Well it looks like all the concern over who the father of Anna Nichole SmithÂ’s baby has finally been resolved. For the last month weÂ’ve heard day in and day out about how she died and who was the baby. This was getting to be a huge ordealÂ… well not for me as I couldnÂ’t care less, but for otherÂ’s it was a big deal. They kept talking about it and in Vegas they even started taking bets as to who the father was, Larry Birkhead or Howard K. Stern.

IÂ’m not sure what the odds were, but we all know who had to spread.

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1 just to let you know...the real dad on dannilynn is....Larry Birkhead! and he's happy about it. this just in and it's official. anyway...nice blog you have here!

Posted by: Nash at April 11, 2007 04:11 AM (07kZS)

2 Just to let you know, the real daddy of Anna Nicole's daughter is....Larry Birkhead! And he seems thrilled by it...he's happy. This is official from the court. Anyway, nice blog you have here!

Posted by: Nash at April 11, 2007 04:14 AM (07kZS)

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For Easter most parents that observe the holiday, and even some that donÂ’t, abort chicken embryos by boiling them in water hard boil eggs. Then they dip the hardened remains into cups of dye. If you have a four year-old you also get to wipe spilled dye up off the floor and table a couple of times. When you are done you have a carton or twelve of multi-colored hard-boiled eggs. Now this is where parents differ.

Some hide the eggs while the kids are sleeping so they can find them on Easter. After the lost egg incident of 2000, I donÂ’t do that anymore. Sure we, and I mean me, hid the egg in an easy to find spot. It was so easy to find that when Boopie was done looking for the eggs, I counted one short. We searched and searched and were not able to find it. Finally I figured that I had miscounted how many eggs I had hid. Since I didnÂ’t hide all the eggs, and one or two were eaten already, I figured that I just counted wrong. The egg finally showed up some months laterÂ… in August. There was a vile stench in the house and I couldnÂ’t quite place it. I searched and I searched and I searched. Finally after looking long and hard enough I found it.

It was in plain sight under the air hockey tableÂ… but some moron put a dark blue egg up against a dark blue background, and after months of cooking in a house without AC, the egg wanted out and let off a stench so that everyone could find it. I no longer hide Easter eggs.

This year I made the largest batch of Egg Salad that I ever made. WeÂ’ve been eating on it for two days for lunch and dinner. Hell I even had some for breakfast this morning. ThereÂ’s probably still more then half left. Already I do not like the gaseous emanations that are wafting off of me. Yet, I just canÂ’t throw it out.

Maybe if I us beer to wash it down it wonÂ’t stink so badly when I blow arse.

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I don’t like this song. In fact I don’t like Fergie at all, her songs are about as lyrically intellectual as a conversation with my four year old. That and the fact she feels she has to spell a word in each and every one of her songs to prove she are S-M-A-R-T, annoys me beyond rage. On the other side I’m not a huge Alanis Morissette fan. Other then her involvement with Kevin Smith, I don’t think she’s all that great. But at least I respect her lyrics and don’t hate her music. However, when Alanis makes a parody of Fergie’s “My Humps”, I couldn’t help but laugh.

She turned a trite piece of crap into a psuedo movie ballad, hilarious.

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1 Somebody pointed this out to me last week - it are funny, even if you don't like Alannis

Posted by: Shadoglare at April 07, 2007 10:42 AM (bItZi)

2 And my money is on Alanis when the inevitable cat fight breaks out.

Posted by: Richmond at April 07, 2007 10:58 AM (e8QFP)

3 Alanis disgusts me.

But I was amused to no end by the video.

She could be the next Weird Al.

Heck, she wouldn't even have to change her name, just shorten it.

Posted by: Harvey at April 09, 2007 04:19 AM (L7a63)

4 I don't like Alanis either, but that was funny!

Posted by: oddybobo at April 09, 2007 08:16 AM (mZfwW)

5 ... hey, who knew that Alanis could shake her ass like that?!....

Posted by: Eric at April 12, 2007 07:33 AM (NlzwQ)

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I have to rate this video ENSFWÂ… thatÂ’s EXTREMELY Not Safe For Work. Sure there is no nudity, but content and theme is really out there. With that being said, this is pretty damn funny. The Superficial Friends and Britney Spears go after Hillary Clinton.

TheyÂ’ve managed to make fun of celebrities, politics and the media all in one clip.

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A lot of my readers have sent me links talking about a new documentary coming out soon. Then I found a trailer for it. The documentary is called Fido and itÂ’s about the domestication of the zombie.

Folks this is wrong, just wrong. And IÂ’m not just talking about the parts were there is some alleged hot(?) human on zombie action. We should not be domesticating the zombie. We should be killing the zombie. They are an abomination and should be destroyed. IÂ’m pretty sure this is happening in California somewhere. Just another reason that state should be pushed off into the ocean.

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Today is Tartan Day, as part of Gathering of the Blogs we are to post a Scottish post. In the years past I did a four-part post on Jacobites, as well as some highland fashion. And recipes for Minced Callops, Colcannon and Barley with Mushrooms, really you should try each one. Today I’m going to sit back with a nice bottle of Glenmorangie 12 year old port wood finish single malt scotch and receipt my favorite Robert Burns poem, “Scots, wha hae wi’ Wallace Bled” depicting the battle of Bannockburn fought on June 24th, 1314. In the battle the Scots, led by Robert the Bruce defeated the English in what could only be called a slaughter.

Scots, wha hae wiÂ’ Wallace Bled!
Scots, Wham Bruce has often led,
Welcome to your gory bed,
Or to victory!
NowÂ’s the day, and nowÂ’s the hour;
See the front oÂ’ battle lour;
See approach proud EdwardÂ’s power,
Chains and Slavery!

Wha will be a traitor knave?
Wha can fill a cowardÂ’s grave?
Wha so base as be a slave
Let him turn and flee.
Wha for ScotlandÂ’s king and law,
FreedomÂ’s sword will strongly draw,
Freeman stand, or freeman faÂ’
Let him follow me!

By oppressionÂ’s woes and pains,
By your sons in servile chains,
We will drain our dearest veins,
But they shall be free.
Lay the proud usurpers low!
Tyrants fall in every foe!
LibertyÂ’s in every blow!
Let us do or die!
~Robert Burns

This poem by Burns is supposed to be his interpretation of what is thought to be the BruceÂ’s words to the Scots prior to the battle. Since there is no record of what was actually said there is no way of knowing if this is even close. On the other hand it would be easy to see these words inspiring soldiers to fight to the death in what had to be the goriest type of warfare. ItÂ’s also easy seeing these words applying today.

Other Blogs participating in the Gathering of the Blogs.

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Our first question for Contagion Therapy comes from a long time commenter who wishes to remain anonymous.

Contagion, There is a girl I’ve been interested in since High School. We never dated in High School, but we had a lot of mutual friends and did hang out a lot. We both were seeing different people so we never got together. Right after graduation she had broken up with her boyfriend and admitted she had feelings for me. We had a summer fling before I left for college out of state. During my first semester my father received a promotion and the family moved to a different city. I kept in contact with “Liz”, but we never really saw each other while I was in college. We both decided to move on, but stay friends. She started dating one of my good friends from High School Mike and they got married during my senior year, I was a part of the wedding party. Mike knew that Liz and I had been together.

After college I took a prestigious internship in the city I grew up, and have stayed there since. Liz’s husband “Mike” and I are still good friends and hung out all the time. Unfortunately my feelings for Liz never faded. Things between Mike and Liz went sour and they decided to get divorced. They are still civil with each other, but you can see the tension there. Their divorce was 4 years ago. Liz hasn’t been dating anyone, and I’ve only been in minor relationships over the last couple of years. In a conversation we had a couple of weeks ago Liz admitted she still had feelings for me and wanted to get back together.

Would it be wrong for me to start seeing Liz since Mike and I are still good friends? –Long Time Reader.

First IÂ’m going to start by saying that IÂ’m only responding to this letter because itÂ’s the only one I received. IÂ’m starting to feel that none of you feel confident in my ability to help you with your problems. I see how you all are.

Secondly, LTR let me say that you really did not give me enough information here to truly help you. The first thing I need to know is if Liz is a hottie. Obviously you think she has the right stuff, but IÂ’m curious what your other friends think of her. Since, I donÂ’t know for sure IÂ’m going to assume sheÂ’s at least above average and has either a decent rack or an arse you can bounce quarters off of. With that being said, lets begin.

LTR, since technically your buddy Mike made the moves, and scored, with a girl you had already dating, he violated the guy code regarding recycling friends girlfriends. Therefore Liz is fair game. Even if he asked you permission and you gave it, she was your girl first. Once the divorce was finalized and the minimum 2-year waiting period was met, Liz was again free game according to man laws and the guy code. Even if you didnÂ’t wait the permitted waiting period special compensation could be made because you dated her first, there for your are not starting a new relationship, you are rekindling an old one.

Good luckÂ… oh and send pictures.

If you need help with a problem or need some advice donÂ’t be shy, let Contagion help you out. Leave a comment or send me an e-mail.

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Shadoglare wants to get my blood boiling early this week. He sent me a link to a local story about a rash of shootings at a local housing project, including the first homicide in Rockford for the year. The Chief of Police Chet Epperson is quoted in the article saying:

Epperson believes the latest rash of violence can be attributed, in part, to the ease with which ex-felons can get their hands on guns. Two Blackhawk Courts shooting victims had been released from prison as recently as last month.

“This is unacceptable,” Epperson said of the string of shootings. “Handguns are really the culprit of the degradation of this community.”

What????? Ease in which ex-felons can get their hands on guns? The last time I bought a firearm in Illinois I had to jump through hoops and wait three days. In that time they did a back ground check and everything to make sure I wasn’t a felon. Wait, I bought my firearm legally, that’s right. The way Chet here is talking about must be illegal. That means that if Chet and his boys were doing their jobs then the felons would have a hard time getting firearms. So if there is an easy way to get them, it’s obviously his fault since he’s the “top cop”.

As for handguns being the culprit of the degradation of this community, I’m curious to how he jumped to that conclusion. If all three cases involved baseball bats, golf clubs or kitchen knives would he blame those? Probably not, but because he can’t stem the flow of illegal firearms, then he has to blame the firearm not the individuals using them. Sure it’s easy to blame an inanimate object, it won’t argue back. But lets put the blame were it really belongs: The individuals that pulled the trigger. I don’t know what their up bringing was, and I really don’t want to stereotype anyone, so I’m not going to. But both my mother and father who were involved in my life and taught me right from wrong raised me. I’ve never shot anyone with malice. I’ve never used a firearm to solve a dispute between me and another person. And as much as I joke about, “I’m going to shoot…”, I don’t follow through with it by actually shooting anyone.

ItÂ’s the type of ignorance that Chet here uses that causes so much fear and mistrust of legal firearms and their owners.

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TonightÂ’s beer is one IÂ’ve had before. In fact many of my friends will know what IÂ’m going to say about it just from the name. Tonight I review LeinenkugelÂ’s Sunset Wheat by the LeinenkugelÂ’s brewery in Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin. BTW folks if you are ever up there, itÂ’s well worth taking the tour of the brewery, the samples are great and if you play your cards right you can get thrown out too. But, uh, thatÂ’s a story for another time.

We have our standard 12 oz brown bottle. The neck and body label are rather quite busy. ItÂ’s blue with the name of the beer predominate across the front. There is a lot of information about the brewery and the brewery logo on it as well.

The Sunset Wheat is a pale yellow with just a hint of orange. ItÂ’s very cloudy. There is almost a graininess to the look. It poured a thin white head that quickly turned into a film on the top of the beer and finally just a ring along the edge of the glass. There was some lacing, but not a lot.

The first time I smelled this beer, I thought it smelled familiar. There was a mixture of Blueberries with citric accents. There is a subtle undertone of malted wheat. I couldnÂ’t quite place the scent, and then I tasted it. It had a strong orange and blueberry taste with a good wheat backbone. Again it tasted very familiar. After a while it finally came to me, people this beer tastes like beer flavored Fruity PebblesÂ… but not in a bad way. Most folks IÂ’ve talked to agree with my observation.

ItÂ’s a medium bodied beer. There is a strong carbonation to it that bites the tongue. There is a bit more carbonation to it then I generally like.

This is a sweeter beer then I normally like, but it does have a good flavor to it. This would be more of a desert style beer, one I would want to drink if I wanted something a little more sweet, but not too sweet. IÂ’m going to give this 5.5 out of 10.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:47 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Citizens of Illinois this message is for you. Our esteemed(?) Governor Rod “Blago” Blagojevich has proposed a Gross Receipts Tax, that he likes to refer to as a “fair tax” Sadly enough his idea of a fair tax appears to be anything but fair. Not only is this the largest state tax increase of this decade, it seems to be aimed at driving business out of the state.

This tax is aimed at any company that grosses more then 1 million dollars a year. ThatÂ’s gross people, not net. That means that if a business sells large ticket items, like say cars, this could easily drive them out of business. Think about it, if a car dealer sells one car a week at just over $19,231.00, they would gross a million dollars in a year. However, if you take out how much it costs to run the business: buy inventory, pay staff, equipment, supplies, etcÂ… they didnÂ’t actually make a million dollars. In some cases they may just be making a profit of about $100,000.00 a yearÂ… but they pay taxes on ten times that amount.

After talking with some local small business owners, they state that in their books they gross a million dollars. However, their businesses are barely staying afloat due to the expenses. One of these businesses is a Jewelry store; insurance is expensive. All of these owners are saying the same thing, if this tax goes through itÂ’s going to drive them out of business. Or there is the other option, moving out of the state.

Which is what some big businesses more then likely will do. Why stay in Illinois if you can cut your costs of operation by moving to another state? Here in Rockford we are only 30 minutes from the Wisconsin state line. WhatÂ’s keeping businesses from just moving over the boarder? Hell, Beloit could get a much-needed boost to its economy and growth.

Many elected officials have publicly opposed this plan.

” Governor Blagojevich has pitched his Gross Receipts Tax as a tax fairness plan but there is nothing fair about this plan," said Syverson. "Consumers will pay the ultimate price - either through higher prices or future taxes because this tax ran all the businesses and revenues out of Illinois.”

This was from an e-mail newsletter the senatorÂ’s office sent out. He even has a link to an online e-Petition regarding this issue. If you would like to voice your opposition to this tax, and live in Illinois, please go add your name to this petition.

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You want proof that I love my wife? Her van is in the shopÂ… again. Somehow she warped the rotors on the brakes with out even wearing the pads down. She has a very important appointment tonight that could not be rescheduled. I could have driven her to the appointment and gone and picked her up afterwards, but no. I love my wife.

I gave her the keys to my truck.

(Waits for shocked gasps to subside)

Yep, thatÂ’s right I let her drive my truck to the appointment and back. The truck that some people say I love more then her. Actually sheÂ’s on her way there right now. Am I worried? Nope, I trust her. I trust her completely. After 7.5 years of marriage there is no reason for me to not trust her. She is a smart woman and wouldnÂ’t do anything stupid in it.

That and I trust the fact she knows that if she puts on scratch on it sheÂ’ll never hear the end of it.

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Ahh yes, home for the day. I’m not sick, I’m not on “administrative leave”, and I didn’t even take the day off because I wanted to do something. Today I’m home because we are having new windows installed. They are supposed to be here between ten and noon. Well considering it’s 20 to noon, they better hurry up and get here.

Now, I have to ask you readers. Am I the only one that gets antsy when IÂ’m given a window for any contractor or serviceman to show up? Around nine this morning I was up and had everything out of the way for the new windows. By 10:30 AM I was wondering where the hell they were. Now IÂ’m starting to wonder if they are ever going to show up. Sure they arenÂ’t late, but damn, IÂ’m starting to wonder if I have the wrong day. I donÂ’t want to call and seem like a fool, because they arenÂ’t technically lateÂ… but IÂ’m still wondering.

UPDATE: 12:26 PM: I called the contractor, today is the day they are supposed to be here, they don't know why they are running late. They are going to check and get back with me.

UPDATE: 1:58 PM: The contractor arrived! They were very sincere about being late. They explained that their last job they ran into a problem with one of the large windows they where installing on the second story of a house. Since this is the first time in 5 years I've had a problem with them, I am going to cut them some slack. Plus they are going to fix a problem I'm having with some molding for free.

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A long time ago I tried inspiring someone to start a blog, and the resulting blog started strong only to slowly fade awayÂ… in fact the last time I heard anything from Virtue was when she last babysat for us. That was back in August of last year.

So I had this friend (Yes, I actually have friends, I know itÂ’s hard to believe) that was looking for a little outlet. He had been to my blog and slowly he started thinking about creating his own. This time, instead of taking the forcible pushing approach, I took the more guiding stance. I showed him where to go, gave him some tips and then let him do his own thing.

Because my first attempt was a complete and utter bust, I was hesitant to do it again. But I thought, no, IÂ’m going to do it again. IÂ’m not sure he really wants a large announcement into the world, but heÂ’s getting one anyway. He needs all the help and support he can get right now.

Here he is my latest blogspawn and everyoneÂ’s favorite crime fighter Bruce Wayne and his blog Back to the Batcave. Maybe the Department of Blog Children won't take this one away from me.

Oh, and disregard his sidebarÂ… I know, I tried to tell him, but he just wonÂ’t listen to me. You know how kids are these days.

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Before I get, this years Gathering of the Blogs is kicking off here in just 6 short days. If you are interested in joining, see the Tartan Day post over at Absinthe & Cookies.

Of course IÂ’m going to participate.

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IÂ’ve been an amateur hobbyist photographer for years. I love to take pictures and to be a little bit on the artistic side at times. IÂ’ve used the same camera for almost 20 years now, a Pentax K1000. IÂ’m telling you folks, this is a great camera. It doesnÂ’t have all of the bells and whistles that most cameras had, everything had to be done manually, but it was nice. I loved it; it did everything I wanted it to. I used this camera for anything I wanted to take real pictures of. The great photos from last yearÂ’s vacation all came off of this camera.

But then it broke. It wouldnÂ’t function properly and the picture quality started to suffer. I took it to a local camera place to see if it could be repaired, and they told me that what was broken on it, could not be fixed. They donÂ’t make the parts anymore. So I asked them what they had in the line of replacement cameras. They started off showing me all of these digital cameras, that were niceÂ… but they are digital. IÂ’m not a fan of digital cameras. IÂ’ve always been able to tell the difference between a digital and a film photo.
When I asked to see the film cameras, I found out they have completely stopped making them. If I wanted a camera that still used film, I would have to find a place that sold used cameras.

The guy behind the counter and I had an argument over the quality of digital cameras. The quick version goes like this:

Me: Digital photos suck, I can always tell the difference.

Salesman: With the new cameras you canÂ’t tell the difference.

Me: I saw pictures just last week taken on a new camera, and I could tell they where digital.

Salesman: Then the place that printed them out didnÂ’t know what they where doing.

Me: Well my father had them put onto paper here.

Salesman: Â…uhÂ… It must have been set on a lower quality.

Me: My father is technologically stupid; itÂ’s on the factory basic settings that always put it at the highest possible quality. He doesnÂ’t know how to change it, and wouldnÂ’t in fear that the camera would break by him doing something to it.

Salesman: Â…

Me: So there are no film cameraÂ’s here at all?

Salesman: Only point and clicks.

Me: Sorry to have wasted your time.

That was 6 months ago. After doing a lot of research I verified everything the guy had said. They donÂ’t make anything short of point and clicks anymore that still take film. Which is a shame. Finally I got around to coming with the terms that if I wanted a new camera, it was going to have to be digital.

Finally on Tuesday I went out and bought me a new camera. I stuck with Pentax because their last camera was a great camera, and served me well. I ended up getting a Pentax K10D. To be honest it has a ton more features then not only am I not used to, but I probably wonÂ’t use. Since then IÂ’ve been taking pictures of everything, just trying to get use to the way it handles. Which is the nice thing about digital, it doesnÂ’t cost you an arm and a leg in film to do thatÂ… and you can instantly see what you did wrong. On the other hand it also has a fast drive motor on it, so you can take a rapid series of pictures. IÂ’ve always wanted a camera that could do that.

So IÂ’ve been following Ktreva and the boys around the house taking their pictures over and over. ItÂ’s starting to drive them nuts. I think they are getting the feeling for what itÂ’s like to be followed by the paparazzi. So expect to see a lot more photos of the family and stuff over the next couple of months while I break it in.

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My sister lives a couple of house down state and wasnÂ’t able to make it up last weekend for CloneÂ’s birthday. However, she was in town this weekend so she saved her gift and gave it to him yesterday. My sister and I have one of those relationships that are normal, yet hard to understand. We love each other, but donÂ’t really understand nor get along. Thus she knows I hate it when the boys get toys that need a lot of assembly and make a lot of noise. So what does she give Clone for his birthday this year? This monstrosity:

Good lord. The assembly wasnÂ’t bad, but itÂ’s noisy as all hell. There is a motorized accelerator on it that shoots the cars through the track. Then Doctor Octopus moves around and tries to block the cars from hitting or getting past him. Then you can lower the Spiderman web launcher and shoot the cars at Doctor Octopus. Which, the cars will miss and hit the cardboard back ground with a loud thump like a drum. Needless to say, this thing is amazingly loud.

And Clone loves it.

Since I’ve assembled it yesterday he’s played with it a good 4 hours. With breaks only when I say, “ENOUGH, go do something else for a little while! Daddy needs to go chew some Advil.”

One day my sister is going to have kids, oh yes she is. When she does, payback is a beotch. Because each year the toys get louder and more complicated to assemble. Her future husband is going to learn to hate me quickly.

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