August 31, 2005
There once was a married fireman who wanted to add some spice to his sex life. One night he told his wife that he wanted to make a change and he had an idea. He tells says to his wife, “At the station we have a system of bells to relay messages. Every time I hear those bells, it always causes my pulse to race and my adrenaline to pump. One bell tells us there is a fire. Two bells tell us that we need to report to the truck. Three bells is the signal for the truck to leave the station. What I’d like to do is incorporate that into our lovemaking. One bell we get undressed. Two bells we climb into bed and on three bells bell we start making love. What do you think?”
The wife, at first being skeptical but not wanting to upset her husband responds that she is willing to try it. The next day the husband comes home with a bell and attaches it on the wall over the bed. That night after dinner, the husband and wife go up to the bedroom to try out the bell.
The husband rings it once and they both get undressed. The husband, admiring his now naked wife, thinks to himself, “THIS IS GREAT!” Ringing the bell the bell twice, they jump into bed. His heart pounding the husband rings the bell three times. He is making the most wild and passionate love to his wife that he ever has. All of a sudden, he hears the bell ring four times.
Stopping, he says to his wife, “There isn’t a fourth bell. What are four bells?”
His wife responds, “More hose!”
UPDATE: Apparently I spoke too soon, VW has her humor for the dreaded Wednesday up on this post. I guess I was just too impatient.
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August 19, 2005
and
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
and
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
and
There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
and Finally
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously
These words of wisdom were dutifully stolen from various sources.
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August 01, 2005
1) You can name everyone you graduated with.
2) You know what 4-H means.
3) You went to parties at a pasture,barn gravel pit, or in the middle of a dirt
road. On Monday you could always tell who was at the party because of the
scratches on thier legs from running through the woods when the party was
busted.(See #6)
4) You used to "drag" Main.
5) You said the "F" word and your parents knew it within the hour.
6) You scheduled parties around the schedules of different police officers,
because you knew which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't.
7) You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you
were ( and if you were old enough, they'd tell your parents anyhow.)
When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out in the country and drive on back roads to smoke them.
9) You knew which section of the ditch you would find the beer your buyer dropped off.
10) It was cool to date somebody from the neighboring town.
11) The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
12) You didn't give directions by street names but rather by references.
Turn by Nelson's house, go 2 blocks to Anderson's, and it's four houses
left of the track field.
13)The golf course was only 9 holes.
14) You couldn't help but date a friend's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.
15) Your car stayed filthy because of the dirt roads, and you never owned
a dark vehicle for this reason.
16) The town next to you was considered "trashy" or "snooty" but was actully
just like your town.
17) You referred to anybody with a house newer than 1965 as the "rich people."
1
The people in the "big city" dressed funny, and then you picked up the trend 2 years later.
19) Anyone you wanted could be found at the local gas station or the town bar.
20) You saw at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town or one of your friends driving a grain truck to school occasionally.
21) The gym teacher suggested you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.
22) Directions were given using THE spot light as a reference.
23) When you decided to walk somewhere for the exercise, 5 people would pull overand ask if you wanted a ride.
24) Your teachers called you by your older siblings names.
25) Your teachers remembered when they taught your parents.
26) You could charge at any local store or write a check without any ID.
27) The closest McDonalds was 25 mile away (or more).
2
The closest mall was over an hour away.
29) It was normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower.
30) You've pee'd in a cornfield.
31) Most people went by a nickname.
32) You laughed your butt off reading this because you know its true, and you
forward it to evererybody who may have lived in a small town. Also to those who just don't know how great it is living in a small town.
This was stolen from an e-mail a friend (YES I DO HAVE ONE OR TWO!) sent me.
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