How many times have you been watching a movie and get irritated by something they do with a computer? I know I do. My personal favorite annoyance is how monitors can be so bright they project the image onto the operatorÂ’s face. I spent hours playing with various monitors just to see if I could duplicate it. I was successful once, using a Proxima.

With people becoming more computer savvy every day, you would think Hollywood would at least try to not insult our intelligence. Yet, these are the same people that like to take historical events and turn them into farces of actual events. I swear their motto is, “Screw what really happened, we want more special effects!”

Over at annoyances.org someone took the time to actually list all of their pet peeves regarding The Use of ComputerÂ’s in Movies. ItÂ’s pretty amusing.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:52 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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It looks like we have some answers to my earlier memeÂ’s

See the responses for Dr. Phat Tony, Bouddica, Barb and Wes.

ChemicalNova hasnÂ’t had time to post them yet, I think heÂ’s trying to tell us all something.

Oh, and before I get, time to google bomb Dr. Phat Tony again... Can you tell I really want that t-shirt? So now I'll send another link his way for all this stuff: History of Thanksgiving, History of Discovery of America, How to Join the Canadian Army and Girls Gone Wild. Apparently heÂ’s already number one for Humpback Midget.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:39 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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ItÂ’s been a while since IÂ’ve gone off on Home Rule in Rockford, Illinois. After putting up my last two posts I can see IÂ’m getting a steady stream of hits regarding it. That makes me feel good, it shows me that people out there, like myself, are willing to do the research on something before they just blindly take someoneÂ’s word on it. Then I saw this article.

“During a short statement, Jim Keeling told the council that home rule is an important tool for dealing with problems and opportunities within the community.

I implore you to adopt an enabling resolution,” Keeling said. “Over the next several months, we hope to have a full public-education process about the specifics of home rule.”

and

“The council puts items on the ballot all the time,” (Mayor) Morrissey said. “I think there are a lot of aldermen who are supportive of home rule.”

Aldermen have until Jan. 17 to pass an enabling resolution for the spring election.

Empower Rockford could also collect and turn in signatures from 10 percent of the cityÂ’s registered voters, something Keeling said the group would not attempt.

Back in 1983 when the people decided they wanted to revoke Home Rule, because it was abused, they where forced to collect the signatures. The counsel at the time felt it was up to the people. Today it seems that the people that want to restore want to abuse the system and instead of letting the people decide, force it onto the ballet with out even doing the legwork. Why would they want to do this?

Because if forced to get the signatures they may not get the 15,012 that would be required to get the resolution on the ballot. If they can’t get the signatures, why am I worried, they won’t get the votes, right? Wrong! The tendency of people is to vote yes when they aren’t sure what the referendum is for. That might sound strange, but it is true. People when confronted with a choice on voting; tend not to abstain from the vote if they don’t understand the issue. Instead they will guess and in this case yes/no. So right off the bat you have a 50/50 chance of getting the vote you want. THEN, when you take into consideration there are too many people that will vote they way they are told or in some cases “paid”, you really can swing it the way you want.

By Jim Keeling taking this straight to the city council, we are already witnessing the potential abuses of Home Rule. But home rule isnÂ’t even passed yet, how is this an example. Simple. If they are willing to by pass the people on this issue to get what they want, what wonÂ’t they bypass the people on to get what they want? In this article in the Rock River Times, we can see where the Mayor is talking about using Home Rule to increase sales tax and decrease property tax. With out home rule this would have to go to the people to decide. With home rule, the Mayor can take it straight to the counsel and they can decide for the people. ABUSE people. Wake up and smell the coffee!

As citizens they are trying to take away our right of self-governing, they want to take away our voice. Do you want this? Do you feel that someone needs to think for you? I don’t. I want, no… I need to be able to go to the polls and say, “No, I do not want this tax” or “Yes, I want more restrictions on our government.”

Please, people of Rockford. Vote No to Home Rule and voice your concerns to your alderman. We donÂ’t want our basic rights taken away from us.

To see the rest of the Home Rule in Rockford, Illinois posts. Click Here.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:20 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Oh people what have I done? I took the day off of workÂ… CanÂ’t have me working 5 days in a row now can we? Since I was alone, I thought it was time to hit the stores and do that Christmas shopping that I got sidetracked from doing last Friday. After finishing, I decided that I was going to treat myself to some lunch. Looking in my pocket, I discovered I only had $5.00 and some change to my name. That severely limits the places one can go to get food or at least a food like substance.

Like a herd of stampeding cattle, an idea slammed into my head. I know where I can get real food, at little to no cost! El Burrito Loco! Yes, that is the name of a real restaurant; itÂ’s kind of like a fast food joint, only with real food, and not so fast. They donÂ’t start cooking until you place the order. Off to El Burrito Loco I went!

Walking in I’m greeted by this short Hispanic girl. By short I’m talking she couldn’t have been over four foot 10. She has the stereotypical Hispanic/valley girl accent. You know, the one where no matter what they say, it sounds like they are asking you a question. “Welcome to El Burrito loco? My name is Lupey? Can I help you?” Maybe I should lie and say I’m surprised by that, but I’m not. I’m also not surprised everyone there was Hispanic and that when Lupey called back the order she did it in Spanish. I guess that makes me some kind of racist. It doesn’t help that I don’t like Mexican culture… but I sure love Mexican food!

Looking at their menu my eyes lock on to what I want. GIANT BURRITO (your choice of meat): $4.25. When they say your choice of meat they mean it. They have beef, chicken, pork, tripe, brains, tongue, egg, etc. Yes they really have tripe, brains and tongue on the menu. Me, I’m not feeling adventurous today, I order a beef burrito. $4.54… SWEET! A giant burrito AND change. Lupey yells back “El gringo estúpido para arriba aquí pidió un burrito gigante con carne de vaca!” I smile and go wait with the others. .

Now I’m waiting with a couple of other customers for our orders to come up. Looking around, I notice a plate on the counter that has some of the sickest looking pickles on it. All wrinkly and nasty looking, like they’ve been set out way too long. One of the other customers asks Lupey if they are fried. Sure as hell they are! The customer then asks if they are hot. Lupey responds with, “a little.” The other customer leaves, I walk up to the plate pick one up and pop it in my mouth. Guess what folks, that wasn’t a pickle! That was a deep fried jalapeno. Damn that was good. Lupey looks at me and scrunches her face up like I did something really gross. I think she was upset I didn’t do the stupid gringo “it’s hot” dance. I love hot and spicy food; the deep fried jalapeno was nothing. Lupey yells out, “¡El blanco loco comió el jalepano frito y no hizo la danza!”

A couple of minutes later she hands me a bag and IÂ’m on my way. When I get home I unpack all the gifts I bought and then sat down to eat my burrito and read my e-mail. When I opened the bag this tinfoil ball the size of my head was in there. Grabbing a plate I open it up. People, I kid you not, this thing was the size of my head. It was the largest damn burrito IÂ’ve ever scene. I knew their burritos where big, IÂ’d eaten there before, but this was bigger then normal. I think I got crazy white boy respect from the burrito place. After eating the fried jalapeno with out flinching, the super-sized my giant burrito.
ItÂ’s not every day you get that kind of respect from the vatos in the barrio, homes. Therefore, I did what was right by them. I sat down and ate the entire head sized burrito in one sitting. In fact IÂ’m sitting here now with a case of hard belly wishing I was dead. IÂ’m so uncomfortably full that burping is painful.

Now, if youÂ’ll excuse me. IÂ’m going to go pass into a coma now, or vomit.

Posted by: Contagion at 02:43 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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It is officially Christmas time here in the Contagion household. Last night I took Boopie and Clone to a local church for the annual Lutefisk dinner. WhatÂ’s lutefisk you ask? Well first we need to make sure you are pronouncing it correctly, it is pronounced loo-te-fisk. Unless youÂ’re Swedish and they pronounce it loot-fisk, but the Swedes are wrong.

Lutefisk is an old Scandinavian delicacy. Originally it was sun dried white fish, mainly cod, that was soaked in lye (Yes, the caustic material that the industrial sector uses to make glass and soap) for at least 3 days and sometimes up to 10. Then you soak it in regular water for about 5 days, give or take a day depending on how long you soaked it in lye. Really, the lye is what makes the texture and taste so happy! That is just to prepare the fish for cooking. So for the few of you that arenÂ’t sticking your heads in buckets, wrenching your guts out, IÂ’ll now share the secret of how to cook lutefisk.

The old fashion way to cook Lutefisk: First off, as a warning do NOT use an aluminum pot or pan unless you wanted it ruined. The cooking process will permanently darken it. First you boil the fish; Boil the water. Add salt, using about three tablespoons of salt for each quart used. (Amount of water depends on the amount of fish cooked. Make sure the fish is at least covered by 2 inches of water). Return to a boil. Add the fish to the boiling water and again return to boil for about 20 minutes. DO NOT OVER COOK! When all is done serve with melted butter.

You can also bake Lutefisk: Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. On a large baking sheet place aluminum foil (donÂ’t worry, youÂ’re going to throw the foil away) two sheets thick. Place the lutefisk skin side down and season with salt. Wrap the foil tightly around the lutefisk. Bake for 20 minutes, again DO NOT OVER COOK! When you remove the lutefisk from the oven you will want to drain the excess fluids from the packet. My grandmother recommends just cutting a corner out of the foil and draining it that way. Serve with melted butter.

A great side dish for lutefisk is boiled potatoes, lefsa, pickled herring, rice pudding and lingonberries. Now some people have a white sauce the put over lutefisk, others use a mustard sauce. WELL THEY ARE EATING IT WRONG! Just plain melted butter is all that is needed for this oral delight! Also if it is not cooked properly it tastes really nasty and has a bad texture. Grau once had some that he described as, “fish flavored pre-chewed steak fat.â€� Either his was obviously cooked poorly or he was eating the skin. Which let me save you some embarrassment, don’t eat the skin… it’s just there to hold the meat in place.

Anyway, I took the boys for our annual lutefisk dinner with my father last night. This is the 28th year theyÂ’ve had it, IÂ’ve been every year except for the 4 years I was in college. ItÂ’s also serves as a fundraiser for the Salvation Army, their band comes to provide music for us while we eat and they pass the donation bucket around. ItÂ’s the official kick off of the Christmas season for me.

Now I must admit, I used to hate lutefisk… up until 4 years ago. Now I love the stuff, my father loves it as well. Boopie hates it. Clone didn’t care for it last year. When they served it, my father took Boopie's and I took Clones. Don’t worry folks; they also had ham, Korv (Scandinavian Christmas Sausage), Swedish meatballs, real Swedish meatballs. Not the crap they pass off as Swedish meatballs in the stores. We are all eating our fill of Scandinavian delicacies when I ask Clone if he wants to lutefisk. Clone says, “Yeah, I like.â€� Okay… So I give him some, I’ll be double dipped in chocolate if the boy didn’t like it this year. He ended up eating half a bowl of it on his own. HALF A BOWL!

My father was so proud that his youngest grandson was eating the lutefisk. He gave me some crap because “it took (me) 24 years to decide he liked it.â€� Unfortunately it will be another year before I get a chance to eat lutefisk again. The only person I knew first hand that made it was my grandmother and she’s not making any this year.

To finish this post, IÂ’ll leave you with the lutfisk song in the extended entry.

more...

Posted by: Contagion at 10:00 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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Oddybobo must think IÂ’m her personal whipping boy. She is one meme away from tying Bou for tagging me the most with these things. DAMMIT, thatÂ’s two with in 3 weeks sheÂ’s hit me with! (I don't care if I did end that sentence with a preposition, I'm so mad I could spit!)Ya know, youÂ’d think IÂ’d done some horrible thing to her family and sheÂ’s out to get revenge. Either that or a comment I made in the past is coming back to haunt me, in a very unusual way.

I spent 30 minutes wishing her hair would fall out all at once. No permanent damage, just something that would be difficult to explain during the holidays, it could grow back in January. Then I sat down to look at what this stupid MEME is.

Five weird habits I have. Is this the top five, most common five, most embarrassing five? It doesnÂ’t say, so I guess I just pick five of the couple of thousand strange habits I have.

A) When IÂ’m alone I will scream out nonsense phrases at the top of my lungs while making funny faces. Yep, IÂ’m like a tourettes plagued simpleton when IÂ’m by myself.

2) At night I grind my teeth (not so weird); IÂ’ve done this ever since I can remember. Every time I go to the dentist, they comment on how IÂ’ve drastically altered the shape and density of my teeth. My molars are sharper then peoples incisors. Dentists have bent, BENT, tools on my teeth during check ups and cleaning (Not a habit, but weird). I routinely eat bones just to see other peopleÂ’s reaction when I easily bite through them. (Weird habit)

D) I cannot remember the last time my fingernails have seen a trimmers. Using my ever-sharpened teeth, I will bite them off in a clean line as to look like theyÂ’ve been trimmed.

4) I have never slept for more then 5 hours straight, I always have to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. It doesnÂ’t matter if I go to the bathroom right before bed or quit drinking anything four hours before I go to sleep. Inevitably, every night I wake up approximately four hours into the night to go to the bathroom.

E) At night when my wife is sleeping, IÂ’ll stare at her boobs and start toÂ… IÂ’m kidding, jeez people, this is not THAT kind of blog. My last final weird habit is that I like to say things purely for the shock factor of it, no matter how much trouble it brings me.

Finally, IÂ’m supposed to tag five people. Whom to tag? I know!

Dr. Phat Tony. HeÂ’s good at making lists, plus this helps me send another link his way for all this stuff: History of Thanksgiving, History of Discovery of America, How to Join the Canadian Army and Girls Gone Wild. Apparently heÂ’s already number one for Humpback Midget.

Bouddica: Because I owe her, and I may as well tag her before she tags me!

Barb: I donÂ’t think IÂ’ve every sent her any link love, and IÂ’m not sure she wants this kind.

Chemicalnova: HeÂ’s hiding something over there.

Wes: He just needs something to put up on that blog and heÂ’s NEVER done a meme. Consider your cherry popped BEOTCH!

Remember you have to reveal 5 "weird" habits you have and then "tag" five more unsuspecting idiots people to do it. Yea, I know. Don't blame me, blame Oddybobo. SHE tagged me!

Posted by: Contagion at 04:34 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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ItÂ’s been a while since IÂ’ve done anything to piss people off, on here. Yet I canÂ’t help but to bring up something that really annoys the hell out of me. ItÂ’s something that many of you do or have done in the past. What is it?

Guest blogging.

I can forgive typos, bad spelling, poor grammar and slang (Hey IÂ’m probably the king of grammatically incorrect misspelled slang with poor grammar!). When I go to a blog and I see a post up by someone other then the blog owner, it irritates me. The reason I go to that blog is so I can read the posts by the normal author. If I wanted to read these other peopleÂ’s posts, IÂ’d go to their site. If they donÂ’t have a blog of their own, then someone needs to twist their arm a little.

Now before you guest posters go off on me, IÂ’m not saying I donÂ’t like what you wrote. What IÂ’m saying is that I go to that personÂ’s blog to read their thoughts, not yours. Normally when I see a guest post, I just hit the back button and go on to the next blog as if the author has not made a post that day. What, I might be missing out on a great post? YouÂ’re correct I might, but I can honestly say IÂ’ve never picked up a new read based on a guest post. IÂ’ve always picked them up based on recommendations or links to a post on their own blog. When I hit my blogroll, I have a limited time to check them all out. When IÂ’m finished, which is rare anymore, I go on to look for new reads. Seeing as I can barely keep up with my blogroll now, I want to make sure I hit all my regular reads before I start looking at new ones.

I understand that many people get guest bloggers while they are away just to keep traffic up. Admittedly, I am a statistic junky. I donÂ’t know if youÂ’ve noticed all the crap in my sidebar, but IÂ’m tracking everything. Yet, I donÂ’t see how you not posting for 1-3 weeks while your on vacation is going to hurt your overall traffic. Yes, while you are gone it is going to drop off. Nevertheless, your readers will return once you do. It has every time I left for a while.

IÂ’m seeing this trend more and more often. In fact, I was recently asked to guestblog for someone while they where away. While I was honored that they not only trusted me with their blog, but that they also appreciated what I did here enough to ask me, I had to decline. In keeping with my beliefs, I could not guestblog somewhere else, while refusing to read other guest bloggers.

This is why I will never have a guest blogger here. Also, this is my blog; it is an extension of me. ItÂ’s where I spew forth my toxic and corrupting thoughts across the internet like a bad STD. If I let someone else post here, it would be like giving a piece of me up. This hastily assembled HTML island in the tumultuous sea known as the internet is MY safe harbor. When all else goes bad, I can come here and get away from all the other problems in the world, and focus on me. Why would I want to give a piece of that up?

I know not everyone will agree with me, but what are your feelings on the subject? Am I the only one that feels this way?

Posted by: Contagion at 12:54 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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There are different blogging styles, some like to be formal, some journalistic, some are informational and others (like myself) tend to keep it more conversational. IÂ’ve noticed those of us that do the conversational style of posting like to address their readers.

To this point, I’ve always addressed all of you as “readers”. I don’t think this is incorrect, but it feels too formal for me. There are other bloggers that have nicknames for their readers, I kind of like the idea of coming up with a nickname for all of you. I’ve been putting some thoughts into it. Yet I can’t come up with one that not only sounds like something I would say or I like the way it sounds.

I canÂ’t call you minions, because thatÂ’s what I call my employees. For a while, I was kicking around calling you the Contagionettes, but I keep laughing every time I typed it. Then I thought of calling all of you sunshine. After a thorough arse kicking I administered to myself, my bruised and battered self decided it was a bad idea.

What do you all think? Do I continue to call you “readers” (which a couple of times I had people think I was calling you breeders) or do you think I should come up with something else to call you? Now, if you say I should come up with something, suggestions would be appreciated. I really don’t want to have to relive that unpleasant experience of trying to shove my foot up my own arse.

Posted by: Contagion at 12:38 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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1 How about:

miasmas?

Posted by: vw bug at December 08, 2005 11:27 AM (BAHyt)

2 My Asthmas? Well, I am asthmatic...

Posted by: contagion at December 08, 2005 11:56 AM (Q5WxB)

3 how about spores?

Posted by: caltechgirl at December 08, 2005 12:12 PM (uI/79)

4 How about your little Contaminants?

Posted by: Oddybobo at December 08, 2005 12:19 PM (6Gm0j)

5 I'm thinking henchmen or lackeys.

Posted by: Dr. Phat Tony at December 08, 2005 01:28 PM (fk/lm)

6 i ain't no lackey. I HAVE several, though.

Posted by: caltechgirl at December 08, 2005 01:53 PM (uI/79)

7 Slackers? Boneheads? Misfits? Stalkers? Voyeurs? Jerks?

Hunh. I'm trying... really. ;-)

Posted by: Bou at December 08, 2005 03:09 PM (iHxT3)

8 You call us "readers"? I thought you refered to us as Motherforkers...

Posted by: Wes at December 08, 2005 03:17 PM (XKQLY)

9 You could always refer to us as sports fans. As in, "Welcome sports fans to another edition of The Miasmatic Review."

Posted by: littlejoe at December 09, 2005 02:47 AM (vBIjH)

10 You may call me Master, King, Lord, or other such appropriate titles.

Posted by: Ogre at December 09, 2005 05:44 AM (/k+l4)

11 Contagionettes sounds too much like Raisinettes to me, and I don't want to be a theater candy.

How about Contaigionnaires? Sorta like Legionnaires, without the disease :-)

Posted by: Harvey at December 10, 2005 08:00 AM (ubhj8)

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Okay, one of my regular reads, and occasional commenter, Dr. Phat Tony is having a contest. What heÂ’s a doctor of I donÂ’t know. IÂ’d say possibly history with his History of Thanksgiving, but I know others that have covered that topic that arenÂ’t doctors. But then he gets into the History of the Discovery of America. Now, being the re-enactor that I am, and the nitpicker of historical accuracy, I can pick out some problems here. Thus, IÂ’m sure he does not have a doctorate in History.

Taking a further look I decided that maybe he has a Doctorate in Public Relations, he tried to help people on How to Join the Canadian Army. He even tried to help American relations in the Middle East with his Girls Gone Wild take off, Muslims Gone Wild. However it seems both seemed to have backfired in the their respective countries.

Then I figured it out. HeÂ’s not a doctor; he just uses the title to pick up humpback midgets.

Well anyway, his contest is basically him link-whoring himself out and if a person does well enough you get one of his t-shirts. I was going to buy one, but now IÂ’m going to see if I can win it!

Oh, and he wants to be the number one hit for History of Thanksgiving, History of Discovery of America, How to Join the Canadian Army and Girls Gone Wild. Apparently heÂ’s already number one for Humpback Midget, but it helped with the story above.

I wonder where this puts me in the ranks.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:26 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Damn it people! Today is just not going the way I planned it. First, I am accused of being a nice guy. IÂ’ve spent most of the morning trying to debunk that rumor. Just when I thought I had it beaten, something happens to undermine all my efforts!

My office is having a drive to collect money for some charity to buy presents for underprivileged kids. Honestly people, I donÂ’t know the name of it. Just let it go, itÂ’s not that important!

Anyway, to raise money they are selling balloons for a $1. This has been going on all day. No, I didnÂ’t buy any balloons; well okay, I bought a balloon for the new sexy red head at work. It just happens to be my wife and IÂ’m somewhat contractually obligated to buy her a balloon. That doesnÂ’t make me a nice guy, only a smart husband.

What? I didnÂ’t mention my wife died her hair red? Sorry, it was an early Christmas gift to me. (YAY ME!) Plus I try to keep this blog PG, not always successfully, but I do try. The story that would go with this definitely would garner an NC-17 rating.

All right, back to the story. All day one of my peers is running around handing out balloons. As I was walking to check on some minions, (I suspected of slacking off) I saw this haggard look on her face. I actually get along with this peer fairly well. Out of the blue, I offer to help pass out balloons. It was like being in a car accident.

Everything slowed down.

Each word seemed long and drug out. My mind is screaming “NO”, yet my mouth kept making the offer. As soon as I finished time reverted to normal, there was no taking back what I had said. My peer smiled, not a small smile, not a polite smile, but a smile of appreciation and thanks! She handed me the balloons she had and went to get more.

There I am, walking around my office with a cloud of balloons following me everywhere I go. People are snickering at the site. A couple even thought that *I* had bought the balloons and where handing them out on my own. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! For over an hour and a half I walked around handing out balloons to the people they where purchased for. Back and forth across our office I walked with balloons, distributing them to people I both knew and didnÂ’t. A rainbow of happiness and joy had permeated the aura of oppression and despair that I try to shield myself. People I did NOT know where smiling and greeting me. I had nightmares that hell was like this, only I was dressed as a clown.

To make matters worse my peer kept coming up and thanking me loudly and publicly! The nerve and audacity of the woman, she should know better! My minions started looking at me in a different light; a couple even tried to address me in polite conversation! This will not do, oh no it will not!

Tomorrow I start pushing for Overtime on the 24th. Christmas Eve mandatory OT is the only thing I can think of that will undo all the damage was done to my reputation.

Maybe some of you are right and I do need to think before I speak.

Posted by: Contagion at 04:18 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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1 Ok, who are you and what have you done with Contagion?

Posted by: Machelle at December 07, 2005 03:51 PM (ZAyoW)

2 did they start the sensitivity training a little early?

Posted by: caltechgirl at December 07, 2005 03:58 PM (uI/79)

3 Sounds to me like ktreva should NOT die her hair. It makes you act a little strange. ;-)

Posted by: vw bug at December 07, 2005 04:40 PM (BAHyt)

4 I'm with VW, Ktreva should know better

Posted by: oddybobo at December 07, 2005 04:53 PM (6Gm0j)

5 Firing some slack ass just before Christmas usually works for me. I have done it 2 years in a row now!

Posted by: Shawn at December 07, 2005 05:16 PM (9vBnd)

6 Nah - Ktreva is kinda hot as a redhead - I'm all for it

Posted by: Shadoglare at December 07, 2005 06:26 PM (iw5dH)

7 VW, Oddy... Shut up!

Shadoglare: Dude, that's my wife you're talking about!

Posted by: Contagion at December 07, 2005 06:35 PM (e8b4J)

8 Shadoglare: You didn't know it was red until I got up close, you thought I dyed it BROWN! colorblind.

Oddy & VW: I'll take full credit for the niceness my husband displayed today...*wink*

Posted by: ktreva at December 07, 2005 07:12 PM (e8b4J)

9 You should have walked into a room with a very high ceiling and "accidentally" let them go -- or gone outside and said, "Whoops."

The damage is done.

If any balloons are still standing today, find them and pop them without saying a word.

Posted by: Ogre at December 08, 2005 06:07 AM (/k+l4)

10 Duuude, you're *nice*! :-D

Posted by: Wes at December 08, 2005 03:29 PM (XKQLY)

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ACK! Something has gone terribly awry in the land of Contagion. Something bad that needs to be changed quickly. There is a rumor floating around amongst my minions regarding me that I just cannot let continue. ItÂ’s not that I mind rumors flying around about me; in fact, I try to encourage as many as possible. The more strange stories about me, the more people donÂ’t know how to react in my presence. Some rumors are true, some are false, I let them continue as long as they add to the mystique that is me.

This time someone has gone too far. Two of my newer minions came up to me to ask a couple of questions this morning. Since they where new and the questions legitimate, I answered them in a clear and concise manner. They thanked me, and then I heard one say to the other, “Minion J was right, he is a nice guy.”

Like fingers on a chalkboard, my brain reeled from that painful sound. NOOOoooooo! They are to fear me, be nervous when I’m around and try to keep from having “meaningful conversations” with me. There was no time to act, I had to react quickly, and my reputation was at stake. Since these where two newer minions, I didn’t want to scar them permanently, so I felt I would let them off with a stern glare this time. Minion J could not be excused for such malicious slander and libel. She would have the bear the brunt of my wrath.

Walking over to Minion J’s desk, I noticed she was talking to Monitor Minion. PERFECT! First thing first, I had to address the fact that they where chitchatting and not working. This sent Monitor Minion scurrying back to her desk. Then I turn to Minion J and say, “I hear you are talking about me.” Of course, Minion J denies the accusation. Then I say to her, “What makes it worse is that you are spreading vicious lies about me.” Minion J claims to have no knowledge of what I’m saying. Blood has drained from her face.

Then I dropped the hammer, “I heard two people talking about how you said I was a nice guy.” Minion J noticeably relaxes and slumps back into her chair. She starts to laugh, LAUGH I tell you! She goes on to explain she feels behind my gruff exterior that I’m actually a nice guy and she’s seen proof of it. She then goes on to give me some obviously misguided examples of my being “nice” to people.

Foolish Minion! What she misconstrued as my being nice, was nothing more then my attempt to get more work out of my minions. Their working harder makes me look better. If that means occasionally I have to do something like give recognition, appreciation and going to bat for them, then so be it. ItÂ’s not for them, itÂ’s purely for me!

I would never do anything actually to help someone else. If I did, then people might start expecting things from me, and I canÂ’t have that. They might try to talk or socialize with me. My walking by their desk may no longer scare them into working harder. That crosses the line on my code of ethic. Moreover, nice guys donÂ’t go to sensitivity class.

Well, just to make sure Minion J got my point, I increased her workload for the day. It was all about squashing this nice guy image sheÂ’s trying to bestow upon me, and not to prevent any rumors of favoritism.

Posted by: Contagion at 11:06 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 Heh, I like your leadership and management style.

Posted by: Dr. Phat Tony at December 07, 2005 11:16 AM (fk/lm)

2 You better have increased that minion's workload SUBSTANTIALLY to ensure that sort of image gets blocked from her brain. The neuronic pathways that connect the image of you in her brain and the ideas of "nice" MUST be severed!

Posted by: Ogre at December 07, 2005 11:59 AM (/k+l4)

3 LMAO!

Posted by: VW Bug at December 07, 2005 12:17 PM (BAHyt)

4 "Nice", that's like calling you "Sane" right?

Posted by: oddybobo at December 07, 2005 01:18 PM (6Gm0j)

5 I don't know. Between the balloon post and this post... if you go to work dressed as Santa and hand out gifts, Ktreva is going to have to call the men in the white coats.

Posted by: Bou at December 08, 2005 06:13 AM (iHxT3)

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Just a little link fun for everyone tonight. With all the seriousness around here, I decided to lighten things up a little. First, as I havenÂ’t seen anyone else post it yet this year, I felt I would be unoriginal and recycle something from Christmas past.

For all of you that have missed it years past, behold the Burger King Holiday! If you are easily offended, please read the disclaimer at the end of the page. I didnÂ’t create it; I just shared it with you.

Secondly, I Hate My Cubicle has a link to the worst job ever. You have to watch the whole thing to really appreciate it, especially the end.

Whether or not any of this is safe for work depends on your company guidelines. I know mine would frown on my watching either at work.

Posted by: Contagion at 04:44 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I have received some e-mails from people today concerned of my state of employment or a perceived soon to be lack of employment. At this time, I would like to thank all of you for your concern on the matter. I appreciate you would take time out of your day just for me. Thank you, Thank you very much.

Let me lay your concerns to rest. My job security is Fort Knox, executive management likes me because I get results and that is what they want. The management in my office likes my results, just not my style. That is why they keep sending me to “sensitivity class”. You need to recall the one I went to back in October was not in response to any actual or perceived transgression of mine. They sent all management to it. It wasn’t actually called a sensitivity class. It was a leadership camp. However, being to previous sensitivity classes it contained much of the same material, hence why I refer to it as one.

Prior to that, it has been 3 years since I’ve been to a sensitivity class. The reason I was sent back then was because I had a dumb arse (fired shortly after) that kept screwing up big time on the same thing. I had explained to them 2-3 times how to do it properly in one week only to have them completely screw up the next week. When I approached them this final time they gave me my ultimate hated excuse, “I didn’t know that.” I’ll admit my temper got the best of me.

I stood there, went over everything we had done the previous weeks, showed them their notes that I made them take the second time I gave them feedback. It was when I said, “We’ve gone over this multiple times last week. You did know about this, do not tell me you didn’t. Either you think I’m a fool or you are lying.” To be honest I didn’t think that was so bad, I wanted to yell at them, “You are depriving the people around you of valuable oxygen you lump of biological extract!” But I didn’t. I did make the individual cry. So, off the sensitivity class I went.

The first time I went? That was due to a stupid joke someone said about me. It wasn’t even do to my actions. I was in my previous position with the company and I was trying to get some work done, and I had these people keep interrupting me for stuff they shouldn’t have been. I told them they needed to leave me alone. (I was not management at the time.) Later on one of the individuals called me “Mean and hateful” jokingly, someone else over heard it and called the corporate ethics department. Whenever a complaint like that is filed with them, the individual had to go to sensitivity class. That department and guideline isn’t there anymore. What’s funny is the two that where joking about me being “Mean and Hateful” keep it up to this day just to see if they can get me sent back.

See, you have no reason to worry. Nothing bad will happen to me; except I may blow my top and youÂ’ll get a funny story out of it.

Posted by: Contagion at 12:59 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Guess where I get to go next week? I’ll give you a hint. It is a direct result of this incident. Unless you’ve never read me before, you’ve probably guessed Sensitivity Class. You would be correct! I get a two-day two-night expense paid trip to the suburbs of Chicago to learn to be “nicer”. This is the fourth time in the last 6 years I’ve been sent. I don’t think it helped when they told me, I responded with, “Yea, I’m sure it’ll take this time.” Some people just do NOT appreciate sarcasm.

Then to make matters worse, we had a big staff meeting this morning and we were going over our “days out of the office” this month. This is just so that we know when someone has either off-site meetings, vacation time or training. When it was my turn, I couldn’t help myself. Neither tact nor shame has been a strong point of mine. I just spouted off, “I have this Friday off, next Tuesday and Wednesday I’m being sent to Sensitivity Class, oh and there is a chance I may get some more spontaneous days off, it appears none of us learned from my last outburst.”

Yes, they pulled me into an office and addressed my attitude with me. First, Sensitivity Class is a private matter between upper management and I. Second, I’m pushing the line of being disrespectful. Third, I cannot plan an “outburst” just to get days off.

Yea, Yea, Yea… says you. I kept my mouth shut…. This time…. For once. I did point out that since I was the one that brought up sensitivity class, they didn’t violate corporate policy. That policy is there to protect the person being sent, not the company. With which they agreed. My brain wanted to go off and “educate” them that I will show proper respect when they deserve it and if you didn’t want me to use this little vacation time loophole, you shouldn’t have shown it to me. I was thinking of trying to get another Friday off to help someone move.

When I returned to work yesterday, itÂ’s shared with me that they promoted someone whom should not have been. At this point, I will digress about this topic due to the fact that some of my minions read this blog and I donÂ’t need them seeing my true feelings on the subject.

God, that speaks volumes doesnÂ’t it?

Posted by: Contagion at 12:45 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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T1G is looking for hard commitments from those of us going to the blogmeet on January 8. For those of you that are mandated by me to show up, please make sure he knows you are coming and if you are bringing a guestÂ… like a spouse, friend, lover, etc.

If you know of anyone else who may be interested, please let them know, and have them contact me using either my e-mail, or the comments for this post. Also, if for some reason you thought you weren't invited, the original invite was for anyone who was interested. Anyone. Hell, if I'd let Harvey show up, I'm obviously not being picky.

If you want to go, it’s open to everyone, just head over and leave a comment saying, “Yes, I will be there”. Don’t wait too long; we wouldn’t want you to miss all the fun. Plus you’ll miss a chance to see me wearing a kilt and work boots in the middle of winter!

Posted by: Contagion at 06:51 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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1 as much as I would love to go......you are not the boss of me...

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at December 05, 2005 08:32 PM (7nlSG)

2 Nope, not going to be there. Unless you want to buy my house right now, take care of two children, a dog and a pony.

Posted by: vw bug at December 06, 2005 06:33 AM (BAHyt)

3 I'm sorry neither of you can make it. I was hoping to meet the both of you.

Posted by: Contagion at December 06, 2005 07:02 AM (Q5WxB)

4 "wearing a kilt and work boots "


Dammit all to hell, now I am pissed that I can't make it.

And who the heck has a party w/drinking on a sunday?

Posted by: Machelle at December 06, 2005 07:22 AM (ZAyoW)

5 I just mapped it -- 891 miles from my house to Stillman Valley. Damn, you people just live too far away. I'll just be sure and drink beer that day and think of you folks.

Posted by: Ogre at December 06, 2005 09:30 AM (/k+l4)

6 I've got to work I may even have to miss the Rose Bowl! Bastards.

Posted by: caltechgirl at December 06, 2005 11:03 AM (uI/79)

7 I need to check on flights. Where should I fly in??

Posted by: spurs at December 06, 2005 11:52 AM (tdOZ4)

8 Contagion - all I ask is that you wear something under the kilt.

Posted by: Harvey at December 06, 2005 05:40 PM (ubhj8)

9 Sure, how about shoes?

Posted by: Contagion at December 06, 2005 05:42 PM (e8b4J)

10 Dude, if you can get pair of shoes to stay on your balls, that'd be fine :-)

Posted by: Harvey at December 06, 2005 07:00 PM (ubhj8)

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Every year my wife and I have a New YearÂ’s Eve party. ItÂ’s been something weÂ’ve enjoyed hosting for years, and we have fun. We get to end the old year and start the new year with friends. For 6 years now, weÂ’ve invited pretty much the same friends every year. This year we are debating on even having the party.

I have “friends” I don’t want to hang around with anymore, so I don’t want to invite them. The problem is that we have mutual friends whom I’d like to invite to my house. I don’t want to put my friends in the middle of a situation that doesn’t involve them. In addition, I don’t want to stir up trouble with the people I no longer want to associate.

Then there are some new friends I’ve met/made that I would like to invite. I know I would enjoy their company more then my old “friends”. We just don’t have the room to have everyone over in our house. So obviously, someone would have to get cut from the list. Of course I’m leaning toward cutting the old “friends”. Again that brings up the problem of putting mutual friends in the middle of a situation that doesn’t directly involve them.

The mutual friend issue is causing the problem. ItÂ’s why I havenÂ’t told a couple of them that I no longer want them in my house or my life. So far, IÂ’ve done well in trying to avoid most of the undesirables since all this began. I still have one that contacts me or comes over at least once a month. I think they are beginning to get the hint however.

What to do? Have the party and actually drag mutual friends into the fray or just cancel the party in general. IÂ’ve already had a couple of inquiries regarding it as the invites are usually in the mail by the last week of November.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:37 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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What a beautiful day! ItÂ’s a balmy 11 degrees outside right now, when I left for work this morning it was a steamy 5! ItÂ’s not supposed to get to the 30Â’s until Sunday. For the next five days, we are supposed to have highs in the mid teens and lows that are single digits. This cold weather is just what we needed! There has been snow on the ground for 5 days straight, which is unusually for Illinois in December. Now if it will only stay around until after Christmas!

I sure wish all my southern readers were able to be up here and enjoy this wonderful weather with me. You just donÂ’t know what you are missing!

Posted by: Contagion at 12:57 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 It was beautiful last night, but I did have to close the windows...

Trains kept going by..

Posted by: That 1 Guy at December 05, 2005 01:19 PM (ujUYl)

2 I wouldn't mind visiting for 3 or 4 days. A warm fire and hot chocolate. I could make it for 3 or 4 days. Ohhh... go outside? Bite me! You can take my kids out for me. ;-)(

Posted by: vw bug at December 05, 2005 01:40 PM (BAHyt)

3 Yeah. It's great. Uh-huh.
Friggin' cold!

Posted by: Wes at December 05, 2005 03:29 PM (XKQLY)

4 Wow it was up to *5* by the time you went to work?
I had to go to work while it was still -3

Posted by: Shadoglare at December 05, 2005 06:51 PM (55rPg)

5 It was -5 when I left this morning. -5.

-5

-5

Oh. My. God. I stopped to put gas in the car tonite on the way home and by the time the flipin' pump finally turned off I swear to GOD I thought I had frost bite.

-5

-5

But I can do this. I know I can. I can handle just about anything

-5

-5

Posted by: Tammi at December 05, 2005 07:26 PM (fG4Jz)

6 BITE.ME.

Posted by: Machelle at December 06, 2005 07:29 AM (ZAyoW)

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On Sunday, the family and I went and picked out our Christmas tree. We always have a real tree. I like the look and smell of them better. They may be harder to clean up, but the overall effect is much nicer. Artificial trees always make me feel like something is missing.

Clone was very excited about getting to pick out a tree. Seeing, as he is only two and a half, this is only his third Christmas. IÂ’m not sure if he actually remembers the Christmas tree from last year or if heÂ’s heard talk about them. What I do know is that when we were getting ready to go get it Sunday morning, Clone didnÂ’t want to cooperate getting ready to go. When Ktreva said we were going to go get a Christmas tree, then Clone became hyper excited and couldnÂ’t wait to go get it. He sat still to get dressed and get his coat, hat and mittens on.

When we arrived at the store to pick the tree, his little eyes grew as big as saucers. A forest of evergreens, stacked in bays just waiting for someone to bring one home. It didnÂ’t take us long to find what we considered the perfect tree. Eight feet tall, somewhat skinny (We donÂ’t have a lot of room for a Christmas tree), a perfect shape. Clone thought it was an excellent tree to have in our house.

We set the tree up when we got home. We usually wait at least 24 hours to decorate the tree once we have it in the house. We like to give it time for the branches to fall back into their pre-shipping squashed position. Tonight, after work, we will decorate the festive victim of floracide. That means tomorrow or even later tonight, there may be festive pictures of our tree for me to share with all of you.

Posted by: Contagion at 12:49 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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If you plan on getting your loved ones the custom printed M&M's for the holidays and haven't yet. You had better do it soon. Orders made today won't be received until 12/23/05!

I would hate to see your loved ones upset they can't have M&M's that spell out "B-L-O-W M-E" or "I-M H-O-R-N-E-Y".

Posted by: Contagion at 09:41 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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When drinking since one in the afternoon, and not finishing until around 1 in the morning, getting up at 6 AM with Clone is not fun. There is a severe case of “morning after” going on in my head right now. Well worth it though, a good time was had.

Oh, and to the deer that decided to jump out at me last night on my way home. YouÂ’re damn lucky my truck handles snow really well (It was snowing at the time). If it didnÂ’t you would have been a big red splat on the pavement.

IÂ’m going to go soak my head in a bucket of water now.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:28 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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