After my overly morose and really depressing posts of yesterday IÂ’ve drank my way out of my funk. A case of beer just doesnÂ’t last as long as it once did!

When I walked out of the hotel this morning it was already a baumy 92 degreesÂ… at 7:45AM! The high today reached a heat index of 110, the low tonight is 79. ThatÂ’s not a low, thatÂ’s a farooking high! While it was so hot they had various heat index warnings issued for the area, back home was gettingÂ… is gettingÂ… pelted by storms. My support was supposed to fly in and be here by 10:00AM, basically leaving me on my own with the trainees for about 2 hours.

Well those storms really screwed up those plans. They were scheduled to depart at 8:00 AM. They couldnÂ’t board the plane until 8:45. Even after boarding they were not allowed to take off. The plane was taxied all over the airport to different run ways only to be reassigned to others as the weather broke. Employee-M called me on her cell phone at 9:15 AM to tell me that they were trapped on the runway. Finally the plane was able to take off, at 10:15!

Since they had been on the plane so long, Employee-M had to use the restroom. When she got went in, the toilet was full. Not the unflushed kind of full, but as the tank is full and there is no room left in the tank for you to flush anything more into. She called it to the attention of the flight attendant. Apparently they were not planning on a lot of people using the toilet, so the tank wasnÂ’t emptied between flights. Well an hour and a half on the runway would fill most tanks on a commuter toilet. The flight attendant had to get onto the intercom and let all the passengers know that the toilet was full. They still had an hour and half flight ahead of them. From the way my staff reported, the smell was horrible and permeated the entire cabin.

They finally got to Tulsa at 12:15PM. Then it was back to class. Fortunately the class seems to be doing really well with the materials and was not much of a trouble at all for me by myself. When they were finally in the classroom with me, I was able to sit down and get caught up on some of the other work I needed to get done. There is a better than good chance that I can actually make up a lot of time this week.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:20 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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On my way back to the hotel from the restaurant tonight, I saw a bunch of squad cars with their emergency lights on along the side of the highway. When I got near there was yellow tape on the hillside by the cars. As I looked over I could see a uniformed man taking pictures of a body laying on the ground.

Yea, that about sums up this trip... a dead body on the side of the road.

Posted by: Contagion at 03:49 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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An empty beer glass sits on a table. There is a slight residue of the amber liquid it held just moments before in the bottom of it. I sit there staring into the bottom of the glass contemplating the events of the last two weeks. What protective shell IÂ’ve built up in preparation for this event quickly crumbles around me. ItÂ’s time for me to leave the restaurant before I make a mistake.

Just this morning I was at my mother-in-lawÂ’s house lying in a bed with my wife. It had been a rough night for me. I couldnÂ’t sleep, even though I was tired. I kept thinking of what has happened.

On Saturday the entire family went to KtrevaÂ’s grandfatherÂ’s memorial. This was for a man that I liked and respected. He had promised to tell me more stories the next time we saw each other, that time never came. It was unavoidable. Distance, time and health prevented us from getting together again before his passing. Justifying it all I want doesnÂ’t make it feel any better. He enjoyed telling me those stories and I loved to listen to them. We bonded over those stories and I feel I robbed him of something there at the end. Truth or not be damned, thatÂ’s how I felt.

Thursday I found out that I will be able to return home on August 8th for two weeks. When I return they will be buying me a one way ticket. Not because this is a permanent transfer, but because they arenÂ’t sure how long they are going to need me and I really canÂ’t come home on the weekends, IÂ’d have to fly home on Saturday afternoon only to fly back Sunday Afternoon. ItÂ’s just not feasible. Since we donÂ’t know what is going to happen we donÂ’t want to buy a round trip ticket only to cancel my coming home at the end of the week. The tickets are non-refundable. So if I am able to come home for a weekend, they will buy me a round trip ticket from Tulsa to Chicago. At the end of the project they will be me a one way ticket back to Chicago.

Monday night Clone lost his first tooth. I wasnÂ’t there for this first milestone in his life. No, I was working when I received the call. The closest I got was to talk to him on the phone and see a picture of a smiling five year old proud of his first lost tooth.

So as I lay in the bed last night, thinking of how my project isnÂ’t going well and everything that has happened and what IÂ’ve given up for this, the stress gnawed at me. My stomach problems flared up and I was coughing up and puking stomach acid all night. I wasnÂ’t even able to enjoy the simple pleasure of being able to sleep in a bed with my wife. Listening to her breath, feeling the warmth of her body laying next to mine, gazing upon her in all of her beauty and peace as she slept.

Then I left my family. They drove back to Rockford, while I returned to Tulsa. I followed behind them as long as our routes traveled the same path. Watching over them, escorting them, protecting them in what meager manner I was able. Waving at them goodbye knowing that I head back, alone, to someplace where I canÂ’t be with them. Returning to a city where I am by myself.

I sat alone in the hotel room alone for a while, smiling in remembrance of my family and what short time I had to spend with them, Less than 40 hours. After a few short minutes it dawns on me that I am, yet again completely alone. No family, no friends, nobody. So went someplace familiar in hopes of trying to take my mind off of things. I drive to Hooters. There I sat down and ordered beer and wings.

All seemed betterÂ… for a few short minutes.

Something just didnÂ’t seem right. I was there alone. None of the people I usually go to HooterÂ’s with were there. No friends, no family, nobody. I sat there in a restaurant full of people, yet I was alone. Sure there were other people there, but they werenÂ’t there with me. They were there with their friends and their families. As I finished that glass of beer it dawned on me. I had prepared for everything except this. I was bored. I was alone. Most importantly, I was depressed.

While IÂ’m down here I have no one. IÂ’ve been working from 6:00AM to as late as 11:30 at night. Yes, most of the time after 6:00PM IÂ’m in the hotel room, but thatÂ’s all IÂ’ve been doing. I canÂ’t go out for stress release, because there is no one to go with. I canÂ’t go with the people that came down with me, for they are my employees. They directly report to me. I canÂ’t go out with the local staff because either IÂ’m training them or they are in positions below me. The company discourages fraternization outside of the workplace in this situation. Plus they are all female and IÂ’m not about to put myself into a situation that could kill my career.

So I sat there, looking into the empty beer glass, and all I could think of was, “What’s next?”

Posted by: Contagion at 03:40 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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