For years IÂ’ve hated cats. To be honest, hate is too friendly of a word. I donÂ’t think there is a word in any actual, fictional or pretend language in the entire universe that describes how much I truly feel toward these creatures. There is only one thing that could outweigh my hatred of cats, and that is the love I have for my wife. She adores the damn things. SheÂ’s grown up with cats, has always had them and isnÂ’t happy unless one of those insipid creatures is lurking around the house.

Two years ago, after years of cat free bliss due to her other cat dying, I caved in and bought her a cat for Christmas a couple of years ago. The cat and I had a mutual understanding, it stays away from me and I wonÂ’t eat it. Hey, I may not like them living, but char broiled they taste good. Everything seemed fine, other then it would jump on the bed in the middle of the night earning it a flight into the wall, it never really pissed me off.

That is until 6 weeks ago.

Now the damn thing is pissing on the carpet. ItÂ’s been using the liter box for years. I donÂ’t know why itÂ’s decided to stop all of a sudden. WeÂ’ve, and I mean Ktreva, have tried various carpet cleaners to remove the smell. She has tried disciplining the cat, using pet carpet cleaners, cleaning the liter box more often and nothing seems to work. THE DAMN THING KEEPS PISSING ON THE FARKING CARPET!

Now my house smells like cat urine, which pisses me off. IÂ’ve been burning incense, scented candles, air fresheners and Febreeze. Nothing seems to work. The damn cat knows itÂ’s pissing me off, because it stays away from me. ItÂ’s been a week since IÂ’ve caught more then a glimpse of the damned creature. IÂ’ve had enough.

ItÂ’s to the point now that my hatred of the damn creature is starting to outweigh my love for my wife. I am ready to kill the damn thing. Be it by sword, knife or gunÂ… I donÂ’t care. Hell if it gets close enough IÂ’ll squeeze its farking neck, until the head pops off. Then IÂ’ll take hide, put it on a stretcher and hang it in front of my tent at re-enactments.
Maybe IÂ’ll just grab it and throw it in the toilet and keep flushing until its spark of life is covered in shite.

This would break my loving wifeÂ’s heart. Thus I will not do any of thatÂ… yet. If any of my good readers has a clue on how to stop the damnable creature from using my carpet (and itÂ’s just one spot) as a piss pot, I would appreciate it.

Until then IÂ’m going to go play Kill a Kitten for a while to help quell the felinicidal urges.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:53 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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