1 To answer your questions:
1)yes, you might as well cut out your tongue. (and on that note, does beef tongue count as red meat? whenever I have it, it is gray.
2)You "" the wrong word. It should be alternative "meat". And yes, they are wrong on every level.
3)Just, eeeewwwwwwwwwww.
4)Don't think I've ever had tofu. But it looks like curdled milk.
5)Just guessing, but I figure it is more the rest of the beer than the alcohol. Probably the hops and barley/wheat. Maybe some other clear liquid, like moonshine.

2 Can you eat lamb?

3 try deep fried tofu. I won't tell on you :-)

4 Seriously though, try the various different brands of veggie burger. Some are quite tasty. I'm a huge fan of Trader Joes Masala Veggie burgers and there are lots of good recipes out there for making your own... I prefer the ones that have lots of bulk: black beans, potato, mushrooms, etc., and then I season them like regular burgers. Throw some cheese and mustard on it and it's hard to tell the difference.

And also, how can you not like pork? Bacon is meat candy.

5 Well, is it the alcohol you are supposed to be avoiding in the beer?? Or the "beer" part? That might be the key. Though the N/A stuff tastes like crap to be honest...

And I have *never* understood anyone desiring tofu. It's just not food!

6 Petey: No Turkey is meat, it's a damn good meat... as a viable alternative for breakfast sausage, it's not good.

CTG: I love ya darlin', but your talk of tofu and veggie burgers is making me queesy. It's just wrong! Burgers should be meat... and tofu should be used as fertilizer.

Richmond: Nope, it's the beer i'm not supposed to have.

7 #5.......ok I am your friend and I know I gotta be supportive but I am going to forget that the comment was posted!

8 Dunno if you can have the salt or chile flakes but I've tried this and it's pretty tasty.

2 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves (each about 8 ounces)
3 cups chicken broth, homemade or low-sodium canned
1 tablespoon kosher salt
6 cloves garlic, 2 smashed and 4 minced
2 sprigs flat-leaf parsley
3 slightly heaping cups small broccoli florets (about 7 ounces)
12 ounces spinach fusilli pasta (about 3/4 of a pound box)
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1/4 teaspoon chile flakes
1 cup cherry or grape tomatoes, halved
2 tablespoons unsalted butter, diced
1/2 cup grated Pecorino Romano, plus more to pass
Freshly ground black pepper

In a small saucepan with a tight-fitting lid, combine the chicken, broth, 1 teaspoon of the salt, smashed garlic, and parsley.

Bring just to a boil, remove from the heat, and set aside, covered, until just cooked through, about 15 minutes.
Remove the chicken, strain the broth. Pull the chicken into strips and put in a bowl with about 1/4 cup of the broth.
Reserve the rest of the chicken broth.
Bring a large pot of cold water to a boil over high heat, then salt it generously.
Add the broccoli and cook until crisp-tender, about 2 minutes.
Transfer broccoli with a slotted spoon to a bowl. Return the water to a boil, add the fusilli and cook, stirring occasionally until al dente to tender but not mushy, about 8 minutes.
While the pasta cooks, combine the minced garlic, oil, and chile flakes in a large skillet.
Cook over medium-high heat, stirring, until lightly browned and fragrant, about 2 minutes. Add the tomatoes and cook, stirring, until somewhat soft, about 1 minute. Add 1/2 cup of the broth, the remaining 2 teaspoons salt, and stir in the butter and 1/4 cup of the pecorino until incorporated.
Stir in the chicken and broccoli, bring to a simmer, and remove from the heat.
Drain the pasta in a colander in the sink. Transfer to a bowl and toss with the remaining 1/4 cup pecorino.
Pour the sauce over the pasta, season with pepper, and toss to combine. (If the sauce around the pasta seems "tight", add a little more broth, until it loosely naps the fusilli.) Serve in large bowls and pass additional cheese at the table, if desired.
If you have likes/dislikes and things you can or cannot have aside from beer and red meat meat let me know. I have some other ideas.
Take care.
Go Steelers!

9 1) Yes, but you kinda get used to it after a while. Also not good for you if you have high blood pressure because they make up for the lost fat by throwing in a full salt lick instead.

2) NewGirl disagrees with me, but yes, I find the phrase "Turkey Sausage" to be an oxymoron. Oh, and veggie burgers suck. They taste like veggies, not meat.

3) It's probably the same crowd buying that Alli stuff - it literally comes with a warning to keep an extra set of clothes at work just in case you accidentally crap yourself (sadly, not a joke).

4) Tofu reminds you of curdled milk because it's curdled milk. Curdled soy milk, but still, same concept. Scares the crap out of me, and even if I had some I wouldn't have a clue what to do with the stuff.

5) Uhhhh considering you said you were still allowed to drink Jack, I don't think it was the alcohol part of the beer the doc was worried about. Thus, no, you would not be allowed to drink near-beer.

10 Beat your ass? Not going to happen. I'm trying not to weep in sympathy....

11 There must be a place here in S. Florida where I can send you frickin' gator meat. There must be...

12 Oh yeah, I've never had their stuff but I've heard from a few veggie types I know who also can't stand the "Boca" type burgers and shit that the stuff from www.fieldroast.com is pretty good. Better texture and taste than the stuff you find most places. Mind you, not having sampled it myself, I can't vouch for it, but it certainly looks better than the shit at the supermarket...

13 Have you asked about buffalo meat? Much healthier alternative to beef. I have some literature here at home, and also a Buffalo cookbook, and here is a place to start:
http://meyerbuffalofarm.com/index.html

Let me know if you would like recipes!

(Oh, and pork loin is delish, and not fatty, it's my favorite pork product)

14 I don't mind the low fat/no fat food, they just need to be cooked right. The trick is to get one of those really good low fat cook books, they will have whole shelves of them at barnes and noble. That is what i had to do. Weight Watchers puts out a pretty good line of them and they are pretty easy fixes too.