February 16, 2006
In fact a couple of years ago, I was damn near being a Nazi about it. That is when I discovered that itÂ’s not possible to find out the exact percentage of the individual CSR. Sure, corporate gives us reports saying what each individuals percentage is, but itÂ’s wrong. They know it, and any Inventory Manager worth a damn knows it. Meanwhile my counterpart is smiling and nodding like itÂ’s a great idea. To burst the bubble, I spoke out.
“It’s not possible. The reports are inaccurate. They may show someone had an 80% closure rate, but it’s not their fault. They transferred the inquiry to someone else and they finished it. The person that originally took the call doesn’t get credit for the closure, even though it’s closed. I tried this a couple of years ago and all I succeeded in doing was dragging the morale through the mud. The employees end up getting upset that we are chastising them for doing something that they didn’t do, and rightfully so.”
Well that wasn’t good enough; nope they still wanted to do it anyways. Of course, the wonderful support from peers really helped me, that’s right; they cowered in their chairs not saying a word. This went back and forth for a good 15 minutes. Then I made this statement, “Look, I’ve done this before. It doesn’t work. All we succeed in doing is pissing off the employees. This has no benefit to anything. I can’t get the data you want and I am not about to stir up trouble and make a bigger headache for me just to prove I’m right. I’ve been using this software for 4 years, if you don’t want to learn from my experience then do it yourselves.” For the record, most of the people in the room had only been dealing with this system for about 8 months, and even my peers that have been working on it as long as I have acknowledge that I am the guru of what the software can and can’t do.
At the meeting, they decided to discuss this more at a later time. WednesdayÂ’s morning meeting arrives and there I sat. Sure enough in walks the other office manager all smiles with a stack of papers under her arm. As soon as the meeting starts, she says that her and my counterpart found a report that shows what each person's same day responses are. I kept my face schooled as she spoke about this great find. Just so you know, this report has been on the system for 6 years, they damn well should have known about it before yesterday.
She passes the stack around and wants everyone to take one. Soon enough all of the supervisors are Ooohing and ahhhing like the yes men they are. With a slightly smug look, the manager looks at me and says, “What do you think?” I grin big. Unknowing to her, she just played into plan perfectly. I figured they where going to try to blindside me, so I came prepared. Standing up I personally hand to each individual in the room a packet that includes an example of the same report. Next I proceeded on this little spiel, “I didn’t figure you would believe what I said yesterday so I took the liberty of gathering some examples of how this report is flawed. Since I didn’t want to spend much time on this, I figured two examples would be sufficient, if you would like more just come see me after the meeting. Here we have production on two of our employees. Employee A shows at a 100% same day response, employee B shows at a 90% same day response rate. Based on what you where saying yesterday you would want me to provide feed back to Employee B, while praising employee B, correct?”
They all acknowledged that was correct.
“Here is the problem. Even though the report shows that employee B had a 100% same day response rate, she never takes a phone call. She is one of my off the phone employees. Thus, she is closing other people’s inquiries. In fact if you look at employee A, two of her inquiries that she didn’t get counted for was closed by employee B. If you turn to page three you will see a separate report, this is a list of all the inquiries employee A started yesterday. You will notice that 2 of them where closed by employee B. They are the highlighted ones for your convenience. Now the other 3 of Employee A’s non-closures are sitting in our Technician queues.”
“Employee A did nothing wrong, all of her pends where proper. Yet you want me to give her feedback and tell her to do better? I think not. I think we as management need to give feedback to the people that are supposed to work these items and aren’t. To me, part of being a leader is knowing not only when to address and issue, but with whom.”
When I finished I think any one of them would rather have been hunting buddies with VP Cheney, than sitting in that room with me. They conceded my point and dropped it like a bag full of rotting mayo and horseradish. ItÂ’ll be interesting to see what happens today.
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February 15, 2006
If you would be so kind as to humor me and sign my map, I would appreciate it.
ItÂ’s all for fun, and maybe for vacation planning in the future. Since I like to travel all over hell and back, it would be nice to know if there are any bloggers, I might be able to visit on my journeys.
Update: I did something wrong orriginally and had to correct it. If you signed once, I would appreciate if you could resign the new map. Thanks, and sorry for the inconvienance.
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Today is one of my minions last day in our department; she was promoted to a new position in a different department. Since this is her last day with us, they decided to throw her a potluck. I brought in my legendary chicken enchilada casserole (yes, I cook.) as my dish to pass. It was gone by 9:00 AM; itÂ’s that good. Someone brought in a lunchmeat and cheese tray to make sandwiches. I love a good sandwich, so I made myself roast beef and cheddar sandwich on pumpernickel. Upon taking a bite out of it at my desk, I knew it needed something. No one had brought in any condiments for the sandwiches.
Well, no problem, I just finished cleaning out my desk drawer that had the condiment packages in it, I knew where to find what I needed. Digging through the box I put them in, I pulled out some salad dressing (aka generic mayo) and horseradish. While I was doctoring up my sandwich one of my minions was asking me questions. Then we had a minor emergency on the floor I had to go put out. Forward 20 minutes later, I return to my desk to finish what I was originally doing.
While I was working, I picked up the sandwich and took a bite out of it. It didnÂ’t take but a split second for me to realize something has gone horribly wrong with my sandwich. To say it tasted bad would be quite delicate, this tasted like licking the bottom of a road kill skunk. My gag reflex was kicking into overdrive. Before I hurled, I spit the sandwich out into the trash. Thankfully, IÂ’m still hooked on Listerine Pocketpaks. Three of those strips took the taste out of my mouth.
Carefully I peeled back the bread on the sandwich to take a peek. There, between the lettuce and the meat, was some kind of opaque, green-yellow colored substance with the consistence of baby snot. Sick baby snot! It didnÂ’t take much for me to figure out what the hell that was. Apparently, those condiment packages only last so long, I was looking at the congealing mixture of horseradish and generic mayo gone bad.
The two different rancid substances mixed together had created some kind of chemical reaction. Noticeable distortions in the air were visible around it. The stench was god-awful and it cause my stomach to contract so violently I was sure I was about to spew forth the entire contents of not only my stomach, but also my entire bowel. I am not kidding when I tell you that I think I created life. A life that did NOT want to exist and it new who its creator is.
It might have been my gagging or some psychotropic side effect, but I swear the stuff started to pulsate and move. Grabbing the sandwich, I carried it to a trashcan at an empty desk and threw it away. There was no way in hell that sandwich was staying anywhere near me. I figured let someone else enjoy my stinky creation.
Then I threw away all the condiment packages. I donÂ’t want to risk making the same mistake twice.
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February 14, 2006
It all started at 11:00 this morning. The employees could go into the break room and for a $1.00 buy a carnation for someone else. Then some poor sap would deliver the flower to the recipient. Yes, that poor sap was I. Come to find out; this whole thing was a fundraiser for some charity. AKA, my company was bilking the employees for free advertising. You donÂ’t believe me? Let me explain it to you.
When companies, especially large companies like what I work for, do fund raisers for charities it is so they can get their names in the papers. When that charity goes to various places they can list the XYZ Company as a benefactor. Since most of these companies either match their employeesÂ’ donation dollar for dollar or set a flat fee, they end up paying in most cases not more then 50% of the donation. Basically the employees foot the bill to spread the company name. Trust me, IÂ’ve sat in on the committees for these drives.
Anyway, IÂ’m way off topic here. Sorry about that, just a little side rant. At first delivering these flowers was annoying. I didnÂ’t know who 90% of the employees where nor where they sat, so it took me forever to deliver them at first. But after the first 30 minutes it started picking up, and I actually started enjoying myself.
I work with mainly females, I believe it’s about 90-95% female environment. When I would start to walk down the rows the females would look on in hope and anticipation. Their faces read, “Mr. Contagion, please stop here. Give me a flower. Confirm that people like me, give me some hope that I’m not an unwanted loser.” Then as I passed them by, as was more likely to happen, the look of rejection was priceless.
Their sagging heads and slumped posture just screamed out, “Nobody loves me, I have no friends. There isn’t even anyone that likes me enough to pretend.” Upon noticing this the first time, I started watching for it. Sure enough every row, every isle, every flower I delivered there was at least one person that would get the look of rejection! There were a handful of women that did the same thing every time I passed. Each time getting more and more dejected, at one point I thought one of them would implode from the stress.
Then to make things even better, whoever planned this did a horrible job. They only bought 400 flowers to sell. We have almost 700 people in our office. Some people where buying flowers by the dozen and giving them to one person. One girl I probably delivered close to 20 flowers to in the course of an hour. We had completely sold out by 11:45 AM and the sale was supposed to go on until 2:00 PM.
People who waited to buy flowers never got a chance. Some of those rejected individuals may actually have had a chance of getting a flower if there were enough to go around. When I noticed that we were starting to run out, I quickly bought a flower for Ktreva (Remember we work together) and delivered it to her. She didnÂ’t need that unloved feeling. As a bonus it denied someone else a flower!
All in all it was actually fun. I may even do it again next year.
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To be honest, I find this holiday pretty damn insulting. I donÂ’t need some St. of frou-frou love telling me that I have to do something special for my wife. IsnÂ’t that something I should do on my own and on a regular basis, not just once a year? Sure, some of you are going to smart off, well you do it on a regular basis AND on Valentines Day. Well Bullocks on you! If IÂ’m forced to shell out money to buy a gift for someone, why the hell should I do it all the other days? YouÂ’ve already mugged me for a gift; I hope you enjoy it! If I give them of my own free will, then IÂ’m more likely to do it again of my own free will. And not just when I did something stupid to get myself in trouble.
Plus, if the gift is obligatory, is it really heart felt? Think about it, did you buy your special someone a gift just because you wanted to or because it was Valentines Day. Some of you are probably lying to yourself and saying both. I call BS! Yes, I do! If Valentines Day was next month you wouldnÂ’t have gotten a gift for your loved one this week. You would have waited until next month to do it. Admit it, itÂ’s okay.
Today at work, I’ve been “volunteered” to hand out flowers at work. Yea, that’s right. Mr. Love and cheer here gets flower distribution duty for all the minions. This is part of someone’s plan to “soften” my image with the employees. They even wanted me to dress up as cupid. CUPID PEOPLE! Can you imagine me walking around work in nothing but a giant diaper holding a bow and arrows with heart shaped heads? (You’re welcome for that mental image!) Needless to say, I put my foot down and said, “I’ll wear a red shirt and tie, that’s as far as I’ll go.” True to my word, I’m wearing a red shirt… Blood red.
My ever so cheery smile will be walking up to people, dropping flowers on their desk. I’ve even written a little poem to recite when I deliver the flowers. “On this Valentine’s day, someone bought a flower for you. It’s not from me, because I don’t have a heart like others do.” Then I’m going to smile one of those forced smiles that looks like I’ve gone insane.
Valentines Day, Bahumbug!
Yes, I did get Ktreva a gift, IÂ’m not that stupid.
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February 13, 2006
I went to Munuviana to see if there was anything out there on this issue. There was a post on the English Language being banned. Being curious I tried to comment in Spanish and German. Nope, they didnÂ’t work either. I donÂ’t know whatÂ’s going on, but IÂ’m sure itÂ’ll be fixed. If itÂ’s just me, and you miss my comments, IÂ’m sorry! I tried!
Update: It appears to be working now. Thanksy Pixie Misa!
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The hardest part was controlling the gun. After loading the jerky gun with the cured ground meat, I started making the sticks. I had a strong grip on the shaft as I squeezed the handle. All of a sudden, the meat was squirting everywhere. Apparently, I pulled harder then I thought. After wiping down the tray, I reloaded the gun for another round. The second time is the charm, right?
This time I was very gentle, and was able to lay long lines of the meat. After 20 minutes, I had all the trays fully loaded with the soon to be dried pepperoni snacks. Just like the last time it took about 6 hours for the soon to be snacks to finish. Again, I had to pat down the meat to get the excess grease off. This was using the leanest ground beef I could find, IÂ’d hate to see what it would be like with a fattier meat.
After the drying process, I put the pepperoni snacks on paper towels to dry for a couple of hours. Again, I wanted to remove the excess grease from the sticks. When they where finished “drying” I decided to sample one to see how it was. To be honest with you, these turned out pretty damn good. They actually taste like pepperoni flavored snack sticks. (This is not the same as actual pepperoni.) Since I made these after the “contagious” period, I let my wife and boys try some.
Clone, who is an avid pepperoni fan, couldnÂ’t get enough of them. If I had left the bag where he could reach them, he would have eaten all of them by himself. When Ktreva slipped one of my meat sticks into her mouth, the look of surprise on her face told me all I needed to know. The moaning and MMmmmmMMMmmming told me she liked it. She kept trying to gobble up my meat the entire weekend.
I will have to say that my first experiments with making jerky and jerky like products have resulted in a success. Now I need to start pricing meat so that I can find the best deal for low-fat meats to make jerky.
I thinking of making a second batch to take with to the Wolf park. For the us, not the wolves.
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It starts out as English, “Dada, I want to…” but then it goes horribly wrong, some mixed up language that only the child understands. “…bregaft marka mook.” At which point the adult tries to translate. “You want to breakfast to make a poop?” The child will repeat itself, “Dada, I want to bregaft marka mook!” “You want to bring markers to mom?” Of course, this goes on for hours with no success. The child just gets frustrated and sentences come out of your mouth you never thought you would say.
On the flip side there is the child trying to imitate what you said and getting it all wrong. Such as an incident that happened to me recently when I was playing with Clone. While I was sitting on the couch, he would come running up to me. I would grab him and toss him in the air over my head. This went on for a while until my arms started to get tired. He wanted to continue to play, but I had enough. I told him no more, it was time to play something else. Clone, being the even inquisitive almost 3 year old asks, “Why?” (I really was hoping this stage wouldn’t hit for another year or so.) My response was that I was tired.
I believe my exact words were, “Because Daddy is tired.” He looks at me a second and responds with, “Dada, you’re not tarded.” Of course, I’m happy my son doesn’t think I’m retarded, but I tried correcting him. “No, tired; not tarded.” To which he responded, “Tarded!” Now, for those of you that haven’t had the pleasure of trying, you cannot change a 2 year olds mind when it’s made up. It doesn’t matter what I actually said, he is convinced the word coming out of my mouth is “tarded” not “tired”.
I will admit; there is something nice about having someone confirm that you are not retarded. Even if you know they donÂ’t mean it
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The pain is still there, it is subsiding some. There is still the sensation that my eye is being gouged out, but at least itÂ’s not as strong today. Well either that or IÂ’m getting accustomed to the sensation. Today I am developing a minor headache on the right side of my head, yes, itÂ’s that generalized. It starts from behind my eye all the way to the side of my head, just about my right ear.
At this point, we have ruled out shingles. There is no noticeable rash, pox of discoloration of the face. If it were shingles, it definitely would have manifested by now. Since weÂ’ve ruled that out, it means itÂ’s one of the more mundane medical afflictions.
I have a follow up appointment with the ophthalmologist on Wednesday. I appreciate all of the advice and concerns about my eye. IÂ’m going to try to answer everyoneÂ’s questions.
IÂ’ve already seen an ophthalmologist on the first day. My GP works in a large office and the have one on site that examined me, that is how we know there is nothing wrong with the eye itself, itÂ’s the surrounding tissue. There are no scratches, foreign substances or chemicals in my eye. Well, other then what the doctors have put there. The actual eyeball itself is perfectly normal. There is a loss of sensation on my eyelids and face around the eye, which however may be due to the already existing pain.
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February 11, 2006
Night of the Living Dead in 30 seconds
(and re-enacted by bunnies)
ItÂ’s worth a quick chuckle.
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The first and only English-to-12-year-old-AOLer translator!
ThatÂ’s right, you can turn anything you type into a misspelled horror that any professional educator would have a heart attack reading. If you would like to see how this works, just check out the extended entry. I translated this post using it just so you can see how it works.
more...
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I wonder if this is what The Conservative UAW Guy had in mind when he was translating what “I’m going to the range” meant.
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February 10, 2006
I’ve checked the dryness of the meat a couple of times now. It’s still pretty pliable and “moist”. Like moister then Slim Jim beef jerky. Which is way too moist for my liking. Looking at it, I figure I have another hour or two left before it’s done. I’m afraid if it goes too long I’ll make roofing shingles.
Now, a friend of mineÂ’s mother makes her own jerky. ItÂ’s some real good stuff. A couple of months ago she over dehydrated it and it was crispy. Yes, crispy. It was like biting into a thick meat potato chip. Now, the taste wasnÂ’t bad, actually it tasted pretty dang good. It was just interesting to eat meat that crunched.
After this batch, IÂ’ve got some pepperoni flavored curing right now. IÂ’ll keep you updated as things progress through out the day.
UPDATE 17:52: Okay, the meat has been drying for almost 6 hours now. It is still way too moist. I will continue drying.
UPDATE 20:08: About 20 minutes ago I pulled off the trays, it is done. It took about 8 hours to get the texture that I like. I'm trying again tomorrow with a second batch. Some things I've learned from this first experiment. When checking the dryness I need to check every tray. Apparently the trays to the bottom dry faster then the ones on top. Drying meat is greasy, I actually did wipe down the excess grease but dang! I have enough rendered fat here to make historically accurate soap! As for the taste, not bad. I think it needs more garlic, either that or diced jalepanos.
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Yesterday he wanted to watch on his own, so I came in here to do some blogging. In the background I hear Jimmy Neutron on the TV. Okay, this is a fairly decent cartoon for kids, not as good as the stuff I had growing up, but better then a lot of the crap they have on TV today. As I was reading away on a blog, part of the episode catches my ear. Apparently Jimmy has invented some kind of candy that everyone loves and is instantly addicted to. Jimmy made crack candy, people.
Then I hear Jimmy say something along the lines of, “With their over whelming desire for my candy, I can bend peoples wills to fulfill my every need.” People, Jimmy Neutron, boy genius, is a crack dealer! Well, maybe crystal meth, but still he’s a drug-dealing bastard! They showed kids, and some adults, doing his every command so they could get a fix. Instantly, I had a lot of respect for Jimmy. The kid really is a boy genius! He created a candy that is addictive and only side effect is that it tastes good, thus it’s not truly a drug. Then Jimmy, boy dumb arse, grows a conscience and decides to not may anymore because people were getting out of control. If Jimmy truly were a genius he would have started charging money for the crackandy and hired bodyguards to protect him.
Then this morning I made a startling observation. Now, I donÂ’t watch a lot of cartoons, I pretty much hate the damn things. Clone loves them, so they are on all the time. In fact right now he is watching Dora, international drug smuggler. Hey, maybe she works for Jimmy? His favorite cartoon is Spongebob Squarepants. This has to be one of the most idiotic cartoons IÂ’ve seen. Ever since he first started watching Spongebob, one of the voices always sounded familiar and struck a cord of fear in me.
Now everybody and their mother knows that Patrick is voiced by Dauber from Coach. The voice I’m talking about is for Mr. Krabs. This morning, I’m sitting here typing up my eye post when I hear Mr. Krabs speak. Like a thousand bolts of lightening striking me at the same time, I instantly recognized the voice. Krabs says, “There’s only one.” The phrase was close enough, because what I heard was the Kurgan from Highlander say, “There can be only one!” Some of you may know the Kurgan better as Drill Sgt. Zim. Either way, this is the guy we have talking to our kids daily. Suddenly I have more respect for Spongebob Squarepants. I wouldn't want to work for Drill Sgt. Kurgan.
Mr. Krabs is the Kurgan! Great, we have an immortal crab running around selling crabby patties on the bottom of the ocean to all the animals down there. Hey, wait. All the sea creatures love crabby patties, they have to have them and plankton is trying to steal the formulaÂ… Mr. Kurgan is a drug dealer like Jimmy!
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The pain hasnÂ’t increased any; itÂ’s about the same as yesterday. There has been a shift in it, now it feels as if someone is pushing their finger in my eye along the corner next to the nose. ItÂ’s an uncomfortable pressure, and is rather quite distracting.
The swelling and puffiness is about the same. Nothing of any real consequence to cause any noticeable difference. My eye doesnÂ’t want to stay open, but I donÂ’t know if that has anything to do with the swelling or if itÂ’s because it is more comfortable when it is closed.
I am still producing some mighty eye boogers. Just before I started typing this, I wiped one away that was crunchy and gooey at the same time. The coloring is still yellowish; I think that is a good sign.
There is no discoloration or sign of pox again this morning. Since IÂ’m going on five days of this, I think IÂ’m going to rock the boat and declare I do NOT have shingles. IÂ’m pretty sure that by now it should have started manifesting itself. What ever I have must be something else. Which can be good or bad.
I was going to post some pretty nasty pictures of what shingles of the face/eye looks like, but I decided not to. Some of you might be curious, but I think the rest would prefer not to see it.
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February 09, 2006
Tonight he didnÂ’t pick apart the burger. He ate the whole thing the way it was supposed to be eaten. Well, except he would dip it into the ketchup that was for his French fries. Maybe things are changing in the way he eats. We could only be so lucky.
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My answer to you is; grow up and get a pair! No, you do have a valid point. Since I’ve never made jerky before I have no clue what I’m doing. I figured I would start small. A one-pound batch and take it from there. After “cooking” down, that will only make about 1/3 pound of dried meat snacks. That’s just enough for me. There will be no sharing of the first batch.
I started off washing my face thoroughly. Never have I cooked using my face, but I thought “Hey! The crunchy bits my eye is producing might add flavoring.” Actually, I did that because it needed to be done, then after that I washed my hands. Then I used hand sanitizer, and then I washed my hands again. Sure I might not be sharing it, but lets not be dirty about it.
After a scrubbing that would make Adrian Monk proud, I started mixing the seasoning and curing mix. Okay this is easy enough. Again, this is my first time making jerky so IÂ’m going with the ultra cheap method of using ground beef. I know itÂ’s not the same, but if I screw up, at least IÂ’m only out a couple of bucks, even if it is the ultra-lean variety.
I spent 10 minutes in the kitchen kneading the meat, seasonings, and cure mix together. Of course right in the middle of it, who comes to my door? The damn Com-Ed (electric company) man wanting to read my meter, thatÂ’s who. Washing my hands, I show him to the meter. After he leaves I go back through the scrubbing ritual and start kneading the meat. After I finished, I went back to mixing the meat, seasoning and cure mix together. IÂ’m kiddingÂ… I washed my hands again before I started mixing.
Now I have to let the mix sit and cure for 4 to 24 hours. IÂ’m thinking IÂ’m going to let it cure until tomorrow. Since itÂ’s late in the day, and itÂ’s going to take about 6 hours to dry, I donÂ’t want to be up half the night waiting on it.
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First let me note that the pain/discomfort has increased. It mildly hurts when I blink now, and if I keep my eye closed it just is downright painful. This has caused for an interesting twitching sensation in my right eye, which by the way annoys me. When I get annoyed, my eye twitches. ItÂ’s a vicious cycle, so now I need to calm down to get the twitching to stop. The twitching is very uncomfortable.
There is still only a slight swelling/puffiness to the eye. Which is good, because I’d rather it not look like my wife was beating me. What would I tell the guys at the range? “No really Jimmy John, I have an eye infection. My old lady did not haul off an’ backslap me because I came home 2 hours late smelling of whisky and strippers.”
Other then a slight blurring, my vision seems to be fine. This is a good thing as that means that the eyeball itself is A-ok. If it gets worse, then what ever it is may have spread to my eyeball and that would be bad.
At this time there is a slight discoloration to the skin under the eye. Is it the pox? I donÂ’t know yet. Only time will tell. There is no itching. The only drainage IÂ’m getting is a slight watering of the eyes. There is no puss. However, this morning when I woke up the eye booger that I had was massive and has reformed twice.
Since Machelle brought it up, I will address the issue of my going to the Blogmeet next weekend. If I have something contagious I will NOT be going. Ktreva may go by herself, but I wonÂ’t be coming with. IÂ’m sure none of you want this and I donÂ’t know if the wolves would be susceptible to it, but IÂ’m sure Laughing Wolf doesnÂ’t want to find out. Before someone smarts off, I know, you're all praying for something contagious!
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February 08, 2006
He thinks I may have Shingles. ItÂ’s a variation of the Chickenpox virus. Either that or I have some infection that is focusing on that area. Either way IÂ’m not too thrilled with it. IÂ’m supposed to watch it for the next week and if it spreads, I develop some kind of rash or if it persists, IÂ’m to call him back.
The funny thing is that he came to that conclusion AFTER turning my eye orange checking to make sure it wasnÂ’t damaged. Luckily the color should fade in 2-3 hours. Personally, I think it would be kind of cool to walk around with one eye normal and the conjunctiva of the other eye orange.
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As I laid there in the dark, fearing the beating I was about to receive, a sense of déjàvu came over me. This is not the first time I’ve laid in this bed in fear of being beaten by my wife. She actually did beat me once, it happened way back when…
(Insert wavy flashback lines)
Â…we were not yet married. I was working for the State, 11 PM to 7 AM, my days off rotated and at the time of the incident they where Thursday and Friday. Ktreva worked Monday through Friday 7 AM to 3:30 PM. In order to keep my sleep schedule from screwing up too much, I would stay up late on my days off, not going to bed before 4:00 AM. When my sleep schedule was screwed up, it made my first day back to work very difficult.
One night after watching some really bad movie on late night television, I went upstairs and crawled into bed. Leaning over, I kissed my lovely wife on the top of her head. She sits up in bed and in perfect form punches me in the eye! The woman I love and am going to marry punched me as hard as she could for kissing her! Fortunately, she is not the strongest woman in the world as it didnÂ’t hurt, but it more then shocked me a little.
With out a word, she lies back down and falls asleep. Not wanting to anger her anymore, I just laid there thinking, “What the hell was that for?” When morning came and I finally rose from my slumber, Ktreva had already left for work. That day I went over to a friend’s house to help him with some stuff. His wife looks at me and asks, “What happened to your eye?” I hadn’t looked at myself in the mirror that morning, but my wife had given me a black eye!
When I finally went home, Ktreva was in the office on the computer. She saw me enter the house. With a big smile, she got up to give me a hug and a kiss. I on the other hand pointed a finger at her and yelled, “YOU STAY TEN FEET AWAY FROM ME!” She wanted to know why she had to stay away. I wanted to know why she felt the need to punch me. I regale her with the tale of her dotting me in the eye, and what does she do? My “loving” and “caring” wife is laughing her arse off. She doesn’t remember doing it. At least that is what she claims. To this day, she still claims not to remember, let alone know why she punched me.
Now, to be honest, I was somewhat proud she used perfect form.
Posted by: Contagion at
12:27 PM
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