We are heading to Naperville now for Ogfest. I think I grabbed everything I need.

A couple of growlers of beer from Carlyle. CHECK!

1,000 rounds of ammo. CHECK!

Shooting bag full oÂ’ firearms and firearms accessories. CHECK!

My good camera. CHECK!

Suitcases packed, CHECK!

My beautiful wife. CHECK!

Contents of the nightstand. CHECK!

No kids, CHECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yea, itÂ’s going to be a good time.

I hope to see a lot of you there. If youÂ’re not going, youÂ’re going to miss out on a good time, good people and some good beer.

Posted by: Contagion at 04:23 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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To the individual that bought me the two growlers of Scottish Ale from Carlyle Brewing Company. You are a great person and I thank you. Of course IÂ’m thanking you in the only way that is appropriate, IÂ’m finishing off the first growler as I type this.

Your kindness over the last three months has not gone unnoticed and it was a complete surprise.

Thank you.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:52 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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As many of you know I’m an avid Hooters fan. T1G and I tend to hit the local one on a regular basis, when he’s in town. Now, before I start hearing I go for the girls. Honestly, we don’t. I really like their wings, T1G is more of a buffalo shrimp fan. If I wanted to go see scantily clad pretty girls, I could go to other places that tend to have better looking girls wearing a hell of a lot less. With that being said, here’s a montage of Hooter’s girls done to the Bob River’s Song “Little hooters Girl”, a spoof of “Little Drummer Boy”

Jabbah over at I Hate My Cubicle (NSFW) found this little treasure.

Even funnier is that at 41 seconds, I believe that girl works/worked at the local Hooters.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:18 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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That was a close one. While on my way to work Monday, we heard news of a drought in Tennessee and the effect it was having on the state. But the blurb in the story that literally scared me speechless was when the announcer says, “This is also impacting the Jack Daniel’s Distillery. All of their water comes from one spring and it is starting to dry up.” According to Ktreva I actually gasped in horror.

When we took the tour of the distillery last summer the guide told us that all of their water comes from the spring on the property. It’s naturally filtered and has no iron in it at all. Then he explained that if the spring ever dried up, they would quit making Jack Daniel’s because they haven’t been able to find another water source that meets their standards. It was at this time that myself and three other gentlemen in the crowd made the comment, “God help us if that ever happens”.

On that morning when the news came across saying that the spring is drying up, I was sure that was a sign of the apocalypse. But leave it to good olÂ’ Jimmy Bedford (Master Distiller for Jack DanielÂ’s) and crew, they sent out an e-mail to all of us loyal drinkers (Please donÂ’t ask why they sent me one, the story is kind of embarrassing)

Dear Friend of Jack Daniel's,
You may have seen or heard reports about how the drought in Tennessee is affecting production at the Jack Daniel Distillery. Well, we wanted to take time to write and remind you of the old adage, "Don't believe everything you read or hear!"

While it's true Tennessee and other Southeastern states are experiencing a pretty severe drought this spring and summer, we can assure you that we have plenty of water from our Distillery's cave spring to make our Tennessee Whiskey. The water level may be down somewhat, as it typically is during the summer months, but it's currently flowing above what we need for whiskey-making.

We have been making Jack Daniel's with water from this cave spring for more than 140 years and have never had a water shortage. That's not to say we're not taking conservation measures. We are using the cave spring water to make Jack Daniel's, as we always have, but we've cut back on using it for any other secondary purposes, such as cooling or cleaning. That's just being responsible and respectful of the resources that make Jack Daniel's so unique — the cave spring water, charcoal-mellowing, charred white oak barrels, fine grains, and the seasonal changes that Mother Nature offers us in the Tennessee hills.

In addition, our warehouses are filled with barrels upon barrels of Jack Daniel's going through the maturation process. When the whiskey from these barrels reaches full maturity, we'll pull those barrels and bottle the whiskey the same as we always do. In other words, your favorite retailers and bars will continue to have plenty of our Tennessee Whiskey on hand.

If you've been concerned about the various media reports, we hope we've put your mind at ease. And if you hear your friends talking about this, please let them know we're continuing to make Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey and, as Mr. Jack said many years ago, "Every day we make it, we'll make it the best we can."

Your friends at Jack Daniel's

Emphasis mine

Thank you my friends at Jack DanielÂ’s for updating me on the situation. We are all going to rest easy now knowing this. Trust me, I am going to sleep a lot better now knowing I donÂ’t have to horde those 4 bottles I have stashed in the basement.

Posted by: Contagion at 04:43 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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More proof that my wife loves me. My wife bought me a six-pack of Dirty Bastard Scotch Style Ale. There was no special occasion. I didnÂ’t do anything to deserve it, in fact quite the opposite. She just did it because she wanted to. Knowing that I really like this beer, she saw a six-pack of it and bought itÂ… for me.

Now if youÂ’ll excuse me. IÂ’m getting a little emotional over the gift.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:24 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Why didnÂ’t any one tell me? I mean IÂ’m on all the mailers, the distribution lists and all the alert services. In fact IÂ’m part of The Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency (FVZA). Yet, it took the diligence of CalTechGirl to advise me that today is Zombie Uprising day.

Well, since I found out late in the day I canÂ’t post like the whole world is being over run by zombies, but I can share this video that Ktreva showed me. Yes, Ktreva showed me this one.

Folks, I think this again is a warning about what happens if you try to domesticate the zombie. ItÂ’s just not a good idea.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:08 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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WeÂ’ve all seen the Axe commercials were girls in every ordinary situations all of sudden go a little Pr0n star and start singing Bomchickawahwah. Well hereÂ’s one that I havenÂ’t seen, and I doubt you will on TV. Guys, this commercial almost makes me want to go out and buy some just to see what happens. Actually this looks to be a music video by an Axe inspired "band" called the Bom Chicka Wah Wahs. Apparently they are going to start touring soon.

It’d be interesting to see if Ktreva would start doing a “pole” dance on the way to work.

Oh and yeaÂ… NSFW.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:23 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Harvey of Bad Example has a post up regarding the Creation Museum and his take on it. Even though he might think itÂ’s unusual, but itÂ’s not as unusual as this list of the 10 Most Bizarre Museums.

IÂ’m thinking as weird as the Creation Museum may be, itÂ’s not going to trump the Penis Museum.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:46 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 Dude! The link to the Top 10 is broken. And I know that because I thought, since I'll be traveling just a bit, that maybe, if I'm in the area, I'd check out that Penis Museum. You know....just thought it'd be kind of interesting......

;-)

Posted by: Tammi at June 02, 2007 08:01 AM (wbVY2)

2 It seems to be working fine. I didn't change anything. Are you sure you know how to click on a link?

Posted by: Contagion at June 02, 2007 08:26 AM (T4WRc)

3 As it happens, I *did* give the lighter museum a mention in Fun Facts About Oklahoma.

Posted by: Harvey at June 04, 2007 11:14 PM (L7a63)

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I need your input on a disagreement Ktreva and I had last night. We both agreed that we would pose the question to everyone and then abide by the decision. As you all know I have a fascination with Zombies. I love zombie movies, IÂ’ve studied the biology (Maybe that should be Dieology) of them, and I even have contingency plans for when (yes when, itÂ’s going to happen) the next zombie rising happens. There isnÂ’t a day that goes by that I donÂ’t think about, talk about or watch something on zombies.

Last night Ktreva and I were discussing a show on TV where there was some role playing in the bedroom. We talked about all the standards, Doctor, naughty nurse, cop and prostitute, thief and harem girl, etc. Then we started talking about unusual onesÂ… and that is when I came up with Sole survivor and Zombie Girl. Yea, IÂ’m sure with the opening paragraph you all saw that one coming. I made the suggestion she dress up, with the make up, as the sexy zombie from Land of the Dead.

I thought Ktreva was going to burst a gasket.

She likened it to necrophilia and the like and stated that in no way under the sun would she ever participate in anything like that. Our conversation went from light and joking to her seriously being mad at me. I tried to explain that it seriously was a joke; I was just trying to think up different situations. However, because IÂ’m enthralled with zombies she isnÂ’t convinced I am. Then I started thinking about it, is it so weird? Well, okay sleeping with the dead is weird, but this isnÂ’t the dead, itÂ’s undead. And actually youÂ’re not really sleeping with the dead or undead, just someone dressed up as a zombie.

What we want to know is: Is a bedroom role playing game involving zombies wrong?

Posted by: Contagion at 05:15 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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1 I'm gonna refrain from contributing my thoughts on "makin' it with a Zombie" or even thinkin' you are. Yeah, not gonna go there.

HOWEVER - please tell your wife, it sounds to me like she's needin' a little "time away" about now, and I got some celebrating to do. That's right Contagion. I'm kidnapping your wife again. And you can bet this whole post will come up in convesation. For your sake, you better hope it's BEFORE we start doin' shots!!!

Zombie play? OMG.....

Posted by: Tammi at May 15, 2007 08:54 AM (Bitcf)

2 There is a line between play that lets people explore some fantasies and have fun in a safe and controlled fasion, and play that starts people into areas they really shouldn't go. Where this falls, I'm not sure. What I am sure of is that I will laugh my a** off if you talk her into this, she gets into it, and chomps your head (either) while purring "braaiinnnsss" *EG*

Posted by: Laughing Wolf at May 15, 2007 09:38 AM (O/VnN)

3 Dude, when it was about shooting your .45 at them it was OK.

When it became shooting your wad in them, it crossed the line.

Stick with green leathered Green Bay Packer fetish gear already, sheesh....

Posted by: Graumagus at May 15, 2007 09:59 AM (FFj2f)

4 Or you could just tell her that you don't have necro fantasies, just ones where you shoot her in the head after sex... err.. nevermind, not helping here...

Posted by: Graumagus at May 15, 2007 10:02 AM (FFj2f)

5 Weird, yes sir
Wrong, I don't know
It is "role" playing

Posted by: Spurs at May 15, 2007 10:44 AM (3lsFM)

6 I see nothing wrong with it, it's role playing and anything goes in role playing as long as both parties are willing.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at May 15, 2007 03:06 PM (BksWB)

7 Tammie: Coward!

Wow, this is not going the way I thought it would. I'm actually seeing some support for the pro-zombie role playing camp.

Posted by: Contagion at May 15, 2007 04:22 PM (T4WRc)

8 I am *NOT* going to be your living dead girl! As Quality Weenie stated "anything goes in role playing as long as both parties are willing"

Well, I ain't willing on this one!

Posted by: KTreva at May 15, 2007 06:25 PM (T4WRc)

9 Asking a guy who loves midgets and monkeys this question.....

Just remember the Safe Word!!

Posted by: Bruce Wayne at May 16, 2007 08:25 AM (GSpXJ)

10 I think I missed something here...

What's the fuss?

Posted by: That 1 Guy at May 16, 2007 11:15 AM (amJz2)

11 Especially if it were a Catholic School girl zombie...

Posted by: That 1 Guy at May 16, 2007 07:43 PM (WQMql)

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Okay, This morning I have a Three Star hangover according to this scale my wife has listed. Which is a lot better then I thought I was going to be. I started working on the Keg yesterday at 11:30 AM, and finished late into the evening. We had a Virtual whoÂ’s who of Northern Illinois Bloggers in the house last night. Well itÂ’s a whoÂ’s who list to me!

Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks decided that there was a surplus of alcohol in my house and as a definition of a Graumagus states, he must come to alleviate the situation. He also took it upon himself to try to make my guests sick by busting out the olÂ’ 27 and forcing it upon others. I allowed this to happen since his beloved Bears took a smack down from the Packers.

Harvey of Bad Example graced me with his presence. Harvey was very grateful for being reunited with his hetero life-mate and partner in spawning half of the bloggers in the blogosphere. I did discover that no matter how much you tell him not to do something, heÂ’d still do it. I.e., DonÂ’t watch this video, donÂ’t drink whatÂ’s in the bottle, and donÂ’t let LittleJoe get his hands on your wife.

TNT of Smiling Dynamite took some time away from all of her blogging to visit. Apparently she has a selective memory. She swears that I never invited her to join my Sal-Cap football league. I know I did, I checked the invite list and her e-mail is on it. IÂ’m thinking that since IÂ’m close to perfect, she needed to make something up to give me a hard time about. That and she had an obsession about how I know Barry Williams.

Shadoglare of Refractional Darkness, his lovely girlfriend and his girlfriend’s daughter showed up. It was nice to be able to see Candy and Skittle again. The last time I saw them was when I was helping Shadoglare move into his new apartment. However, Clone did take a shining to Skittle, he kept referring to her as “My girl”, i.e. “Where is My Girl?”

Wes of Bodhran (Drum) Roll, Please and his beautiful spouse showed up and entertained all with his excellent skills on the Bodhran. I was a little disappointed because he didnÂ’t uphold his New Years Tradition of puking in my house. Apparently IÂ’ll need to work on the alcohol combination more next year.

Little Joe of Little JoeÂ’s Soap Box (soon to be Miasmatic Review Annexed Soap Box) was here. He spent a lot of time being charming, and trying to pick up chicks (literally) and putting things in their mouths just to hear them moan. Hey, it was some kind of dark chocolate; get your mind out of the gutter!

We did some serious damage to the keg; itÂ’s mostly gone this morning. Also this brood drank a gallon of glogg. My lord people, they where hammering this stuff down like they wouldnÂ’t get anymore. Oh yea, that was the last of it. I think a brief fight broke out over who got to drink the last couple ounces of it.

It was a great night, with a lot of good people. Of course there were some missing, ones that happen to be out of state. I wonÂ’t mention any names, but you all know who you are.

Posted by: Contagion at 11:44 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Ever wanted to know how long you have left to live? No, well then youÂ’re just weird because everyone wonders that. Over at The Death Clock they can tell you what day you are going to die and how many seconds you have left to live.

Me? Yea, I always knew I was going to die young.

Yes, I answered honestly.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:29 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Harvey of Bad Example was unhappy with his rating in the blogosphere over at the The Blogebrity Widget. I headed over to see how I ranked.

Hey, I'll take the B-list. I thought I was going to end up on the D-List.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:48 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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It's supposed to be beautiful this weekend. Temps in the 70's during the day, no rain, gentle breeze, it's almost too good to be true. If I were going re-enacting I would say it's a lie, but I'm taking Ktreva to Green Bay for the St. Louis Rams/Green Bay Packer game. Remember, I have tickets!

To make it even better, I'm making a weekend out of it. It's our 7-year anniversary on Monday. We're heading Saturday morning and not returning until late on Monday. I've got reservations at a nice Hotel minutes from the stadium, and the whole weekend planned.

First we hit all the Packer memorabilia shops, and then we hit the Packer Pro Shop. Then we take another tour of the stadium and the Packer Hall of Fame. For Dinner on Saturday I'm going to take her to the Brett Favre Steak House. Then we're going to hit Fuzzy Thurston's pub for drinks afterwards.

Sunday we get up early and tailgate before the game. Of course we watch the game. After the game we go to Curly's Pub (Part of Lambeau Field) to watch the 3:00 PM games and the Sunday night game. Monday we hit all the Packer Antique shops in the area. Making sure to look for those hard to find Packer items. Then we head home so we can get there in time for Monday Night Football.

Yea, it's going to be romantic.

Posted by: Contagion at 04:16 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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It doesnÂ’t look like there is going to be a beer review this week. Tomorrow I go in for my next procedure; I highly doubt I will be in the mood to drink a beer for the next couple of days. I was going to sneak one in tonight. According to the sheet IÂ’m not supposed to eat anything for 12 hours and not supposed to drink anything but clear liquids. Well, certain beers are clear! I could just get one of those!

Then Ktreva started guarding the fridge with a marble rolling pin. I figured that maybe sheÂ’s not wanting me to drink a beer tonight. Sorry to disappoint everyone.

However, in the meantime, I have a question for everyone. While driving around the last couple of weeks IÂ’ve actually started paying attention to the people driving the vehicles around me. Normally I just pay attention to the vehicle itself. In that time IÂ’ve noticed that small females drive at least 66% of the large SUVs on the road. Is this something unique to my area or is this happening all over the place?

Posted by: Contagion at 05:46 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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BasilÂ’s Interview of T1G is up and ready to read.

He did a good job answering all the questions. What I found amusing is how many times he was asked what his favorite beer was.

Posted by: Contagion at 08:20 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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WeÂ’ve all heard of them, Man Laws. The Man Laws are so important to the Male culture, that Miller Lite based a whole add campaign around them. Now Miller Lite has even put up a website that details the Man Laws and video clips of their various sessions. There is even a bio section where you can look up the members of the council aka Square Table.

You can even submit your own laws for review by the council. They have a ticker to give you updates of various man law violations and examples of man upholding the man law in exemplary ways.

Personally I like the “You poke it, you own it” law. This can be applied in so many ways besides retrieving beers, like claiming women.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:32 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Yesterday I finally had a chance to take Ktreva to the range. We hadn’t had a chance to go since buying her Walther PPK .380 or my Colt 1991 Model 80 .45. Graumagus(Who is not dead) and a friend of mine from work, J, came with. I had helped J find a handgun a couple of months back and he also had never fired it. Combined we had a nice little collection of firearms. 2 Colt 1991 Model 80 .45’s, a Walther PPK. 380, a Taurus .357 6-inch barrel, a Taurus .357 4-inch barrel, a Smith and Wesson .44 Magnum with an 8 and ¾ inch barrel. (I think that was the length Grau said it was) and a .22 revolver.

On the way to the range, Grau told me he found a new way to get to the range, and took us this convoluted way through southern Wisconsin. I will be honest, depending on the traffic through one of the towns we travel through in our normal route, this could have been faster, but if there is no traffic it adds about 30 minutes onto the trip. Then again if we hadn’t gone that way, we wouldn’t have seen the warning sign on the 4 lane limited access highway that read, “Watch for low flying aircraft”. We were making fun of it when we saw that there was a runway that ran perpendicular to the highway and started about 200 feet from the edge of the road. That got us to wondering how you would explain that to your insurance. “Yea, I was traveling down the highway when I was t-boned by a Cessna.”

Ktreva had wanted a handgun, but she had always been afraid of them. She admitted it was an irrational fear, and she did want to go shooting to help get over it. At the range she quickly overcame that fear. I did learn a valuable lesson, if you are going to take your beautiful wife to the prominently male shooting range; sheÂ’s going to get attention from other shooters. Ktreva ended up getting special shooting lessons from one of the range officers. ItÂ’s about damn time guys flirted with her in front of me. For once I can give her crap instead of having to take it from her. Normally some scary girl flirts with me, and Ktreva makes fun of me for it.

That Aguila Ammunition I was to try out was pretty good. It fired nice; it wasnÂ’t anywhere near as dirty as I thought it was going to be. Hell it shot cleaner then the WinClean ammo. IÂ’m going to go see if he can get some more of it in for me. ItÂ’s a nice shooting ammo that gave me no problems what so ever. Now I had a box of the .357 American ammo that my revolver just did not like. I donÂ’t know if the lip on the bullet was too thick or what, but it kept jamming the revolver so the cylinder wouldnÂ’t turn. When I switched to another brand of ammo, the problem went away.

Ktreva really got into shooting. On the way out to the range she was saying how she only wanted to shoot her .380 and the .22, she didnÂ’t think she could handle the larger caliber firearms. I had wanted to try hers out so at one point I offered to let her shoot my .45 while I put ten rounds through her .380. She let me shoot hers, but didnÂ’t want to shoot the .45. Grau also put some rounds through it. During one of the breaks, we were all talking and Grau and I had the same experience with the .380. Not only do you have to be careful holding it, we all had been bitten by the slide at least once, but also it had more kick then my .45. After telling Ktreva that she decided to try the .45 and then the .357 (with a .38 special round in it), both had less kick then her .380. Even funnier is that she was most accurate using the revolver with the .38 special rounds.
When my .357 was acting up I thought maybe it had to do with fowling. Unfortunately my wipe down rag was accidentally left at home. Wanting to see if I could fix it, I used the only thing I could find, my shirt. Now I was wearing one of my standard shooting shirts. My Dr. Phat Tony t-shirt is one of the standard shirts I wear shooting. During a break, Grau tells me I got something on my shirt. So I explained what happened. Grau spouts off that Dr. Phat Tony probably will be proud of the fact that I used his shirt as makeshift cleaning patch. I wouldnÂ’t be surprised if heÂ’s right.

My buddy J hadnÂ’t done much shooting, but says he had a lot of fun. We tried to get him to try shooting some of the other firearms, but he was only interested in shooting his. I donÂ’t know if he just wasnÂ’t comfortable or what, but we tried. IÂ’m trying to get him to go black powder shooting with me in 3 weeks.

After the range we hit The Vaj (actually Vaj’s Garage), for food and beer. We compared notes and talked about how good/bad we were. Where we needed improvement and what all we had to work on. While we were there some strange intoxicated bar fly comes up and says to me, “Excuse me, you just walked past me. I just wanted to say you smell good.” She turns and walks away. Grau, J and Ktreva are all looking at me with a smirk. DAMMIT! That was ten times creepier then the ranger officer flirting with Ktreva! At least it’s nice to know that there are women that enjoy the smell of BO and cordite.

We all had a good time, lots of fun. Ktreva canÂ’t wait to go again, and to be honest I canÂ’t wait to take her again. ThereÂ’s just something sexy about watching her handle a firearm.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:11 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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WeÂ’re getting ready to make our pilgrimage to the holy land, the Jack Daniels Distillery, in just over a week. IÂ’ve been working on this family vacation for a while now. WeÂ’re taking a whirlwind tour of Kentucky and Tennessee. We were all set to go. Then last weekend I did something that made me rethink this trip. What did I do? I watched five movies.

But not just any movies, five movies one should not watch before going on the family vacation. The Hills Have Eyes, Wrong Turn, House of Wax, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the granddaddy, worst nightmare of trips gone wrong moviesÂ… Deliverance. Watching these movies I made some rules for our upcoming trip.

1) Always stop to get gas before you get below a quarter of a tank. You never know what “helpful” attendant you’ll find when you’re forced to stop and the run down gas station that time and proper repairs has forgot.

2) If you have no choice but to stop at the “Not so friendly” gas station. Don’t take directions or short cut tips from the attendant. No good comes from that.

3) When traveling, stick to roads that are on the official Rand McNally map you own. If you donÂ’t have a map with you, never mind, you should die. What the hell kind of moron goes on a road trip with out a map? WaitÂ… I think we have the answers in the movies listed above.

4) If you are forced to take a road that is not on the map (I canÂ’t figure out why this would happen) and your vehicle breaks down. Walk BACK the way you came. Do not walk in the direction you were heading. Sure the gas station might be a mile ahead, over the hill and around the curve, but then again so could a dead end, flesh eating mutants, psychopaths or homosexual hillbillies. At least going back the way you came you know how far you have to go and that there is something there.

5) Try not to split up from your family and/or friends. Remember there is strength in numbers. Or if you donÂ’t like the people you are traveling with very much, you have distractions. All you have to do is hamstring one of them so you can get away.

6) If you do split up, donÂ’t send your strongest off in one party and leave the weakest by themselves. Think about it, your separating out the weakest, easiest pickings for them. This is exactly what predators want you to do. Darwin has taught us plenty about this practice.

7) If something goes wrong, itÂ’s best to not stop and watch as your now x-friend is being eaten. They died for a reason; so you could escape. DonÂ’t let them die in vain!

Panic is your enemy. Screaming, yelling, shouting, crying and overall catatonic states are not going to save your arse from being lunchÂ… or other unpleasant uses.

9) Firearms have limited ammunition. Shooting blindly into the dark or into the air is doing nothing more then wasting ammunition. YouÂ’ll be sorry you did that when you go to shoot something right before it gets you and the gun dry fires.

10) If you have a firearm or bow, shoot when you have the best chance of hitting something. IE if you are watching your now x-friend being eaten, shoot then! DonÂ’t watch, then scream, then start to run, then shoot while being chased. YouÂ’re chances of hitting are much better if you shoot while you and your target are stationary.

There we go. I think if for some reason youÂ’re traveling and are forced to take a detour on Missing Tourist Highway, you will at least have a fighting chance in hell of getting out of there unmolested if you follow these tips. If you donÂ’t follow them, then I hope they make a movie about your sorry arse. The only thing better then a good zombie movie is tourist-killing movies.

And when you are packing for your trip, the question shouldn’t be, “Do we take the gun or leave it at home.” No, it should be, “How much ammo and spare magazines should I bring.”

Posted by: Contagion at 05:29 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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1
DATE: 09/15/2006 06:24:37 AM
Interesting site http://www.andreaskapsalis.com/includes/2/

Posted by: Reginald at (Lbd2o)

2 Printing these out and putting them in the suitcase so they are the first thing I see when I start packing. Of course, I don't think we will end up off on the beaten path as we have been to Orlando two or three times a year for the last 15 and pretty much know our way blindfolded. i.e. even when the gps wanted us to go one way we knew better and stuck to the tried and true.

Posted by: Tink at July 12, 2006 10:51 PM (Ha4xe)

3 We are about to take a trip without the rifles or shotgun and (probably)only my little five shot .357 Mag and my wife's Ladysmith .38 and one speedloader per shootin' iron. Okay, two of the.45 SAAs and a couple boxes of extra ammo. But no guncart strapped to the roof.

Posted by: Peter at July 13, 2006 12:39 AM (qAC9l)

4 How could you be so insensitive to the rural homosexual cannibal community?

Posted by: Graumagus at July 13, 2006 01:26 AM (+Q57F)

5 the only reason not to walk back the way you came is if you just drove through that bunch of riotus rednecks waving pitchforks. THen you just keep walking in the direction you're going, hoping it won't get any worse.

Course, they're riotus becuase you just ran over their possum.

Posted by: GaMongrel at July 13, 2006 05:28 AM (G3jkI)

6 You should split up your groups into strongest and weakest and then go with the strongest as you know the weakest will be the first targets and thus you have a better chance of escaping.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at July 13, 2006 06:43 AM (XG7jZ)

7 Screw packing, just take guns!

Posted by: oddybobo at July 13, 2006 07:22 AM (6Gm0j)

8 If you'll be in TN, are you going whitewater rafting? We went last summer and it was a blast.

(Just remember, the 'rural homosexual cannibal community' have their own guns, too. I'll post something later at my site as proof!)

Posted by: Mrs_Who at July 13, 2006 08:05 AM (rtTnw)

9 Tink: Good idea... The GPS may have been overwritten by a group of radioactive mutants!

Peter: You sound well packed.

Grau: How could they be so insensitive to my life!?!?!

GAMongrel: Point well taken. One would think commone sense would dictate that, but I know too many people that would walk right into them.

Quality Weenie: I happen to like my family, I'm not sacrificing them.

Oddy: Clothes are nice, wearing the same ones for a week would get nasty.

Mrs Who: Not after watching Deliverance.

Posted by: Contagion at July 13, 2006 06:52 PM (aGJp4)

10 ... don't worry, man... all those movies are pretty old.. I've thinned out the mutant community quite a bit recently....

Posted by: Eric at July 15, 2006 06:21 AM (r5XsL)

11 I saw a really cool T-Shirt the other day. It had the phrase "Row Faster! I Hear Banjo Music!" proudly emblazonned on it. :^)

Posted by: Johnny - Oh at July 17, 2006 05:06 PM (uKudz)

12 Interesting site http://www.andreaskapsalis.com/includes/2/

Posted by: Reginald at September 15, 2006 06:24 AM (Lbd2o)

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I hate days like this. After a weekend of fun and relaxing, minus Friday where I stayed home to deal with contractors, I hate walking into work to find a mess. It figures I take a day off and everything goes to hell. The first thing that I noticed isÂ…

SPECIAL BULLETIN!!!! We interrupt this normally scheduled blog post for the following message.

Earlier this afternoon at approximately 4:15 PM Central Standard Time an invasion force was detected with in the realm of the Household. An innocent civilian (Mild, peace loving Contagion) was maliciously attacked while performing yard grooming. Fortunately the civilian was able to escape with no noticeable injuries. One eyewitness to the incident is quoted as saying; “He was just mowing the lawn when a swarm of the hostiles (Yellow Jackets) engulfed him. We thought he was going to be killed… or even worse.”

The civilian was able to escape and warn the authorities of the impending danger. An emergency session of the Household Security Council (Ktreva) was called. In a lighting decision it was decided that General Contagion was going to be called forth to deal with the insurgents. General Contagion, the highly decorated veteran and leader of such battles as the Great Wasp Invasion of Â’05 and Operation Floracide, quickly and enthusiastically responded.

After reconnoitering the enemyÂ’s base of operations (Located securely under the backyard shed), General Contagion decided to forgo normal tactics and go straight for biochemical saturation of the surrounding area. Specialist first class Boopie of the bio chemical transport unit brought out the new Bio-Toxin agent that the household had been developing (GordonÂ’s Hornet and Wasp killer from Farm and Fleet).

In his typical scorched earth policy, General Contagion unleashed a toxic spray of death upon the enemy. Those that came into direct contact with the toxin died in mere seconds. Those that made secondary contact died in less then 20 seconds. Then folly struck. Thinking that they had won the war, General Contagion halted his attack to survey the damage. At that time, the enemy base called in a squadron of seven fighters that had been out on maneuvers. General Contagion was forced to sound a general retreat.

Once General Contagion was able to gather his troops he went in for a second attack. This time screaming, “Kill ‘em all! Kill all the bastiches and let god sort them out!” Neighboring households looked on in shocked horror as they covered their children’s ears from the sounds of battle and their eyes for the horror they where witness to. By 4:30 PM Central Standard Time, the battle was over. Nothing living was left in the battle area by the time he was finished. Plant, animal and insect all lay dead or dying. Neighboring households rallied in protest at what they perceived as an unethical and unnecessary assault that ended in collateral damage in the thousands. General Contagion in his now legendary diplomatic stance wiped the sweat from his brow, and is reported as saying, “If you don’t like the way I dealt with the little bastiches then I suggest you tell you’re little friends to find someplace else to colonize. Oh, and sorry about your flowers.”
After confirmation of the entire colony being destroyed, General Contagion made the following announcement. “It is my pleasure to advise all of you that the household is once again secured from foreign invasion. Once again the neighboring households have complained regarding our tactics. They have nothing to complain about. It was not their sovereignty that was assaulted; it was not their lives that were in jeopardy. It was not their property being destroyed, it was ours! If it was their household being invaded, they can handle the problem any way they want. I did not ask their opinion and I don’t need their approval. If I wanted any lip from them, I’d jiggle my zipper.”

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog post already in process.

Â…By the time the day was ended, I had enough. I couldnÂ’t get out of the parking lot fast enough. So trust me people, if you learn anything from this lesson itÂ’s this, make sure your pants are zipped up before going into the videoconference.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:37 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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StillÂ… Alive. SanityÂ… holding.

Please.

Send.

Beer.

FAST!

Posted by: Contagion at 07:18 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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