Yesterday Tammi invited the family down to watch football with her and her Sunday Ticket. She even was going to cook stuff I could eat. How could I turn that down? The only thing that would have made it better is if we could have talked the ladies into wearing cheerleader outfits and serving us male folks, but hey I know that will NEVER happen. Unfortunately this was the first time Tammi, Harvey and TNT got to see me in football mode. Ktreva and the boys have seent his many times in the past.

There I am in her house in a nice quiet small community. Her windows were open so that the cool September air could keep us cool. She has a nice spread set out and there I sat on the Golden Throne with remote in hand. A glass of Glenmorangie 10 year in my other hand and IÂ’m talking in a normal and respectable manner (for me). Then it happens, a play, a big play. A play that involves either my team or a player I have on a fantasy team, and any ounce of respectability dies and my voice carries across the valley.

Such terms as:

“Run! Run you magnificent black man you!”

“For the love of Pete, just let Colston get a touchdown!”

“F@#$ Toomer!”

“Give the ball to Colston already!”

“Run faster, run like you stole it!”

“DAMMIT! That’s not Colston!”

“F@#$ Brees!”

“Eli, Archie doesn’t love you anymore. Peyton gets all of daddy’s love.”

“Is Colston even playing?!?!”

There were many more, but I just wanted to give you a sample. The best part was that since the windows were open my voice had to have carried out of the house and TammiÂ’s poor neighbors had to have heard most of them. I think I just took her fine respectable reputation down a couple of notches.

The sadest thing is that I was holding back.

Posted by: Contagion at 04:42 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 Well, the good news is the Landlords - you do know I'm renting from the church, right? - anyway - no complaints as of today. So I think we're good.

And the neighborhood kids didn't even WALK on my part of the sidewalk.

So, it's pretty much all good. Come back anytime, you magnificant white man you......

Posted by: Tammi at September 17, 2007 05:13 PM (xYhVQ)

2 Yeah, it's good you held back. Don't want Tammi to get thrown out of her nice house. *grin*

Posted by: Teresa at September 17, 2007 07:29 PM (rVIv9)

3 Damn and I guess it's just common for me to hear this. Hell I stole some of your sayings!

Posted by: Bruce at September 17, 2007 08:05 PM (l5Qg2)

4 you can come watch football at my house anytime. I own it, and I'll compete with you for the Loudmouth award.

Sounds like me in this post instead of you. I knew there was a reason I liked you :-)

Posted by: caltechgirl at September 17, 2007 11:36 PM (IfXtw)

5 Sounds like you had a great time though!!

Posted by: Richmond at September 19, 2007 02:04 PM (Ppf6b)

6 Funny post and Tammi's comment is great. Holy crap..

Posted by: Bou at September 19, 2007 07:46 PM (fGpp7)

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Here's an entertaining animated short that is rather amusing. It has an interesting steampunk theme to it. It runs just under 8 minutes, but it is worth the watch.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:31 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I've heard of people using various different defenses while in court. There is self-defense, insanity, temporary insanity, justification and many more that they can plead. Until now I've never heard anyone plea "I was Chewbacca."
See what happens when a Chewbacca impersonator goes in front of Judge Joe on an battery charge.

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...because it's what he wanted.

It's Harvey of Bad Example Birthday today. He had one wish for his birthday.

This year's theme... Boobs.

Specifically adult human female breasts.

Since he is one of my blogging mentors and just an all around good guy I decided to get him exactly what he wanted. The problem is that I just couldn't pick out one pair. I spent most of the day shopping. It was really hard to find the perfect set of Golden Bozos for him. I obsessed all day over the gift. Searching everywhere I just could not make up my mind.

Finally I found the perfect gift. I'll warn you now this is NSFW I hope you enjoy Harvey! more...

Posted by: Contagion at 04:17 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I discovered something new last night about my wife. Apparently gently slapping the sides of her breasts in a playful manner is not something she enjoys.

Ktreva also didn’t seem pleased when I referred to them as “fun bags”.

My head is still sore this morning.

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Well it looks like Boopie is up to old tricks. It was discovered through deductive reasoning and his inability to tell a lie. Well he can lie, but heÂ’s really, really bad at it. Apparently heÂ’s just been getting up in the morning, watching TV and not making his lunch or anything. HeÂ’s been borrowing money from a friend with promises to pay it back and buying a lunch. Then he comes harassing me about his allowance, which wonÂ’t cover how much heÂ’s borrowed. He gets his financial sense from his biological father.

It started with me noticing that the items I bought for him to take for lunch were not being used. I knew he probably wasnÂ’t eating, but I wanted to get his side of the story before I confronted him. And this is what happened:

Me: What did you have for lunch today?

Boopie: A Sandwich and some chips.

Me: Really? What did you make the sandwich out of?

Boopie: WeÂ’re out of bread arenÂ’t we?

Me: You tell me. What did you make a sandwich with.

Boopie: My friend A-boy gave me a couple pieces of bread to make a sandwich with.

Me: Really? He gave you the meat and cheese too?

Boopie: No, I brought some of ours.

Me: Boopie, that has to be the worst lie IÂ’ve heard you tell.

Boopie: Â…

Me: We arenÂ’t out of bread, we have a brand new loaf. When I made my sandwich this morning I used the last of the old loaf, I can see you didnÂ’t open the new one. I can also see that you havenÂ’t been eating the lunchmeat or cheese.

The conversation went on from there, but he told three more obvious lies, got grounded, and is now sulking in his room. I also told him that itÂ’s time for him to start taking responsibility for his actions. The next time I catch him not making a lunch, eating or telling a lie; IÂ’m going to make sure the consequences match his actions.

If only he could tell a half way believable lie.

Posted by: Contagion at 03:55 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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This weekÂ’s beer was donated to the cause by my blog spawn Bruce. He gave me a bottle for tonightÂ’s review because he was tired of me pouring the remaining 5 bottles of a six-pack down the drain. That and I have the sneaky suspicion he just didnÂ’t want to drink it. TodayÂ’s brew is Demolition by Goose Island Beer Co.

Again we have the standard 12 oz bottle brown bottle that we see most beers come in. The label is tan and looks like a bad photocopy job, but I think it was meant to be like that. In the middle of a long story about the beer is the name, “DEMOLITION” in bigger bold lettering. On the back label it states that this beer was bottle on 042006 and states (Flavor will continue to develop over fiver years.) That list bit may be important later on.

It has a nice golden honey coloring to it. It is very cloudy. Light will pas through, but you arenÂ’t able to actually see through the beer to the other side of the glass. When poured it produced a quarter inch white head, but it faded quickly to just a film on top and then a ring around the edge of the glass. There is no lacing at all.

The beer has a scent of citrus and grass. A slight hint of honey is also noticeable. An underlying aroma of hops is also present. The taste is bitter, bitterer than an IPA. In fact itÂ’s so bitter that it overpowers most of the other flavors. The best I can give you is a hint of citrus. You can also taste the alcohol in it, this beer is 8% Alcohol By Volume (ABV), and itÂ’s noticeable in that slight grain alcohol taste to it. And not good grain alcohol, but run through the radiator flavor kind of grain alcohol.

The beer itself is medium bodied and has a nice silky mouth feel to it. It is a little heavy on the carbonation, but not too bad.

Ben Franklin has the famous quote, “Beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy.” Well after drinking this I can say, “The fact that Bruce gave me this beer to drink is proof that he hates me and wants me to live in gastric pain for the rest of the week.” This is a seriously unpleasant beer to drink. In fact this will be in the running for the worst beer I’ve drank in the last 5 years. Now, maybe I should have let it sit the five years in my fridge as the label suggests, but it already had a year aging and it tastes god awfully bad. To be honest I had this beer for the first time a year ago (Same six pack) and it’s been kept refrigerated since. It tastes worse than it did then. I’ve got to give this a 2 out of 10, and I may be being generous with that score.

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Yet another example of why I'm going to hell. This video clip is of either the gayest guy on the internet or a very masculine woman crying over Britney Spears being blasted by the media. I laughed so hard I almost popped a stitch.

Normally I would leave this for Saturday, but it's too good to hold onto.

UPDATE: Apparently Yahoo and ABC have gotten a hold of this video and think it's "news".

Posted by: Contagion at 11:10 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Okay, just a reminder that Blogcrawl 2007 is kicking off in exactly 17 days. That means you all have some time to prepare. Now, for those of you that are new to the Blogcrawl or have forgotten what it is, the point is that you are supposed to get intoxicated to a level of personal comfort and make comments on blogs. Why? Because I love reading drunken comments. Of course there are some rules with the blog crawl and they go like this:

A) You have to be 21 years old to participate and drink. I donÂ’t want some minorÂ’s parents coming back and saying I told them to get pissed drunk and go on the Internet. If you are under 21, you may still participate as a designated blogger. If you don't want to drink but still make stupid comments, be my quest!

2) Drink as much as you comfortably feel you should. This is for fun, I donÂ’t want to have blog fodder stories involving charcoal slurries and ER visits. Be responsible, especially if you have to drive. IÂ’m saying right now that if you do something stupid and hurt yourself I will make fun of you. I am neither legally, morally nor ethically responsible for anything you do either in the real world or on the Internet. You are all adults and responsible for your own actions.

D) Please attempt to limit the Blog Crawl comments to the hours of 7:00PM September 29 and 7:00 AM CST September 30th. Just so itÂ’s easier to track and the time zone differences for all the participants. Not that IÂ’m going to link to every single post that has a comment on it, I just donÂ’t want to search for them Sunday to see what everyone said. Oh, and a drunken post on your own blog is perfectly acceptable and encouraged. Same with day after posts.

4) Try to leave a comment on every blog in the Bad Example and Frizzen Sparks family. You may use my side bar as a reference if you donÂ’t know who they are. Do not feel limited to these blogs only, go ahead and hit any other blog you would like as well. Oh, and a drunken post on your own blog is perfectly acceptable and encouraged.

ThatÂ’s it for the rules. They are pretty simple, arenÂ’t they? Okay now here is the fun part. I am going to head down to FritzÂ’s Wooden Nickel in Stillman Valley to get my drunk on, I probably will not get home until after midnight. IÂ’m planning on hitting FritzÂ’s between 3:30 and 4:30 PM and drinking the night away. Hey, itÂ’s my birthday and my liver, donÂ’t you judge me! Any and all of you that want to come and meet me there for the celebration would be great. However, if you could let me know if you plan on being there in advance I would appreciate it. That way I can give Fritz a headÂ’s up on how many to expect. If someone does set up a chat channel this year, itÂ’s all good. Just donÂ’t expect me to be on there until well after midnight and even then I may not be all that active as IÂ’m trying to make drunken comments.

Before I go to FritzÂ’s IÂ’m planning on heading down to the Buffalo Range in Ottowa, Illinois. It even looks like they are having a Pig Roast on that day. See even they are getting into the Blogcrawl! There is a $25.00 range fee for shooting.

So please let me know if you want to play, and lets drum up some excitement for this. If you post about it, please link back to this one and leave a comment so I can return the love. In 2005 we had one heck of a turn out, IÂ’m hoping to do so again.

Posted by: Contagion at 10:26 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 Hell I'm game.

Posted by: BloodSpite at September 12, 2007 01:25 PM (xUF9P)

2 Hell, you'll be in my backyard, for cryin' out loud. Of COURSE I'll be there. Just not at 3:30-4:00.....

I even rearranged my "weekend at Mama's" (yes, similiar to weekend at Bernies) so I don't miss this......

Posted by: Tammi at September 12, 2007 02:51 PM (PesK3)

3 I'll try to meet up with you at Fritz's. Wow, a place called the Wooden Nickel, in Stillman Valley. Never been there, but man that just screams "hick bar." Sounds like fun

Posted by: Shadoglare at September 13, 2007 09:18 AM (Volhe)

4 I'm in! And I will be blogging from *my* bar. :^) And seriously, shouldn't we try to comment at "Bad Example Clan" member sites too?? Huh?? Like mine?

Posted by: Richmond at September 13, 2007 02:11 PM (JaYtr)

5 Bastards.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at September 14, 2007 05:11 PM (AwUi+)

6 Ummm sure. (twist arm) Sorry T1G

Posted by: Bruce at September 17, 2007 08:15 PM (l5Qg2)

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Well this day is not going as planned. First I got up late due to a miscommunication with Ktreva. I rushed to work, got some stuff done and then ran to the doctor for a standard appointment. This appointment didnÂ’t go anywhere what I thought it would. It started with a small appointment to check out some of my medical issues and turned into a small surgical procedure.

I couldn’t believe how fast this went. The Doctor’s office called the insurance, faxed the information did the pre-cert and got benefits in less than 10 minutes. People, I’ve never seen such a rapid response in my life. I went from the exam room to the procedure room in under 30 minutes, had the procedure and was sent home in less than two hours. Now I’m at home “taking it easy”.

Unfortunately the stitches itch.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:40 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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YouÂ’ve been driving for hours. Your bladder is stretched to its limits and you really regret drinking that last 4 ounces of water even though you are really, really thirsty. With much anxiety your legs are bouncing up and down and wiggling back and forth as you try to hold back the flood. Finally after hours of travel you find a place that has a public restroom. Just the site of it makes you smile and laugh with glee. Quickly you park the vehicle, jump out and run inside. YouÂ’re barely able to keep the contents inside and know that if you go any further youÂ’d lose control. As you walked into a public bathroom, you find it to be really disgusting. I mean horribly and massively disgusting.

Have you ever had anything like this happen to you? It doesnÂ’t matter if you were at a gas station, a rest stop, the mall or a restaurant, anywhere youÂ’ve been have you found it so dirty and unclean that itÂ’s technically unusable? Now due to the circumstances such as the ones listed above, have you gone ahead and used it anyway?

IÂ’m just curious if this has happened to anyone else. A couple of weeks ago I stopped in a gas station just because I had to go so bad it hurt. As I walked into the bathroom it looked like it hadnÂ’t been cleaned in weeks. There was mud (In my head it was mud, and yes I had to convince myself of that) all over the floor and sink. The entire room stank of stale urine and feces. The toilet was clogged with toilet paper, feces and urine.

But I had to go really badÂ…

Â…so I did. The next bathroom was at least 30 minutes away and I wasnÂ’t going to make it and the thought of pissing on the side of the building did come to mind, but so did the arrest that goes with it. The whole time IÂ’m trying to convince myself that IÂ’m standing on dried mud, yet that didnÂ’t work when I was finished and went to wash my hands. I couldnÂ’t bring myself to touch the sink. Folks, I donÂ’t have a problem being dirty, but I do have a problem handling what could possibly be another persons arse droppings.

To make matters worse when I told the girl working the counter their bathroom is in dire need of cleaning, she replied, “Yea we know. We’re waiting for the cleaning guy to get here.” They could have at least put an out of order sign on it.

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Tonight after work I grabbed Clone and headed to the grocery store to do our weekly grocery shopping. I prefer to do it on Mondays because it’s less busy. To make him feel like he’s helping me, I like to have him “help” me make a menu and grocery list. In other words, I already know what it’s going to be, I just give him choices on which night is what. He is young enough not to realize that he’s not actually picking the food, I’m just giving him choices of stuff I’m going to make anyway. Sometimes I actually decide on what we should have.

Clone has over heard Ktreva and I having conversations about eating healthy and what I can and can’t eat. When I asked him what he wanted for dinner on Saturday he says, “I want pizza with pepperonis. It’s healthy with the pepperonis, then the cheese and the sauce under it. It’s really good for me. Really daddy, it’s health for me.” He was as serious as a heart attack that Pepperoni Pizza was healthy.

I almost ran over a Prius because I was laughing so hard.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:21 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 well, gee, dad, it IS a balanced meal: meat, dairy, bread, AND fruit/veg!

Posted by: caltechgirl at September 10, 2007 05:22 PM (IfXtw)

2 Hahahaha!

On a more serious note; sorry you missed the Prius.

And really sorry you can't make the Rendezvous!

Posted by: jimmyb at September 10, 2007 05:44 PM (3bMMW)

3 LOL - has he been watching reruns of the Bill Cosby show? You know - where he explains why cake is healthy for breakfast to his wife.

Posted by: Teresa at September 10, 2007 07:24 PM (rVIv9)

4 Are you sure you missed the prius?

They don't make much of a bump

Posted by: Graumagus at September 11, 2007 02:32 AM (0q2cX)

5 Wait until he starts telling you of the nutritional fortitude found in Snickers bars

Posted by: BloodSpite at September 11, 2007 09:09 AM (xUF9P)

6 Sounds like health food to me!

Posted by: Richmond at September 11, 2007 01:13 PM (MLcaQ)

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After the first week of the NFL season I want to share some observations and opinions with everyone.

There were some really good games and some that were really one sided. The Packer game was a good close game that I thought was interesting to watch. It was a strong defensive game, the type I like. Plus the Packers won, which always makes it a good game. The Bears Vs Chargers game started off good, but turned bad in the second half when San Diego started running off with the game. I think it was due to the fact that the offense could not hold onto the ball and that the defense was getting worn down being hammered on by LT and Gates. However Grossman performed almost exactly how I thought he would against the Chargers. Now Bear fans take solace in this; itÂ’s only week one and the Chargers are a tough team.

What is up with the running backs this week? Other than Addai in Indianapolis, most of them put up dismal yardage. If they did put up over a hundred yards, they didnÂ’t score. ItÂ’s almost as if every team in the NFL decided to forgo the ground game and stick to the air. Is it because defenses are stacking against the ground? Maybe they are preparing for an onslaught of rushing all season and thatÂ’s how every team except New Orleans built their defense.

Speaking of sticking to the air, what the hell is up with all the QBÂ’s that got 4 or more touchdowns in one game? Brady, Romo, Rothlesberger, Eli and Peyton Manning. ThatÂ’s not even including the four QBs that are going to be playing tonight! Potentially there is a chance of adding a couple more names to that list. Usually if you get a QB that scores that many touch downs, itÂ’s only one maybe two a week. It is NOT five or more that sling the pigskin for the touchdowns.

IÂ’m wondering what is going to happen with the obviously horribly missed off sides against the Bears that wasnÂ’t called. It was clear that the BearÂ’s defensive tackle, Tommie Harris was off sides and possibly encroachment when he forced the goal line fumble of Philip Rivers. But none of the officials called it.

We have two more games tonight and then itÂ’s on to week two.

Posted by: Contagion at 04:56 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Pool sheets printed, Fantasy Teams rosters printed, stat books on the ready and tip sheets loaded. 10 pounds of meat, buns, condiments, snacks all ready to go. A couple of gallons of water chilling (Because I can't drink Beer!) Ktreva has hung her "We put this marriage on hold for Packer Season" sign up. It can only mean one thing.

IT'S OPENING WEEKEND FOR NFL FOOTBALL!!!!

Yea, I'm a little excited. I'm getting ready to head over to Bruce's house for a kick off Sunday party. I haven't been this excited since the Raptor's Season started last April.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:26 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Well we know what her social life is like.

I remember in college during my investigations class when I first learned about this technique. Shortly after I installed a black light in my room just to piss off my roommate. He had his girlfriend over all the time and well, they wouldn't necessarily clean too well.

Posted by: Contagion at 10:13 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Here's a little educational video for all of you supervisors, managements and those aspiring to be in a position like that one day.

I would love to do something like this at my job. Unfortunately I think I would get sent back to sensitivity class yet again. What's even funnier about this video to me is that the complaining about headsets is something that I've had to deal with in my previous positions. The complaint about the headset being 5 years old and a "a little unstable" was one I received all the time. The headset I'm currently using I've had for 8 years and it's just fine.

Posted by: Contagion at 10:02 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Okay, maybe it's because I'm a arsehole that I find this amusing. Maybe it's because I'm a bit on the sadistic side. Actually it's both of those and the deep seeded hatred I still have of Cheerleaders left over from High School. I'm not saying they aren't cute, and I don't want Ktreva to dress up as one at least once a month, but in general cheerleaders tend to annoy the crap out of me.

Since I found it funny and it is prime high school and college football time, I felt this video was appropriate. Enjoy Cheer leading routines gone bad.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:30 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Here's another fun little zombie game, Zombie Horde3. You need to raise money to buy more weapons, armor, ammo and health so that you can accomplish missions.

It's fun, and I lost a couple hours of my life playing it.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:48 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Here is a blast from the past. A video clip of the Swedish Chef, Beaker and Animal singing one of the worst Irish songs ever, Oh Danny Boy. When they sing it, it's not bad.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:19 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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It may be a little too late in the year to post this, but I'm going to anyway as I just found it. All of us have gotten into a a car on a hot day at some time. We know it's hot and we've heard all the warnings about leaving kids and pets inside a car. Well lets put that radiant solar energy to good use. How about the next time you are at work you get some baking done? Over at Baking Bites they have an article on Car-Baked Chocolate Chip Cookies.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:08 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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