The Battle for the facial hair is on. I have not trimmed in 4 weeks. Ktreva is starting to get irritated. I am still resisting the urge to trim, even though at dinner tonight I thought the bread had gone fuzzy. Then I realized I had a mouth full of my own facial hair.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:13 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks has decided to have a mid-life crisis. How one just ups and decides this is beyond me, but he has. To make matters even goofier he canÂ’t come up with something to do as part of his crises and has asked his readers for suggestions. Of course he has set some rules:

1)Must cost less than $100 unless you bastards are willing to cough up the dough for whatever sick shit you inflict on me.
2) Must not be a criminal offense. Sorry folks, I have a family to support and I'm not going to jail and/or getting a permanent criminal record for your amusement.
3) Must not lose me my job (see above).
4) No genital piercings. Self explanitory (and besides, do you really want to see photos of my pasty nads with steel bits through 'em?)
5) Must not get me killed. Remember, the whole idea is that I live another 35 years, remember? Possibly in shame after this is over, but alive nonetheless.
6) Must not end up in divorce. In other words, the conjoined albino midget hookers aren't an option. Sorry guys. I'm sure this will end with me being in trouble (I'll be in trouble after Maranda reads this post) but nothing that's actionable in court, please...
7) No permanent body modification. I'm not getting anymore tats just yet.
No eating Lutefisk. Or other horrible poisonous things like scat, urine, eyeballs, etc.
9) No making me dress up like Emma Peel. This woman gets irate when I suggest that. In fact, I'm taking "Grau in drag" off the table as being too horrible to inflict on humanity in general.

Then as if this wasnÂ’t just down right goofy enough, he has decided that T1G, Harvey and myself are going to be the judges to pick and enforce this crisis. (Yea, the man is pretty daft.)

To make sure I don't wuss out, and to pick the submissions to be included in the final poll, three shall be chosen to make sure the sentence is properly enacted. I haven't asked them yet, but I'm sure that Contagion, T1G, and Harvey will relish the idea of torturing and humiliating me will be fair and impartial judges. Being chosen to execute the sentence does not disqualify any of them from submitting entries. God help me.

About know if you’ve read him in the past, you know he is very familiar with the individuals that he picked as judges. That means you have to be thinking, “Grau, you’re one stupid son of a beaotch.” Because you know I’m going to jump all over being a judge. Even if that means I have to sit in a room and watch him have a full body wax. Sure I may end up in counseling for it, but I’d love to see his reaction when they hot wax his balls. Picture if you will a big man crying and screaming for his mommy. Yea, I may be scared from seeing his pasty nads… but the mental image of him screaming already is making me chuckle.

So head on over, make your suggestions. Make sure they are good. We, er I, want something I can make fun of him for years about.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:38 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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For years my wife and I have gone around and around over my facial hair. I want to let mine grow out more; she wants me to keep it closely trimmed. The only thing we both can agree on is that I must have facial hair.

I want my facial hair to be longer so that it fits in better with re-enacting the period IÂ’m portraying. To me I want to try to do the entire package of re-enacting, including the facial hair. Ktreva just wants it so that sheÂ’s not even more embarrassed to be seen with me in public. When I showed her this picture she emphatically said no, and called her lawyer.

Either way, IÂ’m thinking I could pull off some of these great mustaches. However, the one above is my favorite.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:13 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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There are so many reasons this is wrong. I feel bad for the poor fool that actually came here looking for actual information on this topic.

IÂ’m the Number 2 hit for Sensitivity Class on Google.

Click to enlarge

Posted by: Contagion at 05:03 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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What the hell. I think I need to adjust my personality. It seems that all of my friends are either moving away, becoming truck drivers, thinking of moving away or have jobs that make it damn near impossible to see them anymore. The only thing they have in common is that they are all friends of mine. This has made for quite a predicament. I need to try to make new friends.

I hate making new friends. ItÂ’s like change, and change is bad. That and IÂ’m not good at it. IÂ’m just waiting to see who goes next. I know they all say it's not me, but I know... oh yes, I know!

Posted by: Contagion at 05:41 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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1 New friends are such a chore though. It takes months to get them just right and to let the new friend smell wear off, then they up and move or have a kid and they're gone.

Posted by: Dr. Phat Tony at May 17, 2006 06:03 PM (SXElV)

2 Hmmm... I'll have to keep that in mind after I meet you.

Posted by: vw bug at May 17, 2006 06:46 PM (CLHGS)

3 friends are a pain in the neck, always wanting to borrow your stuff.

Posted by: tommy at May 17, 2006 08:15 PM (Np/5g)

4 Well, I flew OVER you today. On my way to Ann Arbor. Couldn't just jump out of the plane. Sorry.

Posted by: caltechgirl at May 17, 2006 08:15 PM (4DpWD)

5 wanna join the army? That is what it is like....

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at May 17, 2006 09:35 PM (1/GC7)

6 Did you ever think that it's you? I mean you stated that they are all friends of yours, a common connection.

Maybe they are trying to tell you something?

Posted by: Quality Weenie at May 18, 2006 10:21 AM (XG7jZ)

7 You can catch some more friends out in the wild... really.

It does suck trying to tame them, especially the older ones, but it can be done.

Oh, and if you showered more often, chances are you could keep them a little longer. Heheheheheh...

Posted by: That 1 Guy at May 18, 2006 10:43 AM (c+OZm)

8 Some people just can't take a hint, can they?

Posted by: Ogre at May 18, 2006 11:54 AM (/k+l4)

9 I really didn't want to say anything, but now that you mention it......

Posted by: Tammi at May 18, 2006 02:57 PM (ZbFVf)

10 Well the deal is... they were NEVER really your friends. They were pretending and we all bought tickets. The shows over now so everyone is going home! ;-)

Posted by: Bou at May 18, 2006 08:05 PM (iHxT3)

11 Well, *I'm* still here... (I know, not the same. but still!)

Posted by: Richmond at May 18, 2006 08:13 PM (e8QFP)

12 You have friends with jobs?!?!?!

You need to ditch those loseres!!!

Posted by: jimmyb at May 18, 2006 11:46 PM (0fLYz)

13 Need to shower more often, maybe? Just sayin'...

Posted by: Barb at May 19, 2006 11:46 PM (g9qHI)

14 Don't fret, your truck driver friends will be at Ft. Atkinson. We'll be there friday evening so be sure to have the brews on ice!!!!

Posted by: Red at May 22, 2006 01:02 PM (s9Qxg)

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WeÂ’ve all seen it; you have some freaky looking guy or one that has the personality of a compost heap with a hot girl. Well at least I see it all the time. Most common is the guy that is just a brain dead Neanderthal who thinks heÂ’s godÂ’s gift to the world when in reality weÂ’d be better off with out him. But this guy has some pretty girl on his arm all the time which helps bolster his over-inflated ego.

I’m not the only one to have noticed this, and there is a guy that has dedicated a blog to the study of the phenomenon, Hot Chicks with Douchebags. It’s “pictures of hot chicks with total and complete douchebags. With commentary. The best thing about it is that the writer claims to be a douchebag himself, but is upset he can’t get any hot chicks.

IÂ’m not sure whatÂ’s better, the commentary or the really unflattering photoÂ’s of guys being hose heads, er douchebags! BTW, the kid above... I can't blame him. But the brunette is hotter, but the blondes boobages are more in his face. Tough decisions.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:43 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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