What a wild and fun weekend for me. First off I would like to take this time to apologize to anyone that received a phone call from me between the hours of 8:00PM and 2:00AM CST. If you couldn’t tell, I was not quite functioning at full mental capacity. I really lost count of how much I had drank early on in the night. I don’t blame anyone else for my actions; it was completely my own fault. Next time I need to remember to not listen to T1G when he states that I need to “keep up with him” and that “I’m one behind.” So yes, I am truly sorry. We are going to invest in a drunk phone for me next time. The one that has the built in Breathalyzer so that you can’t drunken dial.

Other then that, Friday night was a blast. After work Ktreva and I went to the Rock River Raptor’s Season ticket holders party. I know they tried, but the party was pretty dead. Almost no one showed up other then the players and people associated with the organization. It was held outside in the heat… and they only served Bud, Bud Light and Corona. BLECH! We hung around for a while, but when we saw the party wasn’t going to get any better we left. Since we had a babysitter for the night, Ktreva didn’t want to go home. She wanted to hit the town. The problem was we couldn’t agree on were to go. She wanted to hit a bar. The problem was finding a bar that I would be comfortable in, but would also take my wife to. Most of the bars I tend to like are a little on the rougher side. Thus we ended up at Fritz’. Now I wasn’t positive T1G was going to be there, but well… yea I was pretty sure. Ktreva made the comment. “Great you guys are going to be talking all night and ignoring me.” I told her to call Tammi and tell her to come down. At this point she says, “I don’t have my phone.” FINE! So I call Tammi for her. And of course upon answering the phone I’m accused of drunk dialing. I explain the situation, and Tammi agrees to head down there as well. Flash-forward to a night filled with Day-glo green drinks, Tabasco in beer, and my ultimately delving into drunk dialing.

Saturday night I went with Bruce and our friend KF on the Rock River Raptor bus trip to Bloomington. Folks, this was well worth the price of the ticket. On the bus they supplied sandwiches, chips and fee beer and water. However the beer was Bud and Bud Light. Now I canÂ’t fault them the beer. The local Bud distributor sponsors them, and apparently they are very generous. ThatÂ’s okay; Bruce and I brought our own beer. For the bus trip IÂ’m going to give some high lights.

-BloomingtonÂ’s stadium is awesome. They have a really nice set up with corporate sponsors. They have a Leinie Lodge, a Jack DanielÂ’s VIP section as well as a corporation that bought the rights to the stadium. There is an in stadium pro-shop and a jumbotron with instant replay. Their concessions were better quality and at about the same price range. Their seats have cup holdersÂ… NO SPILLED BEERS!

-Apparently when I get upset and am drinking I swear. Also apparently if I do this with Bruce around the angry parents of little kids will blame him.

-On road trips I do become “That Fan”. You know, the one that is really loud and cheering his team on, even after getting threatening looks from the home team fans. Either that or Bruce was swearing again.

-The best part about our seats was the fact that we were sitting with some of the playerÂ’s families. Blue AldridgeÂ’s uncle was right behind us and he was just as fevered about the game as we were.

-The Raptors won by a point. Yes one point, which made this a very exciting and good game. Of course a missed PAT and short field goal doesnÂ’t help. (IÂ’m watching the placeholder for the next couple of games.

-Tom Crow, the Raptors GM, seems to be an actual nice guy. I’ve spoken with him on a couple occasions. He rode on the bus back from the game with us. We got to spend some time talking to him, and shooting off some ideas and what not. He seemed to take everything we said into consideration. Not that I actually expect him to listen to us, but he was cool about it. Especially since I kept calling him Tim. For the love of me I don’t know why I couldn’t get his name right. I actually started calling him Tim-Tom at one point as I tried to correct myself. He didn’t blow us off. During the ride back, I got a little hungry and Bruce grabbed the three remaining bags of Cheetos from the back of the bus. At that point Bruce kept calling me Cheeto and saying, “Good times Cheeto.” Tom Updates the Raptors site and in his brief post, Raptors Defeat Extreme he ends it with, “Also, a big “Thank You” goes out to our first official Fan Bus Trip of the season… Good Times Cheeto…” I'd like to the post itself, but the way the site is set up, I can't.

-I guess I should mention that my sister lives down there and is a Bloomington Extreme (yes, their team name sucksÂ… extremely) fan. So I was able to see her. And harass her about the guy she brought withÂ… and rub it in after the game that we wonÂ…

All in all it was a great time. For those of you that missed it, you missed a lot of fun. Just remember the next time they do a bus trip, you might want to jump on and just enjoy life a little more.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:10 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 1009 words, total size 6 kb.

This morning I turned on the radio and they were talking about the town of Dalcambre, LA wants to ban baggy pants.

The ordinance states, "It shall be unlawful for any person in any public place or in view of the public to be found in a state of nudity, or partial nudity, or in dress not becoming to his or her sex, or in any indecent exposure of his or her person or undergarments, or be guilty of any indecent or lewd behavior."

So in other words those kids that are walking around with their pants around their knees would get slapped with:

The new indecent exposure ordinance in this Cajun-country town of about 2,000 carries penalties of up to six months in jail and a $500 fine for being caught in pants that show undergarments or, in the mayor's phrase, "private parts."

Yea, $500.00 and up to 6 months in jail, thatÂ’s just insane! But thatÂ’s not what has me posting about this. Sure this is politically correct BS beyond all reason. DonÂ’t believe me, see what the mayor says:

The law applies to women as well as men, the mayor said Wednesday. "If you expose some of your privates, the crack of your behind, if somebody feels insulted they should press charges. If you're offended by it, we want to straighten that out."

Yea, if you’re offended by someone’s dress, you should press charges. Folks, I’d love to be the police officer that has to take that report. Little Old lady: “Officer, I’m offended by that guy's pants! I can see the top of his underwear when he bent over!” Officer, “Ma’am, are you farooking insane? He’s your plumber, he bent over to fix your pipes!” The whole thing is stupid and really, hard to enforce.

But what really has me about the whole thing is:

The law applies to women as well as men,

Wha-wha-wha-what?!?!?!?!?! CÂ’mon Let the ladyÂ’s go. Sure I think they wear their pants way to low, I really donÂ’t need to see that they are wearing their Monday thong on Thursday. Also I think it throws off the natural shape of a woman, but I digress. There are some upsidesÂ… like the hot 20+ year old girls wearing the micro miniÂ’s bending over to pick something up. Or the sexy woman wearing the ultra tight jogging outfit running to keep in shape so her husband wonÂ’t look at the 20+ year old girls wearing the micro mini skirts. Personally, I like the older ones. I think the look of a mature woman is sexier then a younger baby-fat in the cheek girl. Also the women tend to be moreÂ… fun. If you know what I mean.

I can understand no one wanting to see a manÂ’s hair arse. But why would you want to take away the joy and beauty that is a finely shaped female hiney? WHY?!?!?!?!

ItÂ’s just wrong!

So what do you think, should they make the ban for both men and women... or just men! You know where my vote is!

Posted by: Contagion at 06:00 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 523 words, total size 3 kb.

When I was in college my friends and I had a rule. If you pass out anywhere other then your own room, you were open game to have any numerous pranks pulled on you. This included drawing on the face, shaving of hair (I used to like to shave one eyebrow or half of the facial hair off.) and putting them in funny poses for pictures, usually vulgar.

These guys went to a level that I just never thought of.

Of course it was incredibly dangerous... but it's still funny.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:42 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 104 words, total size 1 kb.

Tonight I get home with the boys after work. As we were unloading some groceries from the trick three girls came walking down our street. They were all 15-17 years old, wearing tight black jeans, and corsets or mesh shirts you could see their bras through. They were all dressed in typical Goth black and blood red. Their hair had been dyed black with blood red streaks in it. Boopie was staring at them pretty hard.

Not because of what they were wearing or how goofy they looked, it was because they what they were wearing was tight and revealing. It didn’t help that the girls were pretty. I think Boopie’s chin was on his chest and he was about to start drooling. The girls were pretty full of themselves and were strutting their stuff. They were also being your typical Goth girls, you know “look at us, we’re different.” At this point I couldn’t help myself.

As the girls passed in front of my house, I yelled out, “Boopie, don’t look at the girls! They’re EEEEEEEEEEEVIL!” Then I proceeded to keep saying they are evil while and laughing as they walked by. At which point their faces were as red as their hair, they started to hurry up and I they were mouthing stuff off to me. Boopie turned beet red and ran into the house. I turned around to see that my new neighbors were staring at me. I just pointed to the girls and said, “I didn’t want my son looking at the girls. THEY ARE EVIL!”

For the record, that was a triple score. 1 point for embarrassing Boopie, 1 point for pissing off the Goth girls, and 1 point for scaring the new neighbors. ItÂ’s a good night.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:19 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 295 words, total size 2 kb.

Personalized license plates. ItÂ’s a trend that is getting more and more prevalent, at least in Illinois. I donÂ’t see anything wrong with them in general; both of my vehicles have personalized plates on them. But I do wonder about what people are having put on them.

First I think there should some truth in advertising. If you have a plate that says “SEKSAY1”, then you damn well better be sexy. When the plate states “BABE 3” you had better either indeed be a babe, meaning your hot, under the age of 1 (although why you’d need to drive at that age is beyond me), or be a talking pig. When I see a plate that says “Too Hot 2” then you better look like some kind of super model, preferably a lingerie model and wearing your work clothes. I’m sure I’m not the only person that sees plates like that and checks out the driver to see if it’s true. I’ve seen these plates all in the last week. Let me just say that I was sorely disappointed by all three.

But that gets to my main point, why would you want to put things on your plates that really don’t shed a good light on you? Again in the last week I’ve seen plates that have said, “SPRFSHL” (Superficial), “AROGANT” (Arrogant), “EGOTIST” (Egotist) and “SELFISH” (Selfish). Yes I know, they were simple to figure out, but I just wanted to make sure you all got the point.

Why would anyone want to advertise these traits? Do they think other people will be in awe of them for being brutally honest? Perhaps they think it makes them cool. I donÂ’t know. Hey, thereÂ’s nothing wrong with having any of those on your license plates, but I just donÂ’t get why? It would be like me having the license plate, if I could, ARSHOLE. Sure I advertise it here, but thatÂ’s because anyone that comes here knows it. But I donÂ’t need to be driving around with that on my truck. ItÂ’ll just single me out to cops and idiot drives.

So what is the weirdest or most misleading license plate youÂ’ve seen?

Posted by: Contagion at 05:27 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 367 words, total size 2 kb.

Operation Neighbor Scare may need to be upgraded from defensive to offensive standings. Things have started to spiral out of control, and it is now time to ensure my reputation. It seems that with the recent outflow of neighbors in the last 6 months and some of the houses and apartments being empty that my reputation in the neighborhood is not being spread with the foreboding warning that I have enjoyed in years past.

At approximately 18:30 Hours (6:30PM) I was conducting an interview of Boopie in the backyard. He allegedly hit a curb with his bike breaking off one of the foot peddles and he was trying to fix it. Prognosis: Foot peddle threads were stripped, we’ll have to buy a new foot peddle. Unrepearable with the tools and parts on hand. In the middle of my inspection of the part I hear a voice saying, “Hello there”. Looking up, I can see a white male approximately 35-40 years old, about 6 foot, approx 200 lbs, blonde thinning hair, standing at the fence between my property and the house that just sold.

Walking toward the fence I returned the individuals salutation. We introduced ourselves and then I was introduced to his wife and one of their children. At that point the situation took a turn for the worse as I was forced into conducting small talk and pleasantries with the obvious hostile. They even tried reconnoitering information about me and my family for an obviously attempt at a neighborly relationship. After fifteen minutes I excused myself to return to helping Boopie work on his bike.

Returning to the confines of my domicile I proceeded to cleanse myself with externally with soap and internally with Jack Daniel’s. This is when I realized that the mandatory, “Welcome to the neighborhood, stay the fark away from Contagion” talk had not happened with the neighbor. At this point it’s too late for the talk to happen and be as effective; I’m going to have to take some drastic measures.

IÂ’m going to have to start cleaning a lot of weapons in the yard over the next couple of months. Finish getting that hawk block built and start practicing throwing tomahawks. Invite some friends over to sit in the back yard, drink a lot and tell some really inappropriate stories. If all else fails, I think they have a small animal as a pet. I own trapsÂ… IÂ’ll let you do the math.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:54 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 421 words, total size 2 kb.

1 I'm here for ya Dude. I can be as inappropriate as the next gal.

Just tell me when......

Posted by: Tammi at June 01, 2007 10:03 AM (wbVY2)

2 Ooo! Inappropriate story and weapon cleaning day!

We should also visually catalog the ammo supplies...

Posted by: Graumagus at June 01, 2007 11:49 AM (7Q4QH)

3 Independence Day is quickly approaching - perfect opportunity

Posted by: Shadoglare at June 01, 2007 11:48 PM (m/07m)

Hide Comments | Add Comment