June 19, 2005
Is any father any more or less special today then any other day? How about motherÂ’s on MotherÂ’s day? ShouldnÂ’t you shower you Wife, Husband, Girlfriend or Boyfriend with love and gifts all through out the year, not just on the days some body set aside for you to do it? Should you only recognize the effect of someone special to you on their birthday?
My father is special to me all year around. I appreciate him and everything he does for me all year. Through out the year I show him that I love and appreciate him. Now because of the day, I had to go out of my way to buy him gift on top of the others that I give him all year round. This gift has no meaning to me; I have no heart behind it because IÂ’m forced into getting it for him. Therefore, I really donÂ’t put much thought behind it. This day means something to my father, so I observe it for him.
In fact I observe FatherÂ’s day, MotherÂ’s day, Valentines Day and birthdays for my loved ones. Even my wife hates sweetest day so neither of us observe that day. Those days mean something important to them, where as I am insulted by them. I buy them gifts and fake it. They all know how I feel about it and appreciate that IÂ’m at least making an observation on it. That is not a two-way streak however. A lot of my family and friends refuse to accept my non-observance of these days.
My mother is currently mad at me due to a conversation we had on Friday. She asked me if my wife and boys where doing anything special for me on Father’s day. I reminded her that we don’t celebrate father’s day at all in my house and went on to explain my feelings about it again. My mother responds with, “Well it teaches the boys to be adults.” To which I respond with, “How, by having mommy buy them something to give to dad? I’m an adult, you didn’t buy Dad’s gift for me.”
Then my mother used the argument she always does, “This isn’t for you, it’s for them.” She uses this argument on me for birthdays and holidays whenever gift giving is involved. This year however I had enough, I responded with, “Wait, so you’re saying them giving me a gift is for them. However when I don’t want to give a gift, you tell me it isn’t for me, it’s for the recipient. When in the hell is it actually about me? I don’t like Father’s day, Mother’s day, Valentines Day and Birthdays. Yet I have to suffer through receiving gifts. I also have to suffer through giving gifts that I don’t mean. I know you would be mad if I didn’t give you a gift for your birthday or mother’s day. I lose out there, and you’re mad because I don’t want to get a gift for father’s day and my birthday. Well I thought these day’s were about getting the person what they want, and I want nothing.” To say she didn’t like that response would be an understatement. She could not argue with it. She still doesn’t understand my reasoning.
My wife likes the fact that I feel that way about these days. She still gets her gifts and she doesnÂ’t have to spend any time and money getting me something. It makes life easier on the family. Plus we can then spend money on stuff we would rather haveÂ… like a babysitter.
So if you are a Father out there and don’t get a “Happy Father’s day” from me, don’t think that I don’t feel that you are special for being a dad. That would be wrong, it’s the exact opposite. I think Father’s are special every day of the year and deserve to be shown it year round. However if you are a bad father, you don’t deserve any recognition anyway.
Now IÂ’m going to go clean the garage out and do some housework.
Posted by: Contagion at
02:09 PM
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June 16, 2005
I’m a guy; I have a simple cut it’s like a long military style crew cut. I don’t need a fancy “Hair Designer” to do it. Neither do I need the stigma of having to admit I went to a “Hair Designer” to have it done! I’m a guy; guys go to barbers or to a haircutting chain not a “Hair Designer” or salon! It’s not to save money, what her “Hair Designer” wants to charge is actually $2.00 cheaper then where I normally go. I have nothing against the lady, she seems nice enough. It’s that whole guy code issue. Guys don’t go to “Hair Designers” unless they have a little extra swish to their step. Well there is absolutely no swish to my step so it’s just not happening!
This morning, before work, my wife gave me a business card for her “Hair Designer” apparently; she subjected my boys to haircuts there last night. She did a good job, Clone looks like Caesar and Boopie has a buzz cut. When she was there, she told her “Hair Designer” about my proclivity to use a barber over her. Her “Hair Designer” took and crossed off her title on the business card and wrote barber on it. When my wife gave it to me this morning, she pointed out that it said barber. This started a little disagreement between us. By little, I mean there are no lawyers on the phone and be disagreement I mean she did not threaten to kick my arse.
As a compromise, I told her I would poll everyone and see what they have to say. Am I being old fashioned and chauvinistic by not using her “Hair Designer”? Am I correct in sticking to my guns and not going to her Salon? Please assist with this debate as neither one of us are going to budge in our opinions with out some outside interference.
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June 14, 2005
Last night when I got home from work, it was again annoyingly hot. Clone and Boopie where both asking to go out and play. They wanted me to set up the inflatable pool we bought last year. When I checked it out, I discovered it had ripped along the bottom. Well, that wasnÂ’t going to work. I then decided to get out this sprinkler made for kids that we have. It is designed to get people wet, not water the lawn.
While digging out the sprinkler I found my squirt guns. Yes, they are mine. I bought them for me! After I set up the sprinkler, I pulled out a tin tub to set with it so that the water would collect in it to fill the squirt guns. I turned on the sprinkler and the boys started having fun. Clone would run up to it and get a little wet and go running away. Boopie would try to run between the drops as to not get wet. He said the water was too cold. Me, I stood in the bucket. When the tub filled enough, I pulled out one of the squirt guns. It is nothing more then a tube with a handle on it. You stick the tip in the water and pull back the handle to load it. When you push the handle forward, it squirts the water. Depending how hard you push on the handle depends on how far it shoots. We have three like this, one for each of us. Boopie picked up another one and started loading his. Clone picked up a third and kept trying to figure out how to use it.
Boopie and I started out with target practice because we were rusty. We aimed for the wind catcher on one of my wife’s wind chimes. If we hit it, it would make noise. It was a good target. Clone started getting upset because he wanted to load and shoot his gun. However, he could not figure it out. Every time I tried to show him, he would get mad and start yelling, “I DO IT! I DO IT!” After a while, he wanted my squirt gun, because his was obviously broken. He’d yell, “MY TURN! MY TURN!” while reaching for it. We traded squirt guns, he had my fully loaded tube o’ water and I had his empty one. As I filled my new gun up, I watched as Clone struggled to pick up the toy. With all the water in it, not only was it longer then him, but it was too heavy for him to hold the muzzle up. He’d get mad because I was shooting the squirt gun, drop the fully loaded one again as it was obviously broken and want the one I had so he could squirt water. We traded guns probably 30 times, each time I tried to explain the mechanics behind it. He, however, did not want anything to do with my silly logic and explanations. He wanted to squirt water!
Boopie gave Clone a water grenade to play with to see if that would appease him. A water grenade is nothing more then a sponge with a fabric coating. Clone would dip it in the water and throw it. When it landed, it made a big splash much to his amusement. He would laugh in that deep belly laugh only that little kids can do.
Boopie pulled out a super soaker he has. Because he was pulling out the big guns, I had to get my super soaker. My super soaker is over 6 years old. It has three settings for the thickness of the streams. 2X, 10X and 20X the normal stream. It has a decent sized tank and is the Continual Pressure System. That means that it will always shoot the same distance as long as there is pressure in the tank. It does not slowly fade away. The only problem with this is that when I set it to 20X the normal stream, I empty the water reservoir with one shot that lasts about .5 seconds. That stream of water has a lot of force behind it. Boopie and my wife refer to that squirt gun as “The Fire Hose”. When I first bought it, Boopie was 6 years old. The entire family bought squirt guns. We went out in the back yard to have a squirt gun fight. I set it to 20X, pumped it up and waited. Boopie came running around the corner of the house shooting at me. My shot was beautiful; I hit him with that .5 second burst right in the middle of his chest. Boopie was knocked over from the hit. With my first shot, I drenched him from head to toe in water. There was not a dry spot on him. To this day, he does not like playing squirt gun wars when I use the “Fire Hose”.
Boopie and I started our fight; I would shoot at him with the stream on its low 2X. He however would not shoot back. I am hot, sweaty, and wanting to be hit with that ice-cold hose water, but neither boy will shoot at me. Clone canÂ’t figure out how to pick up, let alone make the gun squirt, with out hitting himself. I would shoot Boopie and he would drop his squirt gun. The rules in the house say you cannot squirt someone that doesnÂ’t have a squirt gun or while they are filling it with water. However, I did try to squirt my wife while she was gardeningÂ… I like it when my wife is wet. 
Boopie's whole strategy was to lure me in close, drop his gun and wait for me to go away. *I* was not being hit with water! It sucked!
Finally, Clone picked up his squirt gun, and came up to shoot me. I helped him by holding onto the nozzle and let him push the handle. He had great fun squirting daddy with his gun. He would be mad when it was empty. He didn’t understand the whole, “You need to reload” concept. He also didn’t like when I would squirt him back. He’d get mad and cry, but laugh while he squirted me. I explained to him that if he is going to squirt other people, then he would be squirted as well. He decided it was worth the trade of to soak daddy with cold water. This whole ordeal went on for about an hour and a half.
I was able to spend some fun time with my boys playing and laughing. We all had fun. ItÂ’s times like this that IÂ’m grateful for my boys. They make life so much better. I will always cherish playing with them.
Posted by: Contagion at
03:56 PM
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June 11, 2005
This morning while I was making the below Karnival o’ da Kidz post I had my first non-routine contact with the monitoring company. I had just kicked Clone out of Boopie’s room for the third time this morning and sat back down to finish uploading the picture when all of a sudden I hear the alarm going off. (SCREEEEEEEEEEE…) “Panic button pushed, main turrets operated. STAND STILL AND IDENTIFY YOURSELF OR WE WILL OPEN FIRE!” (SCREEEEEEEEEEE…)
I go running through the house trying to get to clone before the turrets pop out of the ceiling and start spraying down the house with 50 .cal rounds. I leap over the port-a-prison gate we have set up to keep him out of the dining room. With a move that would make Barry Sanders proud, I plant my left leg and do a reverse spin to my right in order to turn left. I grab clone and run for the main security panel. I try to turn off the alarm, but it was too late. I hear this voice echo through the house say, “WE HAVE A PANIC ALERT ACTIVATED! POLICE, SWAT, FBI, NATIONAL GUARD, RED CROSS AND THE BOYSCOUTS ARE IN ROUTE. DO NOT MOVE, IF YOU DO OUR SECURITY SYSTEM WILL TURN YOU INTO A FINE PASTE BEFORE YOU GET TO AN EXIT”
I reply with, “I’m sorry, my two year old got a hold of my wife’s keys and hit the panic button on the remote. There is no emergency…. How do I disarm the turrets? We really are fine.”
Security system, “WHAT IS YOUR NAME AND PASSWORD?”
I give them my name and password.
Security system (sounding disappointed), “YOUR INFORMATION IS CONFIRMED. SYSTEM DEACTIVATING. WE WILL STAND DOWN THE RESPONSE TEAM. WE ARE GLAD WE COULD BE OF ASSISTANCE.”
I tell the guy thank you and watch and the turrets retract back into the ceiling. I take Clone upstairs to his now wide-awake mother and explain what happened. Outside there are neighbors looking intently at my house until they see me come out on the front porch. At which point they are turn and flee back to the safety of their homes.
What a way to start out your day.
Some of the details about the security system abilities and the conversation may have been slightly exaggerated.
Posted by: Contagion at
09:55 AM
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A couple of weeks back we did a re-enactment in Fort Atkinson, Wisconsin. This event led to a lot of turmoil in my life since then. However we did get one really great picture of Clone in his costuming. IÂ’ve been kind of bragging this picture up so I thought I should share it with all of you.
Click to enlarge
Please ignore the bright orange fencing in the background, itÂ’s not period, however the event used it for crowd control to keep people off of the football fields.
Posted by: Contagion at
09:14 AM
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