All right, last day, I promise. Then I get back to the normal drivel that I post.

Our final stop on our vacation was Springfield, Illinois. ItÂ’s the state capitol and the site of many Abraham Lincoln historic spots. WeÂ’d driven past before, but never stopped so the boys could see anything. One of the places we visited was LincolnÂ’s tomb in Oakridge Cemetery.

The tomb itself is rather impressive. ItÂ’s also the only tomb IÂ’ve been in that is air-conditioned. There was about a 15 minute talk given by one of the custodians that gave the history of the tomb, including the temporary resting places of Lincoln and his family while it was being constructed. The tomb is maintained solely by the State of Illinois and receives no funding from the Federal Government. According to the guide the only support that was received from the Federal government was 20 brass cannon from the civil war that where melted down to create the four statues commemorating the infantry, cavalry, artillery and navy from the civil war on the exterior of the memorial.

In the burial chamber is the sarcophagus is inscribed with the words, “Now he belongs to the ages.” A misquote by Edwin Stanton, Lincoln’s secretary of war at the time of Lincoln’s death. What the guide told us he really said was, “Now he belongs to the angles”. He was misquoted and it has stuck ever since. Which if you think about it, the misquote is appropriate.

After the tomb we stopped at the Museum of Funeral Customs. Yes, the Museum of Funeral Customs, yes I know. Everyone I’ve told that to has said something along the lines of, “You took your kids to see what?!?!” It actually was rather interesting. They had a scale replica of Lincolns burial train, many different styles of mourning clothes, hearses, embalming equipment, caskets, coffins and other mourning paraphernalia. It was rather interesting.

A Hearse from the early 1900Â’s.

Next we went to LincolnÂ’s New Salem. ItÂ’s a replica village of the first settlement Lincoln lived in when he came to Illinois. Since we arrived on a Saturday we were hoping the place would have all kinds of activities going on. Living history demonstrations and re-enactors portraying life in the time period. Maybe even some kind of tour. Unfortunately it was pretty much vacant. There where a handful of volunteers, but nothing was really going on. It was pretty disappointing. None of the trades were being demonstrated and occasionally you would find someone in costume that would give you a brief talk about the building style you where in.

The boys outside a coopers (barrel maker) house.

This was also the hottest day of our vacation. After walking around for a couple of house we decided we had enough and were ready to leave. If it had been cooler or if maybe there were demonstrations or talks going on we would have stayed longer. We just didnÂ’t feel like walking all over the site looking at empty log cabins that looked like all the other log cabins we had seen over the last 5 years.

Jumping into the van we headed home. Much of the time was spent looking for exploding pavement, as we were traveling down a section of highway that was known to do that in the heat. Not two hours from home Clone took his first nap of the vacation. All the excitement of the previous week had worn him out.

Tired guy.

That was our trip in a nutshell. We had a lot of fun and saw many different things. I didnÂ’t go into everything we did, as it would have taken another week to write these posts and share pictures.

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Last Friday we had the longest day of driving in our trip. In fact that is mainly what we did. We drove from Savannah Tennessee to Springfield, Illinois via St. Louis Missouri. This was about a seven hour, 20 minute drive according to mapquest. Which is a long time for a 3 year old that isnÂ’t too found of riding in a car. Fortunately we had stops along the way planned to help break up the drive.

Our first stop was in Sikeston, Missouri. About two months before leaving for vacation Ktreva was watching the Travel Channel. She was saw the show “World’s Best Places to Pig Out”. We had been saying earlier in the show it would be neat to actually stop by one of these places and check it out. When they reached the number one place, it was Lamberts Café in Sikeston just off of I-55. I had just been planning the route and making reservations and knew we were going to be traveling on I-55. Checking out the maps I confirmed that the restaurant is going to be on our route! We planned on stopping in for a meal there.

We walked in right as they opened and were seated right away. They had people walking around giving everyone fried okra, black eyed peas, fried potatoes, Macaroni with tomatoes, throwing rolls to hungry diners and someone walking around with sorghum for the rolls. That was even before we ordered our food; the “pass arounds” are free to anyone that orders from the menu. When our actual meal arrived we knew we were in trouble. The portions were huge. Mix that with the all you can eat pass arounds, I can see why this was the number one place to pig out. Oh, and by the way the food was amazing. It tasted excellent and the price was not bad at all. Writing about it makes me hungry.

After leaving Sikeston our next stop was St. Louis. The rest of the family had never seen the Gateway Arch, so we had decided to stop and see it. While driving into the heart of St. Louis, we start seeing billboards that have a picture of a baby and says, “Who’s my Daddy? DNA Testing. 1-800-MY Daddy”. Is this really that big of a problem in St. Louis? I mean there were numerous billboards; this has to be a thriving industry down there. On our trip we drove through Chicago, Indianapolis, Louisville and Nashville. None of them had a place advertising this service. To me this means that if you want to go some place and have anonymous unprotected sex, St. Louis is the place to be.

We had no problem getting to the Arch, we turned off the highway too soon, but it was easy to follow the city streets to the arch.

We parked, bought our tickets for the tram ride to the top and went to go see the museum. There was a line as they where inspecting people for hazardous and dangerous objects entering the Arch complex. I guess someone might want to blow up the Arch or take it hostageÂ… but I canÂ’t imagine why. It was then I realized that I forgot to take my handy-dandy pocketknife and leave it in the van. The arch is part of the national park service and they frown on any type of knives in their parks/memorials. They had signs up saying it was a federal offence to bring knives into the complex. I had to hike back to the van and drop off the knife.

Upon returning I found the family just ready for some fun!

Boopie and Clone where fascinated with the tram ride. Once we were all the way to the top, the boys quickly forgot the tram and were fascinated with the view outside the arch.

Clone got excited at seeing a riverboat on the Mississippi. He demanded that a picture be taken of it.

The Mighty Mississippi, a riverboat and the State of Illinois.

We walked around the Museum of Westward Expansion looking at what they had there. Okay people, by now most of you probably realize that I am a museum junky. I love the dang things. This museum had some interesting artifacts, the Indian Peace Medal Exhibit. ItÂ’s the only museum IÂ’ve been in that has had such a wide collection of them. Other then that, this museum was not that good. Fortunately it was free. Too many of the items on display where not labeled, they really didnÂ’t explain the history very well, oh and if you criticize the museum while you are standing in it, and uppity ranger will come over and give you a lectureÂ… I kid you not.

They had a steering wheel from a riverboat but it wasn’t labeled as to what boat it came from or what it was. If you’ve never seen one of these, they are huge. Not everyone would instantly recognize it for what it was. I was talking to Boopie about, “This place is really missing an opportunity to teach and educate the public about their history. There are no placards telling what any of the items are, like what ship did this wheel come from.” At that point a ranger interrupts me and says, “It came from that.” Pointing to a picture of a riverboat on the wall, The River Queen. Okay, I thought maybe he was going to answer some questions so I ask, “Did it sink, run aground or just discontinue being used?” He responded with, “It didn’t come from that ship, but that style of ship…” He then went on to explain exactly what it was and how it was used, which I already knew. The whole time he seemed annoyed.

After leaving the arch we tried to make our way back to the highway. I say try because it was 5:00PM on a Friday in St. Louis. To quote the Malibu Rum “If Jamaican’s took life as seriously as the rest of the world” campaign, “It’s total gridlock mon!” It took us an hour to go 5 blocks. Mainly because at all the intersections people where pulling out and blocking traffic so that when the lights would change, no one could go. It was insane.

Tomorrow we will go over the last day of our trip.

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For those of you that know me, know that IÂ’m a Civil War buff. I love learning about Civil War history. I refuse to re-enact it for reasons too numerous to list right now, but I enjoy learning about it. So when I saw we were going to be driving past the Shiloh National Military Park, I decided we were going to stop and visit. It is one of the few major Civil War battlefields I had not been to.

At the museum center we saw some artifacts and a video about the battle. The video was helpful in explaining the pace or “flow” of the battle. It explained the time line and troop movements so that everyone could follow. After the museum we visited Shiloh National Cemetery, which is on the grounds of the battlefield.

I would like to take a moment to go over proper cemetery etiquette. When we were at the national cemetery, I witnessed numerous people walking over the graves of the soldiers. This is the final resting place of the fallen soldiers that gave their lives at this battle. Many of the graves contain Unknown Soldier with only a number or “Unknown” on the headstone, but they still where are heroes. Walking over their graves is just tacky. There where many brick or mowed walkways for people to be on, yet on numerous occasions I saw people just stepping over headstones and cutting over graves. Some were being loud and making inappropriate comments, “I need to find a place to sit, I’m dead tired.”

After leaving the cemetery we started our tour of the battlefield.

Here Ktreva, Boopie and Clone are standing with a cannon from PowellÂ’s Battery, 2nd Illinois Light Artillery, PrentissÂ’ (6th) Division, Army of the Tennessee. (The Union named their armies based on major rivers. In this case the Tennessee River)

Before I go on I need to say that I donÂ’t doubt the existence of the supernatural, but I need hardcore evidence. The following photos while interesting I donÂ’t accept as proof of ghosts or other world activity. Kodak, a local camera shop and I cannot explain what happened in these photos, but there are many things that naturally could have caused something like this happening. However usually it affects the entire roll of film and not just two blocks of photos. All the photos on this page came from the same roll of film and are in the order they where taken. (Not all photos are displayed)

Where the union soldiers, and two confederates, where buried in the national cemetery, the rest of the confederates where buried in 5 mass graves. On our way between stop 2 and 3, Ktreva noticed on the map that one of the mass graves was a short walk from the road. She wanted to see it. After a hike down a hardly used trail we found the grave. I snapped a couple of photos. All had some kind of weird discoloration to it.

Confederate Grave and ???

Then I took some photos that turned out normal. One of them was the Confederate Soldier memorial.

All normal here

Next we went to the HornetÂ’s Nest where most of the fighting occurred on the first day. Every photo had some kind of varying anomaly to it. The below photo is of the 62 Confederate cannon that bombarded the Union at the end of the battle.

Boopie thinks it looks like the smoke of cannon fire.

After that stop we visited the largest of the Confederate mass graves. This is where I took the below picture.

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Ghost? Notice the strange discoloration

The white blur in the middle is most likely glare on the lens... through the polarized cap to prevent glare.

After leaving there we saw the Tennessee State monument to honor the soldiers that fought and died here from the great state of Tennessee. It, and every photo after, turned out normal. As I said, I canÂ’t explain it, I donÂ’t know how happened or why, but it is weird.

Tennessee State Memorial

We spent the rest of the time touring the battlefield, which is really well marked. I did get a little irritated after a while when I couldnÂ’t find the Illinois State monument. They had a monument from every other state that had a soldier fight and die here. Illinois had more soldiers fighting, wounded and killed in the battle then any other state. Finally I found it. It was on a side road in the middle of a one of the battlegrounds.

Illinois State Memorial

Again I was surprised at how much the rest of the family enjoyed this trip. Boopie really got into it, asking questions about the Civil War and troop movements. We ended up having to leave the park with out getting to do everything we wanted due to itÂ’s closing and a matter of our being very hungry. We stayed in Savannah, we discovered that the people in Savannah do not believe in restaurants that are not fast food. Or if they do, they hide them from the damn tourists!

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After our two fun filled days in Kentucky we headed to Tennessee. Contrary to comments made, the sun does shine bright in Kentucky. My Scotch/Norwegian legs just donÂ’t take to tanning. They burn, peel, freckle and start over just as pasty white as they where before. Be thankful that they are hairy, less you would go blind from the sun reflecting off them.

After passing through Nashville, which no offense to any of my Tennessee readers is cesspool of what is other ways a beautiful state. I might be mistaken, but IÂ’m pretty sure the rest of Tennessee ships its garbage to Nashville for storage. We were much pleased once we had finally exited its foul limits and onto the Holy Land. Well, okay for me itÂ’s the holy land, Lynchburg, Tennessee. It is the home of Jack DanielÂ’s Distillery and the oldest registered distillery in the United States.

This was a stop that I wanted. I had been trying to visit for years and it just never happened. When we were planning our vacation this year, I put down my foot and said, “We re-enact as a distiller, we should do the Jack Daniel’s Distillery… for research.” Yea, Ktreva didn’t buy that either, but she still agreed to go. Upon arrival I was like a kid at an amusement park. I could barely contain myself. I was bouncing all over the place trying to speed up the family so we could get inside and start the tour! While we waited for the tour, we spent some time browsing the museum.

Boopie and Clone in Front of the famous Jack DanielÂ’s Statue.

We were led on a tour of every aspect of the Jack DanielÂ’s distillery. Everything from them making their own charcoal from Tennessee Sugar Maple to the final bottling process was a part of the tour. Some of the original buildings are still on the site, like the first office, and we were able to see those. We also where able to see the natural spring that all Jack DanielÂ’s fine Tennessee Whiskey is made from.

The grotto in behind this statue of Jack Daniels is where the spring comes out of the ground.

We learned many different things while we were in godÂ’s country the distillery. Such as you can buy an entire barrel of Jack DanielÂ’s and they will ship it to your local retailer for you after they bottle it. You receive a personalized neck medallion, a special label, the actual barrel that the whiskey was made in with a brass plague and framed certificate of ownership. For those of you curious that makes about 240 750 ML bottles of whiskey.

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Here I am standing with a barrel and all the bottles of whiskey that came out of it.

Of course it’s not exactly cheap. According to their website it costs about $8,400 to $9,600 purchase one. (Depending on the state you are in.) The tour guide had me sold on a barrel as soon as he started talking. When he came to the price, I did the math in my head and figured that in Illinois a bottle of Jack Daniel’s Single Barrel is usually about $40.00… it was worth it! I looked over to Ktreva all filled with excitement. Before the words could even come out of my mouth she says, “We are NOT buying a barrel of Jack Daniel’s!” It’s not like I was going to mortgage the house… I was just going to drain the kids’ college funds! I mean if you think about it this way… That is almost a two-year supply of Jack Daniel’s for me. I couldn’t go wrong with that! Later in the tour we did learn of some of the people that bought the entire barrel.

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Lucky Bastards!

After the tour we went to the White Rabbit Saloon for lemonade. At this point I must point out that Jack DanielÂ’s is in a dry county. You cannot buy a drop of liquor there. The only samples of Jack Daniels we could get where sniffing the fine product dripping through the ten feet of charcoal, and when the tour guide pointed out that one of the barrels in the barrelhouse had a slow leak. I think every guy on that tour was licking their fingers as they left the barrelhouse. However, the state, in anticipation of me, passed a law that would allow the distillery to sell commemorative bottles of Jack DanielÂ’s. Of course I ended up buying a couple. Then, for a surprise of all surprises, Jimmy Bedford, the master distiller himself, was in the saloon. I had him sign the two commemorative bottles I own.

Jimmy, Me and my bottles of J.D.

After we finished up in the distillery we walked into the historic downtown Lynchburg. We went through many shops, bought souvenirs, and had a good olÂ’ time. I even bought myself a Jack DanielÂ’s dispenser made out of an actual barrel used to make Jack DanielÂ’s in. And yes it is signed by Jimmy tooÂ…

Click to Enlarge

Ktreva even got into Jack DanielÂ’s fever. She found herself some Jack DanielÂ’s Martini glasses (Even though sheÂ’s going to be drinking nasty appletinis out of it) and for dinner she ordered herself a Jackarita (A Margarita made with Jack DanielÂ’s). Boopie made the announcement that Jack DanielÂ’s is his favorite whiskey. (I donÂ’t think heÂ’s ever tasted a drop). Contrary to what some might believe, the entire family had fun at the distillery. It was probably the most popular stop we made with everyone.

Tomorrow, we head to Shiloh!

Posted by: Contagion at 06:25 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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1 You didn't buy the barrel? Who the hell wears the pants in your house?

Heheheh...

The distillery looks like a tour I'm going to have to take.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at August 01, 2006 07:12 PM (8pWv9)

2 We did have a great time! I would LOVE to go back again someday and buy a bunch of that furniture made from the used Whiskey barrels

Oh, and to be technical *I* purchased the two commemorative bottles of Jack as a gift for you!

Posted by: ktreva at August 01, 2006 07:13 PM (0m/ho)

3 I'm told that you get a cup or so of booze in the empty barrels if you want to buy one, or more of those.

My Great Grandpa and his brother fought at Shiloh and then went to Vicksburg. Then, when Grant moved east, he took the walking tour through Georgia with Cump Sherman.

Posted by: Peter at August 01, 2006 10:35 PM (UQ3sK)

4 So did you ask Jimmy if he really makes coffee like in the commericals?

Were people from the distillery following you around, making sure you did jump into one of the copper kettles?

Posted by: Quality Weenie at August 02, 2006 09:55 AM (DRZIY)

5 ... next time, come further east and we'll shoot some pool....

Posted by: Eric at August 02, 2006 03:49 PM (r5XsL)

6 Yes, breweries and distilleries often have great tours. That one sounds like lots of fun. If you haven't done the Anheuser-Bush tour in St. Louis - they have a good one too - it includes the Clydesdales and everything (or it did a few years ago).

We did the Bacardi tour when we were in Puerto Rico - that was fun. We didn't buy anything at their store (good thing as it cost the same in Chicago!).

Sadly all this alcohol is wasted around me - I don't like Bacardi, Jack, or beer of any kind. But the tours are fun. *grin*

Posted by: Teresa at August 02, 2006 06:50 PM (o4pJS)

7 I'm still a little upset about you not inviting me since it was such a short drive from my house, but I'm glad you had fun. It is on eof the best tours I've been on. I like the vintage firetruck they had there too, no pictures of that? If you ever get back this way let me know. I'll take you to the Space and Rocket Center.

Posted by: Dr. Phat Tony at August 02, 2006 08:23 PM (SXElV)

8 Email me if you are serious about the furniture. Mine isn't Jack Daniels brand, but it is a set of 4 chairs and a table. I am in Central Ohio (don't know where you are) but I am moving and want it gone. Willing to let it go for a fabulous price =)

Erin_joann@hotmail.com

Posted by: Erin at August 12, 2006 03:06 PM (/H/yG)

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The next two days of our trip was spent in the beautiful state of Kentucky. We spent two nights in Bowling Green, home of the greatest car ever made, the Chevrolet Corvette. The family and I spent a couple of hours just touring the National Corvette Museum. If you are a car fan, or just love Corvettes, itÂ’s worth the stop if you are in the area. There was a lot of history about the car and even different displays showing the evolution of Corvettes.

Ktreva had her favorite, the ever so rare Tangier Shrine Corvette Patrol 1962 Vette in Cadillac Royal Heather Amethyst. Only 13 of these cars were built, and one of the only surviving ones is on display at the museum. Now you could say she likes it because itÂ’s a classic, or it looks greatÂ… but truth be told itÂ’s because I donÂ’t care what color they say it is, it looks pink and Ktreva likes the color pink.

Me on the other hand stuck with my favorite. They did not have the 1992 Corvette ZR-1, but they did have a couple of the 1991 models, which is close enough. This was the car that I lusted after when I was a senior in High School and through out college. It was the first car I remember actually drooling over.

After the Corvette Museum we took Clone into his first cave, but not just any cave. The Lost River Cave. ItÂ’s an underground river that runs through a cave. You get to view the sites by riding in a boat.

IÂ’ve visited numerous caves in my lifetime, but I have never taken an underground boat ride before last week. There was a lot of history to this cave, and we had a good guide that not only liked to talk, but also at least sounded like he knew what he was talking about. Clone also developed an affinity towards caves. This was just the first of three we went into, including Mammoth Cave and Outlaw Cave. If it was up to Clone IÂ’m sure we would have visited many more.

Ktreva had a chance to go horseback riding. Since Clone was too young to go, and I have a strong hatred of horses, we stayed back while she took Boopie out on the open trail. While we were waiting Clone saw a chair lift for an Alpine slide. He didnÂ’t care about the slide; he just wanted to ride the chair. Can you guess what Clone and I got to do, thatÂ’s right, ride the chair lift. We also went go-carting and ate ice cream.

When Ktreva and Boopie finished their trail ride, we all went to Guntown Mountain. Which had a Wild West town on top of one a “mountain” (aka really big hill as none of these were actual mountains.) They had a chairlift to get to the top, which of course Clone loved. Maybe it was because we were there in the middle of the week, but it wasn’t that busy. They had some gunfights, a magic show and a couple of other shows they put on. There was a Can-can show that I dragged the family to. Boopie wasn’t all that interested at first, until he saw what it was. Hey pretty girls kicking up their legs showing off their petticoats and stockings are enough to get any teenage boy interested. At the end of the show the girls where selling off their garters if you wanted one. I didn’t buy one because my wife was sitting there with me and I didn’t feel like getting into that kind of trouble. Boopie was too shy to go up and get one, but not Clone. Heck no, he loved it; he went up paid his money and removed a garter from the girl of his choice.

ThatÂ’s my boy!

We had a lot of fun in Cave Country Kentucky, we spent two days there and where only able to do a handful of the attractions that we would have liked to have done. Including only one of the Mammoth Cave tours. The one tour we took there lasted for four hours and only traversed about three quarters of a mile of this huge cavern.

There is a lot of fun to be had in this region of Kentucky. All of the above attractions where with in 30 minutes of where we stayed, and many of them where in the same town. We enjoyed every minute of our visit there.

Tomorrow I will go into our next part of our trip and my visit to the Holy Land, the Jack Daniels Distillery.

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1 Go Clone!!!

Posted by: That 1 Guy at July 31, 2006 08:08 PM (8pWv9)

2 If you end up near Louisiana let me know

I know a great place for crawfish and beer!

Posted by: BloodSpite at August 01, 2006 06:06 AM (i81Vx)

3 From the looks of your legs it seems the sun doesn't shine in Kentucky.

Posted by: Dr. Phat Tony at August 01, 2006 09:18 AM (fk/lm)

4 He is a charmer, ain't he? So when do I get to see him again?!?!?!?!

Posted by: Tammi at August 01, 2006 06:56 PM (3UQTn)

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WeÂ’ve returned from our whirlwind adventures through Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee and Missouri. The family had a great time. We were able to see a lot of interesting sites, learn new things and have a lot of fun. Over the next couple of days IÂ’ll share with you some photos and stories of all that we did.

We left bright and early Sunday morning for our first destination, Lafayette, Indiana. Our first stop was the Tippecanoe Battlefield. Unlike when Ktreva and I were here last February, the weather was nice enough for us to want to walk the battlefield. Well, it was nice enough for me to make the family walk the battlefield. We walked the entire field. Even parts of it where there were no markers. I didnÂ’t realize that when we started the walk, fortunately we avoided all the poison ivy.

Ktreva, Boopie and Clone in front of the Tippecanoe memorial monument.

After the Battlefield we went to the Wolf Park. Unfortunately our favorite guide was out of town that day. We ended up settling on one of the other guides. Don’t get me wrong, they were good, but it’s always better if you have your favorite. Clone wanted to go play with the “big doggies.” After some convincing that A) They were not doggies 2) The wolves probably did not want to play with him D) The people in the cage had training, he was okay with just looking at the “big doggies” play. We did learn why you don’t have pizza delivered to the park. Apparently the wolves loves them some pizza.

We also were able to see a wolf and bison demonstration. The park put three wolves in with a herd of bison to so the public could see how they interact. This is when we learned that other then pizza, wolves are the number one predator for Granny Smith apples. There were some times when the wolves would approach the bison, only to be driven off by one of the large adults. A whole pack of wolves versus a sick or young bison is a threat. One wolf versus a full-grown bull is just funny to watch. The boys learned about strength in numbers.

The Great Grey Apple Hunter

It was that night we learned of the sniper shootings on the Indiana interstates. In fact one of them was on the interstate we were traveling on. Great! That’s what we need on our vacation. Traveling with a three year old who hates to ride can be tense enough, throw in the big electric signs along the interstate that read, “WARNING! Report any suspicious activity on overpasses to the police” and the radio warnings didn’t help. Fortunately we come through Indiana with out any new ventilation holes in the van.

Monday morning we went to breakfast with Laughing Wolf, who had made it back to town. It was nice being able to visit with him again. It wasnÂ’t until we were back on the road that we realized that we forgot to get a picture of the family with him. We had meant to get one.

More photos and details of our trip will come later. For those of you that are interested in the supernatural, I have some very interesting photos from the Shiloh Battlefield. Right now itÂ’s just good to be back.

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Suitcases packed, Van loaded, maps sorted, itÂ’s vacation time. First stop, the Wolf Park. Ktreva and I went to Wolf fest this year and met some great people, as well as visiting the park. At the time we decided maybe weÂ’ll bring the boys back sometime, we thought since we are passing right by there, weÂ’re going to stop and see it. Laughing Wolf has been forewarned and has allegedly put the park on lockdown for crazy re-enactor types interested in wolf hides. Do you know what the street value is on them? (IÂ’m kidding, since I wouldnÂ’t think of doing anything like thatÂ… for long.) Plus then the boys can see the Tippecanoe battlefield. Boopie spent some time learning about it this year and it we thought it would be nice for him to see where the battle actually took place.

Then itÂ’s off on a weeklong, whirlwind adventure of Kentucky, Tennessee and now Missouri. IÂ’m trying to get a couple of bloggers in those states to come out from their shells, but so far it hasnÂ’t been too promising. I thought the image of a Northerner sweating in the ungodly southern summer heat would be appealing, apparently I was wrong. ThatÂ’s okay, it appeals to my shy and introverted nature.

IÂ’m going to try to make updates when I can, but no promises.

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Well, Ktreva is off on another whirlwind adventure for work, at least this time sheÂ’s only gone one night. Since she was not home I thought it would be a good time to remind the boys about firearm safety, especially since I procured 9 boxes of ammo today.

After locking the ammo in a safe box. ItÂ’s rated for ammunition and the only key to it is on my key chain. I explained to the boys again, and yes even Clone, firearm safety. Just because he is three doesnÂ’t mean he should not learn about firearm safety. IÂ’m a firm believer that if you donÂ’t mystify firearms, it takes away the allure of them in children. After about a good hour education process I sent the boys to play while I cooked dinner.

I hadn’t been cooking thirty minutes when Clone comes running into the kitchen. Clone, “Dada, Dada, Brother has a gun.” Thinking that Boopie might be playing with the flintlock rifle I gave him for his birthday I come out of the kitchen, in a hurry. Nope, Boopie’s rifle is right where it should be; Boopie has a toy pistol made of metal that looks similar to my .357 revolver.

IÂ’d say I laughed, but I didnÂ’t. I was proud of Clone. He saw what her perceived as a dangerous situation and quickly went to get an adult. That people is proper gun control. The kind that is up to the parent to teach, not the kind where the government outlaws firearms. Oh, and before you ask, All of my firearms are secured and the ammunition is locked away where the boys canÂ’t get to it. So, unless they bring home ammunition from the Day Care, and figured out how to open the gun cases, they would not be able to hurt anyone with themÂ… well unless they started throwing the cases at each other.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:30 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Monday I took the day off of work. I didnÂ’t have a good reason to, other then I just wanted to take the day. I had been taking a lot of days off due to home improvements and the such, and I felt it would be nice to take a relaxing day, one that I didnÂ’t have to do anything or go anywhere if I didnÂ’t want to. Well I wanted to go somewhere. I decided to take the boys to the Burpee Museum of Natural History. ItÂ’s a small local museum, but some of you may have heard of it before. It has been in the national scientific spot light for the last couple of years due to a discovery that was made by a research team. In August of 2001 a team from the museum found the fossil remains of a relatively small dinosaur in Montana.

The controversy started with what kind of Dinosaur they had found. Some felt it was an extremely rare (Ie they only have the skull of one other) Nanotyrannus or a juvenile Tyrannosaurus Rex (Which is rare in and of itself). After many years of debate (which from what I understand is still on going) it was decided that Jane (What they named the beastie) was in fact a Juvenile T-Rex, 11 years old.

That didnÂ’t subside the excitement around Jane. With roughly 50% of her skeleton preserved, she is the most complete single dinosaur find. Most of the time when we see skeletons in museums they are generally pieced together from different skeletons and have fabricated bones. Scientists from all over the country have come to look at Jane to examine her.

They finished her display last summer, but I have not had a chance to get down there to view her. I had the day alone with Clone and Boopie, Ktreva had to work, so I thought it would be fun to take them to see the dinosaurs. Clone had no idea what I was talking about when I told him where we were going. When we came around the corner and there was Jane, and some other dinosaurs (Including a full size T-rex) he let out a resounding “WOW” that echoed through the museum. Boopie found it neat to finally see the dinosaur that has been in the local and national news. For a small museum, they do have a nice display for the dinosaurs. Then again it is the centerpiece of the museum, and the only display really worth seeing.

After the Natural History Museum, I took the boys next door to the Discovery Center. ItÂ’s a learning area that teaches kids about science through a hands on experience. IE I tricked the kids into learning. While they thought they where playing, they where learning about physics and human development. Even I learned something there. Over the last year, weÂ’ve had a lot of people telling us Clone is big for his age. I just put it off as they didnÂ’t know what they where talking about. While at the Discovery Center they have a development section. There was a wall that you could stand up against and measure your height to that of other people your age. Clone was off the chart for 3 year olds by about an eight of an inch. I guess he is big for his age.

The boys both had a lot of fun at the Discovery Center. Boopie was able to see how fast of a baseball he can pitch, Clone learned that he can make an air cannon out of a vacuum cleaner and some tennis balls. I learned that I really need to protect Mr. Happy and the Goodtime boys better when Clone is trying to make an air cannon out of hoses.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:46 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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GAH! She left! She left me! She left me to go to Chicago for 3 whole days! She didnÂ’t learn from last time. IÂ’m not Single Dad again. Of course to make matters most difficult, my first day I have to work until 6:00 PM, which means I had to make arrangements for Clone. That made life a little bit more interesting.

By the time I got home tonight it was well after 6:30 PM. Dinner wasnÂ’t done until 7:00 PM. Yes, I admit I made a crappy cheap and easy meal. It took clone all of 15 minutes to decide he didnÂ’t want it and throw it onto the floor. He wanted his mama. GAH!!!! Finally I put him to bed; well I attempted to put him to bed. We could not find his favorite stuffed AnimalÂ… the poisonous tree frog. We also couldnÂ’t find a pacifier. After twenty minutes of searching we finally found one. It was hidden behind the couch.

I know at one time we had close to 10 of the damn things, but where they are at now, no one knows. Well no one in this house at least. I think Ktreva might now where they are at, but sheÂ’s not here.

Tomorrow I have to rush from work, get the boys, run home meet the electrician (Com Ed is cutting power to our house so he can finish up). That should be fun with Clone. HeÂ’ll be nice and happy to play with, especially with no power.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:27 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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The other day I was sitting on the computer playing Age of Empires III. ItÂ’s one of my favorite games. There is just something satisfying about building up an army and then decimating your opponent. Especially when I have a bunch of Indian allies that I can turn loose upon the unsuspecting settlers. When I hear their death screams itÂ’s soothing. Much like the relaxing sound of a soft rain on a warm summers evening.

Clone comes over and decides he wants to watch me play. ThatÂ’s not unusual, he also is fascinated by the settlers death cries. This time he decided that instead of getting his own chair, he wanted to sit on my lap. Sure, no problem. Maybe itÂ’s harder to play, but I was getting toward the end of the game and I pretty much had already won. All I had to do was send the amassed army of 50 natives, 30 cavalry, 80 infantry and 18 artillery against the unsuspecting French. All was going well.

Then Clone looks up onto the computer desk and sees my Silent Bob Action Figure. He points at it and says, “That’s you, dada!” Looking at where he’s pointing, I chuckle and try to explain that no, no that’s not me at all. Clone looks at me like I am on crack and with all the seriousness a 3 year old has states, “No, that’s you!” Trying to argue with a 3 year old is an exercise in futility. However, I’m a stubborn man, so I tried. For 20 minutes I argued with him that it was not me, it was in deed Silent Bob. Apparently Clone is also stubborn, he must get it from his mother. At the end of twenty minutes I gave up. Telling him, “You’re right. That’s me.” I was hoping that would shut him up.

Did that work?

Hell no! Looking me in the eye, in all seriousness he says, “Dada, you tell the truth! It’s naughty to lie. You can’t say it’s not you!” Then he kept going on about how I have a statue of myself. I was torn between laughing from the loss of sanity to duct taping him to the ceiling fan.

I can see where he might think it looks like me. We both have facial hair. WeÂ’re both bigger guys, I do wear a hat a lot (only not backwards) and I do have a black overcoat that I wear to work on colder days. At least my son thinks IÂ’m famous.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:12 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Our house has an antique cast iron lion foot bathtub in the main bathroom. I say main because at sometime a previous owner built a makeshift bathroom in the basement, but really this house only has one bathroom. The basement is an unfurnished limestone basement. The “bathroom” down there has no walls; it’s just a toilet in a corner of the basement with a crude shower built next to it. There are no walls surrounding it. For years we never had a real shower to use.

That is until today. After years of putting it off, I finally installed a shower in the bathroom. Well actually I bought a conversion kit to turn the lion footed bathtub into a shower. We like the antique tub and didnÂ’t want to get rid of it. That and the fact it weighs a ton and is on the second floor also helped the decision. I really didnÂ’t want to have to move the beast if I didnÂ’t have to. Due to many other reasons I just never got around to converting the tub. Mainly it was because of laziness. Hey, IÂ’m not denying it.

A couple of weeks ago the faucet on the tub started leaking. It wouldnÂ’t turn off completely. The best we could do was slow it to a fast drip. Mainly it would just run as off the faucet was cracked open. All right, I needed to replace the faucet. If I was going to do that, I might as well install the shower. That was when I discovered that most of the local hardware stores do NOT stock the shower conversion kits anymore. I guess they figure that if a house had a lion footed tub, it would have been converted by now.

After searching for weeks I went to a locally owned hardware store, Nicholson Hardware. People, this is the best hardware store on the planet. It is stocked with just about everything you could look for in home improvement. Not only that but the staff is not only knowledgeable in all things hardware and home improvement, but also they are courteous, helpful and extremely eager to please. The only problem with this hardware store is its business hours. Monday through Friday 8:30 AM to 5:30 PM. ItÂ’s a contractorÂ’s hardware store, hence why they have everything under the sun.

When I entered I found the new faucet easily enough, but I couldnÂ’t find the rest of the stuff to make it into a shower. I asked the clerk and he told me that I could buy it piece by piece, or they had an all-inclusive kit that contained all of the parts. He then told me that the kit would be cheaper then buying all the part piecemeal. Sure enough he was right.

Ktreva was excited over the prospect of finally having a useable shower in the house. My father, the plumbing and electrical engineer, came over to give me a hand installing it. It only took about an hour and now all it needs is a couple of shower curtains and we are ready toÂ… well shower I guess.

Now I donÂ’t have to worry about falling asleep in the tub in the mornings.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:34 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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1 Congrats on your leap forward in time!

Hey, you know you didn't need to get a new faucet... you could have gotten new seals and packing for the old. Gravy job.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at June 14, 2006 08:19 PM (gMMvi)

2 You are the bestest husband ever. I know Ktreva has got to be over the moon.

A shower.

In her own house.

You deserve...well, somethin' special! ;-)

Posted by: Tammi at June 14, 2006 09:38 PM (L7a63)

3 Ah - so you're saying the last two years of me asking "Why don't you add on a shower kit" and you saying "Because it's physically impossible, they don't make them to fit these pipes or a way to covert them" was really your way of saying "Eh, I don't feel like it" huh?

Posted by: Shadoglare at June 14, 2006 10:13 PM (4VtjK)

4 Yeah, I was going to call bullshit too, but Shadoglare beat me to it. I even found the kit in a catalog and you argued it wouldn't fit.

You're right about one thing though, Nicholson's rocks.

Posted by: Graumagus at June 15, 2006 02:21 AM (zEZuj)

5 Yay! Now she won't have to wait till you take her to a hotel to shower!

Posted by: oddybobo at June 15, 2006 08:11 AM (6Gm0j)

6 Those locally owned hardware stores are the greatest thing ever. We have one in my town, it been here, I think, since the dawn of time. If you are looking for the obscure, and someone who knows all about the obscure, the locals are the best. I have been looking for parts before, went to Farm King, Menards, Lowe's, putting almost 100 miles on the truck, should have started with the 1 mile each way to the local store.

Posted by: Petey at June 15, 2006 11:26 AM (mNqaI)

7 Shadoglare: If I remember correctly you where refering to the whole shower kit because we talked about replacing the tub. Those won't work in the house.

Grau: I don't recall talking with you about it. But we might have.

Posted by: Contagion at June 15, 2006 05:01 PM (aGJp4)

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When we moved into our house, there was an old swing set in the back yard. It had been horribly neglected and was pretty badly rusted through. After our first year of living here, I ended up having to remove it. Removing of the metal was easy; I cut it up into smaller parts and set it out for the trash. That was only the part above ground. I had to dig up the posts sticking out of the ground.

Figuring that whoever installed it probably did the typical cement in the coffee can anchor system; I didnÂ’t think it would be a problem. Quickly I discovered that the idiots had dug four huge holes, put the swing in place and then filled the holes with concrete. These concrete blobs (Blocks does not describe them) where huge, each one looks like they poured five gallons of concrete into the hole.

For the longest time they say in the back yard because the trash company wouldnÂ’t take them and I couldnÂ’t find of a way to dispose themÂ… other then rebury them in the back yard. Since they where safety hazards I moved them to the side of the house with the help of Graumagus where they sat for the last 4 years. Every so often I would see if I could find of a way to dispose of them and I never could. The only option I had was to break them up into smaller chunks. That just sounded way too much like work, and I just let them sit there.

Now we are having a central air unit installed in the house. Those blocks are sitting exactly where itÂ’s going to go. That means they must be disposed off. Earlier today I ran to Farm and Fleet to pick up the tools I was going to need to break these behemoth blobs of concrete up. I bought the biggest sledgehammer they had, 12 pounds, and a concrete chisel. I already own a good hand sledge, so I didnÂ’t need to get one of those.

After work, I came home moved the first blob into the back yard and started my daunting task of trying to break it up into smaller, more disposable chunks. Now I understand why they used to have prisoners break stone. Sure it will build upper body strength, but after an hour I had no desire to do anything but take a nap. Of course, that was only one of those blobs destroyed. I spent a total of 3 hours in the backyard breaking these chunks up. People walking by where staring in disbelief at what they saw.

Every hit small shards of concrete would go flying in every direction. I sent some flying a good 30 feet away into neighborÂ’s yards and into the alley. IÂ’m damn glad I had safety goggles on, or I probably would have lost an eye on at least three occasions. I had to alter between the big sledge and the hand sledge in chisel to give my arm a rest. The sledge used the muscle in the upper arm, while the hand sledge used more of the forearm. During one of my breaks Ktreva made the comment that it was a good work out, and that if I did it for 20 minutes a night my arms would be ripped. I had to correct her. My right arm would look like something off of a body builder, my left arm would look the same.

After getting the second one broken up into disposable chunks, I had enough for the night. There was no way I was going to tackle a third one. I just didnÂ’t have the strength and stamina to keep going. That was about an hour and a half ago. Now I sit here, covered in concrete dust, my right arm aching and hanging limply at my side. I barely had the strength to lift up my hand so I could type this post. My shoulder is sore and IÂ’m thinking of taping a bag of ice to it in the fashion of a baseball pitcher after a game.

Ten years ago this wouldnÂ’t have been an issue. I would have had all four of those blobs broken up and disposed off. Not now, now I feel like IÂ’m a feeble old man.

I hate getting older.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:00 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Did you know that it is possible to have too many bubbles in a bubble bath? Last night in an attempt to not only clean Clone, but to also calm him down, I decided to give him a bath. Clone loves the bath, especially a bubble bath. He gets clean and he gets to play for a while. I figured this would be perfect, kill two birds with one stone. IÂ’ve given Clone baths before; I didnÂ’t think it would go any differently this time. Well, that is except for my adding bubble bath to the water.

I start the bath, and put a little bit of the bubble bath into the water. There wasnÂ’t much of a reaction. After adding some more there still wasnÂ’t much of an effect. So I put more in. Now we have a reaction. Bubbles started forming as I expected so I went to finish getting Clone ready for the bath. When I returned to the bathroom, the tub was full. I turned off the water and went to check the water to make sure it wasnÂ’t too hot before putting Clone in. I sank up to my elbow in bubbles before finding water. We have an old lion footed cast iron bathtub, so itÂ’s pretty deep. I had it about a quarter filled with water and the rest was bubbles.

GREAT! OwellÂ… Clone should have fun with this so I placed in the tub. One minute IÂ’m looking at him, and the next he disappears. The bottom of the tub was slippery from all the soap and he slid in under the bubbles. DonÂ’t worry, he didnÂ’t hurt himself. In fact he thought this was great fun. He kept hiding in the bubbles and popping up in different places. It was like a demented live action wack-a-mole game. Only instead of moles, it was a little blonde boy with a gnome hate made of bubbles.

I figured the bubbles would go away after a while, well I was wrong. The damn bubbles stuck around. The things would not dissipate. Trying to wash the soap off of him was about impossible. Every time I would start to make some headway, he would slip back under the bubbles and coat himself in them again.

Finally I had enough of this, so I yanked him out of the bathtub and toweled off all the remaining bubbles. I pulled the drain plug and waited for the bathtub to empty. It would have none of that. Nope, those bubbles sat there defying gravity and god. They would not go away. I knew better then to add more water, that would just create more of the annoying things. I figured after a while they would finally go away.

Flash forward to this morning. I go into the bathroom to take a bath, what do I see in the tub? BUBBLES! The damn things did not dissipate overnight. What kind of funky bubbles are these? Then to make matters worse, when I turned the water on, it created more. Then when I went to get into the tub, the soap had made the bottom of the tub slipperier then a snake covered in Vaseline. I about fell down. Thankfully my size thirteen feet where able to keep me from falling and hurting myself.

Ktreva is now back; thank all that is good in the world. I was getting ready to do a rejoicing dance when she dropped a bomb on me. In two weeks she is leaving for 4 days.
FourÂ… DaysÂ… That is one day longer then this time. I donÂ’t know if IÂ’ll be able to survive.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:23 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Last night I was lying in bed dreaming a good dream. Shakira and Jessica Alba where wrestling naked in pudding over who was going to be the first one to pleasure me. My beautiful and understanding wife was doing that thing she does that I want her to do all the time, but she doesnÂ’t do nearly often enough. All of a sudden there was a searing pain in my groin. It felt as if someone had hit me in the nards with a golf ball. I awake to find Clone climbing over me.

Me, “What in the love of god are you doing at… (looks at clock) 2:30 in the morning(?) awake?”

Clone, “Dada, I need drink.”

Me, “That makes two of us buddy. Go get into bed and I’ll get you a glass of water.”

After retrieving the glass of water for Clone, I return to bed. In hopes that my dream will pick up where it left off. Unfortunately I started dreaming about vasectomies. Sometimes life is cruel.

In the morning Clone did not want to get out of bed, and from the state of his room, I can tell that he didnÂ’t go to bed when I told him to. Nope, he must have gotten up and started playing with his toys. Now when I needed him awake, he couldnÂ’t keep his eyes open. He was like a narcoleptic after a long day of heavy drinking. Every and any attempt to wake him up resulted in loud and incessant cryingÂ… until he passed out again. Getting him dressed and ready for the day was like trying to shove a cat into a toilet.

Boopie on the other hand must have found a speedball because he was bouncing all over the house like a crystal meth junkie with electrodes attached to his nards. Boopie's hyperactivity counteracted with CloneÂ’s sleepiness and created a horrible combination of laughing, crying, giggling, yelling and screaming. It wasnÂ’t even 6:30 AM and I wanted to empty a bottle of Jack Daniels. Unfortunately I think Clone drank all of it.

I get to work, and I have never been so happy to be there in my life, even if it was one of my worst days as supervisor. I had a meeting that went horribly bad, two employees about wig out and in giving one feedback they burst into tears because, “I’m going to lose my job!” I don’t know where she got that idea; I never once said anything that would give her the indication that she was on the road to replacement.

When I go to pick up the boys I discover that Clone miraculously recovered from his drunken narcolepsy and played all day. He refused to take a nap. GreatÂ… that means more fun tonight. Sure enough on the ride home the boy fell asleep in the most uncomfortable of positions that only a child can sleep in. Deciding to keep my sanity a while, IÂ’ve let him sleep now for almost an hour. IÂ’m going to have to wake him up soon, but IÂ’m waiting for the food to arrive.

Which reminds, I was going to make dinner tonight, really I was! Unfortunately I kind of left what I was going to make out on the counter this morning when I was getting my lunch made. I walked into the house and was assaulted by the smell of ground beef that has gone rancidÂ… and cat turds. The damn cat must have eaten something that wasnÂ’t fit for feline consumption because itÂ’s arse smelled horrible. It was like a stinky dog fart was bottled, fermented, aged to juicy ripeness and then released in the house. Needless to say there will be no cooking in the house tonight. I have Chinese food on the way.

Now if youÂ’ll excuse me, I need to go bring Clone out of his coma. Only about 24 hours to go.

Posted by: Contagion at 04:36 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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With the help of some ChildrenÂ’s chewable morphine, Clone is asleep. Okay, I didnÂ’t actually drug my child; I wouldnÂ’t do something like that. That doesnÂ’t mean I didnÂ’t entertain the idea, but no I could not do that.

The stupid trashcan had me so pissed I couldnÂ’t see straight. Clone had knocked it over trying to get behind it to hide from Boopie. This is not a normal trashcan; itÂ’s a 55-gallon, trashcan with an auto-closing lid. Since it was obviously over full, i.e. trash was strewn across the kitchen floor; I decided to take out the trash. My plan worked for all of 15 seconds. As I pulled on the bag, the drawstring pulled the top inch off of the bagÂ… all the way around. Someone, KTREVA, had decided to dump the kitty litter bag into the trashcan. That made the combined weight of trash, kitty litter and cat scat way too heavy for the bag to hold. Of course it didnÂ’t rip until I was half way out of the trashcan, thus sending a showing of dirty diapers, empty beer bottles and other pieces of kitchen refuse everywhere. It looked like my kitchen had turned into a landfill. I was waiting for the damn sky rats to come and start eating the refuse.

After cleaning that up, I really didn’t feel like cooking. Then I had an idea, I’ll ask the boys what they want, we’ll get it and everyone will be happy. Dad, “What do you guys want for dinner?” The Horde, “Pizza!” Thinking to myself, I didn’t really need to ask. Boopie chimes in with, “Can we get Pizza Hut. They have that sampler pack that has hot wings, breadsticks and cinnasticks!” Clone, “Yea! Spinasicks! Dad, we get spinasicks? I want spinasicks! Spinasicks! Spinasicks! Spinasicks! Dad we get spinasicks?” Me, “Do you even know what cinnasticks are?” (I can’t recall ever ordering them before.) Clone, “Yea, they good!”

Boopie is laughing his little butt off by now. Clone is marching through the house chanting, “Spinasicks!” So I ordered from Pizza Hut, got the sampler pack. When I was on the phone with the girl I meant to make sure I was ordering the right thing. I ask her, “The sampler has spinasicks in it right?” (Pause on the other end of the phone.) Girl, “Excuse me?” Me, “The sampler, does it have spinasicks?” Girl, “Did you say spin-a-sicks? Me embarrassedly, “Yes, that’s what my three year old is calling them, I meant Cinnasticks.” Girl laughing at me, “Yes, it has cinnasticks.” Thirty minutes later our pizza and sampler arrive.

I give Clone a piece of pizza and a breadstick and let him eat. Clone inhaled two and a half pieces of pizza and a breadstick for dinner. Pretty good for a kid his size. It’s what he did with the other half of the pizza that cheesed me off. I asked him if he was done, and he told me he was. I walked over to get him out of the chair when he flings the half eaten piece of pizza at my head. He had picked all the cheese off so it was crust with sauce and it stuck to the side of my head like a like a suction cup. He’s laughing; I’m pissed and scold him. After cleaning me, him, the chair and the floor off, I sit down to eat some cinnasticks. Now I have an entourage of kids sitting around me fighting over the cinnasticks, “Dad! He took the big one!” “Dad, He’s not sharing the dipping sauce!” “Dad, Spinasick stuck in nose!” Clone sneezed while eating the cinnastick and jammed it in his nose. Apparently it was very uncomfortable for him.

After cleaning him up again, the boys played for a little bit while I cleaned up the mess and the house some. Then I put Clone to bed, but not until after he got a band-aid for his toe. At the sitters last Friday he skinned the top of his toes. I donÂ’t believe they actually hurt, but he wonÂ’t shut up unless he has a Band-Aid on his toes. Figuring it wasnÂ’t worth the trouble I slapped a band-aid on him. He started crying again. I had used a regular Band-Aid, not a Spongebob Band-Aid. After swapping them out, he finally settled down enough to let me put him to sleep.

Now IÂ’m going to go grab a beer or twelve.

Posted by: Contagion at 02:09 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Ktreva has once again gone on a business trip and left me with the boys for three days. As many of you may remember, IÂ’m not cut out for the single parent gig. DonÂ’t get me wrong, I can do itÂ… IÂ’m just not good at it. ItÂ’s one of my many character flaws. Yes, they are my kids and yes they are my responsibility. I can handle that for up to 36 hours. After that I start breaking down, especially if they are misbehaving. They are my kids and I will do what needs to be done. ItÂ’s my duty as a parent to do so.

IÂ’m sure over the next couple of days there will be plenty of good stories to share with you about my trying to raise the boys for 3 days on my own. As well as the wisdom and techniques that I used to keep them in line. But for now youÂ’ll have to excuse me. Clone has tipped over the trashcan, Boopie is whining about having to clean his room, and I need to make dinner. (Read, I have to order dinner)

Posted by: Contagion at 11:31 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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There’s an old saying in my family, “It’s easier to ask forgiveness, then permission.” Sure, it’s not unique to my family, but it’s heard often. This evening I walk into the house, “Ktreva, I want to buy a handgun. How much trouble will I be in if I do?”

Ktreva hollers back, “A lot.”

Contagion, “But on a scale of 1 to 10, how much trouble would a be in.”

Ktreva, “At least a 6.” (1 means she’s mad, 10 means there are lawyers on the phone. A 6 means no sex for a while and possibly sleeping on the couch. When I hit 8, I need to find a place to stay and she will have the locks changed on the house.)

Contagion, “Whew… I can live with that. Look what I bought!” (Pulls out pistol he just picked up after paying for it last Friday.)

Ktreva, “Why did you buy that, don’t you have enough guns?” (Like a guy can own too many guns!)

Contagion, “Because I didn’t own one like this… and I wanted it!”

Needless to say, I owe her more jewelry. However, I couldn’t pass up the deal I got on this lovely baby. (Way under sticker price.) It’s a beautiful Colt 1991a1 series 80 Government .45 ACP. 5” barrel, 8 ½” overall length with double diamond rosewood grips. Now Grau doesn’t have to worry about me stealing his when we go shooting. Of course I’m not overly fond of the grips, so I’m thinking if purchasing some laser grips for it. The kind that has the laser site built into it. I figure it’s make it scarier looking when I chase the neighbor kids out of my yard at night. At a gun show I was able to handle the same colt with these on it, and I loved the feel.

Ever since the first time Grau let me fire his, I've been in love with this hand gun. I couldn't wait to get my hands on one. Every gun shop I went to, every gun show I visited, I was searching for one of these that was decently priced. A friend of mine that works at a local gun shop specially ordered some in, even though their store isn't an authorized Colt dealer, just so I would stop bugging him. Then when it arrived he discovered one was "damaged" and was "missing parts". Fortunately for me it was the one I liked so he knocked a hell of a lot off of the price for me.

Well if you excuse me, IÂ’m going to go sleep on the couch. I like sleeping on the couch, itÂ’s like camping, only with out having to set up a tent!

Posted by: Contagion at 06:37 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 Hooboy, what would you have done if she'd said 10? *grin*

Nice gun though. Have fun at the range.

Posted by: Teresa at May 24, 2006 06:56 PM (jgXyO)

2 OOoooo I like it!

Posted by: Shadoglare at May 24, 2006 07:21 PM (QLQ2w)

3 Schweeet!

Posted by: oddybobo at May 24, 2006 09:29 PM (QEOPt)

4 I was wondering when you'd be picking one of those up

The rosewood grips look great but they just don't feel right.

He wouldn't happen to have any "Damaged" Ruger Super Blackhawk .44 mags with the 9 1/2" barrel would he?

Posted by: Graumagus at May 25, 2006 02:18 AM (iwJET)

5 Next time bring home a gift certificate for her at her favorite clothes store for the same value as you paid for the gun -- I bet it drops the anger meter in half...

Posted by: Ogre at May 25, 2006 06:02 AM (/k+l4)

6 See I cheat a little bit when it comes to neighborhood kids, and knowing at least one item in your inventory I think you can appreciate this.

I was reading U.S> Grants Autobiography and read where he and his men took Iron bands and bored out tree's to make Mortars

So I Did!

Now I sit on the porch with grapeshot (aka Marbles wrapped in burlap) and solid shot (I got some rocks out of the yard.

They know it works as I fire it off in the back yard once in a while

They don't come round much these days......

Posted by: BloodSpite at May 26, 2006 04:07 PM (ZTGJT)

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Some of you might find this hard to believe, but if I have a feminine side itÂ’s hidden so deep that hypnotherapy canÂ’t even find it. Let me give you an example. I havenÂ’t had to buy shampoo in a year and a half. We were given a gallon of shampoo by a company as part of a promotion and with my short hair that lasted for a long, long time. It doesnÂ’t take much to wash my hair.

I finally ran out of shampoo and had to purchase some. Ktreva and I ran to the store on our lunch break to purchase some. I can go a day or two with out washing my hair, but after that it just feels nasty and I donÂ’t need gel to keep it spiky. As soon as I turned to go down the shampoo aisle I noticed it was filled with all these funky scented and special needs shampoos. What the hell? A) IÂ’m not buying anything that is going to smell like flowers. 2) IÂ’m not buying anything to give my hair extra sheen and luster D) IÂ’m definitely not buying something to give my hair more body and bounce.

I turn to Ktreva and say ”Do they even make a man’s shampoo? I’m not washing my hair with any of this girlie crap”Rolling her eyes, Ktreva loudly states that she will help my find man-shampoo. The other shoppers, all female, are smiling and chuckling. Ktreva, happy because she thinks she has gotten one over on me is also smiling. Not to be undone, I respond with ”Yes, that’s what I need Man-Poo.” Now everyone is laughing or looking on in shock. All Ktreva can do is try to hide her embarrassment over being seen in public with me at that moment.

We spent the next 20 minutes searching for something that would work. Then Ktreva find’s a bottle of stuff labeled, “Shampoo for men.” It’s a two in one deal that cleans and conditions. Like I care about conditioning. ”I told you I’d find a shampoo for men.” says Ktreva. Loudly I respond with, “Thank you for finding me man-poo.”

I donÂ’t know why, but she ran out of the aisle trying to shield her face from the passer-bys staring at us.

Posted by: Contagion at 05:16 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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1 She loves you... She must. You man-poo head...

Posted by: Richmond at May 10, 2006 06:49 PM (e8QFP)

2 I can soooo picture that entire exchange. And I *am* laughin' my ass off.....

Posted by: Tammi at May 10, 2006 09:12 PM (ZbFVf)

3 It conditions?

Metrosexual wuss boy...

Posted by: Graumagus at May 11, 2006 02:17 AM (b+Unz)

4 Now I'm expecting a 'review' on this man-poo. ;-)

Posted by: vw bug at May 11, 2006 05:19 AM (U/hcI)

5 You should market a shampoo for men! "Man-Poo, if it works for me, it'll work for you!"

Posted by: oddybobo at May 11, 2006 07:21 AM (6Gm0j)

6 Don't use shampoo - insist on real poo!

*snerk*

Posted by: Jenna at May 11, 2006 08:36 AM (salt+)

7 I thought real men just used the bar of soap!

Posted by: Bou at May 11, 2006 08:50 AM (iHxT3)

8 You wash? Wimp.

Posted by: Ogre at May 11, 2006 09:03 AM (/k+l4)

9 Man-poo! :^D

BTW, what is this "conditioning" of which you speak?

and Bou: A bar of soap can be used only if the guy in question likes the feeling of having hair like toothpicks gouging into his scalp.

Or if he's bald. :^)

Posted by: Wes at May 11, 2006 02:28 PM (cHI1w)

10 "but after that it just feels nasty and I don’t need gel to keep it spiky."

gel, you use gel...

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at May 11, 2006 09:33 PM (C981N)

11 He may THINK it's "gel"......

I know Ktreva......I wouldn't put it past her......

Posted by: Tammi at May 11, 2006 10:47 PM (ZbFVf)

12 oh it's "gel" alright...
*big innocent grin*

Posted by: ktreva at May 12, 2006 06:57 AM (e8b4J)

13 ktreva - that is just one of the many reasons I love you so very much!!!

Posted by: Tammi at May 12, 2006 09:39 AM (ZbFVf)

14 I use the generic "shampoo". Comes in a gallon container with a pump. Only have to get a new one about once a year. If I'm out, I use hand soap. My hair is also usually short enough that it doesn't need a lot of soap to clean it.

Posted by: og at May 13, 2006 05:54 AM (PVGJn)

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Yesterday Boopie turned 13. As his father I felt it was my duty to start him on some of the rites of manhood. The best way to do this was with a guyÂ’s night out. After spending two weeks explaining to Ktreva why she and Clone could not come with, I started making plans. ItÂ’s a guyÂ’s night out, thatÂ’s not Guys and MOM! We started off the evening at Hooters. With the help of a couple of fellow bloggers, Shadoglare and T1G, we started the evening out right. Pretty girls, hot wings and instructional advice on the Man Code were given to Boopie by the three of us. We also gave advice on how to pick up and deal with girls.

So about right now some of the ladies out there are probably thinking to themselves, “Good lord, what kind of horrible advice did they give?” Let me tell you this, it was all good, sound advice that hopefully he retains. Trust me, the now man was in good hands.

Speaking of good hands, while at Hooters Boopie received a T-shirt autographed by all the girls and had his picture taken with them as well. I’d love to tell you the rest, however, the man code prohibits the telling of stories in this type of situation. That and a panicked “Don’t tell mom!” on the ride home has rendered my unable to speak about it.

After dinner we separated our ways from T1G and Shadoglare. They went on their way, and we headed to the Rock River Raptors game. Boopie was surprised by how good of seats I have. He knew they where good, but he didnÂ’t realize that they where upfront and in your face! Boopie participated in the half-time mini-football toss. Unfortunately he didnÂ’t win.

My favorite player on the team, Jeremiah Thompson (Number 25 in your program, number 1 in your heart) played last night. I know the web page says his number is 18, but trust me people, it's actually 25. I told him it was Boopie's 13th Birthday and he promised Boopie he would get 13 receptions and 2 touchdowns for him. Well, he didn’t get the thirteen receptions, but he did get two and half touchdowns. One of his catches he dove over the end zone wall, so it didn’t count. That’s why I’m counting it as half a touchdown. If our Quarterback hadn’t overthrown the ball, it would have been a good touchdown! The best part was that after his first touchdown, as he was running back to the bench, Thompson pointed to Boopie and said, “That one is for you.” It made Boopie’s evening to say he had a TD scored just for him.

Today the celebration is over and I have to deal with the fact that IÂ’m old enough to have a teenager. You have to understand, half the time I feel like IÂ’m still 16. Gah, IÂ’m just getting old.

Posted by: Contagion at 09:43 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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