January 31, 2006

I think I'm done.

Now Ogre of OgreÂ’s Politics and Views wants to be a member of the Bad Example Clan. Okay, IÂ’m going to vouch for him; I kind of have to, I am a thrall of Ogre. (At least for another 3 months. Hey IÂ’m fickle)

For Ogre, I think there should be a special rule, if a member of the Bad Example Clan tags him with a meme; he actually has to do it. NahÂ… that takes away the fun of watching him spend more time working on avoiding answering one.

Posted by: Contagion at 04:33 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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I need a voucher book refill please.

CalTechGirl of Not Exactly Rocket Science wants to be in the Bad Example Clan as well. I was thinking of not vouching for her, I mean thatÂ’s less inheritance for me, right? Then I realized I wasnÂ’t going to get anything anyway so sure, why the heck not.

IÂ’ll vouch for her, sheÂ’s helped me with HTML, kept me occupied while drunk inebriated, and has entertained me with her humor.

I think IÂ’m reaching the end of my vouchers. Harvey may end up revoking my rights and privileges (yes, there are some) of being a member of the Bad Example Family.

Posted by: Contagion at 04:22 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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It is important, dammit!

When I was distributing work this morning, I noticed one of my minions had flowers on her desk and some congratulations cards. This is one of my minions that I get along really well with and talk to on a daily basis. IÂ’ve even been to her house for a party and helped her husband assemble a wooden outside play tower. Trying to rummage through my dysfunctional memory to pull up what she was being congratulated for, I walked up to her.

Curiosity was getting the better of me, I asked her what the flowers and cards where for. She responded that her mother was just being overly emotional. Okay, I’m lost. I know her mother; she’s not that type. Pushing for more details, I was able to get the truth from her. She had finished her courses for an associate’s degree. She graduated just yesterday. I congratulated her and she just shrugged it off and said, “It’s no big deal”. If it had been someone else, I would say she just didn’t like the attention, but this minion does like the limelight.

My minion doesnÂ’t feel that this is a big accomplishment because it took her four years. Four years in which she raised a child (currently 5 years old), maintained a home and worked full time (putting in as much OT as she could.). She could only take one to two classes a semester. And she finished in 4 years, yes about twice as long as normal, but with all that added responsibility. I tried to explain to her that yes it is, it is a very big deal.

When a kid right out of high school goes to college, they donÂ’t have the other financial obligations an adult has (Mortgage, Childcare, etc). They donÂ’t have to take care of a kid and they donÂ’t have a house to maintain. Admittedly, there are some that do, but they are the exception, not the rule. I went to college on a full ride, I worked on breaks for drinking money (IÂ’m not going to lie about what it was for.), but I had no responsibilities. I took 18 hours of classes each semester. During the summers, I took some classes at the local community college so I could graduate a semester early. I wanted to get into the workforce and be a productive member of society. Yet, I think what she did warrants more respect than what I did.

IÂ’d love to go back to school to get my masters in law. Unfortunately, itÂ’s just not financially realistic for me to do right now. Any reputable law school in the area would require me to be fulltime the first year and I canÂ’t afford to not work and support my family. Knowing that, I look at her accomplishment and canÂ’t help but to be proud of her. For fighting the odds to better herself, to make life better for her family, I respect her.

I told her all of this and she still doesn’t see what the big deal is. “It’s only an associate degree,” she says. No, it’s not. It is a college degree. It is more than a high school diploma and it’s her first step to a bachelor's degree. And yes, she is planning on continuing to get her bachelor’s.

Even though she doesnÂ’t understand why others think this was an accomplishment, I still wanted to recognize her accomplishment. Today I took her to lunch and refused to let her pay for her meal. No, itÂ’s not a lot, but itÂ’s all the company will allow me to do. (We have a stringent gift giving policy.) She appreciated it, but still felt I was making an issue out of nothing. She is wrong.

Posted by: Contagion at 01:06 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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I'll Vouch for them... if they want it.

I wonder how many vouchers I can give out before Harvey is going to suspend my right to vouch for people. Anyway, there are two more bloggers that want to get into the Bad Example Clan. Richmond of One for the Road and Laughing Wolf of The Laughing Wolf.

IÂ’ve met both of these bloggers and IÂ’m traveling in about three weeks down to the Wolf Park to visit again. I think both of them would fit just fine into the Bad Example Clan.

Now we just have to see if my vouching for someone is a help or a hindrance. I mean I see bloggers asking other BE Family members to vouch for them, butthe don't approach me. I know, it's because I'm shy and they don't want to scare me.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:05 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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January 30, 2006

Everything you say can and will be used against you.

IÂ’ve discovered the truth of what has happened to Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks. It appears that the Frizzen Spouse © has gone and made her own blog. So we welcome Maranda of Maranda Under Stress. As I have recently discovered, having to bloggers under one roof with one computer seriously cuts back on your blogging time.

Now in a little about her post she states that I called her Maranda as I thought it was her name. That isn’t correct. When I first met her I was gung-ho about going into Law Enforcement. So I started calling her Miranda as in Miranda Rights. (MIRANDA v. ARIZONA, 384 U.S. 436 (1966), You know: “You have the right to remain silent…”)

Now to be honest I did think that her name was Maranda, but thatÂ’s not why I called her that. I was just hoping she'd excercise her right.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:54 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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I Want to Join the Bad Example Clan Because

Why do I want to be in the Bad Example Clan? Because I am the one and only unwanted stump in the Bad Example Family. By joining all the online organizations I can find, I can fool myself into believing that people actually like me and want me around. My psychologically unstable personality dictates that I must join, especially since (in HarveyÂ’s own words) IÂ’m already a member of the Bad Example family they have to let me in.

This is a good thing, I would hate to have to beg people to vouch for me. I think IÂ’d end up sitting in the corner all by myself smearing lipstick on my face while I wrote names on my list. Well okay I wouldnÂ’t do that because A) I could never find a shade of lipstick I liked, er wait I mean IÂ’d never wear lipstick. 2) Writing a list just sounds like work D) IÂ’d probably be too drunk to write.

(ItÂ’s a joke people; I donÂ’t wear lipstick nor make listsÂ… Really, I donÂ’t!)

Posted by: Contagion at 07:31 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Do I count?

Eric of Straight White Guy talks about his brother making a 30 mm cannon, at the end of it he asks “I mean, c’mon… how many friends do you have who own their own artillery?...” Reading that I instantly thought of three people, four counting myself.

IÂ’m sure by now all of you are familiar with the Howling Jezebel, my half scale mortar that I use with the mortar maidens. Of course, this isnÂ’t a cannon, but it is still artillery. It can launch a cement filled pop can over a half a mile. Someday IÂ’m going to get to test that out; I just have to find someone that will let me launch cement filled pop cans on their property. IÂ’m so used to having it around the house, that I donÂ’t think twice about it. Nor do I find it unusual that I actually own a piece of artillery. Then again, I donÂ’t find it unusual that I have more swords than firearms in my house, and IÂ’m currently up to twelve firearms counting black powder.

Having items like that around really distorts your sense of “normal”. Once I upset some females at work because they where talking about people breaking into houses and I said, “I’m not worried about it, I sleep with a battle axe.” One of the females gasped and said, “You shouldn’t talk about Ktreva like that!” After I was finished laughing I explained that no, I really have a real battle-axe next to my bed (well I did at that time, I know have a Roman Gladius). I don’t think about it too often, but I have weapons all over the house. Guns, swords, knives, axes, daggers, flails, pole arms and artillery, now I’m wondering if people who come to my house get a little nervous with all the various accoutrements of violence around.

Anyway, I went off on a tangent there. The other three people I know that own artillery are all also re-enactors. I guess we are a “special” breed. Oh and all the artillery we own is from the French and Indian war to the Civil War. Nothing with modern shells, maybe that disqualifies us from Eric’s question.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:55 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 374 words, total size 2 kb.

She actually wants in?

Susie of Practical Penumbra wants to join the Bad Example Clan. SheÂ’s looking for people to vouch for her character. Yet again, she has over looked me as a regular reader. ThatÂ’s fine, there is a reason IÂ’m known as the unwanted stump.

IÂ’ll vouch for Susie. I like her blog, and sheÂ’s good reading. Her tails from the workplace make me feel better that IÂ’m not the only one that has management issues. However, I think sheÂ’s a lot nicer to her minions employees than I am


UPDATE: Apparently she didn't over look me, I must have over looked the link. If she had linked to me under Bad I probably would have found it.

Posted by: Contagion at 01:15 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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What was I doing?

Have you ever been so pre-occupied with something you canÂ’t think about anything else? What about if that something isnÂ’t very important or even urgent?

ThatÂ’s me today. My brain is so wrapped around re-enacting I cannot think clearly. All day IÂ’ve been thinking of up coming trade shows and the schedule of events for this year. IÂ’m also pre-occupied with all the small details, nothing big. Stuff like for the first time in 7 years changing my facial hair for my character, getting a different style of hat, figuring out what the cheapest/smelliest whisky I can find is to pass off as rot gut IÂ’m distilling. The thing is that my normal re-enacting season doesnÂ’t even start until the last weekend in April, and my first pre-season Trade Show February 25 and 26. IÂ’d say this is part of the rondyflu, but I donÂ’t think it is. There is no urge to be re-enacting, I'm just planing on re-enacting.

IÂ’m just curious if IÂ’m the only one that gets this way or is this something common with other people. Well, probably a different subject, but you know what I mean.

Posted by: Contagion at 12:39 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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January 28, 2006

Jebus, The Musical!

A couple of weeks ago T1G told me he was thinking of going into the theater. I had thought he was just joking around. Then another friend sends me a link, a link that was most disturbing. JebusÂ… The Musical. HOLY CRAP! He did it! He made his dream of acting come true. We all know he has a Jebus complex. This might explain his mood right now.

Jebus will survive.JPG
Jebus will survive.

Okay, this clip starts pretty badÂ… goes to worseÂ… and then towards the end itÂ’s down right funny. Make sure to watch the whole thing, not just because I did, but also because if you donÂ’t youÂ’ll miss the best part. ItÂ’s not very long.

Posted by: Contagion at 10:32 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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This will make you think.

This may be old, but I hadnÂ’t seen it before this week. Since I havenÂ’t seen it on any other blogs I thought I would share it with you all. The instructions are in Chinesse or something so here they are in Engrish er English.

River IQ Test.JPG
River IQ Test

The object is to get everyone across the river.

Everybody has to cross the river, but there are rules:

A. Only 2 people on the raft at a time.
2. The father can not stay with any of the daughters without their motherÂ’s presence (or he will beat the snot out of them).
D. The mother can not stay with any of the sons without their fatherÂ’s presence (or she will beat the snot out of them).
4. The thief (striped shirt) can not stay with any family member if the Policeman is not there. (The thief will beat the snot out of a family member)
5. Only the Father, the Mother and the Policeman know how to operate the raft.
6. To start click on the big blue circle on the right.
7. To move the people click on them. To move the raft click on the handle. (Red circles)

It is possible, once you figure out a couple of small things it will get easier. It took me about 15 minutes to figure it out the first time and IÂ’m not the sharpest tool in the shed. The above picture is shot from when I figured it out.

Posted by: Contagion at 10:07 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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It's the final showdown!

Have you ever wondered what would happen if two heroes or super villains from different movies, TV shows or comics fought against each other? Well if you have, I then I have the video clip for you.

Showdown.bmp
The ultimate showdown!

I will warn you the very catchy tune will ear worm you. Ktreva, Clone and I have been walking around for the past 24 hours humming it.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:47 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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January 27, 2006

Friday Night Blues

Since IÂ’ve been hogging the computer all week doing blog maintenance, working a super secret project, and looking for my fun Saturday video clips, IÂ’m turning the computer over to Ktreva. IÂ’m really wishing I could justify spending the money on a laptop right now.

Now I'm going to go play with clone and see how much damage I can do while drinking. Remember, when I drink and play with clone... history lessons are taught.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:31 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Playing dirty.

The best thing about having a beautiful wife is that you can look AND touch. ThereÂ’s just something about admiring a beautiful woman that makes me smile. Throw in that when this woman walks by I can smack her on the arse and not be slapped it is even better. Well a smack, pinch or grabÂ… IÂ’m known to do any one of those actions at a given time. For the last seven years Ktreva never complained about it, well unless I was a little too rough. Now all of a sudden she must have decided that IÂ’m no longer allowed to touch.

A couple of weeks ago she informed me she needed new jeans. Off she went and bought three pairs. I didnÂ’t think anything of it. She had been wearing them around and they looked good on her. Between you and me, there is nothing sexier then a woman in a tight pair of jeans. The way it enhances her womanly figure just gets my motor running. The curve of the hips, the swell of bottom, and the roundness of the legs are all enough to drive me wild. IÂ’d rather have a woman with a good behind in tight jeans then a big-breasted woman. I guess IÂ’m weird that way. And no hip huggersÂ… they destroy the natural beauty that is woman. Hip huggers through off the natural lines and curves of a female.

Sorry, got off track there, back to my point. Ktreva is walking around in her new jeans looking good. I couldnÂ’t help myself, winding up and with the back of my hand; I let a playful slap to her bottom go. OUCH!!!!! I pull my hand back and it feels like something stung my finger. A white spot has formed on one of my fingernails where I hit. I look closer at her new jeans and realized something; she has beads all over the pockets of her jeans!

I thought they where just decorative little designs, nope these are metal studs sewn through out the back pockets in a design. She armored her arse!!! Her butt was firm before, but now itÂ’s a tank! (Hard, not the size of!) ItÂ’s an impenetrable fortress against groping, pinching and smacking! UNFAIR!

Ktreva of course is laughing about the whole thing. I’m nursing my now bruised fingers and trying to shake the sting out. She’s laughing at me. Apparently, there is humor in my pain for her. All I can think is “Denied my husbandly right to play grab arse with my wife.”

So let this be a lesson to you guys, look before you smack. Apparently, they are marketing Armor Arse jeans to the women folk out there.

Posted by: Contagion at 10:56 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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January 26, 2006

Wife Baiting?

In the post that Sarah of That’s Not Very Nice wrote welcoming Ktreva to the Blogosphere, I left the comment telling her to “Stop wife baiting”. She bugged me to tell her what wife baiting was. Since I am a surly arsehole I refused to tell her. She took it upon herself to try to figure out what it was and tried on three different posts to continue the wife baiting. Unfortunately she didn’t have it right.

Most of us know what a Troll is. Those nasty commenters that come to a blog for no other reason than to leave nasty and snarky comments trying to get a response from the blogger and their regular commenters.

Troll baiting is when you post something or make a comment that the whole purpose is to get a response from a Troll.

Wife Baiting, which is much duller than it sounds, is when someone does something to encourage a wife to continue doing something to the husbands chagrin.

Sarah had encouraged Ktreva to continue blogging, thus giving me less computer time. She was wife baiting. Unfortunately she took it to mean that Wife Baiting is when you do something to get the husband in trouble. Why would I care about that? I get myself in plenty of trouble on my own, why do you think I have to keep buying Ktreva jewelry.

Sarah, upset at her valiant attempts being flushed down the drain, finally resulted in the most loathsome of all activities. She posted a comment on her own blog under the guise of it coming from me. For shame Sarah, for shameÂ…

I do have to be honest; it was fun egging her on. Especially when she was getting frustrated. I feel sorry for the next blogger she decides to be “not very nice” with.

I'm also starting to wonder if she doesn't have an unhealthy obsession with me.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:30 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Another reason to hate phones.

This is a little story IÂ’ve held off telling for two and a half weeks. ItÂ’s a valuable lesson to all of you drinkers out there. Some of you may recall there was a blogmeet here in northern Illinois on January 8. It was the much talked about Fritzfest. If you missed it, it was your loss. I had been drinking a little and we were talking about Bloggers that werenÂ’t there.

Someone (I believe it was Tammi but I could be wrong) said we should call Army Wife Toddler Mom. In my alcohol soaked brain, this sounded like an excellent idea. Unfortunately we didn’t have a way to do it. Wait…. I have a cell phone, if I only had her number. At that point someone (I believe T1G, but I could be wrong) said “I have her number, it’s ###-###-####” (Except there where numbers and not the number symbol.)

I quickly call her up on the most hated of all electronic devices I own and precede to talk to her for a whole 5 minutes. Then we played pass the cell phone to all the bloggers. 45 minutes later and half a drained battery I get it back. ItÂ’s hot to the touch from all the bloggers that have been holding it to their head. (Yes when I got home I hit it with Clorox wipes) I put it away and didnÂ’t think twice about, until the next day.

IÂ’m at work, and my cell phone rings. The ringer on my phone is the MP3 of Foo FighterÂ’s Best of You, and it is loud. IÂ’m fumbling through my coat trying to get to it. WeÂ’re not supposed to have cell phones on at work and I had forgotten to turn it off. I look at the caller ID and donÂ’t recognize the number. IÂ’m thinking someone has a wrong number, not just because I didnÂ’t recognize the number, but also because no one calls me on my cell phone.

Upon answering the phone I have this conversation:

Contagion, “Hello”

Caller, “Hey, it’s me.”

Contagion, “uh… who’s me?”

Caller, “Army Wife Toddler Mom”

Contagion, “I’m at work, this isn’t a good time.”

AWTM, “T1G?”

Contagion, “No… This is Contagion.”

AWTM, “Oh, I thought this was T1G. I thought you called on his cell phone.”

Contagion, “No, I called you on my call phone.”

AWTM, “Well this is what you get for drunk dialing! I didn’t want to talk to you!”
And then she promptly hung up on me.

The moral of this story is: If youÂ’re going to drunken dial, use someone elseÂ’s phone. If you donÂ’t the people you called will hit redial at the most inopportune times.

Posted by: Contagion at 04:53 PM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
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No words.

SON OF AÂ… All right, I think IÂ’m going to be sent back to sensitivity class again. Not that IÂ’ve done anything yet even remotely to get a talking to, let alone sent to sensitivity class. Nope, but by the end of the month I may just explode in a ball of anger that would rival Hiroshima.

Some of you may remember reading my post about how I suck am not good at my job, according to some people. They wanted me to use these other peopleÂ’s reports to track data, because it was so much better then mine. Then last Friday I went off on how I was instructed to use these reports and I thought there might be a change.

I wasnÂ’t wrong, but it wasnÂ’t the change I was expecting.

I reverted to using my system for information on Monday; everything seemed to be going better. That was until today. As soon as our morning state of the office meeting started one of the Assistant Managers announced that my counterpart from the other office came up with a great new report. ItÂ’s so great it is going to change drastically how both offices are going to be able to track data.

I was skeptical. My counterpart hasnÂ’t had a good, original idea since she got her position. Sitting back, I was waiting to see what she had created or at least what new method she was using to retrieve data. Sitting back in my chair, bracing myself, I waited for her to start. She was nervous and barely made eye contact with anyone. She wasnÂ’t used to being in the spotlight in these meetings, so this wasnÂ’t unusual. She started:

“This report will allow us to track volumes. We will be able to track over all volumes, aging, how many items we lost cycle on and how many we will lose if we don’t close it today. It will also show us how many inquiries we handled on the same day we received them.”

Okay, my interest is piqued. This is sounding good, I have a report that does all that, but itÂ’s a little labor intensive. If sheÂ’s found a faster, better way to do it, YAY ME! Anything to make my job better or easier I will gladly embrace.

Imagine the surprise on my face when she unveils her “new” report and it is the report I created and have used for 3 years. Now imagine, if you will, not only a look of shock, but also my complete and utter inability to speak a word. My counterpart is getting praise and applause, FOR MY FARKING REPORT! Then the other offices assistant manager put match to fuse. She said, “Contagion, what do you think of this report? Will you start using it right away?”

Slowly and deliberately, I pushed my chair back from the table.

Slowly I stood up, head down looking at my stack of paper work, with this “new” report right on top. Leaning on the table with clenched fists, knuckles white and veins throbbing, I look up. Making eye contact with first my counterpart, who diverted her look, and then the assistant manger, I quietly, very quietly, say, “I think this is a great report, it has its issues, but it is better then anything else that is available. The person, who created this, in my opinion, should be congratulated on all the hard work and effort to create such a report…” The assistant manager is smiling. “Will I start using this report? No. No, I will not START using this report. I can’t, it’s not possible. To start using it would mean that I’d have to stop using it again. See, I’ve been using this report, in one form or another, for three years now. I created this report 3 years ago. I’ve been bringing it to this meeting every day, except when you told me to stop a couple of weeks ago because it wasn’t good enough.”

“Now, today, when you think someone else created it, it is a good report? I’m not saying that my counterpart stole this report; you can’t steal something that was given to you. I am not even saying she is taking false credit for creating it, I honestly think you just assumed she did. Now I will blame her for not saying she didn’t create it. Right now, I think it is in my best interest if I excuse myself from this meeting.”

At that point, I grabbed my reports and left the room. I was so pissed that I didnÂ’t raise my voice once. There was no yelling, no screaming, no swearing, I was calm and collected. I went back to my desk and sat staring at my monitor for a while. My hands where shaking in a rageÂ… yes, a rageÂ… so badly I couldnÂ’t type.

IÂ’m curious what is going to become of this, because now all the management in the office knows exactly whatÂ’s going on.

Posted by: Contagion at 12:39 PM | Comments (17) | Add Comment
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January 25, 2006

Bet you didn't know that!

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Contagion!

  1. Contagionicide is the killing of Contagion.
  2. Contagion has a bifurcated penis.
  3. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching Contagion.
  4. Contagion cannot jump.
  5. If you don't get out of bed on the same side you got in, you will have Contagion for the rest of the day.
  6. Only fifty-five percent of women wash their hands after using Contagion!
  7. In the kingdom of Bhutan, all citizens officially become Contagion on New Year's Day.
  8. A bride should wear something old, something new, something borrowed, and Contagion!
  9. In 1982 Time Magazine named Contagion its 'Man of the Year'.
  10. Abraham Lincoln, who invented Contagion, was the only US president ever granted a patent.
I am interested in - do tell me about

Now, put your mind in the gutter and re-read that. It's even more amusing

As blatently stolen from TIG.

Posted by: Contagion at 12:55 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Arise from your grave!

It looks like Graumagus of Miasmatic Review Annex Frizzen Sparks finally decided to get off his lazy arse and update my other his blog. Since heÂ’s gone and proven heÂ’s not dead, the judge ruled that I had to return the property.

Go over, welcome the guy back to the land of the living, oh, and watch out for trolls. Apparently, they multiplied while he was away.

Posted by: Contagion at 12:51 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Wolf Fest!

Laughing Wolf is putting on Wolf Fest (AKA Howl on the Prowl). Wolf Fest a blogmeet with a tour of the wolf park on February 18. (ie Wolf Fest... get it? Laughing WOLF, WOLF park... Wolf fest?!?! There you go!) All the details are in these three posts.

Ktreva and I where able to get a sitter for the boys, thus we are going to be there. I know I had said I wasn’t going to do any more blogmeets due to how uncomfortable I get around people. However, Ktreva really likes wolves. She thinks they are “pretty and cute”. Since she really wanted to go, and she had done all the nice stuff for me last weekend, I figured I would just push down my shyness one more time and go.

Therefore, if you want to see what IÂ’ve heard is a really nice wolf park, you want to meet the woman that jumped on the grenade for the rest of you ladies, or if demented enough actually to want to meet me this is your chance. Because this is definitely, the last blogmeet IÂ’m doingÂ…

Â… until the next one.

Posted by: Contagion at 12:46 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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