I have to do my annual review of my employees. Since it is something that needs a relative amount of privacy so others can't see what I'm writing about an individual, my company allows us to work from home for one day.

Today is my day.

It is a happy day.

I'll have my notification on all day in case I receive an e-mail. That's how I told my work to get a hold of me.

Update 11:23 AM: Holy cow! I'm about 3/4 the way done! this really is more efficient then doing it at work. I'm not constantly being interrupted. I'm going to go take a lunch break now.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:03 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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More proof that my wife loves me. My wife bought me a six-pack of Dirty Bastard Scotch Style Ale. There was no special occasion. I didnÂ’t do anything to deserve it, in fact quite the opposite. She just did it because she wanted to. Knowing that I really like this beer, she saw a six-pack of it and bought itÂ… for me.

Now if youÂ’ll excuse me. IÂ’m getting a little emotional over the gift.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:24 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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There are some things that one just isnÂ’t meant to understand. The meaning of life, what happens to socks in the dryer, why people in small vehicles like to pull out in front of my truck while IÂ’m doing 55 MPH. IÂ’ve just come to the conclusion that these things are just not meant for me to understand. These last couple of weeks at work, IÂ’ve added yet another thing to that list.

Why is there no logic to the decisions made by my peers and superiors?

Example. Last week I had 6 projects that had to be done by end of business Friday. One of them I had known about since the end of May, but due to the availability of certain data, I could not get started on it until Monday. On Tuesday they sent me to another office on business, effectively taking away 20% of my work time. After busting hump all week it looked like I was going to finish all 6 projects by the end of business on Friday. Then at 11:00AM on Friday I get hit with, “Contagion, I have a project I need you to handle.” After some prodding and asking, it too had to be done by the end of the day. After going over my list of other projects and the precarious deadline for them as well. I was told that THIS project takes precedence. Then I explained that according to other management my other projects take precedence… and to be honest the one that directly affected my employees was the one that I was going to finish first.

And before I could think I asked, “If it’s so important, why are you waiting until 11:00 AM on Friday to give it to me.” The response was that they had given it to someone else two weeks ago, but they didn’t have access to the right reports in order to get it done today. Okay… well fine but the reports they don’t have access to, neither do I. So it was “Okay, what’s the soonest you can get access?” Monday at the earliest, probably Wednesday was my best guess. Now, the logic of everything else that led up to this is escaping me and the more I learned the more confused I became. But it was after telling them Wednesday would be the most likely time to get the access when I’m told. “Well do it right away, we need you to get these reports done.” That I had the revelation that I will never, ever in my lifetime be able to understand how my superiors and peers come to the decisions they make.

See the reason I wasnÂ’t originally given the project was because I already have a heavier work load then my peers. My peer that was given the original project sat on it for a week before saying she didnÂ’t have access. Instead of giving it to me right away or trying to get her access, they waited until Friday to throw it on my load. Then when I didnÂ’t have access, I needed to get it right away so that I could do the project late. Why not have the original person that screwed up request the access that day? Maybe they should have given it to me right away so I could have tried to squeeze it in. Of course they could have given it back to the original person and told them to get the access so they could do it late.

The sad thing is that if they were trying to do something to make me look bad, this doesnÂ’t work. IÂ’ve got all the documentation that they waited until late in the day to give it to me and that I didnÂ’t have access. All out of my control, so IÂ’m not worried about it. My work philosophy plays in well with this situation.

A bad decision by you does not make an emergency for me.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:13 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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What a wild and fun weekend for me. First off I would like to take this time to apologize to anyone that received a phone call from me between the hours of 8:00PM and 2:00AM CST. If you couldn’t tell, I was not quite functioning at full mental capacity. I really lost count of how much I had drank early on in the night. I don’t blame anyone else for my actions; it was completely my own fault. Next time I need to remember to not listen to T1G when he states that I need to “keep up with him” and that “I’m one behind.” So yes, I am truly sorry. We are going to invest in a drunk phone for me next time. The one that has the built in Breathalyzer so that you can’t drunken dial.

Other then that, Friday night was a blast. After work Ktreva and I went to the Rock River Raptor’s Season ticket holders party. I know they tried, but the party was pretty dead. Almost no one showed up other then the players and people associated with the organization. It was held outside in the heat… and they only served Bud, Bud Light and Corona. BLECH! We hung around for a while, but when we saw the party wasn’t going to get any better we left. Since we had a babysitter for the night, Ktreva didn’t want to go home. She wanted to hit the town. The problem was we couldn’t agree on were to go. She wanted to hit a bar. The problem was finding a bar that I would be comfortable in, but would also take my wife to. Most of the bars I tend to like are a little on the rougher side. Thus we ended up at Fritz’. Now I wasn’t positive T1G was going to be there, but well… yea I was pretty sure. Ktreva made the comment. “Great you guys are going to be talking all night and ignoring me.” I told her to call Tammi and tell her to come down. At this point she says, “I don’t have my phone.” FINE! So I call Tammi for her. And of course upon answering the phone I’m accused of drunk dialing. I explain the situation, and Tammi agrees to head down there as well. Flash-forward to a night filled with Day-glo green drinks, Tabasco in beer, and my ultimately delving into drunk dialing.

Saturday night I went with Bruce and our friend KF on the Rock River Raptor bus trip to Bloomington. Folks, this was well worth the price of the ticket. On the bus they supplied sandwiches, chips and fee beer and water. However the beer was Bud and Bud Light. Now I canÂ’t fault them the beer. The local Bud distributor sponsors them, and apparently they are very generous. ThatÂ’s okay; Bruce and I brought our own beer. For the bus trip IÂ’m going to give some high lights.

-BloomingtonÂ’s stadium is awesome. They have a really nice set up with corporate sponsors. They have a Leinie Lodge, a Jack DanielÂ’s VIP section as well as a corporation that bought the rights to the stadium. There is an in stadium pro-shop and a jumbotron with instant replay. Their concessions were better quality and at about the same price range. Their seats have cup holdersÂ… NO SPILLED BEERS!

-Apparently when I get upset and am drinking I swear. Also apparently if I do this with Bruce around the angry parents of little kids will blame him.

-On road trips I do become “That Fan”. You know, the one that is really loud and cheering his team on, even after getting threatening looks from the home team fans. Either that or Bruce was swearing again.

-The best part about our seats was the fact that we were sitting with some of the playerÂ’s families. Blue AldridgeÂ’s uncle was right behind us and he was just as fevered about the game as we were.

-The Raptors won by a point. Yes one point, which made this a very exciting and good game. Of course a missed PAT and short field goal doesnÂ’t help. (IÂ’m watching the placeholder for the next couple of games.

-Tom Crow, the Raptors GM, seems to be an actual nice guy. I’ve spoken with him on a couple occasions. He rode on the bus back from the game with us. We got to spend some time talking to him, and shooting off some ideas and what not. He seemed to take everything we said into consideration. Not that I actually expect him to listen to us, but he was cool about it. Especially since I kept calling him Tim. For the love of me I don’t know why I couldn’t get his name right. I actually started calling him Tim-Tom at one point as I tried to correct myself. He didn’t blow us off. During the ride back, I got a little hungry and Bruce grabbed the three remaining bags of Cheetos from the back of the bus. At that point Bruce kept calling me Cheeto and saying, “Good times Cheeto.” Tom Updates the Raptors site and in his brief post, Raptors Defeat Extreme he ends it with, “Also, a big “Thank You” goes out to our first official Fan Bus Trip of the season… Good Times Cheeto…” I'd like to the post itself, but the way the site is set up, I can't.

-I guess I should mention that my sister lives down there and is a Bloomington Extreme (yes, their team name sucksÂ… extremely) fan. So I was able to see her. And harass her about the guy she brought withÂ… and rub it in after the game that we wonÂ…

All in all it was a great time. For those of you that missed it, you missed a lot of fun. Just remember the next time they do a bus trip, you might want to jump on and just enjoy life a little more.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:10 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Your Personality Is Like Alcohol

You're the life of the party, a total flirt, and probably a pretty big jokester. Sometimes your behavior gets you in trouble, but you still remain socially acceptable. You're a pretty bad driver, and you're dancing could also use a little work!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

Yea, not really surprised. I guess you are what you drink.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:52 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Here is a good reason to not mix love and work. IE donÂ’t try to find that special someone in the work place. Bad things can happen. There is some harsh language.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:42 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Need to get something cold really fast? Just add salt! No seriously.

This isn’t anything new. I’ve known about this one since college. This knowledge was passed down to some friends and myself by a senior my freshman year. He said, “Dude, if you have to cool a keg really fast, through it in a garbage can filled with ice. Add a lot of salt and stir. It’ll be ice cold in about 10 minutes” He wasn’t lying. I’ve done this numerous times with cans, bottles and kegs.

IÂ’ve gone to parties where itÂ’s bring your own beer. Unfortunately the store I went to didnÂ’t have the beer I wanted cold. No problem, but the beer, ice and salt containerÂ… VIOLA! Cold beer. DonÂ’t believe me. See this video and try it yourself.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:36 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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In April I went to see some Midget Kick Boxing, which was pretty damn cool. Now today I find on the Internet Midget wrestling in a cage.

You have to love the little folk!

Posted by: Contagion at 07:58 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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This morning I turned on the radio and they were talking about the town of Dalcambre, LA wants to ban baggy pants.

The ordinance states, "It shall be unlawful for any person in any public place or in view of the public to be found in a state of nudity, or partial nudity, or in dress not becoming to his or her sex, or in any indecent exposure of his or her person or undergarments, or be guilty of any indecent or lewd behavior."

So in other words those kids that are walking around with their pants around their knees would get slapped with:

The new indecent exposure ordinance in this Cajun-country town of about 2,000 carries penalties of up to six months in jail and a $500 fine for being caught in pants that show undergarments or, in the mayor's phrase, "private parts."

Yea, $500.00 and up to 6 months in jail, thatÂ’s just insane! But thatÂ’s not what has me posting about this. Sure this is politically correct BS beyond all reason. DonÂ’t believe me, see what the mayor says:

The law applies to women as well as men, the mayor said Wednesday. "If you expose some of your privates, the crack of your behind, if somebody feels insulted they should press charges. If you're offended by it, we want to straighten that out."

Yea, if you’re offended by someone’s dress, you should press charges. Folks, I’d love to be the police officer that has to take that report. Little Old lady: “Officer, I’m offended by that guy's pants! I can see the top of his underwear when he bent over!” Officer, “Ma’am, are you farooking insane? He’s your plumber, he bent over to fix your pipes!” The whole thing is stupid and really, hard to enforce.

But what really has me about the whole thing is:

The law applies to women as well as men,

Wha-wha-wha-what?!?!?!?!?! CÂ’mon Let the ladyÂ’s go. Sure I think they wear their pants way to low, I really donÂ’t need to see that they are wearing their Monday thong on Thursday. Also I think it throws off the natural shape of a woman, but I digress. There are some upsidesÂ… like the hot 20+ year old girls wearing the micro miniÂ’s bending over to pick something up. Or the sexy woman wearing the ultra tight jogging outfit running to keep in shape so her husband wonÂ’t look at the 20+ year old girls wearing the micro mini skirts. Personally, I like the older ones. I think the look of a mature woman is sexier then a younger baby-fat in the cheek girl. Also the women tend to be moreÂ… fun. If you know what I mean.

I can understand no one wanting to see a manÂ’s hair arse. But why would you want to take away the joy and beauty that is a finely shaped female hiney? WHY?!?!?!?!

ItÂ’s just wrong!

So what do you think, should they make the ban for both men and women... or just men! You know where my vote is!

Posted by: Contagion at 06:00 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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ItÂ’s a good day for me.

First I find out that the RaptorÂ’s Bus Trip is a go! That means Saturday night IÂ’ll be terrorizing Bloomington Illinois with my loud drunken self! (Does happy football dance)

Secondly, IÂ’m going to OgFest. I found someone to watch the boy and made my reservations with the Tammi lady. One room, double occupancyÂ… Just donÂ’t tell Ktreva, sheÂ’s watching the boy!

Posted by: Contagion at 05:01 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Monday this week I stopped in a local grocery store on lunch just to look for a beer. They had greatly expanded their beer selection, I mean by almost double. I stood there in stunned awe for a good 10 minutes. As I looked at the 50 new beers I wanted to try, I’m not kidding, a brand stuck out, Great Lakes Brewing Company. Mainly because each of their beers are named for historical figures or events on the Great Lakes, such as Elliot Ness, the Voyagers, the burning river and the beer I choose, The Edmund Fitzgerald. The Fitz was a freighter that sank on Lake Superior November 10, 1975 with a loss of all 29 crew. It was later immortalized in Goron Lightfoot’s song “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.”

She comes in a standard brown 12 oz bottle. The label is black with a picture of the Edmund Fitzgerald sailing in a storm. The name of the brewing company takes the top of the label, with the name of the beer underneath the picture. There is a story on the side, “Named after the ship that frequently docked in Cleveland and sunk in Lake Superior in 1975, this porter combines a complex, roasty aroma with a bittersweet, chocolate-coffee taste. In keeping with the Vavarion purity law of 1516, this beer is traditionally brewed from all natural ingredients: Barley, hops, yeast and water. “ It also advises that it’s 5.8% alcohol by volume. (oh yeah!)

When poured into a glass, it almost looks like a stout. The color is rich and dark like black coffee. There is a slight red hue to it. It poured a quarter inch tan head that faded into a nice film. There was some lacing on the glass even after it was finished.

This porter had a very distinct aroma to it. A strong scent of chocolate and coffee mixed with the roasted malts and nuts. There was a slight floral hop scent as an accent. When I say this smelled like chocolate and coffee, I mean actual chocolate and coffee and not chocolate and coffee malts. There is a difference. The flavor was of coffee with a good malt backbone and hops for a nice bitterness. It really did taste like coffee flavored beer. Real rich and flavorful, excellent!

It had a nice light and creamy mouth feel to it. ItÂ’s not thick like a stout, but slightly thicker then your average porter. ItÂ’s very easy to drink. Just remember, this is a porter and not a stout. If you are in the wrong mindset youÂ’ll find yourself wanting a stout.

I really liked this beer. This is one I could see buying for a possible beer tasting coming up. Overall I give it 6.5 out of 10.

OH, btw, enjoy the song.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:57 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Why didnÂ’t any one tell me? I mean IÂ’m on all the mailers, the distribution lists and all the alert services. In fact IÂ’m part of The Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency (FVZA). Yet, it took the diligence of CalTechGirl to advise me that today is Zombie Uprising day.

Well, since I found out late in the day I canÂ’t post like the whole world is being over run by zombies, but I can share this video that Ktreva showed me. Yes, Ktreva showed me this one.

Folks, I think this again is a warning about what happens if you try to domesticate the zombie. ItÂ’s just not a good idea.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:08 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I have a quick poll for everyone tonight. On my way to my “meeting” today, I was cruising at an above the posted limit rate of speed. Some of the people in the car thought I was driving way too fast. Me, I was keeping up with the flow of traffic. (I was driving down 39 and 88 heading to Naperville). At some points when there was no traffic, I set my speed at what I felt comfortable driving. Now at some points I was passing others. At other times I had cars passing me like I was standing still… and I wasn’t. This brought up an interesting conversation on the ride home. How fast is too fast?

	How fast is too fast for driving?
	I don't speed.
	0-5 MPH over
	5-10 MPH over
	10-20 MPH over
	20+ over
	I keep up with traffic.
poker

Posted by: Contagion at 06:40 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Work is sending me to Naperville, IL this morning. I'm not sure what time this evening I'm going to be back. The reason I'm going to this other office really isn't for fun reasons. Couple that with with the fact that no one really knows what is going to happen should make for a long day. Oh, and probably some extremely unhappy people.

O'well, I guess I'm just doing my job.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:36 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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ItÂ’s been a long time since IÂ’ve burdened my readers with a problem of mine, but folksÂ… I just need to talk about this. IÂ’m a pretty laid back kind of guy. I tend to go with the flow, instead of making waves. And I donÂ’t obsess over things.* However, of late, IÂ’ve found myself continually obsessing over something.

Bar-B-Que. Yes, I know I have it bad when I want to come home after a long days work and spend 4 hours slow cooking meat over a smoky fire in 87 degree heat. IÂ’ve been bar-b-queing chicken, pork, beef and other assorted meats. Today Ktreva told me she was going to hit the grocery store after work, she wanted to know if there was anything special I wanted her to pick up. Oh god yes, all I wanted was some kind of sausage link or ring. It needed to be slow smoked then slathered in the tangy sauce of the cooking gods. I told her anything other then Bratwursts and IÂ’ll be happy.

I come home and she’s picked up some “spicy stadium sausages”. Well they were bratwursts, but it’s okay. I’ll make do with what I had. After getting the fires stoked, I threw my secret smoking packs onto the heat and let them get nice and hot. A thick smoke covered the neighborhood. Neighbors were coming out of their houses to investigate what the tantalizing scent was… then realized it was me, ran back inside and bolted their doors. Well, except the neighbor guy I actually like. He made a play for the contents of the packs again.

From 4 until 7:00PM I slow cooked those sausagesÂ… and just when the smell was about to drive me mad. I gently coated each link with the sauce. For the last couple of minutes the sauce cooked on as a second skin sealing in the wonderful flavor. The sausages were pulled off the heat. Unbeknownst to me, Ktreva had gotten her hands on my motherÂ’s secret potato salad recipe. For those of you that have head it, itÂ’s the original recipe, not the lower fat, calorie one. Ktreva, my darling temptress of the bar-b-que side dish had secretly made my favorite of all side dishes.

Folks, let me tell you. Right now IÂ’m in pure heaven. Unfortunately the sausages Ktreva bought were too spicy for her and the boy, but they were perfect for me. Great flavor and oh so delicious, just the way a good bar-b-que sausage should be. Mixed with the potato salad of the godsÂ… this was a meal to make any man happy.

And yet I sit here wanting. Not more food, cause IÂ’m like an over stuffed tick right now. No, IÂ’m wanting more meat to bar-b-que, to smoke, to grill. I canÂ’t get it out of my mind. The urge, the desireÂ… the NEED. IÂ’m already planning on slow cooking a beef brisket this Sunday. IÂ’m thinking of a special homemade rub that I make to pre-season it. Then as soon as itÂ’s done, I know IÂ’ll be planning the next meat.

IÂ’m like a machine, I just canÂ’t stop. And a lot of this meat is going to waste. As we canÂ’t eat it all and IÂ’m continually making more. ItÂ’s going to be a long bar-b-que filled summer. To make matters worse, weÂ’re driving through Kansas City (Hell Hole of the US), one of the four bar-b-que capitols. I may just drown in sauce yet.

*(Scotch, Beer, the female form, re-enacting, Listerine Pocket Paks and zombies are excluded from this statement)

Posted by: Contagion at 07:08 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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This was sent to me as a banned pop-rocks commercial. Just watching it you will know it's not an actual commercial, but something that someone made. It's completely NSFW.

Posted by: Contagion at 10:06 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Yesterday I hung out with my buddy Shadoglare and LittleJoe. We spent the day watching a bunch of cheesy movies. Most of them can't even be counted as B movies, as that would be too much of an overstatement. Hey, what can I say, I love cheesy, bad movies. Anyway, one of the movies we watched was Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. This movie was wrong on many different levels, very funny, but wrong. Anyway, here is the dance seen from that movie featuring Jesus and the Jesus Christ Dancers:

It's just too bad that you all missed my interpretation of the dance afterwards. Apparently I permanently mentally scared everyone that saw it.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:51 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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When I was in college my friends and I had a rule. If you pass out anywhere other then your own room, you were open game to have any numerous pranks pulled on you. This included drawing on the face, shaving of hair (I used to like to shave one eyebrow or half of the facial hair off.) and putting them in funny poses for pictures, usually vulgar.

These guys went to a level that I just never thought of.

Of course it was incredibly dangerous... but it's still funny.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:42 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I heard an interesting argument on the radio the other day and I had been mulling it over ever since. They were discussing which presidency was better Clinton or Bush. Of course this turned into a very heated debate. Since this was on talk radio, in general both sides argued their points honorably and fairly. Yes, there were some that did some name calling and made absurd statements. Ie “God will strike Clinton down” or “Bush is a racist”. I almost called in after one caller made some comments that were utterly stupid.

Since then, IÂ’ve been thinking long and hard about the last 15 years. Which was the better president? After much contemplation IÂ’ve decided that they both pretty much are incompetent, self-absurd, egotistical politicians. ThatÂ’s right; IÂ’m just going to admit that I donÂ’t like either one. Bush was the lesser of two evils in the last presidential campaign, and even the third party candidates didnÂ’t look good. Clinton as far as IÂ’m concerned did nothing to help strengthen America, only helped to weaken it. BushÂ’s big folly is the War in Iraq. The whole thing was mismanaged and run as a media campaign. You canÂ’t win a war with a muzzled military, and that is what we have.

America is on the brink of disaster, and we are to blame. Be it The House, The Senate or The Presidency, Politicians are slowly dragging us down. Both Republican and Democrat are eroding away at America. It is a time of mediocre politicians, and an American publicÂ’s apathy to accept them. Instead of demanding or putting up stronger candidates, we as the public keep choosing to accept which Politically Correct party line puppets that are put in front of us. Everyone is brainwashed into thinking Democrat and Republican are the only way to vote. But that is an issue for another time.

Posted by: Contagion at 03:30 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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At my place of employment it is pretty common to see candy dishes or bowls set out for people to help themselves to a little treat. Heck, IÂ’m known in the office as the guy that has the good chocolate. (I work mainly with women, having chocolate at my desk keeps them mellower and me saner.) Yesterday was I was walking through my unit just talking to my employees about anything but work; I noticed one of them had a bowl with green, yellow and white Jelly Beans in it. Being as I am a Green Bay Packer fan, I couldnÂ’t help but notice it was their color scheme.

I asked her what was up with the “Packer” themed jelly beans. She advised that they are all flavors she didn’t like out of this bag of jelly beans she had bought. The green was pear, the yellow was lemon and the white was buttered popcorn. I figured I’d try one to see how bad it was. I started with a pear… and about lost my lunch. It was disgusting. They laughed at the face I made while finishing it off.

Opting not to try the yellow since I don’t like lemon, I grabbed a white one. Now, I love popcorn, and these weren’t bad. It didn’t taste exactly like buttered popcorn, but you could get the similarity. Since I liked them, she told me to take all the white ones… and I did. As I walked up and down the rows talking to my people one of them asked me what I was eating. “Its popcorn flavored jelly beans. They’re pretty good”, I tell her. She then asked me were I got them. So I told her that the other employee didn’t like them and gave them to me. She says to me, “Make sure you don’t eat too many, they are sugar free.”

At that point I had already eaten about 30 of the things, and I knew I was in for trouble. I go back to the employee I got them from and confirmed they were indeed sugar free. She even has the bag they came out of. Right on the back it states eating too many can cause “Gastric Distress”. The main sweetening ingredient in sugar-free candy is Maltitol. It’s also used as the active ingredient in laxatives. I had just finished eating a handful of these little gastric bombs. I knew was I going to be in trouble.

My employees are laughing, the one that gave it to me didnÂ’t think to warn me they were sugar-free, and found it even more amusing. After they all had a great laugh, and I explained that I was going to be able to spend some quality time in the bathroom, I went back to my desk. About 45 minutes later IÂ’m doing the duck walk to the bathroom as I feel a tightening in my bowel. This fun lasted for another couple of hours until it was finally out of my system.

Thanks to my employees, I think my colon is the cleanest itÂ’s been in years.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:44 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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