For all of you conspiracy theorists and fans out there I found a conspiracy so dark, so foul, so immoral that itÂ’s hard to explain. HereÂ’s a brief description of how wrong this is:

“I first discovered their dastardly plot back in high school, but just like when you accidentally walked in on your grandparents having sex -- ugly, sweaty, disgusting sex -- I haven't had the courage to talk about it. Until now.”

I could go more into this conspiracy, but I donÂ’t think I could do the justice of the original post. After reading this, I will tell you, I donÂ’t care if they do have adds like this:

I'll quench her thirst

IÂ’m never drinking from a Gatoraid bottle again!

"The bottle that contains the most popular sports drink on the planet looks like a big, thick, throbbing penis, from the clearly defined and strangely textured head to the perfectly tapered shaft. The only thing missing are a few well-placed veins."

Go over to Basketbawful and check out The Gatorade Conspiracy to see what IÂ’m talking about.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:27 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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The other day I had a discussion with some people regarding the rules and regulations behind calling shotgun. We ended up in huge debate over it. (Yes, we have issues because THIS of all things is what we decided to debate) After all was said and done I came home and decided to see if there were rules for calling shotgun. (Those of you that are unfamiliar with this term, it is when someone other then the driver calls out “Shotgun” in order to get the prime front passenger seat in a vehicle.) I was able to locate the following rules at Shotgun Guide.com.

1) The first person to yell "SHOTGUN" gets to ride in the front seat.

2) The remaining back seats may be divvied up in the same manner by being the first to call "back right seat", etc..

3) The word "shotgun" must be loud enough to be heard by at least one witness. If no witness is to be found, or in case of a tie, the driver has the final word. after all, it is most likely his car. (note: if it isn't his car, and the owner is present, the owner's decision is final. Owner must be sober, however, or he will defer his judgment to the driver.)

4) Early calls are strictly prohibited. All occupants of the vehicle (including the driver) must be outside of the building and directly on the way to the vehicle before shotgun may be called. Under no circumstances may a person call shotgun inside a building. For sake of simplicity, a garage is considered to be outside. Parking structures and detached garages are always considered as being outdoors, even if they are underground.

5) A person may only call shotgun for one way of a trip. Shotgun can never be called while inside a vehicle or still technically on the way to the first location. For example, one can not get out of a vehicle and call Shotgun for the return journey.

6) Being as how everyone is created equal, men have the same right as women to the front seat of the car. i.e. women don't own the front seat.

7) One is allowed to ride shotgun as many times as he can call it, but for himself only. No one can call shotgun for their slower friend, unless the friend has a speech or mental handicap that prevents them from calling it for themselves.

The driver has final say in all ties and disputes. The driver has the right to suspend or remove all shotgun privileges from one or more persons.

They even go into special rules and amendments. One of my favorites is; In the instance the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or hired prostitute for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline. (Emphasis mine). It just goes to show you that either the people that thought this up have a good sense of humor, or really need lives.

I think this should settle all problems I have in the future with calling shotgun. Maybe IÂ’ll print these out, laminate them and post them in my truck.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:48 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Just a reminder that Basil is taking questions for his interview of me. By now some of you have to have some pretty good questions about me, either why I blog or why the hell I am the way I am. Either way you need to get those burdening questions off your back.

That's why I signed up for the interviews at BasilÂ’s Blog. The deadline for my questions is 04/02/06. That just under two weeks away. If you have any, you can send them to Basil at basil dot interviews AT gmail.com Subject: Questions for Contagion of Miasmatic review. Or you could just click the link.

Remember, I have no shame so anything is a go. However, my wife has reserved the right to edit any answers I may give. She's afraid of another nightstand incident.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:52 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Today is the day that we all forgive the Irish and celebrateÂ… something, IÂ’m not really sureÂ… by encouraging the standard Irish stereotypes; Loud, drunk, brawling men drinking green beer and wearing a lot of green making trouble and eating potatoes.

I mean cÂ’mon how insulting is this? We all know that the Irish donÂ’t wear that much green!

Now if youÂ’ll excuse me, IÂ’ve got to go to work, put in a couple of hours and then head to a quaint little Irish pub in Michigan for some of the best Corned Beef and Cabbage IÂ’ve ever had.

Oh, btw, we only received about 2 inches of snow yesterday.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:33 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 Yeah, Happy St. Paddy's Day... Ya Scot bastadge...

Posted by: Wes at March 17, 2006 04:44 PM (XKQLY)

2 Happy St. Paddy's day to you too! Enjoy the meal, some good stout, and may you never see the tragedy of Erin Go Braless, and no one notice...

Posted by: Laughing Wolf at March 17, 2006 06:46 PM (5cMH5)

3 While corned beef and cabbage is one of my absolute favorites, you must, must, must ask vw about ricotta cheese and garlic. You wanted dirt and that should entertain you.

Posted by: Tink at March 18, 2006 03:12 PM (GFhkE)

4 Wow, driving all the way to MI for corned beef... that must be some damned good beef

Posted by: Shadoglare at March 18, 2006 06:59 PM (TfJXR)

5 How the hell do you "corn" beef?

Sounds like a process that's illegal in Utah...

Posted by: Harvey at March 19, 2006 12:31 AM (L7a63)

6 Well, at least according to the American Heritage Dictionary, to "corn" is a term used to describe the process of preserving meat in a brine.

So, corned beef would apparantly be the celebration of eating meat that was stored for months with no refrigeration! Yum yum!

Posted by: Shadoglare at March 19, 2006 12:00 PM (Ixiyg)

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A friend of mine sent me this clip. He knew I was into shooting and thought IÂ’d appreciate it. The much forwarded e-mail came with the below information. IÂ’m not sure if itÂ’s true or not, and to be honest IÂ’m not about to do the research to find out. Either way, watching the guy about give himself a concussion with the handgun is hilarious.

The gun in the video is basically a "show and tell" custom built on a
Thompson Encore (fancy version of the Thompson Contender).

The Caliber... 600 Nitro Express. That's right...an elephant gun round in a
handgun.

The story goes that the guy that built it is some kind of custom gun maker,
and built this as an exhibition piece. He takes it to the range with him
just to show it off, and the big guy that shot it (in the
video) had been bugging the builder to let him shoot it. Now think about
this...only until fairly recently (early-mid '80's IIRC) the 600 Nitro
Express was hands down the biggest, nastiest, hardest hitting, and heaviest
recoiling weapon you could buy. It was designed for one simple purpose...to
knock an elephant flat on his a$$. IMO, it was really built as an exhibition
piece for guys "compensating"...this cartridge is known for breaking
collarbones, arms, shoulders...of the shooter! Think about this...in the gun
world they use what is termed as a "recoil index" to kind of give
prospective buyers an idea of what a gun kicks like. A
30-06 gets a rating of a 1.0, which for many people is about the limit of
what they can shoot multiple rounds thru comfortably. A .243 is rated at
like a .4, a .270 was like a 8, etc.

The .600 Nitro Express is rated at a 9.4...9.4 times more punishing than a
30-06.

See what I mean?

Posted by: Contagion at 09:49 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Here we have yet another reason one should never trust strange callers, especially if you're cheating on someone.

This girl tries to win a radio contest in Minnesota and ends up finding out that her loving boyfriend has a secret. I guess the answer to the question is that he loves everybody!

Posted by: Contagion at 07:45 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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