Historical event?

Well hell, in all the excitement and business that is work I forgot an event. Knowing how much one of my blog fathers puts stock into things like this, I decided it’s better late then never. Harvey of Bad Example noticed last week “(I) had over 10,000 people visit this crappy blog.” He is so kind and nurturing. After putting up with his crap about that, I decided I better at least put a blurb up about this event.

Two days ago, 12/21/05, was my one-year blogiversary. Not one year from when I was discovered and outed by Tammi of then Road Warrior Survival (Now Tammi's World), but one year from when I decided it was time for me to start a blog. When I decided to start blogging, I thought it would be fun to see who actually tracks their hits. Thus, I didnÂ’t tell anyone that I started a blog. It wasnÂ’t until March 3 that it was stumbled upon and I was outed. Now, that necessarily wasnÂ’t a bad thing, I didnÂ’t post much in the early days, I was having trouble adapting to actually writing things for the world to read, IÂ’m shy and I had to get past that. If you want to see it, here is my first crappy post on Blogger. Contrary to Harvey's oppinion, I did not get any better.

Therefore, in honor of my blogiversary, IÂ’ve prepared a short speech.

One year and 2 days ago, I brought forth in this blogosphere, a new blog, conceived on boredom, peer pressure and a proposition that all menÂ’s BS is equal.

Now I am engaged in a great civil war, testing whether a blog, or any blog so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of the blogosphere as a place for others, who are more talented, can come and see the words of a lesser man. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate – we can not consecrate – we can not hallow – this html. The brave bloggers, active and in-active, who have struggled to maintain blogs, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what I post here, but it can never forget what bloggers have done! It is for the bloggers, rather, that I dedicate this post, to the great task remaining before them – that from these honored posts we take increased devotion to that course for which they post the last full measure of devotion – that we here highly resolve that these bloggers shall not have posted in vain – that this blogosphere, with out UN control, shall have a new birth of freedom – and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish them from the earth.

Yes, Lincoln is spinning like a top in his grave.

Posted by: Contagion at 02:09 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Man Card, Revoked.

Johnny-Oh is questioning my man status. In this post about gift giving he left the following comment:

”I think I just learned one of the keys to your psyche "I’ve been thinking about why that is since November when I started doing this years.” Dude, you've gotta turn in your "Man Card" for that offense. I would think that it was from the "Heap-Big" brainwashing you'd received from those nice ladies, but this happened BEFORE your visit with them.
(Sigh) This is how Metrosexuals are born you know.”

To which I responded:

”Johnny-oh.. what part of that bothers you? I started shopping in November so I could avoid going the mall/stores during the busy time, thus not body checking an old lady and ending up in jail or the fact that I actually dwelled on that though for that long?”

He found this excuse completely unacceptable. So heÂ’s docked me 100 man points. Then he accused me of becoming a metrosexual. It is with my profound sadness that I must admit to Johnny-Oh, that I am indeed a metrosexual. This is not the first time IÂ’ve been called out on it. Graumagus even made special effort to call me out on it in his Retrosexual Code:

”A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old (Yes, Contagion, I'm lookin' at you)”

Some of you right now are probably staring at your computers in shock yelling loud enough to scare the neighbors, “NO CONTAGION, SAY IT AIN’T SO!” (Apparently when you get upset you use improper grammar). I’m sorry to let you all in on this little secret. If you check my bathroom I have product for my hair, special lotions for when I shave, colognes, etc. My closet is filled with trendy clothes and I’ve even gone to beauty parlors to have my hair cut. I’ve even ordered an alcoholic beverage just to be trendy.

But none of that is why I started my Christmas shopping early. Remember IÂ’m shy, well if you donÂ’t want to believe that because youÂ’ve heard lies from other people, then believe this. I have an overpowering hatred of groups of people I donÂ’t know. ItÂ’s like a mix of agoraphobia and xenophobia.

When IÂ’m in a crowded place like the mall, or stores what little tact and self-control I have flies out the window. This turns me into a big, angry, walking bulldozer. I become the arsehole that just plows through crowds. When my wife is with me she knows just to get in behind me and follow closely. IÂ’m like a fullback plowing through the defensive line, and sheÂ’s the halfback. All she needs to do is run through the hole IÂ’ve made. What she finds amusing is that most times I donÂ’t have to touch people, the look on my face makes them cringe or jump out of my way.

A couple of years ago my wife and I went to the mall to do some last minute Christmas shopping. I lasted about 10 minutes before my anxiety went into overdrive and I had to leave the building. We got what we needed and started our way to the parking lot. I like the parking lot, I don’t care if I have to park 10 miles away, it’s not crowded with people. The mall was packed with people, there was barely room to move, my brain shut down and screamed, “GET OUT NOW!!!!” The look was firmly set into my face, but most people had their backs to me. I just started pushing my way through the crowd.

My speed kept gathering and my wife was almost running to keep up with me. This poor little old lady, had to be in her 80Â’s at least, stepped into my way. My wife swears that I lowered a shoulder and body checked her into the crowd. I donÂ’t remember doing it, but I do recall the poor old lady going spinning off into the crowd like Darth VaderÂ’s fighter into space at the end of Star Wars. By the time we got the parking lot my firsts where firmly clinched and white, it looked like there was no blood in my hands. I donÂ’t know what I would have done if I had been in their any longer.

Now, since I have a family and really donÂ’t want to go to jail, I do my Christmas shopping early. Afterwards I go to the spa and have a full facial and chemical peel to rejuvenate my skin. IÂ’d turn in my man card, but I lost that years ago when I got married. ThatÂ’s when my wife threw out all of my flannels, tossed my girlie mags, and made me go shopping with her.

Sorry to have let you down Johnny-oh.

Posted by: Contagion at 06:30 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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Degrading to women.

Last night Shadoglare stopped by to say hi and to pick up an old computer I had. Out of the kindness of his heart, he is building a computer for his Sister and nephew. Since it was such a noble cause, I thought it would be the nice thing to do by donating this old one I had.

He stuck around for a while chatting. We debated the evils of firearms, alcohol and strip clubs (including places like hooters). I tried to explain to him that firearms are dangerous and should be outlawed, even having them in house a child could get their hands on one and hurt themselves or others. No matter what I said, I could not get him to accept that alcohol is the root of all evil, that it is a cancer that creates problems in society. The drinking of alcohol should be illegal as people arenÂ’t smart enough to stop drinking on their own. Strip clubs are degrading to women, just having them in town is inviting all kinds of moral depravity and the subjugation of women. When I explained I was quitting re-enacting because it was cruel and an unethical treatment of animals, Ktreva had a conniption fit.

Shadoglare refused to accept what I was saying. It was then that I was forced to ask him to leave. I could not have his lack of morals and ethics corrupting my family. After he left I sat down to play some football on my Xbox. As I was sitting there, I realized how barbaric football is and decided that I should not watch it anymore. Grown men slamming into each other, they could get hurt. Football is nothing more then a modern day gladiator fight that should be outlawed. It was then that I decided I was never going to watch football again.

I went into my office and started taking all of my Green Bay Packer memorabilia off the walls. Ktreva shouted out, “That’s it, I’ve had enough” and stormed upstairs. When I finished getting everything down, I went to the basement to find some boxes to store the items. When I came back upstairs, Ktreva was standing in the living room wearing a cheerleader outfit, holding a large glass of Jack Daniels and swinging suggestively around my Brown Bess Musket.

I was shocked!

Walking into the living room, I say to my wife, “My love, you should not degrade yourself in this manner. You should respect yourself and your body as a woman. Alcohol is a cancer on society, you shouldn’t be drinking. And that is a gun you have there. Even if it is obviously unloaded and there is no flint in the hammer, you could hurt yourself…”

Then I heard what I had just said.

That didn’t make sense. My brain started arguing with itself, logic and fact versus what I had been saying. With out thinking I grabbed the glass of Jack Daniels and swallowed it in one quick gulp. It had an effect on me like spinach to Popeye. Strength and warmth spread through my veins. My head started to clear. “How could a gun be dangerous if it’s obviously unloaded? There is no powder in the pan and the flint is missing so even if it was loaded, there was no way for it to ignite.” Looking up to say something to Ktreva, I saw her sitting there in a cheerleader outfit looking at me coyly. I grabbed her and pulled her upstairs. Then I proceeded to exert my male dominance over her again and again and again…. and again.

After I was finished I went, back downstairs and starting putting my football stuff up on the walls. I read back through the drivel I had been posting and I realized; the damn sensitivity class took a hold of me for two whole days this time. If it takes at all, itÂ’s usually just for an hour or two. I think my resistance is starting to wear down. I need to work on that.

Well itÂ’s been a week since IÂ’ve made someone cry, so today at work IÂ’ll go fishing for someone to make cry. Also, there are some new employees and one of them is a hippy. I think IÂ’m going to go do some corrective atmosphere control on them with some soap and water.

Damn Hippies!

Posted by: Contagion at 12:28 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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What a nice day!

Good afternoon my good people, it warms my heart that you have taken the time to stop by and visit with me again today. I can see from some of your comments on a recent post, there is some concern for my well-being. Let me lay aside your concerns now, there is nothing conceivably wrong with me. However, I have taken some offense to terms used in my comments.

First off, my companions were not hippies. Both of them were well-groomed and clean individuals. There is no way a hippy would have worn the clothes nor carried the handbags these two had.

Secondly, I think we should refrain from using the term hippie. It symbolizes a turbulent time in history. Instead, I feel that these individuals should be referred to as the hygienically challenged.

Next, people where insinuating that I was drugged and/or under the influence of alcohol. Let me assure you that no mind altering substances where inducted into my system. In fact, IÂ’ve decided that IÂ’m going to cut back drastically on my drinking. IÂ’d say quit, but I just donÂ’t know if I could go cold turkey right now.

IÂ’ve been discussing with Ktreva giving up re-enacting. Since it not only promotes the senseless murder of animals, the use of firearms AND subjugates women to subservient roles, I feel this is a harmful environment in which to raise my children. After the beginning of the year, IÂ’m going to sell off all my equipment. There are plenty of re-enactors our there that would be willing to pay bottom dollar for my stuff.

IÂ’m also going to take my firearms to be melted down. It was wrong of me to purchase that pistol recently. Ktreva was against it from the beginning and I decided to but it anyway. It was wrong of me to go against her wishes. It was also wrong of me to endanger my family by bringing firearms into the house.

The embarrassment over how blind IÂ’ve been could just make me weep. Thankfully, the persons IÂ’ve been talking with the last three days have enlightened me. Now I have a chance to mend my ways before itÂ’s too late.

Thank you all for stopping by!
<HUGZ>

Posted by: Contagion at 03:55 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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Good evening gentle-people.

Hello! Did you miss me? Of course you did! I donÂ’t know why I even asked as you wouldnÂ’t be here if you didnÂ’t miss me. As some of you may have remembered I was away at sensitivity class for the last two days. Golly gee that was fun. Not only was I able to see the errors of my ways, I also made some new friends. One of them is the president her local chapter of PETA. We spent a lot of quality time talking to one another over the last two days. I also was able to spend a lot of time with a nice anti-gun Chicago Democrat. I sure learned a lot from her as well. Why? Well I was sitting between the two of them.

It sure was nice getting to know them. Before you ask, no they where not what I would consider physically attractive, but the both were beautiful individuals in their own way. My life has been greatly improved by sharing time with the both of them AND learning from our discussions. They made some very interesting and valid points that have changed the way I view the world.

Since I just got back, IÂ’m pretty tired and I want to spend some time with the boys. IÂ’ll type up the rest tomorrow.

Oh, and before I forget. Thank you. Thank you all for stopping by and taking time out of your busy days just to visit me. I appreciate your kindness.

Posted by: Contagion at 07:02 PM | Comments (18) | Add Comment
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It's a heat wave.

What a beautiful day! ItÂ’s a balmy 11 degrees outside right now, when I left for work this morning it was a steamy 5! ItÂ’s not supposed to get to the 30Â’s until Sunday. For the next five days, we are supposed to have highs in the mid teens and lows that are single digits. This cold weather is just what we needed! There has been snow on the ground for 5 days straight, which is unusually for Illinois in December. Now if it will only stay around until after Christmas!

I sure wish all my southern readers were able to be up here and enjoy this wonderful weather with me. You just donÂ’t know what you are missing!

Posted by: Contagion at 12:57 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Excuses.

From various comments and e-mails, IÂ’ve received from people. There is some confusion as to my post regarding the pending blogmeet. Just for clarification, I would like to post some simple facts:

A)I am not the one putting on, hosting nor organizing this event. That would be the social butterflies that are T1G and Tammi. Remember people, I am shy. There is no way in hell I would host or organize anything like this. Any questions or concerns should be directed toward them, not I. As my typical answer will be, “I don’t know, talk to T1G or Tammi.”

2) My summons was just a list of bloggers that I have been reading for a while and would like to meet, that I have not met before. It was not an exclusive list of who is invited or not invited. My understanding from reading T1GÂ’s original post, it is open to whoever wants to come. If I have met you in the past, I purposely did not single you out for summoning! I figure having dealt with me once in person is enough punishment for a lifetime.

D) Various people where left off my list, mainly because I have not met many of the bloggers out there, and I could have had a list that looked like, well my sidebar. I chose based on bloggers I have read for a while and have been commenting on their blogs as well as been receiving comments from them for a while now.

5) If IÂ’ve been reading your blog and commenting a lot of late and you werenÂ’t listed, IÂ’m sorryÂ… well not really. There was probably some underlying reason such as, I donÂ’t have a good rapport with you yet, you seem anti-social, you come across as stuck-up or I just plain forgot. You choose which excuse you would like. I gaurentee if you ask me, itÂ’ll be one of those.

As for those of you that where summoned, I expect you to show up and be happy. It is not optional!

Posted by: Contagion at 12:43 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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