Anyone that has read me for a while knows that IÂ’m big into my re-enacting. Every year about this time, I start getting excited and giddy. Those of use in the circle refer to this as the ronde-flu; we just canÂ’t wait to get back out in our period clothes and canvas tents. Next weekend is my first event of the year. To be honest, I really could not care less.

I donÂ’t know whatÂ’s going on this year, but I just have the excitement and anticipation that I normally do. Part of me doesnÂ’t even want to go, thatÂ’s right I donÂ’t want to go.
IÂ’m not even sure why I feel like this. Maybe itÂ’s because IÂ’m not really in a good place mentally right now. IÂ’m still having some hellacious health issues that are not getting better. ItÂ’s to the point that IÂ’m beginning to look at my mortality. How long can I go with my stomach slowly digesting itself before it turns into something fatal?

Maybe itÂ’s because IÂ’m having personal issues at home and at work. ItÂ’s really permeating my thoughts and activities. I just canÂ’t seem to get away from it. The thought of just ignoring it all and going off and pretending all is fine and playing Seamus MacPhail, Surly Scot and distiller is just not appealing. Hell, I havenÂ’t even updated the Spoon and Blade since August.

It could be that I feel like IÂ’m obligated to head out and do this one. Bloggers might liken this to the feeling they get when they have nothing to post, but feel like they should. I know that since my heart isnÂ’t behind it, I know I wonÂ’t put on as good of a demonstration. IÂ’ve strived so hard to be a premier presenter that it bothers me that I might be sub-par.

What ever it is, I just donÂ’t know. IÂ’ve got some stuff to do before this weekend. Usually I do this with excitement. Now, IÂ’m looking at it likes itÂ’s housework. I hate housework.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:01 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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