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I saw this over at Drunken Wisdom. If you don't know me by now, then let me fill you in. I have a strange obsession with zombies and b-movies, I couldn't resist taking this quiz.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:33 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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As many of you may recall, I hate yard work. Let me rephrase that because hate is not a strong enough word. I view yard work as a vile punishment set forth by society for transgressions committed and forth coming. IÂ’d rather clean raw sewage out of my basement then yard work. Trust me, IÂ’ve done both. ThereÂ’s just something about working with plants that makes me want to pave my property and cover it in Astroturf.

That being said, I had to mow the lawn tonight. Some people might say that mowing the lawn should be soothing because itÂ’s like decapitation a million plants. YouÂ’re wrong! ItÂ’s like giving a million haircuts to the enemy! The damn grass (read weeds) just grows back. The last time I mowed my lawn was two weeks ago tonight. ItÂ’s not that I hate doing it as to why it took me so long to mow again; I had a re-enactment and then a trip to Chicago in there. Tonight was the first free night I was able to fire up ye olÂ’ Flowbee for grass.

With all the much-needed rain we had over the last two weeks, my grass had once again grown to lengths that almost warranted it to be declared a prairie restoration area. I knew I was in trouble when after the first five minutes not only did I cause a stampede of North American Bison (AKA Buffalo), but the bagger on the mower was filled to bursting. People that have seen my house know I donÂ’t have a huge yard (for a reason). That should give you an idea of how long the grass was. I kid you not; I found the remains of a deer in my back yard that had been eaten by coyotes! The grass was almost to my knees in length!

Thirty minutes later, and four yard bags, I finished the front yard and went inside to eat dinner before starting on the back yard. My body required some nourishment in order to keep up the work. Really, it had nothing to do with my mile wide lazy streak and extreme disdain for the task at hand! Boopie, in order to fully understand his new manhood status was forced out into the yard to help. He picked up trash and sticks between fighting off a roaming tribe of plains people that had set up camp back by the once sandbox. It once was a sandbox, now it was a sandy oasis in which the plains people made fires and dried meat from the recently hunted buffalo.

It only took an additional hour to finish the back yard. The plains people revolted against the oppressors trying to take their land. Boopie and I were forced to abandon the lawn Flowbee for rifle and musket to fend off the attack. When we rescued the mower, I needed to unclog all the clippings wedged between the blade, side of the mower and the bag. Apparently you really can over fill the bags on those things. The clippings become so packed in there itÂ’s like trying to dig out cement. I kid you not; I was chipping away at the compacted clippings with a screwdriver trying to get them to come free.

But the job is done. The yard looksÂ… not unkempt. IÂ’m thinking maybe I should hire someone to do this task for me. Especially since Ktreva came out afterwards and gave me a list of other yard work she wants done. Trimming trees and bushes, digging up flowerbeds, removing small trees that started growing in odd places.

I like the rain; I know the farmers need it to make a living. But damn, I didnÂ’t have as much work to do last year in the middle of the drought!

Posted by: Contagion at 07:10 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Yesterday Boopie turned 13. As his father I felt it was my duty to start him on some of the rites of manhood. The best way to do this was with a guyÂ’s night out. After spending two weeks explaining to Ktreva why she and Clone could not come with, I started making plans. ItÂ’s a guyÂ’s night out, thatÂ’s not Guys and MOM! We started off the evening at Hooters. With the help of a couple of fellow bloggers, Shadoglare and T1G, we started the evening out right. Pretty girls, hot wings and instructional advice on the Man Code were given to Boopie by the three of us. We also gave advice on how to pick up and deal with girls.

So about right now some of the ladies out there are probably thinking to themselves, “Good lord, what kind of horrible advice did they give?” Let me tell you this, it was all good, sound advice that hopefully he retains. Trust me, the now man was in good hands.

Speaking of good hands, while at Hooters Boopie received a T-shirt autographed by all the girls and had his picture taken with them as well. I’d love to tell you the rest, however, the man code prohibits the telling of stories in this type of situation. That and a panicked “Don’t tell mom!” on the ride home has rendered my unable to speak about it.

After dinner we separated our ways from T1G and Shadoglare. They went on their way, and we headed to the Rock River Raptors game. Boopie was surprised by how good of seats I have. He knew they where good, but he didnÂ’t realize that they where upfront and in your face! Boopie participated in the half-time mini-football toss. Unfortunately he didnÂ’t win.

My favorite player on the team, Jeremiah Thompson (Number 25 in your program, number 1 in your heart) played last night. I know the web page says his number is 18, but trust me people, it's actually 25. I told him it was Boopie's 13th Birthday and he promised Boopie he would get 13 receptions and 2 touchdowns for him. Well, he didn’t get the thirteen receptions, but he did get two and half touchdowns. One of his catches he dove over the end zone wall, so it didn’t count. That’s why I’m counting it as half a touchdown. If our Quarterback hadn’t overthrown the ball, it would have been a good touchdown! The best part was that after his first touchdown, as he was running back to the bench, Thompson pointed to Boopie and said, “That one is for you.” It made Boopie’s evening to say he had a TD scored just for him.

Today the celebration is over and I have to deal with the fact that IÂ’m old enough to have a teenager. You have to understand, half the time I feel like IÂ’m still 16. Gah, IÂ’m just getting old.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:43 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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WeÂ’ve all seen it; you have some freaky looking guy or one that has the personality of a compost heap with a hot girl. Well at least I see it all the time. Most common is the guy that is just a brain dead Neanderthal who thinks heÂ’s godÂ’s gift to the world when in reality weÂ’d be better off with out him. But this guy has some pretty girl on his arm all the time which helps bolster his over-inflated ego.

I’m not the only one to have noticed this, and there is a guy that has dedicated a blog to the study of the phenomenon, Hot Chicks with Douchebags. It’s “pictures of hot chicks with total and complete douchebags. With commentary. The best thing about it is that the writer claims to be a douchebag himself, but is upset he can’t get any hot chicks.

IÂ’m not sure whatÂ’s better, the commentary or the really unflattering photoÂ’s of guys being hose heads, er douchebags! BTW, the kid above... I can't blame him. But the brunette is hotter, but the blondes boobages are more in his face. Tough decisions.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:43 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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This has got to be the most insane preacher IÂ’ve ever seen. After watching this, I really do want to go get the shotgun in my previous post! Just in case he comes to my door, I want a way to keep him at bay.

Click to watch video

This guy isn't very Christian like. I didn't realize calling people a "stupid Beotch" or "Motha Fuhka" was loving thy neighbor.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:22 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Since IÂ’ve neglected my normal Saturday waste of time, I thought IÂ’d get this one going right. First lets start with what possible has to be the coolest shotgun IÂ’ve ever seen. A friend of mine sent me this video clip for the Beretta Extrema2 shotgun.

Click to watch Video

First let me say, the guy in the video is one hell of a shot. Secondly, if the shotgun works even remotely close to the way itÂ’s shown in this video IÂ’m impressed. The asking price for this firearm is $1,098 to $1,598. I wonder how much trouble IÂ’d get in if I ordered one today?

Posted by: Contagion at 06:57 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Since Ktreva and I are huge history buffs as well as re-enactors, we enjoy a reality series done by PBS. They take people from various aspects of life, assign different roles and place them in a historical setting. The people are supposed to work together in their historically based roles to meet a pre-assigned objective. Frontier House was set in 1883 Montana Territory, the families in this episode where supposed to make a functioning community that would survive the winter. Colonial House was set in 1628 New England. The participants where supposed to make a colony that would not only survive the winter, but also be profitable to the company that funded the expedition. Texas Ranch House was set in 1867, post civil war, Texas (duh!). They where supposed to make a profitable functioning Texas ranch.

People were assigned roles based on this historical norm in their time period. They were supposed to live life and work as they would in the year they were portraying. This includes laws, social norms and tasks. As a re-enactor I would love to take the 2-3 months off of work to do something like this. Ktreva and I have both talked about it; unfortunately we have a family and just don’t see us giving up good jobs to go re-enact for 3 months straight. That and I honestly don’t think they would pick us. We have way too much experience in “primitive living.” The shows are great as you get to see people’s reaction to life in the past. We both have one problem with these shows.

The participants donÂ’t seem to get the concept, especially the women. (No offense ladies, but they donÂ’t.)

People have a hard time setting aside their 21st century beliefs to accurately portray their roles. Work doesnÂ’t get done or projects are handled with a modern twist. This doesnÂ’t bother me, but I feel they are missing out on the actual experience. What bothers me is when people want to shun the entire project. IE, you have people in 1628 refusing to go to church and admitting they are atheists, people admitting they are gay or women refusing to wear hats. ItÂ’s 1628; you would have been outcasts, severely punished and more likely executed for these transgressions. In all three you have women walking around in what would be their underwear doing daily tasks. You had men that would be disrespectful to people of higher station. They would take the women and children into what would be considered hostile situations, like negotiating with the natives.

What really bothers me are the women. In every episode it is the women that start the breakdown of the project. Why? Because they donÂ’t like the traditional roles they had to portray. They get upset because the men get to ride horses, go hunting, wrangle cattle, and do all the other romanticized historical tasks. The women want to do these same things and feel it is unfair. They donÂ’t want to do the cooking, cleaning, sewing, gardening, etc that was a common and necessary part of life back then. They complain that life isnÂ’t fair and that the guys are being chauvinistic. They tend to try to take on more authoritarian roles in the communities and resent when they arenÂ’t being listened to.

Well, I hate to break it to you ladies; life back then wasnÂ’t fair. The point of these projects isnÂ’t to give a woman a chance to experience life as a cowboy, explorer, soldier or hunter. ItÂ’s an exercise on seeing how life was like back then. Women at these time periods where chattel. Even in 1883 there was no equal rights for women. Now, before I have some of my female readers go off on me, IÂ’m not saying this is right. ItÂ’s just how life was back then. Just like youÂ’re not going to have a Black military officer in 1867 Texas, you are not going to have a female cowboy.

About now the militant panty brigade is going to say, “Well there where female cowboys, hunters, explorers etc…” To which I will respond, there are very limited examples of this. For every female you find in a non-traditional role, I’ll find a couple million examples of them being in a traditional role. These females are the extremely rare anomaly, not the norm. Triplets are more common then they were.

What I find most amusing is that I run into this problem when we re-enact. WeÂ’ve run across female warriors, soldiers, trappers, traders and craftsman (These examples do not include merchants that are selling actual wares to re-enactors and public, IÂ’m referring to people that are trying to portray a historical character.) I was at a battle a couple years ago where there were at least 10 females on the battlefield (Not even plausibly disguised) fighting. They werenÂ’t needed, they just wanted to get out there and every single one of them gave the same example of a documented case of a woman who disguised herself as a man to fight. What they left out was that she was hung shortly after being discovered because she falsely represented herself.

History isnÂ’t pretty. In fact can be down right ugly, and IÂ’m not even talking about Grau and I wearing kilts in a high wind. If youÂ’re going to do something like these shows or re-enact, at least try to do it right. If you donÂ’t like the historical role, too bad, you volunteered.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:12 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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I donÂ’t have time to post an official review or pictures from last weekend, but I can give you a brief summary. When we arrived Thursday night we had an issue finding our camp. They had some goofy method of numbering and had us joined in with four other camps. It was rather confusing. After a good friend of ours, and committee member showed us where we where to go, we got everything set up. Thursday went pretty uneventful.

Friday was beautiful. The weather was nice and Boopie and I where able to get cartridges rolled for the battle re-enactment. He was very excited as this was going to be his first one. I bought him that rifle for his thirteenth birthday. During the day school kids were going from site to site (That had a demonstration) learning about different aspects of history. They had stopped by my site, but I had to move them on. I wasn’t doing a demonstration. As it was stated to me, “We love your display, and appreciate what your bring to this event. Unfortunately some of the teachers and parents don’t think distilling is a good demonstration for children, they don’t want you promoting alcohol. We know that’s not what you are doing, but the public can be narrow minded.” So I didn’t do my demonstration. No skin off of my back, it made for a relaxing day. That night we went into town (in costume) to a restaurant for dinner with some friends of ours. We had a good time, and watching people’s reaction to French Voyagers and Scottish Mercenaries invading a Chinese food restaurant was hilarious. That and we stunk of campfire and body odor.

When we returned to camp, I abandoned my family to visit some other camps. Ktreva stayed with Clone, we canÂ’t leave him unattended in a tentÂ… stupid modern laws! In 1756 I could have tied him to a tree and been okay! I visited the RogerÂ’s Rangers camp and drank some of the most god awful homemade liquor on the face of the earth. Then I drank some of the stuff they made. I was up until almost 3:00 in the morning drinking and bullshiteing with my fellow re-enactors. Which isnÂ’t a good idea when you have a 6:00 AM wake up call in the form of a 3 year old.

I felt a bit rough on Saturday and the crappy weather didn’t help any. I was nursing a bit of a sore head and upset stomach all day. Then around 12:30 I was talking to a group of people about distilling when a wave of nausea came over me. One of them asked, “Do you ever drink what you make?” (Which is water, it’s illegal to distill any liquor in the US with out a distiller-manufacturing license, and they are cost prohibitive.) Right as they asked that question, I responded with, “O’ course Aye do. I canno’ sell mah whiskay wi’ out samplin’ it first! Now excuse me, I think I’m going to get sick.” I took about ten steps through the crowd and proceeded to vomit all over the road. I whipped my mouth, walked back to my still and continued my presentation with out missing a beat. The public just stared at me like I was insane. The weird part was that I had bacon and eggs for breakfast, and that wasn’t in my vomit. Nope, it was mainly liquid with bits of rice from the night before, but no sign of bacon or eggs. I want to know how that happened.

That afternoon I took Boopie with me to his first battle. He was instructed on how to handle his rifle and to stay with me at all times. For the first 15 minutes of the battle I was busy making sure he was following the safety rules and not hurting himself or anyone else that I only got one shot off. He was so excited he kept forgetting the rules and I had to keep reminding him of what to do, including the proper way to hold a rifle. And that is how he got hurt. My son, in his first battle almost (wait for it)… shot his eye out. Instead of shouldering the rifle properly so that the butt was firm in his shoulder, he put the top of the butt in his armpit and brought his eye close to the barrel, “To aim”. I had told him 5 times that day not to hold it like that, but he kept doing it. The last time I was just yelling at him to hold the rifle correctly when he pulled the trigger. If you are familiar with Flintlocks, then you know that when you pull the trigger there is a small explosion in the pan by the hammer. If you didn’t know that, you do now. He caught black powder all along side his face. He was okay, a little more freckled and bloodshot eye. I sent him back to camp to have Ktreva check him out to make sure he was okay. After the battle I went back to check on him and he was okay, he was more worried I was mad at him then he was hurt.

That night the rain and wind got heavier. We were invited to numerous camps to socialize; however we had to turn them all down. We canÂ’t leave Clone unattended. I offered to let Ktreva go out and IÂ’d stay with the boy, but she didnÂ’t want to. We ended up sitting around the fire just talking for a while, and then went over to a neighboring camp to join their festivities. That and they had a better set up to block the wind and rain.

Sunday morning we were awoken to the sounds of vehicles and people packing. I stepped out of the tent, found an even coordinator and confirmed they canceled the event. The weather was supposed to be worse then the day before, so they where letting people pack in and go home early. Ktreva and I took the break in the rain as a chance to break camp, pack up and get home so we could hang the wet canvas to dry.

We had a good time for the time we were out there. Although we are kind of saddened and worried. We found out that four re-enactors that we know are looking to sell off their gear and get out of re-enacting. There are a lot of people that have been either getting so old they retire or give up re-enacting of late. Not too many younger people are getting involved. Hell, Ktreva and I are pups in the re-enacting crowd. The average age for what we do has got to be 55, and that may be a young estimate. We just hope some younger people pick it up; I donÂ’t want to have to find a new hobby.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:20 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I just got back from a business trip to Chicago. I’ve been there since Monday, hence the complete lack of posting. Work sent me for a class on diversity. (IE don’t discriminate against people different then you.) It was painfully evident after the first couple of hours that this class was misnamed. It should have been called, “If you are a non-disabled white heterosexual male 30-55, you have everything handed to you awareness class.” The class of 25 had a good mix of people in age, race, religion and gender. I’d throw in sexual orientation, but I don’t know what everyone’s was.

This class did more damage then good. ThatÂ’s not just my opinion, but also that of at least 10 others that took the class. The class came across as saying that even though now you donÂ’t look at race, age or gender when making decisions; you need to start. If you have four people applying for a job, it doesnÂ’t matter who is the best qualified for the position. If they all meet the minimum requirement for the position, you need to then look at what race/gender/age you need to make your employees more diversified.

My jaw about hit the table. IÂ’ve always been a person that didnÂ’t look at race, gender, age or anything else like that. When I assigned tasks, jobs or gave a promotion I based it on who was the best for the job. Who was the most qualified, who would be able to do the work. Apparently I was wrong. IÂ’m supposed to make sure I have a mix of employees. Thus the next time I do promotions since I donÂ’t have a male employee, if one puts in for it and just barely makes the minimum requirements, I should promote them over anyone else. IÂ’m sorry, thatÂ’s bullshite! I donÂ’t care if the person is an albino Creole homosexual missing two legs and an eye. If they are the best qualified for the job, they get it.

Apparently, IÂ’m wrong. ItÂ’s not about who is best qualified, itÂ’s about what race, gender, age, religion, disability or sexual orientation who gets the job. IÂ’m very disappointed in my company right now. Here I thought I worked for a company that none of that mattered. A company that valued the employee for ability, skill and knowledge over anything else.

I hate being wrong.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:51 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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