A couple of weeks ago I saw a blog post regarding a kid at Northern Michigan University making the leaning tower of Pisa out of Jenga blocks. At the time I thought it was just another stupid stunt done by college students and blew it off. It hadnÂ’t crossed my mind againÂ… until today.

I canÂ’t tell if that is a real event or staged. If itÂ’s staged, the acting is horrible. If itÂ’s real, that guy has to be the worse reporter IÂ’ve ever scene and dumb as a box of rocks to boot.

Either way it was funny as all hell.

Posted by: Contagion at 10:47 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 Saw that earlier this week, and was wondering about that being fake...

As you said, either way, it's funny as hell.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at January 21, 2006 12:22 PM (4I2py)

2 WTF kinda reporter answers a phone in the middle of an interview? Can't be for real.

The tower was cool though.

Posted by: Wes at January 21, 2006 11:15 PM (XKQLY)

3 Looks faked... Funny, but faked....

Posted by: Richmond at January 22, 2006 09:50 AM (e8QFP)

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Men, are you tired of your wives pushing you around? Do you think that maybe there is some conspiracy to control your life? If so, I've discovered the organization for you:

They also provided me with this helpful little list:

Top 5 Reasons You're Going to Sleep on the Couch Tonight, Jack:

1. Your wife says you snore too loud (we both know you don't snore).

2. Your wife thinks you sided with her mother in an argument.

3. You made a playful, completely harmless joke about "doing" the nanny.

4. The nanny wears that smoking hot bikini of hers to the pool and your wife catches you scoping her out. Damn it.

5. You decide to sleep on the couch just to teach your wife a lesson (tactical error moron, she'd rather sleep by herself).

I'd like to add number 6 to the list.

6. You got into an arguement with your wife while drinking and ended up there. IE last night.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:28 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I received these in an e-mail today. My e-mail didnÂ’t say whom they where credited to, but I thought they where amusing, and the one about flavored water hits home.

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket — water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

UPDATE: After a little research I've discovered these are part of a skit Bill Maher did on one of his shows.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:28 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Those of us that live in the North have the problem of our vehicles getting stuck in the snow on occasion. When this happens sometimes you need some help digging it, or more to the point towing out your vehicle. You need to be very careful, if you donÂ’t bad things can happen. Bad expensive things can happen. If you are curious as to what IÂ’m talking about, watch this video of some idiots trying to tow a car out of the snow improperly. (Completely work safe, and not at all disgusting)

Yea, their dadÂ’s would be proud.

Posted by: Contagion at 10:09 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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A friend of mine sent this to me in an e-mail. Normally I don't post these, but after sensitivity class I found this one more amusing then usual. I hope you enjoy it as well.

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of
others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all......

...and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make this planet great, [not to imply that this planet is necessarily greater than any other planet or is the only planet in the known or unknown universe], and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.

Liberal Democrat way to say, MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!!!

Posted by: Contagion at 12:46 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Do you have friends that are hard to buy for? Furniture is always a good thing, especially if it is sexy furniture. How can furniture be sexy? Well check this guy out.

I donÂ’t think IÂ’d have a problem polishing those tables.

Posted by: Contagion at 10:18 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Picture this scenario. You are getting ready to go out on the town for the night. Nothing will stop you from going, yet you know youÂ’re going to run into someone that is going to start trouble. YouÂ’d like to bring something with for self-defense, but itÂ’ll clash with your outfit. Oh what will you do?

Never fear folks, your buddy Contagion has the answer for you. Think brass knuckles! What’s that you say? “Sure they are shiny, but they just don’t look like jewelry.” How wrong you are, someone has been thinking about you and your needs! Rhinestone covered brass knuckles!

“These real brass knuckles have been covered in rhinestone make them chic, sexy, and dangerous.”

Better hurry up and get your pair for all the impending parties coming up!

Posted by: Contagion at 10:00 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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How many times have you been watching a movie and get irritated by something they do with a computer? I know I do. My personal favorite annoyance is how monitors can be so bright they project the image onto the operatorÂ’s face. I spent hours playing with various monitors just to see if I could duplicate it. I was successful once, using a Proxima.

With people becoming more computer savvy every day, you would think Hollywood would at least try to not insult our intelligence. Yet, these are the same people that like to take historical events and turn them into farces of actual events. I swear their motto is, “Screw what really happened, we want more special effects!”

Over at annoyances.org someone took the time to actually list all of their pet peeves regarding The Use of ComputerÂ’s in Movies. ItÂ’s pretty amusing.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:52 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Just a little link fun for everyone tonight. With all the seriousness around here, I decided to lighten things up a little. First, as I havenÂ’t seen anyone else post it yet this year, I felt I would be unoriginal and recycle something from Christmas past.

For all of you that have missed it years past, behold the Burger King Holiday! If you are easily offended, please read the disclaimer at the end of the page. I didnÂ’t create it; I just shared it with you.

Secondly, I Hate My Cubicle has a link to the worst job ever. You have to watch the whole thing to really appreciate it, especially the end.

Whether or not any of this is safe for work depends on your company guidelines. I know mine would frown on my watching either at work.

Posted by: Contagion at 04:44 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I've heard a lot of people talking about how some guys have guts to do something, or it took balls to do something. I always thought they where interchangeable... until today. Today I had a minion slip me a piece of paper with the definition of the two on them.

GUTS....is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:
"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS.... is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You`re next!!!!"

It took guts for him to give me this at work.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:14 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I received this in an e-mail. Since I hadn't seen it in years, I thought you might enjoy it.

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it.

2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.

3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.

5. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

6. Garbage would take itself out.

7. Regis and Kelly would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

8. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".

9. Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".

10. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

11. Two words..."Ally McNaked".

12. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one, That's $10.00 off".

13. People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

14. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

15. Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

16. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

17. It would perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

18. Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!".

19. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

20. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you".

21. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

22. "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

23. At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

24. Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

25. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

Posted by: Contagion at 12:25 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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IÂ’m not a Paris Hilton fan. I think sheÂ’s an unattractive skank-ho. That wasnÂ’t very nice of me, okay, I retract that; sheÂ’s an unattractive skank. I have no proof people have paid her for sex, so I really canÂ’t legitimately make that accusation. Graumagus and I have discussed this, and he thinks she looks like a grey.

I think we have proof that she is actually an alien. Her face never changes! I donÂ’t know if they doctored the photos much, but it looks like they just lined them up. That is what makes this very creepy, yet highly amusing.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:33 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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IÂ’m going to let my inner geek out a little bit this Saturday. Have you ever wondered what Picard, Riker and Data would be like if they were out on the town in the 90Â’s? Well neither have I. That is what makes this little animated clip so wrong; it means someone has. BTW, it may ear worm you.

Click picture to get full effect

In keeping with the Star Trek: The Next Generation theme. Check out this Seussicised version of an episode.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:11 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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I know these are old, I've seen them before, but they still make me laugh.

Reasons Halloween is better then sex.

10. You're guaranteed to get a little something in the sack.

9. The uglier you are, the easier it is to get some.

8. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

7. Less guilt the morning after.

6. It doesn't matter if they fantasize you're somebody else, because you are.

5. Forty years from now, you'll still enjoy candy.

4. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door.

3. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go again.

2. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.

1. You can do the whole neighborhood!

Bonus: If you get a stomach ache, it wont last 9 months.

AND:

Ten things heard on Halloween that sound dirty, but aren't.

10. She's a goblin!

9. I'd like to get a little something in the sack tonight.

8. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.

7. She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch

6. If you just lick it, it'll last longer.

5. Let me see your big sack!

4. Can I eat your Zagnuts?

3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth.

2. You scared me stiff!

1. He's got Candy spread out on the living room floor!

Posted by: Contagion at 12:55 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 These are so funny! I'm lame, so I had not heard them before. Funny stuff!

Posted by: Sarah at October 28, 2005 04:18 PM (FgOWj)

2 Strangely, the #1 "dirty but not" caused a very large evil grin on my part

Posted by: S at October 28, 2005 10:08 PM (HV06A)

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WARNING>: Drink alert! Put your drink down and make sure your mouth is clear of any foreign fluids before clicking the links.

Over at The Sneeze we have the latest episode of Steve, Don't eat that! This time the food of choice is Silk Worm Pupas.

If you haven't read any of the Steve, Don't eat that! series you really should go read them all. These posts are hilarious.

Posted by: Contagion at 04:43 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Tommy of Striving For Average has this funny spoof on how CNN spin's everything into Bush's fault. I'm generally not a political poster, but it made me almost squirt pop (not coke, not soda... POP) out of my nose.

If you want a quick chuckle, it's worth a view.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:30 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 thank you very much.

Posted by: tommy at September 30, 2005 07:39 AM (TWHR8)

2 Definitely worth the calories spent clicking...

Heheheh.....

Posted by: That 1 Guy at September 30, 2005 10:07 AM (vfGJA)

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It's national Talk Like A Pirate Day. That means today you can go out and annoy the people you work with by talking really funny and using innacurate terminology and, in most cases, a bad Scottish accent since people seem to think Pirates = Scottish, at least in my office.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:01 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Since it is Friday on a holiday weekend, I thought I would start the day off with some amusing items I found this week on the internet.

First, we have an item that proves that computer geeks lack in neither imagination nor free time to be creative. This guy came up with his own animated video, using different formats, for Wang Chung’s “Everybody have fun tonight”. Go check out On The Cutting Room Floor of Oblivion. (You will have to click one of the two top links, depending on speed of internet access, to view the clip)

Next is for all of you job hunters out there. Over at Impact Lab, someone received one too many rejection letters. He came up with his a form rejection letter rejection letter. I know that sounds redundant, but if you read it, youÂ’ll understand.

Finally, for all of you potential evil super criminals out there, I found a treatise on How to Destroy the World. This is a lengthy read, but rather amusing.

Posted by: Contagion at 01:07 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 Oooo! How to destroy the world . . . I'll read it on my vacation!

Posted by: Oddybobo at September 02, 2005 11:30 AM (6Gm0j)

2 Gosh I miss being able to sit around at work surfing the web

Posted by: S at September 02, 2005 03:30 PM (0y0rl)

3 Yeah... except I wasn't at work when I found these. These were found at home, especially since they are all from restricted sites.

Posted by: Contagion at September 02, 2005 05:14 PM (M8Swz)

4 Rejection Letter Rejection Letter
Copied. Pastes. Printed. Signed. Stamped. Mailed.
Looks like I'll be making $85k next year.
Thanks for the help.

Posted by: Tuck at September 02, 2005 05:53 PM (JRLuB)

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1. SAVE THE WHALES. COLLECT THE WHOLE SET.

2. A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE IS LIKE, NIGHT.

3. ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU HAVE DIFFERENT FINGERS.

4. I JUST GOT LOST IN THOUGHT. IT WASN'T FAMILIAR TERRITORY.

5. 42.7 PERCENT OF ALL STATISTICS ARE MADE UP ON THE SPOT.

6. 99 PERCENT OF LAWYERS GIVE THE REST A BAD NAME.

7. I FEEL LIKE I'M DIAGONALLY PARKED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE.

8. HONK IF YOU LOVE PEACE AND QUIET.

9 REMEMBER, HALF THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW ARE BELOW AVERAGE.

10. HE WHO LAUGHS LAST, THINKS SLOWEST.

11. DEPRESSION IS MERELY ANGER WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM.

12. THE EARLY BIRD MAY GET THE WORM, BUT THE SECOND MOUSE GETS THE CHEESE.

13. I DRIVE WAY TOO FAST TO WORRY ABOUT CHOLESTEROL.

14. SUPPORT BACTERIA. THEY'RE THE ONLY CULTURE SOME PEOPLE HAVE.

15. MONDAY IS AN AWFUL WAY TO SPEND 1/7 OF YOUR WEEK.

16. A CLEAR CONSCIENCE IS USUALLY THE SIGN OF A BAD MEMORY.

17. CHANGE IS INEVITABLE, EXCEPT FROM VENDING MACHINES

18. GET A NEW CAR FOR YOUR SPOUSE. IT'LL BE A GREAT TRADE!

19. PLAN TO BE SPONTANEOUS TOMORROW.

20. ALWAYS TRY TO BE MODEST, AND BE PROUD OF IT!

21. IF YOU THINK NOBODY CARES, TRY MISSING A COUPLE OF PAYMENTS.

22. HOW MANY OF YOU BELIEVE IN PSYCHO-KINESIS? RAISE MY HAND.

23. OK, SO WHAT'S THE SPEED OF DARK?

24. HOW DO YOU TELL WHEN YOU'RE OUT OF INVISIBLE INK?

25. IF EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING WELL, YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY OVERLOOKED SOMETHING.

26. WHEN EVERYTHING IS COMING YOUR WAY, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG LANE.

27. HARD WORK PAYS OFF IN THE FUTURE. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW.

28. EVERYONE HAS A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY. SOME JUST DO NOT HAVE FILM.

29. IF BARBIE IS SO POPULAR, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BUY HER FRIENDS?

30. HOW MUCH DEEPER WOULD THE OCEAN BE WITHOUT SPONGES?

31. EAGLES MAY SOAR, BUT WEASELS DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO JET ENGINES.

32. WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET SCARED HALF TO DEATH TWICE?

33. I USED TO HAVE AN OPEN MIND BUT MY BRAINS KEPT FALLING OUT.

34. I COULDN'T REPAIR YOUR BRAKES, SO I MADE YOUR HORN LOUDER.

35. WHY DO PSYCHICS HAVE TO ASK YOU FOR YOUR NAME?

36. INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON IS A YOUNGER PERSON WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED

37. JUST REMEMBER - IF THE WORLD DID NOT SUCK, WE WOULD ALL FALL OFF.

38. LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND, WHICH IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL YOU HEAR THEM SPEAK.

Pilfered from an e-mail sent to me.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:59 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Every Wednesday I look forward to going over to VW’s to get my “Humor for the Dreaded Wednesday”. Upon arriving at One Happy Dog Speaks today, I discover no humor. Wait… how can this be?! My morning ground to a halt. My mind was in a vapor lock as I stared blankly at a post about the Wiggles, one of my nemesis… nemesi… nemesises… you know what I mean. Figuring that something tragic had happened to VW to prevent her or her guest blogger to post the Humor for the Dreaded Wednesday, I decided to once again take up the torch again and cover her.

There once was a married fireman who wanted to add some spice to his sex life. One night he told his wife that he wanted to make a change and he had an idea. He tells says to his wife, “At the station we have a system of bells to relay messages. Every time I hear those bells, it always causes my pulse to race and my adrenaline to pump. One bell tells us there is a fire. Two bells tell us that we need to report to the truck. Three bells is the signal for the truck to leave the station. What I’d like to do is incorporate that into our lovemaking. One bell we get undressed. Two bells we climb into bed and on three bells bell we start making love. What do you think?”

The wife, at first being skeptical but not wanting to upset her husband responds that she is willing to try it. The next day the husband comes home with a bell and attaches it on the wall over the bed. That night after dinner, the husband and wife go up to the bedroom to try out the bell.

The husband rings it once and they both get undressed. The husband, admiring his now naked wife, thinks to himself, “THIS IS GREAT!” Ringing the bell the bell twice, they jump into bed. His heart pounding the husband rings the bell three times. He is making the most wild and passionate love to his wife that he ever has. All of a sudden, he hears the bell ring four times.

Stopping, he says to his wife, “There isn’t a fourth bell. What are four bells?”

His wife responds, “More hose!”

UPDATE: Apparently I spoke too soon, VW has her humor for the dreaded Wednesday up on this post. I guess I was just too impatient.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:28 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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1 Thanks for your humor. I needed another laugh.

Posted by: VW Bug at August 31, 2005 02:44 PM (8QWwp)

2 LOL

Posted by: caltechgirl at August 31, 2005 02:47 PM (GkfB2)

3 Ha!

Posted by: Oddybobo at August 31, 2005 03:17 PM (6Gm0j)

4 Sorry to disappoint! ;-( I forgot about VW's Wednesday tradition til I already had something written!

Posted by: Marie at August 31, 2005 03:54 PM (410kz)

5 I'm glad you all enjoyed...


Marie... You will pay for your transgressions!

Posted by: Contagion at August 31, 2005 04:57 PM (M8Swz)

6 Heheh

Posted by: Sissy at August 31, 2005 05:32 PM (uXS+O)

7 *takes down bell*

Posted by: Harvey at August 31, 2005 09:19 PM (ubhj8)

8 More hose? I don't get it.

Posted by: littlejoe at September 01, 2005 10:13 PM (gpXkb)

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