I've heard a lot of people talking about how some guys have guts to do something, or it took balls to do something. I always thought they where interchangeable... until today. Today I had a minion slip me a piece of paper with the definition of the two on them.

GUTS....is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:
"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS.... is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You`re next!!!!"

It took guts for him to give me this at work.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:14 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I received this in an e-mail. Since I hadn't seen it in years, I thought you might enjoy it.

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it.

2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.

3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.

5. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

6. Garbage would take itself out.

7. Regis and Kelly would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

8. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".

9. Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".

10. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

11. Two words..."Ally McNaked".

12. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one, That's $10.00 off".

13. People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

14. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

15. Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

16. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

17. It would perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

18. Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!".

19. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

20. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you".

21. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

22. "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

23. At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

24. Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

25. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

Posted by: Contagion at 12:25 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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IÂ’m not a Paris Hilton fan. I think sheÂ’s an unattractive skank-ho. That wasnÂ’t very nice of me, okay, I retract that; sheÂ’s an unattractive skank. I have no proof people have paid her for sex, so I really canÂ’t legitimately make that accusation. Graumagus and I have discussed this, and he thinks she looks like a grey.

I think we have proof that she is actually an alien. Her face never changes! I donÂ’t know if they doctored the photos much, but it looks like they just lined them up. That is what makes this very creepy, yet highly amusing.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:33 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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IÂ’m going to let my inner geek out a little bit this Saturday. Have you ever wondered what Picard, Riker and Data would be like if they were out on the town in the 90Â’s? Well neither have I. That is what makes this little animated clip so wrong; it means someone has. BTW, it may ear worm you.

Click picture to get full effect

In keeping with the Star Trek: The Next Generation theme. Check out this Seussicised version of an episode.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:11 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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