I WARNED YOU! I WARNED YOU! But did any of you believe me?!?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo! But I have proof! The Rockford Register Star reports on May 25, 2007 “Watch out for zombies; the threat is real.” By Wally Haas!

Since I donÂ’t know how long the article will stay up until the government takes it down in order to hide it from us, IÂ’ve copied the whole thing here so as to warn all of you.

They started in North Carolina and have been making their way west. I’ve seen subtle signs that they’re approaching Rockford. We all need to be aware — the zombies are coming.

The threat of zombies taking over the country was first brought up last year in an email that was received at the Charlotte Observer.

The subject line: “This is a very serious situation.”

“Every day I see countless articles about politics, the war, and why flip-flops aren’t good for your feet, but I also see Charlotteans neglecting the important news.

“The threat of a zombie attack.

“The dead are everywhere: in our cemeteries, in our morgues, in our own backyards ... The potential for an undead uprising is huge. There is no question we’d be overcome — we would be no match for their brute strength and blind determination to feast on human flesh. Zombies don’t have a sense of mercy. I can only appeal to parents to sit down with their children and discuss emergency evacuation plans, which household items make the best weapons, and how to recognize when a loved one no longer has a soul. Please, Charlotte, concentrate on the real danger.”

Ed Williams, editorial page editor of the Observer, quickly alerted his peers to the threat. Editorial page editors, editorial writers, columnists and community conversation editors across the country, being the serious types that we are, responded accordingly.

“Oh come on. We can’t print this,” one editor replied. “It contains a glaring factual error. Zombies feast on human BRAINS not flesh. That in mind, I leave the threat assessment as an exercise.”

Some tried to be reassuring.

“Don’t worry. It’s that time of the year. We have loads of them in Ventura County, California. Only they’re called politicians.”

Others were not as dismissive.

“We clearly have been disrespecting the undead segment of our respective readerships in a less-than-politically-correct manner; hence, we owe them our apologies. One would not want to try to explain a zombie suit to one’s newspaper’s libel insurer.”

Others were more practical.

“We got that (email) in Detroit, localized. We deleted it.

“And then the zombies came … we really flogged ourselves when several were elected to the Michigan Legislature.”

Looking at the official portraits of some of the men and women in the General Assembly and reading some of the legislation theyÂ’ve proposed, IÂ’m not sure we in Illinois didnÂ’t elect a few zombies ourselves.

One of my colleagues said, “It wasn’t so much that they were zombies. We’ve had worse. But they didn’t complete our questionnaires so we couldn’t endorse them.”

“I think some of the Living Dead reside in Alabama. Sometimes even I wake up in the mornin’ with the zombie woof behind my eyes.”

“Clearly, this was written by someone from Pittsburgh, which is home of the ‘Night of the Living Dead,’ ‘Dawn of the Living Dead,’ ‘Day of the Dead’ and all other ‘Living Dead’ things. The living dead reside in Pittsburgh, not Charlotte.”

Pittsburgh must be a deadly place to live.

“We’ve never had to recant our support for zombies because we always couch the editorials very carefully: ‘On the question of the undead, on the other hand — oh, wait, the other hand just dropped off ...’”

“Wait uh minute, now. Are y’all suggesting that zombies don’t exist? And mocking it? I suppose next there’ll be no such thing as a gris-gris? And haints?

“I may be from South Louisiana, but I ain’t stupid. I know how to keep the zombies off-in me. (Boil a black snake, dip out some of the juice, bury it in the backyard at midnight with your underwear and two dead chickens, and you’ll be safe from zombies. Guar-ron-teed.)

“P.S. Besides, it isn’t the zombies you have to worry about. It’s the Ferengi who came back to Earth after Quark landed at Roswell in 1947. (Source: ‘Little Green Men,’ ‘Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.’)”

“You mean the Rules of Acquisition AREN’T the guiding principles of American political life already?”

“One of our people asks if this phenomenon has anything to do with global warming. ...”

“After years of watching him campaign, I’ve always thought Al Gore might be one of ’em.”

ItÂ’s an inconvenient truth that editorial writers know more about dealing with the undead than weÂ’d care to admit.

Thank you Wally Haas, Thank you for spreading the word. And for the rest of you that thought I was a complete wack-job... see, ol' Contagion does know a thing or two about the undead.

Hat Tip to loyal friend, and true believer, Littlejoe of the now defunct Little Joe's Soapbox for sending me the link. When the zombies come, you've definitely earned your seat on the survival bus.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:27 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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This is going to be the last I'm going to post on this subject for a while so I'm going to cram a couple of things into one post. First Thanks to Graumagus I now have two new t-shirts, Does Your Family have a Zombie Infestation Plan AND Guns don't kill People, Zombies Kill People. Technically he only pointed out the first one, but in ordering that one, I found the other so he gets credit for both of them. They arrived in the mail yesterday.

Next, here is a new Zombie Game, It pretty much lasts forever. This one is much more challenging then the last one.

Finally, apparently I'm not the only sick bastard out there. Someone else must have thought of hot zombie loving. I know friends of mine have heard me talk about it, but I know of two zombie pr)nos, the Re-penetrator and Evil Head (releasing soon). Both are made by the same company. The trailor to the Re-penetrator is in the extended entry. Folks, I'm not kidding when I say this video is extremely NOT SAFE FOR WORK! Do NOT click the extended entry if you are at work, have small kids around or just do not want to see hot undead action. The autoplay is stuck on, so it will start as soon as you open it.
more...

Posted by: Contagion at 09:20 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I need your input on a disagreement Ktreva and I had last night. We both agreed that we would pose the question to everyone and then abide by the decision. As you all know I have a fascination with Zombies. I love zombie movies, IÂ’ve studied the biology (Maybe that should be Dieology) of them, and I even have contingency plans for when (yes when, itÂ’s going to happen) the next zombie rising happens. There isnÂ’t a day that goes by that I donÂ’t think about, talk about or watch something on zombies.

Last night Ktreva and I were discussing a show on TV where there was some role playing in the bedroom. We talked about all the standards, Doctor, naughty nurse, cop and prostitute, thief and harem girl, etc. Then we started talking about unusual onesÂ… and that is when I came up with Sole survivor and Zombie Girl. Yea, IÂ’m sure with the opening paragraph you all saw that one coming. I made the suggestion she dress up, with the make up, as the sexy zombie from Land of the Dead.

I thought Ktreva was going to burst a gasket.

She likened it to necrophilia and the like and stated that in no way under the sun would she ever participate in anything like that. Our conversation went from light and joking to her seriously being mad at me. I tried to explain that it seriously was a joke; I was just trying to think up different situations. However, because IÂ’m enthralled with zombies she isnÂ’t convinced I am. Then I started thinking about it, is it so weird? Well, okay sleeping with the dead is weird, but this isnÂ’t the dead, itÂ’s undead. And actually youÂ’re not really sleeping with the dead or undead, just someone dressed up as a zombie.

What we want to know is: Is a bedroom role playing game involving zombies wrong?

Posted by: Contagion at 05:15 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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1 I'm gonna refrain from contributing my thoughts on "makin' it with a Zombie" or even thinkin' you are. Yeah, not gonna go there.

HOWEVER - please tell your wife, it sounds to me like she's needin' a little "time away" about now, and I got some celebrating to do. That's right Contagion. I'm kidnapping your wife again. And you can bet this whole post will come up in convesation. For your sake, you better hope it's BEFORE we start doin' shots!!!

Zombie play? OMG.....

Posted by: Tammi at May 15, 2007 08:54 AM (Bitcf)

2 There is a line between play that lets people explore some fantasies and have fun in a safe and controlled fasion, and play that starts people into areas they really shouldn't go. Where this falls, I'm not sure. What I am sure of is that I will laugh my a** off if you talk her into this, she gets into it, and chomps your head (either) while purring "braaiinnnsss" *EG*

Posted by: Laughing Wolf at May 15, 2007 09:38 AM (O/VnN)

3 Dude, when it was about shooting your .45 at them it was OK.

When it became shooting your wad in them, it crossed the line.

Stick with green leathered Green Bay Packer fetish gear already, sheesh....

Posted by: Graumagus at May 15, 2007 09:59 AM (FFj2f)

4 Or you could just tell her that you don't have necro fantasies, just ones where you shoot her in the head after sex... err.. nevermind, not helping here...

Posted by: Graumagus at May 15, 2007 10:02 AM (FFj2f)

5 Weird, yes sir
Wrong, I don't know
It is "role" playing

Posted by: Spurs at May 15, 2007 10:44 AM (3lsFM)

6 I see nothing wrong with it, it's role playing and anything goes in role playing as long as both parties are willing.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at May 15, 2007 03:06 PM (BksWB)

7 Tammie: Coward!

Wow, this is not going the way I thought it would. I'm actually seeing some support for the pro-zombie role playing camp.

Posted by: Contagion at May 15, 2007 04:22 PM (T4WRc)

8 I am *NOT* going to be your living dead girl! As Quality Weenie stated "anything goes in role playing as long as both parties are willing"

Well, I ain't willing on this one!

Posted by: KTreva at May 15, 2007 06:25 PM (T4WRc)

9 Asking a guy who loves midgets and monkeys this question.....

Just remember the Safe Word!!

Posted by: Bruce Wayne at May 16, 2007 08:25 AM (GSpXJ)

10 I think I missed something here...

What's the fuss?

Posted by: That 1 Guy at May 16, 2007 11:15 AM (amJz2)

11 Especially if it were a Catholic School girl zombie...

Posted by: That 1 Guy at May 16, 2007 07:43 PM (WQMql)

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Ktreva and I were actually able to go out and see a movie last night. Since I love zombie movies, and 28 Weeks Later came out, we went to see that. Yes, I know those aren’t “real” zombies. They are humans infected with the rage virus. But you know what, damn near close enough. They may be easier to kill then real zombies, but they are stronger, faster a bit more cunning.

I enjoyed the movie, I thought it was pretty good. However, I will say that this movie is a prime example of how NOT to contain a zombie outbreak. They started off good, but then one security breech and they all went stupid. Then they tried to fix it in the only logical manner.

Folks let me tell you something. If there is a zombie and/or Virus outbreak and the Chief Medical Officer breaks protocol to “find a cure”, treat them as an infected hostile. That’s all I’m saying.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:33 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I found a little game that is right up my alley. It’s called The Last Stand. The point is to survive 20 days from a zombie uprising. You have to defend your “fort” at night and during the day you decided how many hours you spend repairing your wall, searching for other survivors or looking for better weapons.

Yea, the chainsaw is cool and is really good when they are right up against your wall, but the AK-47 seems to be the best one for accuracy and round capacity.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:58 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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