissed I about grabbed the family and drove home. Ktreva said she really wanted to stay so I just decided on Squatters rights and choose a spot. Sure enough as soon as we start setting up, who should appear, but the booshway (Man in charge) to collect our fee. Whenever you need to find someone “in-charge” after hours it’s almost impossible. It seems like any ounce of organization they attempt is done so poorly that they would have been better off not even trying to organize anything.
We could tell Friday night was going to be lonely. We didnÂ’t see any of our normal friends there. We were camped kind of by ourselves, we looked really anti-social, hoping that when our friends showed up they could camp next to us. By 10:30 PM it didnÂ’t look like any of the people that told us they were going to show up were going to. Saturday morning we awoke to a bake oven. It was already in the 80Â’s by 7:30 AM, and since it had rained so much the previous week the ground was saturated with water. That meant it was humid as all hell. Plus there was no breeze. After building a fire, (Yea, that sucked) and cooking French toast over it (That sucked more, especially since someone forgot the syrupÂ… KTREVA!) we headed out to make our day. Right away we found a camp that hadnÂ’t been there the night before. Our friendÂ’s Will and Red showed up. They also had one of their sons and a whole slew of the Illinois River Scum with them. Since they didnÂ’t have the big tent like I thought they had, they camped in the cooler shadier area. I donÂ’t blame them, if my tent would have fit down there, I would have too.
After making our rounds, picking up Boopie's custom made chair from Irish Ridge and talking to our vendor friends. Boopie and I hit the range to burn powder. BoopieÂ’s first time live firing was interesting. The gun handles fine. ItÂ’s just a little temperamental. That may have something to do with the farooking humidity making the black powder kind of gooey. I need to work on the boyÂ’s upper body strength; he had a hard time holding the rifle up. After a couple of shots he decided he liked shooting, but didnÂ’t like standing in the sun, so he gave it a rest. I on the other hand started the competition shooting. Again the humidity took its toll on my musket. The damn thing kept fouling up after every two to three shots and had to be seriously cleaned. Everyone shooting was having the same issues. Plus it was so hot that the lead balls were getting softer and starting to misshapen easier.
At the end of the weekend I ended up taking Second place in the Smooth bore competition, with out destroying the range. In fact this year range master Marty had a new rule, the “Seamus Clause” (In reference to last year when I exploded a two by four on my first shot). Anyone that hits one of the wooden supports or stands has to buy him a drink. I thought I was screwed. Funnily enough the only person all weekend to hit one of the stands was Marty.
My Friend Jim, his wife, his son and a friend of his son day tripped it to the event on Saturday to shoot. Since the award ceremony wasn’t until Sunday, he told Marty to give me any prizes they may have won. Well He took Second place in Adult rifle, His son’s friend took second place in the juvenile shoot, and his son took Third prize. I ended up collect 2 pounds of ham steaks, a pound of Canadian bacon, and two pounds of regular bacon. I was walking back from the award ceremony when someone asked what all I had, I couldn’t help but to say, “I won second place in the shooting competition. First place got a whole pig, Second gets an assemble your own pig.”
The ground at the range was pretty chewed up by the end of the event. However, most of the damage to the ground was my fault. My .75 caliber musket would chew up the ground behind the targets every time it hit. Other shooters and the audience would comment on the size of the divots I was shooting out of the ground. They also where amazed at the size of the furrows those round balls would create. At one point my buddy Jim was out on the range changing targets. He yelled back to everyone, “You should see the size of ditches Seamus is digging out here. It looks like World War 1 trench warfare.” He then proceeded to “Fall into” one.
After I was done shooting my competition rounds at the range. I helped Marty out by scoring other shooters. He was short handed and there where a lot of shooters there this year. ThatÂ’s when I ended up getting burnt so bad. I was in the sun from 10:00 AM until 2:30 PM. 20 minutes actual shooting, 40 minutes of loading, an hour and half of cleaning and two hours judging. The whole time with out any sunscreen. Yep, my own damn fault.
Saturday afternoon is when the rain hit us. It wasnÂ’t a heavy rain, and it lasted for only about 20-30 minutes. After it finished it did two things. Cooled everyone off some, and increased the humidity.
Saturday night we had a good time around the campfire and I had a couple more Mortar Maidens volunteer. That should last me until my July event. Both of my new Mortar Maidens portray Natives… that’s Indians to the PC crowd. We had fun trying to name them; ideas like, “Beaver on a stick” and “She who eats beaver” where two of the many ideas.
Sunday was even hotter then Saturday, and there was no cloud cover or wind to provide any relief. It was so hot that even the public stayed home and the re-enactors where all huddled under flies or in the shade of trees to stay out of the heat. Fortunately no one went down from heat stroke. We did have a couple of close calls. I had been drinking water all day, and immediately sweating it out. A lady comes up to me and asks me, “How do you do it? How do you stay so cool when it’s hot out.” Me, “You get used to it.” Lady, “You’re not even sweating.” Me, just realizing she was right, “Yea, that’s called dehydration.” The lady looked at me surprised and walked off. I don’t know if she now believes everyone in 1756 dehydrated themselves on hot days or not. But I did get something to drink.
All weekend I had a bunch of re-enactors tell me I was daft (the polite version of what they really said) for wanting to change to the 1830Â’s. I donÂ’t know what was more fun, arguing the history with them, or just watching them get flustered at me for even thinking of changing eras. In fact at one point I think Will was going to have a conniption fit on Saturday night.
Sunday night most of the campers packed up and left. We stayed so we could pack during the cooler morning hours on Monday. We were able to hang out with the River Scum and some new friends we made. We cooked many pork products over fire and had a good time.
For some pictures and other stories see the review at the Spoon and Blade.
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May 29, 2006
On the upside it was only on Saturday, when the temperatures were in the 90Â’s with 90% humidity. The rain was welcomed with the joy that only a re-enactor wearing wool and black canvas on a hot miserable day can understand. While the public was fleeing for shelter, every re-enactor I saw was relishing the rain like a nice long shower. Unfortunately, between the sweat, funk and sun block I donÂ’t think a one of us actually got wet. Our natural water repellent kept us dry. Water was bending around us like light through a prism.
I would love to tell you more, but IÂ’m baked. (Not from Drugs.) We packed and loaded the vehicles in upper 80 temps. I drove all the way home from Fort Atkinson (about an hour and 15 minutes from my house) with no AC so I could conserve on gas mileage. Then just unpacked the vehicles. But I did get some serious sun this weekend. Check out this nice sunburn. If you look closely you can see where my bonnet was as there is distinct line between burnt and unburnt flesh.
Once IÂ’ve recouped IÂ’ll give you all a worthy breakdown of what happened. Boy do I have stories for you!
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May 25, 2006
Do you know what the mathematical odds of that happening are? It would the equivalent of you winning the lottery! It rains on me over 75% of the events I do every year. Add to that the fact that there is a 90% chance that it will rain at least one of the days on Memorial Day Weekend.
At this point I just want to say goodbye to all my friends. I figure this must be the end of the world. ItÂ’s never that warm or nice up here on Memorial Day weekend. If the weather service is not playing a cruel, yet funny, joke on me, then this must be the end. Either that or IÂ’m going to be struck down by a fluke storm in the middle of the night.
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05:25 PM
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May 24, 2006
Ktreva hollers back, “A lot.”
Contagion, “But on a scale of 1 to 10, how much trouble would a be in.”
Ktreva, “At least a 6.” (1 means she’s mad, 10 means there are lawyers on the phone. A 6 means no sex for a while and possibly sleeping on the couch. When I hit 8, I need to find a place to stay and she will have the locks changed on the house.)
Contagion, “Whew… I can live with that. Look what I bought!” (Pulls out pistol he just picked up after paying for it last Friday.)
Ktreva, “Why did you buy that, don’t you have enough guns?” (Like a guy can own too many guns!)
Contagion, “Because I didn’t own one like this… and I wanted it!”
Needless to say, I owe her more jewelry. However, I couldn’t pass up the deal I got on this lovely baby. (Way under sticker price.) It’s a beautiful Colt 1991a1 series 80 Government .45 ACP. 5” barrel, 8 ½” overall length with double diamond rosewood grips. Now Grau doesn’t have to worry about me stealing his when we go shooting. Of course I’m not overly fond of the grips, so I’m thinking if purchasing some laser grips for it. The kind that has the laser site built into it. I figure it’s make it scarier looking when I chase the neighbor kids out of my yard at night. At a gun show I was able to handle the same colt with these on it, and I loved the feel.
Ever since the first time Grau let me fire his, I've been in love with this hand gun. I couldn't wait to get my hands on one. Every gun shop I went to, every gun show I visited, I was searching for one of these that was decently priced. A friend of mine that works at a local gun shop specially ordered some in, even though their store isn't an authorized Colt dealer, just so I would stop bugging him. Then when it arrived he discovered one was "damaged" and was "missing parts". Fortunately for me it was the one I liked so he knocked a hell of a lot off of the price for me.
Well if you excuse me, IÂ’m going to go sleep on the couch. I like sleeping on the couch, itÂ’s like camping, only with out having to set up a tent!
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May 23, 2006
Our friend, Chastity, was originally supposed to get married on May 6th, Boopie's birthday. I was planning on going to the ceremony and cutting out early from the reception with Boopie for his own celebration. A relative of the brides was killed and the wedding was postponed due to the funeral. We were then notified it was going to be this weekend, Memorial Day weekend. We have a re-enactment this weekend that we really enjoy doing, Boopie will get to live fire his rifle here, and we get to see some friendÂ’s we only see at one or two events a year.
Now, that being said, I would blow that all off for a friendÂ’s wedding. Even if the friend is a re-enactor and should have known better than scheduling a wedding on a re-enactment weekend. Just kidding! She sometimes reads this blogÂ… had to get the dig in. The real reason we are still going is that at our last re-enactment we ordered a bunch of stuff from a merchant that is retiring from re-enacting. This is the last event that we will both do together. I told them that I would be there to pick up and pay for the items. They didnÂ’t charge me up front because theyÂ’ve known us since we started re-enacting. In fact weÂ’ve bought a lot of supplies from them. These arrangements were made PRIOR to finding out the new date of the wedding. Actually they were made prior to finding out the original date was postponed.
It had absolutely nothing to do with any bad blood between Giles and me. We talked for two hours and straightened out any perceived problems there may have been. This, like most things is just a serious of bad information and misunderstandings. Although while speaking with him, I did feel myself getting hot under the collar. Not at him, but at the bullshite that was going on. It was this precise line of rumor, innuendo and malicious behavior that started issues I had last November. It seems that there are people in the world that live off of others strife. If they arenÂ’t getting what they want, they manufacture their own. That may not be the case here, it may just be a misunderstanding, but you never know.
As far as IÂ’m concerned, Giles and I are good. No issues, no problems. HeÂ’s welcome in my home and camp. Now if Chastity can only learn to schedule things on non re-enactment weekends. (The first date fell on another re-enactment. Bloody Lake.) Women!
I'll bet there are not too many people hooked on crack that can play the bagpipes.
Posted by: Contagion at
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May 21, 2006
1)Must cost less than $100 unless you bastards are willing to cough up the dough for whatever sick shit you inflict on me.
2) Must not be a criminal offense. Sorry folks, I have a family to support and I'm not going to jail and/or getting a permanent criminal record for your amusement.
3) Must not lose me my job (see above).
4) No genital piercings. Self explanitory (and besides, do you really want to see photos of my pasty nads with steel bits through 'em?)
5) Must not get me killed. Remember, the whole idea is that I live another 35 years, remember? Possibly in shame after this is over, but alive nonetheless.
6) Must not end up in divorce. In other words, the conjoined albino midget hookers aren't an option. Sorry guys. I'm sure this will end with me being in trouble (I'll be in trouble after Maranda reads this post) but nothing that's actionable in court, please...
7) No permanent body modification. I'm not getting anymore tats just yet.
No eating Lutefisk. Or other horrible poisonous things like scat, urine, eyeballs, etc.
9) No making me dress up like Emma Peel. This woman gets irate when I suggest that. In fact, I'm taking "Grau in drag" off the table as being too horrible to inflict on humanity in general.
Then as if this wasnÂ’t just down right goofy enough, he has decided that T1G, Harvey and myself are going to be the judges to pick and enforce this crisis. (Yea, the man is pretty daft.)
To make sure I don't wuss out, and to pick the submissions to be included in the final poll, three shall be chosen to make sure the sentence is properly enacted. I haven't asked them yet, but I'm sure that Contagion, T1G, and Harvey willrelish the idea of torturing and humiliating mewill be fair and impartial judges. Being chosen to execute the sentence does not disqualify any of them from submitting entries. God help me.
About know if you’ve read him in the past, you know he is very familiar with the individuals that he picked as judges. That means you have to be thinking, “Grau, you’re one stupid son of a beaotch.” Because you know I’m going to jump all over being a judge. Even if that means I have to sit in a room and watch him have a full body wax. Sure I may end up in counseling for it, but I’d love to see his reaction when they hot wax his balls. Picture if you will a big man crying and screaming for his mommy. Yea, I may be scared from seeing his pasty nads… but the mental image of him screaming already is making me chuckle.
So head on over, make your suggestions. Make sure they are good. We, er I, want something I can make fun of him for years about.
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May 20, 2006
I want my facial hair to be longer so that it fits in better with re-enacting the period IÂ’m portraying. To me I want to try to do the entire package of re-enacting, including the facial hair. Ktreva just wants it so that sheÂ’s not even more embarrassed to be seen with me in public. When I showed her this picture she emphatically said no, and called her lawyer.
Either way, IÂ’m thinking I could pull off some of these great mustaches. However, the one above is my favorite.
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MAY 17--An Iowa man impervious to embarrassment called cops this week to report the theft of a blow-up fashioned to resemble a porn star. According to a Council Bluffs Police Department report, Trenton Camacho called cops Monday night to report that a "Priority US Mail package" containing his "Jenna Haze Love Doll" had been opened and that the plastic plaything was missing.
Emphasis mine
What the hell is wrong with the world today? I mean if you are going to open someoneÂ’s mail and steal something, why do you take the plastic coochie?!?! Why not take the whole damn thing? Then if you had your love toy stolen, would you really call the cops? I think IÂ’d just order another one.
Then on the off chance that the police did recover the stolen part, would you really want it back? I mean it would probably glow under a black light so brightly that they could see it from space!
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Click to Watch
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Personally, I would have liked it better if Robocop was able to woop some pretty boy arse.
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May 19, 2006
IÂ’m the Number 2 hit for Sensitivity Class on Google.
Click to enlarge
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May 18, 2006
The problem I had was that the next closest dealership to do these repairs was in the next time and I just donÂ’t have the time to drive that far out of my way. I called the GM, and left a message about bringing in the truck. HeÂ’s a busy man, and knowing how businesses can go, I was not expecting an immediate call back. While waiting, I decided to go ahead and bring the truck in for repairs. Dropping the truck off I spoke with a Service Advisor that I had not had any dealings with in the past, Rick Wilson. I explained my entire situation, including my history with their service department. He said he would take care of me; I was pretty apprehensive about the whole situation.
The GM contacted me that afternoon and told me to bring the truck in and heÂ’d have it worked on. I told him that it was already there and Rick had it. Later that afternoon I received a call from Rick, he said that no it wasnÂ’t a sensor, but another component that needed replacing. They would order the parts and have it done the next day. Since it was in already I decided to have some mud flaps installed on the truck that I had put off doing. I dropped off the flaps and waited.
The next day Rick tells me that the vehicle is finished. We pick it up and I will say two things right now. First, Rick did an excellent job. He seemed sincere in caring about my truck and my concerns. Second, they did an excellent job on the mud flaps. They look great. The truck ran fine and everything seemed to be in top working order. At that time I set up an appointment to bring the van in. I told them it would be noon before we got it there. Due to changes in our schedule, I ended up having to drop the van off at 7:00 AM.
Later that day, I donÂ’t remember the exact time, I was contacted and told that the door was fixed, but the van had to be sent to a body shop to have the leak fixed. They quit doing their own bodywork, so they sent it to an outside contractor. Rick even put Ktreva into a rental vehicle while the van was being worked on.
The next day Rick calls and tells me that the van is done. Ktreva picks it up; it was all covered under the warranty. Everything was fixed and there didnÂ’t seem to be any more problems. The rain we had gave us a chance to make sure no more leaks. After a quick inspection of the vehicle, I decided I needed to go in and talk to Rick. I know what itÂ’s like dealing with a disgruntled customer, and he did a great job. He took care of me and my vehicles, I felt that with all the trouble I caused him that I at least owed him a thank you and apology for initially giving him a hard time.
When we dropped off the van I was able to speak with the GM. He explained that many changes have been made in staffing so that situations like mine wouldnÂ’t happen anymore. He has always been a straight shooter with me, and he helped me get my problems corrected. From the experience IÂ’ve had over the last week IÂ’d say he was correct. It appears a lot of changes have been made so that their quality in the service department has improved. If another problem arises with one of my vehicles, I wonÂ’t be as apprehensive in taking it back.
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06:28 PM
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May 17, 2006
I hate making new friends. ItÂ’s like change, and change is bad. That and IÂ’m not good at it. IÂ’m just waiting to see who goes next. I know they all say it's not me, but I know... oh yes, I know!
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05:41 PM
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May 16, 2006
IÂ’d love to tell you some grand story of where IÂ’ve been, but thereÂ’s nothing to it. Sunday was motherÂ’s day. The boys bought Ktreva a computer game she wanted, so I relinquished the computer to her for the day. Hey, itÂ’s her day. The least I could do is let her play her new game. That and I forcibly had to make sure she didnÂ’t do anything that came close to what might be considered work. IE no laundry or anything. I made her take the day off and relax. I handled the childerbeasts.
As you may recall we were in a drought. I say were, because we are no longer in one. In fact we are now in the surplus of rain. It seems my re-enacting luck jump-started the rain here in Northern Illinois. The down side is that it has rained every day for the last week and a half. Hell, if I didnÂ’t know better IÂ’d say I was at a re-enactment last weekend. In fact it is raining right now. This has caused me two issues. A) My lawn is growing at an alarming rate and IÂ’m not able to get out and mow it. 2) I canÂ’t get outside to do any of the exterior housework that needs to be done.
Hopefully all the rain comes and is gone for Memorial Day weekend. I have a re-enactment that weekend that I enjoy, and the boys are both looking forward to going to this one. However, for the last three years we have been rained on at this event.
The van is back in the shop for warranty work. Once that is finished IÂ’ll give you an update on that. Yes, I took it back to the same dealership that caused me all the trouble the last time. ItÂ’s warranty work and IÂ’m limited on where I can take it.
In the meantime Ktreva has yet another rental car. She has driven five different vehicles in the last month. Fortunately she only damaged two of them. >ducks under the swing of a cast iron frying pan<
However, I think the biggest news in my life right now is that Ktreva and I are thinking of changing the era we re-enact. We think we might leap forward to the 1830Â’s and do the Black hawk War. ItÂ’s local history, it was the last major Indian war in the Midwest, and it would make it historically accurate for me to have a wife and kids with me at the events. Right now, some of the re-enactors that know me may be dropping their jaws in disbelief. I was one of the people that really wanted to get into the French and Indian war era re-enacting. As part of a group it was easier to get away with huge discrepancies in my presentation. Now that we are on our own, it is much more difficult. Sure there is going to need to be some costuming changes, but that isnÂ’t much. I need to do more research into what I need costuming ways, but the rest of my equipment will be just fine. In fact my Wall tent will be more accurate as they where actually starting to use them around that time.
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04:32 PM
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May 13, 2006
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10:42 AM
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Behold in all itÂ’s glory and geekitude, Hardware Wars featuring Fluke Starbucker, Auggie Ben Doggie, Ham Salad and my personal favorite, Chewchilla the Wookie Monster.
Chewchilla the Wookie Monster and Ham Salad
Yes, there is a Sci-Fi dork hidden inside me.
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The other morning, the jocks on a local radio station where talking about a website the chronicles these beautiful young lasses, Smoking Hot Waitress.
Smoking Hot Waitresses
Now you can plan your nights out on the town around which bars or restaurants will have the best looking waitresses.
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May 10, 2006
I finally ran out of shampoo and had to purchase some. Ktreva and I ran to the store on our lunch break to purchase some. I can go a day or two with out washing my hair, but after that it just feels nasty and I donÂ’t need gel to keep it spiky. As soon as I turned to go down the shampoo aisle I noticed it was filled with all these funky scented and special needs shampoos. What the hell? A) IÂ’m not buying anything that is going to smell like flowers. 2) IÂ’m not buying anything to give my hair extra sheen and luster D) IÂ’m definitely not buying something to give my hair more body and bounce.
I turn to Ktreva and say ”Do they even make a man’s shampoo? I’m not washing my hair with any of this girlie crap”Rolling her eyes, Ktreva loudly states that she will help my find man-shampoo. The other shoppers, all female, are smiling and chuckling. Ktreva, happy because she thinks she has gotten one over on me is also smiling. Not to be undone, I respond with ”Yes, that’s what I need Man-Poo.” Now everyone is laughing or looking on in shock. All Ktreva can do is try to hide her embarrassment over being seen in public with me at that moment.
We spent the next 20 minutes searching for something that would work. Then Ktreva find’s a bottle of stuff labeled, “Shampoo for men.” It’s a two in one deal that cleans and conditions. Like I care about conditioning. ”I told you I’d find a shampoo for men.” says Ktreva. Loudly I respond with, “Thank you for finding me man-poo.”
I donÂ’t know why, but she ran out of the aisle trying to shield her face from the passer-bys staring at us.
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May 09, 2006
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